Lying only punishes your soul

Hayley Mae | 14 | Human | Alone Hayley Mae is not your average every day human. Secret cutter and mild paranoid schizophrenic, Hayley covers her face with a smile and tries her hardest to keep away her panic attacks. It is hard but somehow she is managing. M!A: none but accepting Tracking: maescars Not India Eisely Please Read The Bio Here and the Facts about Hayley.

[esmethecullenmother-deactivated]

Esme’s face stiffened with concern for Hayley. She carefully placed her cold hands on top of Hayley’s head. “Okay dear, how can I help you head. Do you need your medicine, would that help.” Esme said helplessly trying to figure out how to help Hayley.

[maescars]

Hayley nodded but her body was refusing her medication at the moment. "I think it may." She cried as she screamed out, there was a feeling of someone scratching down her neck, she could feel blood drip out even though it was just her mind. Grabbing her neck she groaned and gasped out. "Hurry." 

[maescars]

Nikolas and Hayley || Save Me @immortalisdolor

[immortalisdolor-deactivated2013]

"You’ll be our daughter.. Nothing much too it." He gave a small shrug as he went on explaining. "Just another member of our family. There’ll be the twins, obviously… Aleks’ daughter from her first marriage will be back and forth since she’s busy with modelling and you.. You won’t be put less just because you’re not biologically related."

[maescars]

She knew she would feel left out but she would have to deal with it. It was going to happen, but she hoped she would be able to mask it. "Okay, I'm just nervous that's all I guess." She pressed her hand to her head as she rested into the pillows and Nikolas' side. "Thank you." 

[maescars]

Nikolas and Hayley || Save Me @immortalisdolor

[immortalisdolor-deactivated2013]

"We’ll sort that out for you tomorrow… No need to thank me. It’s what I’m here to do, here to help you with whatever you need." He laid a soft kiss on the top of her head, smoothing out her dark hair. "I love you too sweetheart, I’m always here."

[maescars]

"Thanks dad." She sighed as she tried to fall asleep but she was to tensed that it just took her a while to relax. "Dad?" She asked at around three in the morning. "What is going to happen? I mean with me in the family?" Hayley had no idea what was going to happen with her in the family, would she get pushed away or not? She was confused and young.

[esmethecullenmother-deactivated]

Esme tried her best to help Hayley calm down. She hurried and pulled Hayley towards her body. Rubbing her cold hands on Hayley’s forearms. “Hayley I’m here. Dear it’s ok. I’m here.” Esme repeated softly. She felt terrible for Hayley.

[maescars]

It hurt, her mind and her body. She cried as she kept breathing hard. her pants were short as she tried to wrestle Esme but it never worked. "Stop it, it hurts, make this pain in my head stop." 

[maescars]

Nikolas and Hayley || Save Me @immortalisdolor

[immortalisdolor-deactivated2013]

"It’s okay Hayley, you’ve got me now… I’m here to protect you, no matter what. Whenever, wherever. I’m here for you." Nikolas was always a genuine man, and his words were never truer towards Hayley. Softly hushing her, helping her loosen up, Nik kept his arms tight around her, his embrace being comforting to her, exactly what she needed. "We’ll get you more medication in the morning, okay? Just tell me whatever it is that you need and I’ll settle it all out for you."

[maescars]

"I know that daddy." She whispered, curling up against Nikolas. "Thank you daddy." She whispered as she hugged him. She slowly un-tensed her shoulders and back, and relaxed more. "Risperdal. That's what I take." She whispered as she closed her eyes. Nuzzling her head against her father's chest. "Thank you Daddy." She smiled as she tried to sleep again. "I love you daddy." She knew it was early but she truly did. She truly did love him. 

[esmethecullenmother-deactivated]

The loud screaming of Hayley’s screams startled Esme at first. “Honey it’s ok I’m here.” Esme went to up her cold hands around Haley. “Everything will be alright. I won’t let anything happen to you.” Esme said in melodic soft voice. “Calm down sweetie." The harshness of the fear Esme could see in Hayley was heartbreaking. Esme knew she had to try to help and calm her down.

