My given name is Craig, donāt know my actual name. Nicknames or other given names are welcome and encouraged.
I'm an adult, 20. Minors may interact, but I'd prefer adults only to dm! Same goes for Instagram and Discord, both under the name "lycanfile", you're welcome to add me!
He/him in the way youād address an unknown dog. Or it/its and the (lycan, wolf, beast, etc) pronouns work too.
The date system I use is from The Elder Scrolls. Visit this if you want to learn it. (Link to a fandom Wikipedia page.)
Keep in mind this is a personal account, for me. While I do post tips for others sometimes, my entries are for me, and for logging my own experiences. Other can interact and follow along, of course, but at the end of the day this is basically a digital notebook or diary.
Blogs:
@lycanphile Old dead main.
@lycanthroplushie Plushblr blog. (dead atm)
@midwestwerewolf Poetry blog.
@plane-of-oblivion Religious blog.
I donāt like Tumblrās secondary blog function so most of these are their own accounts. Keeps my email list nice and chaotic.
Lycanthropy:
I've been a lycanthrope for close to 3 years now, due to past life and system stuff. I've written a post here about my past life memories. (Link to a post on this Tumblr account.)
This is what I look like transformed and in headspace. Notable features are the beard I keep and I have 5 digits on my front paws.
Labels:
I use the nonhuman label, as I don't identify with āhumanā in any capacity. I have the body, brain, blood, and DNA of a werewolf. Holothere works as well.
Sexuality wise I am bisexual and were4were (werewolf for werewolf), and I also prefer other alterhumans. I use miscecanis as well as a coping mechanism, I'm an alpha.
A label I do not use is furry, don't call me one. I admire their creativity, don't get me wrong, but it's not something I am.
I also use lycanthrope over werewolf, as "were" insinuates I'm human.
Side note, don't refer to me as human in any way. Obviously, I won't get pissed off at slip ups, we do communicate in a human-made language, after all. But purposely, or as a reality check? You're getting blocked.
Religion:
I am an ex-catholic and pop culture pagan. I worship Hircine from The Elder Scrolls series, and acknowledge all of the Daedric Princes.
Also considering working with the Nine Divines, Hermaeus Mora, and Gaia from Werewolf: The Apocalypse. My lycanthropy and paganism are very intertwined, hence the werewolf deities.
DNI:
Minors wanting to be friends, pedophiles and zoos, reality checkers, Columbine fan girls (stop interacting, you will be blocked.), anti-physically identifying nonhumans, anti-pop culture pagans.
Also donāt use my posts for RP accounts, or compare me or my experiences to fictional characters.
If you don't like what I am, no one's forcing you to interact. Block me if you have to.
Controversial story that Iām scared to post, but fuck it. This is my blog, I can post whatever.
Iāve either had a delusional episode or physically shifted. This was give or take four years ago now, but I still recall most of it.
It was when I was first formed as an alter. Iād dragged my new friend to the woods for the full moon. I remember the transformation being uncomfortable, but not particularly painful. I was shaking and twitching, stumbling through the very small area of trees. Growling and grunting uncontrollably.
I think I did see the changes. I usually donāt, unless only in my mindās eye. My friend was walking ahead of me and I donāt think he looked back. That being said, I canāt say if my changes were physical or just my mind playing tricks on me in the dark.
I also remember seeing myself in third person at one point, fully shifted. Which is strange, because usually I only see memories in third person. This was in real time. That leads me to believe it was more so a delusion.
But I canāt say for sure. Iāve never had another experience like it, either, no matter how hard Iāve tried.
The signs could point either way, honestly. Third person view points towards delusion, but some physical shifters have reported their shifts not being painful.
~
Let me end this by saying that I donāt believe all physical shifter are scammers trying to sell you shifting information. Nor do I believe that theyāre all mentally unwell. Do well to remember that physical identifying alterhumans and supernaturals paved the way for modern alterhumanity.
