dirtyrascal @lyndslovin - Tumblr Blog

oop it’s me again

just another post about my life that no one will read, but that’s okay.

Seven months have honestly flew by, months that at first I wasn’t sure how I’d get through them... let alone be happy

However, these last seven months I have gained so much

I took a little time to collect myself, this was hard. To cry myself to sleep, to feel physically sick, to hate myself, but most importantly to love myself. Things that I once thought weren’t possible for me, someone who hates being alone, to do alone. I can sleep well alone, I can go to the movies or sit at a coffee shop and read, I got my own car, I’m putting myself through school and crushing it, I have a roof over my head and a job I love.

I started dating again, which made me so nervous... was it too soon? Is this a healthy way to cope? Am I even ready? What came from that was pure bliss- Robert.

He is ridiculously handsome, genuine, supportive, communicates, and has my best interest in mind. He’s a breath of fresh air, I don’t have to walk on eggshells around him, I can be my authentic self. He tells me that I’m beautiful even when I haven’t washed my hair in three days and getting the much dreaded PMS breakout. He listens, he gives advice, he makes me feel wanted.

Just a friendly reminder to you, if you’re still reading, that it gets better. Some days are dark and long, but the sun will come back out, she always does. Lean on those who love you, let them hold you up when you feel like you can’t stand on your own. Fall in love with yourself, which I know is a lot easier said than done- but watch a sad movie to cry it out, take yourself to see that movie you’ve been dying to see, buy the shoes you’ve been eyeing for that serotonin boost, go for a walk, take a dip in the ocean, take chances, make mistakes, and just be you.

#personal #life update

theobjectofyourire

"I need you, Uncle...the Velaryons are of the sea. But you and I are made of fire. We have always been meant to burn together."

Time to love myself.

Back again with another life update. I doubt that anyone will see this but since I’ve had tumblr it was an outlet, so why not.

I am not perfect and I have never claimed to be. In the last week I have lost my fiance due to choices that I made, but I can not and will not take all of the blame. In the last week I have moved out of my home of the last three years with someone who I planned the rest of my life with. In the last week I packed up my things and started living with the family I have been working for for almost two years now and I have never been so thankful.

The hurt is unreal and the pain at times is something I never thought I would have to experience. I have never felt so alone yet so loved. The love from my family, my friends. The acceptance, the support... it honestly is what has been keeping me going. It is hard for me to accept that I am a person that people could care about as much as they do, that I have these connections and relationships with the people I do... for that I feel so so blessed.

I like to be around others, but lately I just want to be alone. Alone with my thoughts, alone with my regrets and my anxieties, alone with the guilt and the hurt.

But, to have relationships there has to be two people working together and for me this was not the case. To be in love with someone else you need to love yourself and I truly hope that I can finally reach that point. Therapy starts in a month, emotional healing has begun. I don’t need to bottle up my emotions, I need to feel them. I don’t need to be hard on myself, I need to accept myself.

These things are hard to accept, but I know that they need to be done. Here is to finding myself, finding the love I need to have for myself, and being a better version of myself for myself.

If you made it this far, thanks for listening.

#break up #me #loving myself #learning to be ok with me