Maesyn's Musings @maesynmusing - Tumblr Blog

TIPS TO ENHANCE YOUR NATURAL BEAUTY

1. SLEEP ON SILK Have your ever woken up in the morning with bed face (deep indentations, lines and creases on your cheeks and chest)? This is often a result of side sleeping, where we smash our faces into the pillow. One solution is to simply train yourself to sleep on your back. This, however, is unreliable, since you often move around when you are unconscious in the dream space. A simple…

View On WordPress

TOP TIPS FOR GLOWING SKIN

There’s nothing more unflattering than dull skin. It can make us look haggard and prematurely aged. Tired. Sick. If we look in the mirror and don’t like what we see, it can ruin our confidence. Fortunately there are plenty of things you can do to rapidly rejuvenate your skin, and give it that youthful glow. 1. START FROM THE INSIDE OUT Your liver is directly connected to your skin. If your…

View On WordPress

Hide and Seek, Strong and Meek

Have you ever had one of those magical moments of connection – a flash of familiarity that slips through your fingers like quicksand? And then lingers under your skin for the rest of the day? I rarely ever feel attracted to anyone (honestly, especially not Adonis-looking gym-sculpted creatures). Truth be told, I feel devotedly loyal to he-whom-i-have-not-yet-met. And i’m generally wired as a…

View On WordPress

#appearance #attraction #dancing #love

We can DO it! (Power through it!)

It strikes me that the only thing that has ever stood in the way of me receiving the fruits of my soul’s desires is that I was carrying a feeling somewhere (in some hidden nook within me, perhaps my right knee that occasionally paralzes me), ..that told me I wasn’t good enough or didn’t deserve it. WHAAaatt? If someone talked to my friend like that I’d box their ears! (well, not really, but I’d…

View On WordPress

#faith #inspiration #love #relanguaging #self defeatism #self negation #spirit #spirituality #universe

An Open Love Letter from Water

(Join millions of other water lovers for World Water Day, March 22nd at 11 AM PDT, for a global synchronized livestream ceremony, and meditation. www.Facebook.com/Unify). * Dear human, Hey! It’s me, Water. We haven’t really talked in a while, so I just wanted to reach out and connect. I know this world can feel overwhelming and lonely sometimes, but I’m always right here. I just want to…

View On WordPress

#water #world water day

Culture Shock and Ticking Tocks

The strangest things about being back in the US after 6 months in Thailand and Bali…

The ability to flush toilet paper. (I find myself feeling guilty and concerned for the septic system)

The lack of a bidet situation on every toilet (once you get used to the concept of – if a bird shat on you, would you wipe it off or wash it off? -you can never again go back to ignorance)…

Driving on the right…

View On WordPress

Accountability Mutuality = Conflict Neutrality

When both sides of a conflict take 150% accountability for a mutually challenging experience – that is how alchemy occurs.

Ultimately, that is the type of dynamic I’m interested in deeply investing into.

150% accountability for projecting onto each other 150 % accountability for misunderstandings 150% accountabilty for ping ponging the electricity upwards in intensity 150% accountability for…

View On WordPress

#conflict resolution #friendship #harmony #healing #inspiration #Peace

Healing Blessings & Creative Decompressing

Where ever you go – there you are. And wherever you go in Ubud – there is a new healing modality just quivering with possibility – waiting to be discovered. Ubud is a hub of healers and shamans. Offering methods of every variety – from massage… to energy field clearings… to water blessings… to deep tissue rolfing… to cupping… to women who can touch your skin lightly and send electrical shocks…

View On WordPress

CONSENT – Maesyn (a Lyrical Breakdown) After requests for a lyrical breakdown of the Consent lyrics from my lyric music video, I assembled this montage of stills from the following music video, in case you want to slow down and read them one by one.

#consent #metoo #intimacy #Maesyn #sacred #sexuality #tantra #violin

The Dark Side of Paradise

Tonight I walked in the rain and passed two small boys sleeping on the ground under the awning of a convenience store, wrapped around each other’s tiny bodies, covered in cardboard boxes. Oh, my heart. I had nothing to offer them except painful heartstabs of compassion, and a knot in my throat. The cracks in the glorious sheen of my honeymoon love affair with Bali have begun to fracture outwards…

View On WordPress

CONSENT - a lyric music video lensed from a compassionate, empowering perspective

CONSENT – a lyric music video lensed from a compassionate, empowering perspective

CONSENT – a lyric music video lensed from a compassionate, empowering perspective So much of the Consent conversation so far has revolved around how women don’t want to be treated by men. When the Aziz Ansari discussion hit the table, most women were able to nod knowingly, cringe, and reflect on parallel experiences. There has…

View On WordPress

CryptoCurrency Bros & Salesmen No's

CryptoCurrency Bros & Salesmen No’s

Bitcoin. I get it, it’s a thing. But if could count the number of times I’ve been sitting next to some dude in a co-working space or public cafe, (where dozens of other people are quietly working) … who is loudly taking phone calls, hyping his new cryptocurrency brand, trying to get people on board… I swear … I have done my research and i understand the implications of the blockchain and beyond.…