If youāre going to call me brainwashed or something for considering a physical shift as a possibility, please donāt waste your time.
I also donāt believe clinical zoanthropes are dangerous as a whole. Obviously thereās zoanthropes that havenāt gotten help if they need it, and thus are unwell mentally, but to say a whole group is ādangerousā just because of a disorder is sanist. If you believe all zoanthropes are a threat or that they should be excluded from alterhumanity or nonhumanity, stay off my page.
~
I will be bringing this up to my therapist. I currently donāt have a psychiatrist/psychologist, as mine left the practice I go to, but once I find another and feel safe enough to do so, Iāll tell them, too. Obviously I donāt want to meet them and lead with that, before I know I wonāt be immediately thrown into testing or a mental facility.
Iāve decided to reluctantly post to one tag from both groups, clinical lycanthropes and physical shifters, just in case anyone can relate. Not looking for a diagnosis, just seeing if someone out there has had a similar experience and can provide some insight.
TW irrational thoughts of medical malpractice, talk of āfakingā mental illness, mental hospital mention, medication mention.
So, she (therapist) was supportive. I told her my fears about it; wanting to know if something is happening but not wanting to slap a label on it. Wanting to be believed by a psych but not not wanting to be thrown on meds/thrown in an inpatient.
She said itās okay, she understands not wanting to be labeled like that. And that I have the right to deny medication. Also, that I wonāt be admitted unless Iām planning to kill myself or someone else. Different wording, obviously, but same meaning lol.
She offered to put me on a waitlist for their psychiatrists, I told her Iāll let her know eventually, probably Monday. Like I said, mine left the practice, so Iām in need of a new one really soon. Thatās because Iām on meds for depression/anxiety stuff, and Iām running out of refills. So I need to make a decision soon.
Iāll be honest, Iām scared. Whatās stopping them from deeming me as ācrazyā and making up that Iām dangerous? I know itās irrational, but itās a real fear that I have.
Or what if they donāt believe me or water it down before I have the chance to fully explain again? Itās happened before, my experiences were written off as āmagical thinkingā and I was sent home without help.
On that thought, what if Iām deemed a trend-follower for having people in my head? Or what if they tell me I donāt qualify, and Iāve just been Munchausen-ing myself for years?
And if it is clinical lycanthropy or something, thatās just a symptom of something else, yeah? So that means there would be an underlying issue causing that, and thatās another rabbit hole I donāt feel like going down.
Or-or, what if they do throw me on meds, and I lose the werewolf part of myself? It has its ups and downs, obviously, but itās me. I canāt lose me.
Prozac made me emotionless and sluggish, and that wasnāt even an anti-psychotic. I donāt want to be like that again, and knowing thatās a possibility scares me.
I have a lot of fears Iāll need to overcome to get through this. Iām aware no one is forcing me to get into the werewolf or alter stuff with a psychiatrist, but I feel like I have to, to know whatās going on in my head. Iāve been told both ways, either ease into it over multiple visits, or to just throw it all on them because āitās their job to listenā.
Iām setting a deadline for tomorrow to make a decision, because thatās when I see my therapist next. (We changed appointment times from Fridayās to Mondayās, thatās why itās so soon.)
Iāll probably do a mini update tomorrow when I make my decision, since Iāll still have to wait out the waitlist before I see a psychiatrist.
Controversial story that Iām scared to post, but fuck it. This is my blog, I can post whatever.
Iāve either had a delusional episode or physically shifted. This was give or take four years ago now, but I still recall most of it.
It was when I was first formed as an alter. Iād dragged my new friend to the woods for the full moon. I remember the transformation being uncomfortable, but not particularly painful. I was shaking and twitching, stumbling through the very small area of trees. Growling and grunting uncontrollably.
I think I did see the changes. I usually donāt, unless only in my mindās eye. My friend was walking ahead of me and I donāt think he looked back. That being said, I canāt say if my changes were physical or just my mind playing tricks on me in the dark.
