@madithechinesewarrior - Tumblr Blog

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“I don’t think you understand what I mean when I say I’m tired of everything. I don’t think you understand that I’m literally drained of all hope, of all comfort. I’m tired of waking up in the morning, tired of making myself something to eat during the day, tired of replying to voiceless text messages. I’m tired of sticking the key in the front door when I get home, tired of making small talk with family members, tired of staring at the walls when I don’t know what I should be doing. I’m tired of taking pills for my headaches each night, tired of filling up my water bottle, tired of tying my shoes before I leave the house. I’m tired of turning up the car radio, tired of talking with my friends, tired of staring at the stars in the sky. I’m tired of going to bed at night, tired of waking up in a cold sweat, tired of having to stare into the immense darkness of 3:00 am. I’m tired of breathing. I’m tired of thinking. I’m tired of living. I’m tired of everything.”

— Insomniac’s Journal

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“Hating yourself is an exhausting thing. It makes you tired all the time, but it keeps you up all night, thinking, trying to forget. It makes you want to never eat another mouthful yet you also want to give up, stuff your face with rubbish. It makes you spend money, spend and spend on things to try and feel beautiful, try to feel important, valuable, while it also makes you want to burn all your clothes, throw away everything you own, everything you don’t deserve. And it makes you want to run away, from everyone, from everything. It makes you want to ditch this life, and start over, knowing no one, being no one. Yet all you can do is lie in bed, uselessly, letting life pass you by. You just lie there, with that hatred. And it’s almost all you can feel.”

— broken thoughts