[maescars]

Hayley could hardly hear Esme over her screams and the voices. She was screaming. She hissed as she woke up weakly. She tried to calm down but she was rolling into a panic attack. "It hurts, it hurts." She cried as she gripped her head tight. It all hurt. 

[maescars]

Nikolas and Hayley || Save Me @immortalisdolor

[immortalisdolor-deactivated2013]

"It’s not real Hayley.. It’s all fake. Not true." His arms instinctively became tighter as she clutched to him for dear life. The fatherly instinct that he had gained ever since he was told he was going to be one was more apparent then anything. "Just relax, deep calm breaths…" Nik tried to breath slowly with her to help her calm down, but he could tell even if it was slowly working, she was still quite tense.

[maescars]

Hayley just nodded against her dad's chest. "They felt so real." She whispered as she started to loosen her tight koala grip on her body. She knew she wouldn't be able to hurt him but she still didn't want to just grip onto him. She listened and took slow but shaky breathes until they started to even out. Slowly but surely she was breathing at an even rate along with her. Her body though was still tense, she couldn't relax, she was scared and out of medication. She needed more, her father now probably knew that by now. "Thank you daddy." She whispered as she cuddled to his side. 

[esmethecullenmother-deactivated]

Esme’s heart broke as she watched Hayley suffer in her sleep. Esme got up and walked to the other side if the bed and scooted her body to Hayley’s side. “It’s ok sweetie, I’m hear.” Esme whispered in a melodically calming voice.

[maescars]

Hayley screamed, her sleep was torturous, painful. Screaming loudly, piercing her own ears with her own shrieks. She couldn't handle it, it was hard, the voices in her head got louder and she started clawing at her body, wanting to rip the voices and images out of her own mind. She didn't realise Esme was right beside her. 

[esmethecullenmother-deactivated]

Esme watched helplessly as Hayley cried. She knew that Hayley had been through a lot and needed to get it all out. She understood that and make sure she was there to comfort her. She took a unneeded deep breath when Hayley feel asleep. She hoped the poor dear wasn’t going to have a bad nightmare.

[maescars]

Hayley kept crying in her sleep but more silent than a racking sob. Tears just fell down her face and stained the bed. She hugged her body close as she groaned in her sleep, twisting and turning. An attack was looming. She could already hear the voices, it was just a matter of time before she woke up and started throwing things around. 

[maescars]

+divinumangelum

[divinumangelum-archive-deactiva]

"Welcome back.." Aleks knew what Hayley went in the other room for. What was going through her mind. She went along with it; hopefully going to catch her daughter off-guard. "Good, you stopped crying.. That’s good." Her eyes were dead; little did Hayley know, Aleks could shut off her humanity as well. "What are we thinking now? Do you want to stop cutting now? Heal your arms and wrists.. Maybe the tears won’t be coming so often." 

[maescars]

Hayley wasn't all to happy with how she wasn't being to humane towards her, that her humanity wasn't showing, Aleks was being colder and harsher towards her. "Yes, I did." She spoke as she looked around. "No healing me, I want my cuts and scars to heal on their own. But I will try to stop. It isn't as easy as it seems mom." 

[maescars]

Nikolas and Hayley || Save Me @immortalisdolor

[immortalisdolor-deactivated2013]

"Shh, just relax.." His  arms were held tightly around her, as he hushed her quietly, his hands softly running down her hair. "Deep breaths, deep breaths…" Nikolas could tell she was in the midst of a panic attack, he just wanted her to feel safe. "It was just a nightmare, it wasn’t real, it wasn’t real." He continued to repeat his words, hoping he could do something to make her feel better.

[maescars]

Hayley's breathing was harsh. She let out gasps for air as she gripped onto her father's shirt, marring it with tears. She was trying to relax. She just listened to his voice, repetitive wording as she took deep shaky breaths. "Daddy it felt so real." She whispered as she curls up against him, still crying but her breathing was much more even now. She was calmer. 

[maescars]

+divinumangelum

[divinumangelum-archive-deactiva]

"There is a lot to do inside yourself to really feel like you are connected inside. Think of it as a puzzle. Finding the pieces and putting them together.. it takes time. You don’t wake up one morning with emotions. You need to remember time is valuable." A hidden anger tried to make its way to the surface. Aleks was getting tired of Hayley’s attitude.. she had to keep herself in check. Not every girl will be like her. No daughter of hers is the same. "You can be happy and healthy with a change of attitude and some soul searching." 