I also remember seeing myself in third person at one point, fully shifted. Which is strange, because usually I only see memories in third person. This was in real time. That leads me to believe it was more so a delusion.
But I canāt say for sure. Iāve never had another experience like it, either, no matter how hard Iāve tried.
The signs could point either way, honestly. Third person view points towards delusion, but some physical shifters have reported their shifts not being painful.
~
Let me end this by saying that I donāt believe all physical shifter are scammers trying to sell you shifting information. Nor do I believe that theyāre all mentally unwell. Do well to remember that physical identifying alterhumans and supernaturals paved the way for modern alterhumanity.
If youāre going to call me brainwashed or something for considering a physical shift as a possibility, please donāt waste your time.
I also donāt believe clinical zoanthropes are dangerous as a whole. Obviously thereās zoanthropes that havenāt gotten help if they need it, and thus are unwell mentally, but to say a whole group is ādangerousā just because of a disorder is sanist. If you believe all zoanthropes are a threat or that they should be excluded from alterhumanity or nonhumanity, stay off my page.
~
I will be bringing this up to my therapist. I currently donāt have a psychiatrist/psychologist, as mine left the practice I go to, but once I find another and feel safe enough to do so, Iāll tell them, too. Obviously I donāt want to meet them and lead with that, before I know I wonāt be immediately thrown into testing or a mental facility.
Iāve decided to reluctantly post to one tag from both groups, clinical lycanthropes and physical shifters, just in case anyone can relate. Not looking for a diagnosis, just seeing if someone out there has had a similar experience and can provide some insight.
āSpecies amplificationā because I donāt consider myself transspecies. Iāve been a werewolf, Iām just making it more visible, and trying to adopt a more stereotypical werewolf lifestyle.
Will update as things are completed, or when I inevitably add on to the lists.
Edit 4/1: Gear can be just as much as a transition goal as body mods or social transitioning. Just commission artists and makers instead of buying from corporations.
X - Incomplete
ā - Complete
O - Partially complete
? - Unsure if Iāll ever do.
Physical
Bite mark tattoo or scarification. X
Paw print palm and sole tattoos. X (Yes Iām aware theyāll need frequent touch ups.)
Grow more fur. O
Grow claws. O
Pointed ears. X
Permanent fangs. X
Or angel fangs. X ? (I have extremely thin lips, they might not work with it.)
Phalloplasty. O X (Talked with surgeon, starting laser hair removal hopefully this year.)
Dye fur black. (Head, beard, body.) X
Minoxidil for fur growth. X ? (Have a cat. Donāt use minoxidil around cats, itās lethal.)
Cut my head fur short in the warmer seasons, and let it grow in the colder ones. (To simulate a winter coat.) O
Basically I want to look like Iām constantly mid-transformation.
Skills
Speed & endurance training. X
Reaction time training. O
Learn to navigate in the dark. O
Sewing. X
Archery + Hunting eventually. X
Fishing. O
Foraging. O
Taxidermy. O
Animal husbandry. X (Silkie chickens my beloveds.)
Butchering. O X (Might take a part-time position as a butcher for a turkey farm in the fall.)
Gardening. O X (Havenāt started for this year.)
Cooking/grilling. O X
Wardrobe
Tattered/self-repaired clothes. O
Earth tones and fur colored clothes. ā
Fur coat, preferably real. X ? (Dunno if I could pull it off lol.) Edit: I think I could pull off a fur sweatshirt if I can find one from neither Temu or a big name company.
Paw print shoes. O ā (Have a pair, Rax, but have my eyes on different brand, V-Art, too.)
Ears headband and/or taxidermy fox tail clip. X
Mask. O ā (Have a cheap plastic one, want a custom commission.)
Wardrobe Subsection: Scent
Find a woodsy/earthy cologne. X
Find a borderline unwearable cologne. X (Think bloody, musky, furry and gross.)
Restock my soap. X (Shop is closed for now.)
