“Nature gave us one tongue and two ears so we could hear twice as much as we speak.”- Epictetus
We’re used to the notion that people do not think before they speak or scramble to fill every small moment with some sort of constant noise. I often have that trouble-- not thinking before I speak, over explaining, and filling my moments with white noise, TV, gossip, music, &c. It’s not to say these things are all bad all of the time. They just don’t lend themselves to opportunities for us to really LISTEN.
On a more surface level, enduring people who do not listen is a pet peeve or an annoyance. I observed the other day that more and more people are becoming severe interrupters and bad listeners. I am often asked something either mundane such as, “How was your day?” or something a little more involved, only to have my acquaintance or friend cut me off before I get in two words. Also people start ignoring who they are with to pay attention to their cell phone or look around the room. I feel like I’m teaching middle school again and trying to talk to my ADD students. The truth is that we’ve all become a little ADD. We’re instant gratification seekers, and anything that isn’t passive—anything that requires effort, sustainability, or activity—is thrown to the wayside.
Do you ever have a moment where you reflect back on a situation and just not remember what someone said? It’s because you’re not ACTIVELY listening. Do you realize long after a conversation is over just what the other person was really talking about? I am desperately trying to retrain my brain to avoid these situations.
I have a friend who will pause in conversation, to an almost painful length of time, so that he may really think about what he is saying and talk with deliberateness. Although sometimes I worry that the phone connection was lost and that he’s not still on the line, I do really appreciate his time to speak in such a considerate manner. It makes me self-analyze. Makes me want to keep checking myself and my listening abilities.
However, listening is not only important in conversation. Sometimes after a stressful day at work, I come back and turn off the TV, turn off iTunes, and turn off the cell phone and just listen. The seemingly silent room, which fills me with a bit of nervousness at first, soon becomes calm and soothing. I listen to the hum of the air conditioner, the chirps of the birds outside, my feet grazing the carpet, the rustle of papers—the subtle sounds that are drowned out by overpowering things. This situation transcends itself to the big picture of life. Small, seemingly insignificant things are not being appreciated, not being listened to, all because there is something overwhelming drowning them out. It reminds me of walking in the yard when I was younger, seeing my mother’s flowers in the garden-- ostentatious, loud, beautiful, and bright-- but still loving to pick and admire the tiny wild violets that grew scattered throughout the yard.
So today I try to keep in mind to listen to others instead of just waiting for my turn to talk, to pay attention to subtleties, the seemingly simples, and the delicates. To find joy in active listening.
Wait, wait. What did I just say? I wasn’t paying attention…
;-)
