Aside from actually penning down my feelings and moods in my (newly acquainted) daily mood tracker, I felt that I wanted to ~announce~ this new part of my life somewhat publicly.
Tumblr seemed like the right choice because all my emotional thingamajigs are on this site. But also because it felt public enough that it is/was/will be on the internet, and yet private enough because I’m pretty sure no one reads anything that I’ve written here (hence, satisfying the other part of myself that desperately wants to keep everything private).
The ~big~ announcement: I’ve started going for counselling.
To be one gazillion percent honest, it has been 50-50. Half of me feels like I’m slowly getting to know myself better, but the other half is completely lost. Some days, I feel worse than ever, but in a manner that is scarily controlled.
The past month has been rather tough because I feel the state of my body deteriorating more openly than the state of my mind. The insomnia is arbitrary and incredibly bothersome. It leaves me so tired that I can’t function. The days I hate most are the ones when I can’t get up because the exhaustion has somehow seeped into my bones. It’s scary and frustrating and I feel useless when I see minute after minute of unproductiveness tick by without being able to do anything.
Even so, I resolve to start anew every couple of days or so. And although, it hasn’t been successful yet, I will keep trying. To resolve to get up earlier, work out more, attempt to eat healthier or most importantly (only at the current moment of course), study study study.
That’s really all I wanted to say. Maybe I’ll delete this. Maybe I’ll blog again in a couple of years or so. Maybe I’ll be a different me then. Who knows