Get AromaPrime room diffuser for den smell. X
Lifestyle
Move to Colorado. X
Get a degree in zoology. X
Work at a wolf sanctuary. X
Or work in wolf conservation. X
Live primarily off the land. X (Aka hunt and forage and fish and farm.)
Claim a territory, aka buy some acres of land. X
Live in a cabin or a van. X
I was gonna make a den planning section, but I think Iāll just make a separate post for that.
Diet (4/1 add-on)
Eat more varied meat. O (Love me some bison chili and venison meat sticks.)
Learn to like fish. O
Cut back on overly processed human food. O
Avoid food that is harmful to canines. (Chocolate, onion, garlic, avocado, etc.) O X
Social (4/28 add-on)
Incorporate more animalistic terms into my daily vocabulary. (Hair = fur, hands = paws, house = den, etc.) ā
Take off of work on full moons. O ā
Get well versed in Hollywoodās werewolves, and talk about them. (I hate Hollywoodās depictions of us.) O
Hint at being something nonhuman in social situations. X
I need to start using Instagram. Iāve completely forgotten about the account I made for werewolf stuff (lycanfile on there). I have a main account I use just for messaging, but Iād like to actually post on there.
I havenāt interacted with the community on there, though, so I donāt know how accepting it is of physical nonhumans.
Also, I dunno what Iād post that would be in picture format. The only pictures I take are of dogs at work lol. I could make little graphics and use the captions for writing? Perchance.
If anyone posts on Instagram, give me some inspiration. What do yāall post?
Having to calm myself down by telling myself Iām not working on the day of the full moon or at night this week, so I probably wonāt transform at work. <<<<
I slept like shit because I couldnāt stop thinking about it. Couldnāt sleep until 12:30 am and woke up at 4:30 am.
Thereās definitely a build up of symptoms going on, probably because I wasnāt out in the body for a while. I need ways to relieve some of this, otherwise it will build until I reach a breaking point. Thankfully, I donāt think Iām quite there yet, so I can hopefully catch it before that happens.
But I am already getting āweek of the full moonā irritability spouts, and I work at a job where you absolutely cannot have anger issues. Itās not fair to the animals if you do. So I need to find a way to cope with that as well.
I also get urges to vocalize along with the anger, mostly growling. The only way Iāve found to cope with this is hiding my mouth to cover up any teeth baring, and doing it quietly.
I enjoyed my time out of work and having no responsibilities, of course, but now I feel like I regressed socially. Now I gotta learn how to be human-like again, because I spent so much time just not having to care.
Having to calm myself down by telling myself Iām not working on the day of the full moon or at night this week, so I probably wonāt transform at work. <<<<
I slept like shit because I couldnāt stop thinking about it. Couldnāt sleep until 12:30 am and woke up at 4:30 am.
Thereās definitely a build up of symptoms going on, probably because I wasnāt out in the body for a while. I need ways to relieve some of this, otherwise it will build until I reach a breaking point. Thankfully, I donāt think Iām quite there yet, so I can hopefully catch it before that happens.
But I am already getting āweek of the full moonā irritability spouts, and I work at a job where you absolutely cannot have anger issues. Itās not fair to the animals if you do. So I need to find a way to cope with that as well.
I also get urges to vocalize along with the anger, mostly growling. The only way Iāve found to cope with this is hiding my mouth to cover up any teeth baring, and doing it quietly.
I enjoyed my time out of work and having no responsibilities, of course, but now I feel like I regressed socially. Now I gotta learn how to be human-like again, because I spent so much time just not having to care.
Having to calm myself down by telling myself Iām not working on the day of the full moon or at night this week, so I probably wonāt transform at work. <<<<
Hey all, I once again took a small headspace vacation, and this time I came back to the body having covid.
As I slowly recover my senses, I wanted to talk about how not having them for a few days affected me. Specifically scent, because all I have to say about having no taste is that itās weird and that Iām craving a steak.