[maescars]

Hayley listened and she looked up at her. "I know." She stood up and excused herself to the bathroom, taking a little while to looking at her face, red and puffy, her eyes bloodshot, tears still marring her face. Once back out she tried to stay calm. She couldn't just push all those feelings aside she needed to be happy though, even though right now it was fake. She couldn't change her attitude just yet, but she could fake it couldn't she? "Back." She spoke as she walked back into her room, her mom still there.

[esmethecullenmother-deactivated]

Esme held Hayley and looked down at here. “I will always be here for you sweetie.” Esme whispered as she thought about all the factors. How will this work out? Hayley couldn’t know what Esme and her family really where. She couldn’t let Hayley go back to that horrible household.

[maescars]

Hayley cried as she hugged her body as she softly cried. She moved away from Esme, needing a little bit of space, she fell asleep crying she just needed to get out all of her pain. 

[maescars]

+divinumangelum

[divinumangelum-archive-deactiva]

"I know of the barrier well. You see, I had a very strong disconnect with my emotions. I never chose to understand it. My mother often said to never show them. It makes us weak. In her eyes, I was weak. When I was with your father, I kept my emotions in check. I later on discovered that he wanted me to show them. It brought him happiness. I could remain strong for him yet still show my feelings." In delicate situations such as this, Aleks felt it was necessary to really sympathize with the other. Hayley needed her. There could be a time that because of this barrier, she wouldn’t get her. "I love everything about you, Hayley. Don’t cry.. Momma will buy you happiness. Capture it in a bottle and give it you. She hates seeing her daughter sad."  

[maescars]

"I wish I could half the time, I want to be able to feel my emotions but I still can't at the same time." She sighed as she rested against her mom, needing the comfort only she could ever give her. "I'm trying not to." She cried out as she nodded against her. She was the little girl inside. "Momma, I want to be happy. I want to be healthy." 

[maescars]

Nikolas and Hayley || Save Me @immortalisdolor

[immortalisdolor-deactivated2013]

Nik thought he had left Hayley on a good note, but it didn’t take long for such to change. His attention became alerted by the sound of her scream. Rushing back into her room, he knelt down beside her bed, nudging her to wake her up. “Hayley… Hayley… Hayley…” He brought her tight into his arms, hushing her softly.

[maescars]

Hayley had never been shaken awake. She was always fighting through them. Every night. She screamed one more time before being fully awake. Hayley curled up in a ball before screaming loudly effectively waking herself up. Hayley could only hear Nikolas' voice muffles as she felt his arms around her she cried as she curled against his form. She couldn't speak, her throat ached as she cried in his arms, in need of getting out all the pain. 

[maescars]

+divinumangelum

[divinumangelum-archive-deactiva]

"I won’t talk nonsense if you don’t cut yourself, deal?" It was a fair deal in Aleks’s mind. "Keep your head up, Hayley. Happiness and much more will come when you least expect it." She hugged her daughter tight around the mid-section. "Don’t cry.. It hurts to see you cry. When you cry, the whole world cries.. children.. the animals.. your parents.. Even people who are always happy cry.." Her voice had an empathetic tone to it. "You are right. We have many tears to warm up towards one another. In fact, we are warming up to each other now. How ironic is that?.." 

[maescars]

Hayley listened carefully and nodded as she looked up at Aleks. "I will try." She whispered as she wrapped her arms around her mother's neck trying to calm down her tears, but her chest was tight and it ached. "I am trying t-to s-st-stop." She whispered as she sighed. "Well, I guess it is good mom, I don't want to be behind a barrier the whole time I am with you." 

[esmethecullenmother-deactivated]

Esme smiled sadly. ” I know dear, and I would do anything I could to save you from going back.” Esme brushed a piece of Hayley’s hair behind her ear. “Alright sweetie, sleep as much as you can. You need the rest.”

[maescars]

Hayley whimpered as she looked up at Esme. "thank you, please just let me stay here, i never want to leave." she whispered as she fell asleep again. "i dont wanna go home."