View On WordPress

Contact Improvisation, Sweaty Semi-Violations

Tonight after my adventure with Eli I decided to push my boundary and go to a contact improv dance class. As a sensitive human who prefers touch only by invitation with people i resonate with on many levels, I have always been resistant to the concept of sweaty strange bodies in a room, rubbing all over each other. At the same time, when I watch people doing it, it looks like fun. I almost always…

View On WordPress

Wrestling Monkeys & Contact Improv Funkiness

Ubud explorations! I have been getting more and more little peeks into the nooks and crannies of Ubud, venturing further and further out of the village center each day. My first few days here have primarily been a walking tour of Ubud, due to the rain, and my resistance to driving a scooter. Life has been sprinkled with random adventures with friends who are experienced trusted scooterers. My…

View On WordPress

Bali, My Heart & Birthday Fresh Starts

Oh Bali, Bali, my soul has found an earth home! For the last month and a half, I wandered around Thailand, searching for a place that would speak to my soul. Seeking organic healthy food. Yoga. Community. Music. Nature. Inspirational architecture. I kept coming close, but never quite finding a place that was a resounding YES. So I kept moving from city to town, island to island. On my…

View On WordPress

It’s amazing the first time you really examine your fears around your mortality and the fragility and preciousness of life. I was bitten by a dog 2 weeks ago. Walking down a rural road in Koh Phangon. I was on my way to leave the island when this happened, and had no knowledge of rabies or any protocols for handling its potential in a developing country. (Apparently I should have gone and followed the dog, found the owner, and taken the dog to a vet to get tested). Ironically, at the time I was having a heated conversation with a man I had been with romantically for a while, discussing my upset feelings about a whole slew of deceptions he had been perpetuating in the field between us. It had been clear we were not aligned for some time, but our stubborn loyal natures kept hanging on trying to fix things. The heart wants what it wants, even when the expiration point is long past overdue and red flags and logic abound. He was on the phone when it happened, and his lack of concern for my wellbeing was somewhat stunning. He just stayed cold and detached. His response to me getting bitten by a dog was to remark “the dog bit you because you weren’t being nice to me.” And of course, my metaphorical interpretation was the opposite: “this is the universe telling me that this man just keeps behaving like a dog, and he will just keep on biting me if I keep giving my heart to him. This is a sign i seriously need to let go. Now.” We were both right. And neither metaphor mattered. The deeper concern for me was why he couldn’t drop out of our argument enough to be humanely worried for my health or wellbeing upon hearing that a dog had just bitten me, in the middle of Thailand. …and the fact that… i had just been bitten by a freaking dog… (If there ever were a way to tell that someone probably doesn’t really, actually have the capacity to deeply, genuinely care about you, that’s probably a solid one…) I was in shock at the startling jolt of the bite, and once I realized what had happened and turned around, the dog had run off. I had to go catch my ferry off the island, so I kept walking. I was not so keen to get the rabies shot, having heard of horror stories about its side effects. I researched. I asked around. I posted a query on the local facebook page describing the incident and the location. I got an email from a woman who had been bitten in front of the exact same house, (by likely the same dog), a week prior. She had gone and talked to the owner, and the owner said the dog had been given its rabies shot 3 months before. It liked to bite people who walked past its house. The girl had therefore decided not to get the vaccine either. She sent me a picture of the dog. I was 82.4% sure it was the same dog. We verified mutual locations. I felt comforted. And still 17.6% unsure if it was the same dog.

On top of that, the consensus I kept getting from all my research online was that there hadn’t been a case of rabies reported on Koh Phangon in 20 years. (Everything on the internet is always fact…right…?) I did find one website that said even if you are bitten by a dog with rabies, there is only a 15% likelihood of contracting it. And that the likelihood occurs more if you are bitten in the upper body, or near the head. I was bitten on the leg. Rabies has a 100% fatality rate apparently, once it sets in, so this was kind of a big decision. Lots of people were pressuring me to just get the shots and not play russian roulette with my life. Hmm. I took my data, checked in with myself, and chose not to get the shots. The wound had barely broken the skin, so I just cleaned it, dealt with the bruises, and moved on. It has been interesting to note, however, the power of fear, paranoia, and anxiety, to invade the mind and poison it despite rational thought. And it is also interesting to note how very passionately we cling to our precious human lives in the face of even the smallest threat that they might be taken away. Much of my adult life i’ve had a subtle on-again-off-again relationship with this painful sense that sometimes I just kind of want to escape this weird world… don’t feel I fit in or belong here on this planet. I never ever ever wanted to end my life, but on days when i just felt so frustrated at my sense that i was wasting my life, (or not accomplishing anything helpful) … there would be lingering sighing thoughts of “someday this will all be over,” or “sometimes i just wish i didn’t exist” (As if eternal conciousness could simply unexist itself) But boy, does it put it all into perspective when there is even the tiniest possibility that your precious human life might be in danger. Suddenly your existence is the single most valuable gift there is. Fast forward 2 weeks past the bite. I’m feeling great. I’ve forgotten all about it. I move into a new cottage on a new island, and the moment i walk in, there is the strong chemical smell. It sends me into sneezing fits. Allergic reaction to the smell?