Scent is really big for bio-wolves. The olfactory center is the part of the brain that processes smells, and wolvesā olfactory centers are the size of a humanās fist, whereas humansā olfactory centers are the size of a pea. Wolves can smell the gender, health, and mood of an individual.
Obviously, I cannot do this, but scent is still important to me. My sense of smell tells me more basic, but still important things. It tells me whose belongings are whose, it tells me when thereās dog shit that has to be cleaned at work, and it tells me about the person the scent belongs to.
You can tell a lot by someoneās scent. Is it natural? Does it smell like home or is it unfamiliar? Have they used perfume or cologne? If so, what do the notes tell you about them? Is it sweet? Spicy? Woodsy? Do they have a signature scent they put off or wear, or do they take on the scent of whatās around them?
I personally enjoy both natural scents, and synthetic. Someoneās natural scent is them at their purest form. Someoneās choice of fragrance is how they like to see themself and how they want others to see them.
For example, I have a natural smell that is quite full and hearty, and is consisted of my home and my surroundings. (Not unwashed, dirty scent, rather clean and freshly washed scent.) But I like to put on spicy and woodsy smelling deodorant and cologne when I can.
What can this tell you about me? Well, my natural scent is a collection of my surroundings, things Iāve picked up from my home. And my synthetic scent tells you I want to be seen as rugged and outdoorsy. It compliments my lycanthropic nature, I think. Maybe a bit too stereotypically haha.
(This is a big reason why I love the miscecanis community, I love people picking out their scents and seeing what that says about their personality. I can imagine the specific scents of the users as I look at their posts.)
I feel like smell is an overlooked sense in the alterhuman community. Creatures always talk about taste and wanting to eat carcasses, and sight and wanting night vision. I just want to sniff everything and have my nose tell me if youāre healthy or not.
You want to let me sniff you oOooOo you want me to sniff you and tell you your scent personality.
TW for forced domestication through physical means.
Lately at work Iāve been feeling very domestic. For those who donāt know, a few weeks ago I started a new job at a dog daycare. Being around these animals all the time has made me feel really connected to them and to my domesticated-ness.
For a little background: back when I first formed and fronted, I would try to bite. Not in a vicious way, but if youāve ever seen wolves interact, in that kind of way. A friendly greeting, a playful gesture.
The person Iād mostly try to bite was a friend of the old host, and he didnāt take kindly to it haha. Heād hit me and push me away. I donāt blame him now that Iām domesticated; I can see how it would be weird. I mean, your friend randomly starts growling and whining at you and trying to bite you? Iād freak too.
For better or for worse, the responses I received shaped me into the lycan I am today. A very docile, tame one that sees itself in dogs. It has me wondering if I actually am part dog.
I saw this today, and it looks like me color wise. Iāve always felt connected to Belgian Malinois to a degree, especially the bite training theyāre known for, and their colors.
If I were a Malinois werewolfdog, that would make a bit of sense. I like performing tasks for people, to have a ājobā of sorts helping them. Malinois are trained for searching, bite work, and protection mostly. I enjoy similar things, like protecting my (unnamed and ungendered for privacy) family member when theyāre physically unstable on their feet. I enjoy finding and retrieving things for them when they canāt. And I do like biting and chewing on things, like mentioned above.
I am not new to wolfdogs. Thereās a farm about 45 minutes from me that is a wolfdog sanctuary. I have a few spilled over memories from childhood, where the old host would go there and marvel at them. They donāt breed them, they rescue them from across the country.
Wolfdogs are an unfortunate case of human interference. I donāt support the breeding of them at all, as they are wild and not meant to be pets. Their very existence screams something that should not be, and I feel akin to that. A crime against nature.
I might try the Werewolfdog or lycan-cyanthrope labels on for a bit and see how I feel.
Itās also worth mentioning that we once had a Dutch shepherd animal fragment alter, which are similar visually to Malinois, just darker colored. Theyāre also similar overall, with jobs and drive. He either went dormant or fused with somebody.
