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how is there so much going on inside of my head but aIso literally nothing

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Vivienne Westwood, Hercules and Omphale Heart Bag

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The Cycle 2

My life has always been perfect, I am who I want to be and I have everything I need. But growing older has made me realise I still have one glitch in my system. I always make one simple mistake. Doesn’t matter how big or how small it always happens and always fucks up my life. I cannot control it. I am always aware of the possibility of it happening at any second and always thinking about what i’m saying or doing. But when it happens, it just happens. It has happened 9 times now, and the last one is the worst one yet. I feel like I will always fuck up everything in my life due to this specific trait. I get happy, everything is going great. Out of nowhere the glitch occurs and i go down a never ending spiral of sadness due to my own mistakes. Mistakes i cannot seem to control. I hate it, i despise it. I want to kill it, to cut it. I resent The Cycle.

Or do I resent myself?

Louis Voet - 26.12.2020