A headache pops up out of no where. And stays for 3 days. Not just any little annoying headache. A truly paralyzing, brain numbing, can’t-do-anything-except-lay-in-bed-and-press-on-your-forehead kind of headache. I never get headaches. Ever. It was all very strange. I can’t sleep. I am up all night blowing my nose, in throbbing brain pain. I am feeling dizzy. I am feeling achy. There are shivers running up and down my body. Suddenly I bolt upright in bed and research “signs of rabies infection,” and the first thing I see is “headache, dizziness, flu-like symptoms” I pretty much lose my shit. I panic. I call my parents. I try to go to the hospital at 11:00 at night, but it’s raining and there are no cabs. I am suddenly so aware that i am alone in a foreign country, and i am scared. And my life is so, so, so fucking precious to me. Meanwhile my brain feels like it is swollen inside of my skull and my thoughts are woozy. I call my parents and my best friend back in the states, we decide I should go to bed and see how I feel in the morning. Meanwhile, i have also read that another sign of an impending infection is that there will be an itching sensation near the place of the bite. Of course, I lay awake all night, imagining itches all over my legs, and pretty effectively losing my shit. I pray. I breathe deeply. I eventually pass out. In the morning, my head feels better. But I still feel off. At this point, the paranoia is probably worse than the symptoms.

I go to the hospital.

The doctor looks at the wound. She assesses the data and agrees with me when I explain that i didn’t get the shot immediately because i read that they have rarely seen rabies in 20 years. She says she thinks I am fine. She suggests I could go to the larger hospital to speak to an actual brain doctor about my headache, just in case it was caused by my head bonking motorscooter accident a month ago. Being a thorough, self-protective mamabear to my inner child and body temple, of course I go. The second doctor says my brain is fine, then suggests I get the vaccine anyway, just preventatively, for “the next dog who bites me.” Then he also casually mentions that at this point, two weeks after the bite, it’s probably too late for the vaccine to do me any good, even if I was infected. (which i’m probably not) And oh yes, ps, rabies can activate in your body anywhere up to a year or two after being bitten,… and there is no way to test for it. And once symptoms hit, you die within a week. Wowsers. Holy shit. That’s a double dose of reality. I watch as irrational waves of paranoia and anxiety sweep over me. I watch them rise. I watch them fall. Deep in my core I don’t believe I have it. I know I don’t. But that tiny little fractional nugget of doubt – that little sucker is a pesky mosquito! I watch myself become so so so passionately aware of how much i have yet to do in this world. How many missions I am working on that i have yet to accomplish.

How freaking precious this gift of life is.

And how on earth could i have ever taken it for granted, or wished for it to not exist? Even with all the suffering on this crazy planet? I watch this strange sensation of deep paranoia rise up and I breathe into it, replacing it with trust, faith, and the knowing that my life is perfectly planned, and that i am not done here yet. In these times of fear, and war, and rumors of war, where so much hopelessness can arise, and so many people can feel overwhelmed or scared, or want to escape this conflicted world … it was fascinating to experience such a visceral tangible experience of how utterly fragile and valuable every moment is. Like it or not, i was shaken wide awake by this scare, and feel like i don’t want to waste another minute being afraid of life. Or not taking the chances i need to take. Or not facing my fears. Or not taking the actions I need to take to be the best version of myself I can be, to contribute to this world while I am still here. I feel like for the next year or two, I will live with the blessing and the curse of being very very aware of every itch on my leg. And every headache. And every flu symptom. (Itches are usually invisible nuisances, barely on the radar, but now each one on my leg feels like a tingly explosional reminder of mortality’s fragility). I will be very very aware that each day could be my last.  Which is always true. For all of us. All the time.

So I’m trying to take this scare as a gift. To ground me into gratitude for each day. To motivate me to accomplish my missions. To forgive those who have hurt me, and move on from situations that don’t being me joy. To breathe deeply. To do my daily meditation. To do my chi gong. To ground even deeper into the invisible realm, (because we are all headed there anyway, and it is always Alive within us). Annnnd I just found out that this is the year of the Dog! I am going to choose to see this coincidence as some kind of beautiful initiation into a part of my highest potential that pushes through fear, trusts intuition, and releases painful circumstances. May we all live this precious freaking life with every freaking ounce of heart and determination we’ve got. And run away from dogs on the street in Thailand. That too.

Dog Biting & Fear Fighting It's amazing the first time you really examine your fears around your mortality and the fragility and preciousness of life.

When I spend long stints of time wandering the world by myself, I often find myself reflecting on the nature of human attraction. Especially as a woman who enjoys spending time alone, getting hit on becomes a regular experience. By the cab driver. By other solo travelers seeking companionship. By waiters. By more cab drivers. By old men. By young men. I am under no illusion that it’s because I am…

View On WordPress

Trending Blogs

Recently Viewed Blogs

Maesyn's Musings