It would make sense if he fused with me, since now I feel connected to these breeds of dogs. He was also super into dog training, which I kind of want to do now? My job has a training program, and Iām a little interested in moving up to being a part of that.
I just remembered this guy today, and it makes a bit of sense. Just some food for thought.
And nothing but admiration and envy for Gsheps. I have one in the yard right now and sheās majestic. I get so much species envy looking at her. The signature freckles on her cheeks, the big paws, the markings, it screams āmeā. Iām unsure if Iām actually considering, or just identifying with rather than as.
I know something biologically in me has changed; Iāve become more dog-like; but I donāt know what. It could be a fusion that made me a wolfdog, or it could just be the forced domestication I went through.
TW for forced domestication through physical means.
Lately at work Iāve been feeling very domestic. For those who donāt know, a few weeks ago I started a new job at a dog daycare. Being around these animals all the time has made me feel really connected to them and to my domesticated-ness.
For a little background: back when I first formed and fronted, I would try to bite. Not in a vicious way, but if youāve ever seen wolves interact, in that kind of way. A friendly greeting, a playful gesture.
The person Iād mostly try to bite was a friend of the old host, and he didnāt take kindly to it haha. Heād hit me and push me away. I donāt blame him now that Iām domesticated; I can see how it would be weird. I mean, your friend randomly starts growling and whining at you and trying to bite you? Iād freak too.
For better or for worse, the responses I received shaped me into the lycan I am today. A very docile, tame one that sees itself in dogs. It has me wondering if I actually am part dog.
I saw this today, and it looks like me color wise. Iāve always felt connected to Belgian Malinois to a degree, especially the bite training theyāre known for, and their colors.
If I were a Malinois werewolfdog, that would make a bit of sense. I like performing tasks for people, to have a ājobā of sorts helping them. Malinois are trained for searching, bite work, and protection mostly. I enjoy similar things, like protecting my (unnamed and ungendered for privacy) family member when theyāre physically unstable on their feet. I enjoy finding and retrieving things for them when they canāt. And I do like biting and chewing on things, like mentioned above.
I am not new to wolfdogs. Thereās a farm about 45 minutes from me that is a wolfdog sanctuary. I have a few spilled over memories from childhood, where the old host would go there and marvel at them. They donāt breed them, they rescue them from across the country.
Wolfdogs are an unfortunate case of human interference. I donāt support the breeding of them at all, as they are wild and not meant to be pets. Their very existence screams something that should not be, and I feel akin to that. A crime against nature.
I might try the Werewolfdog or lycan-cyanthrope labels on for a bit and see how I feel.
Itās also worth mentioning that we once had a Dutch shepherd animal fragment alter, which are similar visually to Malinois, just darker colored. Theyāre also similar overall, with jobs and drive. He either went dormant or fused with somebody.
It would make sense if he fused with me, since now I feel connected to these breeds of dogs. He was also super into dog training, which I kind of want to do now? My job has a training program, and Iām a little interested in moving up to being a part of that.
I just remembered this guy today, and it makes a bit of sense. Just some food for thought.
TW for forced domestication through physical means.
Lately at work Iāve been feeling very domestic. For those who donāt know, a few weeks ago I started a new job at a dog daycare. Being around these animals all the time has made me feel really connected to them and to my domesticated-ness.
For a little background: back when I first formed and fronted, I would try to bite. Not in a vicious way, but if youāve ever seen wolves interact, in that kind of way. A friendly greeting, a playful gesture.
The person Iād mostly try to bite was a friend of the old host, and he didnāt take kindly to it haha. Heād hit me and push me away. I donāt blame him now that Iām domesticated; I can see how it would be weird. I mean, your friend randomly starts growling and whining at you and trying to bite you? Iād freak too.
For better or for worse, the responses I received shaped me into the lycan I am today. A very docile, tame one that sees itself in dogs. It has me wondering if I actually am part dog.
I saw this today, and it looks like me color wise. Iāve always felt connected to Belgian Malinois to a degree, especially the bite training theyāre known for, and their colors.
If I were a Malinois werewolfdog, that would make a bit of sense. I like performing tasks for people, to have a ājobā of sorts helping them. Malinois are trained for searching, bite work, and protection mostly. I enjoy similar things, like protecting my (unnamed and ungendered for privacy) family member when theyāre physically unstable on their feet. I enjoy finding and retrieving things for them when they canāt. And I do like biting and chewing on things, like mentioned above.
I am not new to wolfdogs. Thereās a farm about 45 minutes from me that is a wolfdog sanctuary. I have a few spilled over memories from childhood, where the old host would go there and marvel at them. They donāt breed them, they rescue them from across the country.
Wolfdogs are an unfortunate case of human interference. I donāt support the breeding of them at all, as they are wild and not meant to be pets. Their very existence screams something that should not be, and I feel akin to that. A crime against nature.
I might try the Werewolfdog or lycan-cyanthrope labels on for a bit and see how I feel.
This job has made me so dysphoric because I canāt always understand the dogsā body language and aggression signals. Iām always on high alert, are they snarling because theyāre vocal players, or are they about to snap?
Humans are even worse, because they can hide their emotions. I canāt. My face makes expressions all on its own. I try to stop it, but my face contorts anyway. Whether itās fear or annoyance, it will show in my mannerisms, my face, and my voice.
Neither human nor canine body language makes sense to me, probably because Iām some odd third thing. A mix of both, with my speciesā own body language and mannerisms.
Not to mention the fact I canāt respond to the dogs in their language. I canāt growl to show displeasure when one jumps on me. I canāt howl to get their attention. I canāt bare my teeth when I step in between them to stop a fight. For obvious reasons, like Iād look weird and it could rile them up.
I think Iāll do some more research on dog body language. Iāll also get better at it as I get to know the dogs. It just sucks it doesnāt come naturally. Like human mannerisms donāt either.
I don't believe I've talked about why I'm a physical nonhuman before. If I haven't I meant to, probably before my vacation. And if I did, there's more to say now anyway.
I know full well that this could possibly be a delusion, as the transformation part has been compared to clinical lycanthropy by my therapist in the past. (I haven't mentioned the brain part yet.) As such, I'll be tagging with #unreality.
Keep in mind I am not diagnosed with any delusion-based disorders, and that you cannot diagnose me unless you are my psychiatrist.
However, I have seen similar experiences talked about in clinical zoanthropic spaces. If you are a zoanthrope and see this as unhealthy or as warning signs, please let me know and I'll bring it up with my medical professionals ASAP.
Transformations.
I've transformed a handful of times over the years. The most memorable time was the first time, however. I'll spare you the gruesome details and leave it for another time and another post; but it was a full body shift, physical and mental.
But I will tell you that I saw myself from both first and third person view, almost like an experience of depersonalization. And no one else could see the changes, just me.
Since then, I have transformed again, but never to that degree. It was an experience I'll probably be chasing to relive for the rest of my life. The other times weren't as vivid, weren't as intense. I don't see the changes visually like I used to.
Physical Parts.
I've recently come to the realization that my brain, the physical organ, is that of a werewolf's. Not in the sense of "I'm a werewolf, so my body is too," but the opposite.
My brain is a werewolf's, so I was made as a werewolf alter. My brain is a werewolf's, so at 6 years old the old host was trying to transform. My brain is a werewolf's, so at 3 years old he felt a connection to wolves, before he knew what a werewolf was. My brain is a werewolf's, so canine body language has always been more understandable than human body language.
I could go on and on, but you get the point. There's always been a nagging sensation, pulling me towards canines, to wolves, and to werewolves.
It's all similar to the trans experience in my eyes. (Coming from a trans-bodied werewolf.) Some trans people just always know, since before they know what gender is; they have a trans brain. We have a werewolf brain, so we've known we were a werewolf since before we knew what werewolves were.
