天の龍

"There is something I can do. I can protect the people I care about." [private X!Kamui Shirō rp blog]

[majestyofgod]

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[majestyofgod]

A dream? Surely not. Kamui has been through a lot to be with him. At any point, he would have been well within his rights to just give up and leave. Somehow, he still hasn't.

"I think I should be the one saying that." Subaru was losing himself in his job, his soul slowly being cracked and shattered. His body, too, was well neglected outside of working out, and even that was only done to make sure he could continue to do his job. His life was nothing but blood, murder, research, and take-out.

Kamui changed everything. Kamui has even changed Subaru himself. "Thank you."

"I love you," he whispers. He turns in Subaru's arms so he can nuzzles into his neck and slide his arms around him. This... is perfect. There's nowhere he'd rather be than Subaru's embrace, wrapped up in his warmth, his love. Listening to the steady beat of his heart, the rise and fall of his chest with every breath he takes. It's his every dream come true.

"And I want to stay by your side for as long as you'll have me." Forever. "Even... if I can't save you... I want to stay with you and make you happy."

[majestyofgod]

Subaru is quiet for a long time, thinking the idea over. It makes sense, really. They have a deep connection, one that few people would ever understand or get to experience. Subaru truly knows Kamui's mind and body intimately, both inside and out.

He closes his eyes and breathes him in deeply. Soulmates sounds so cheesy and almost juvenile. What he feels for Kamui is deeper than that; it's intense and all-consuming. Sometimes it's light and airy, and sometimes it's dark and heavy. Kamui has become his everything, no matter how hard he tries to fight that fact sometimes.

"I don't know how I feel about that term..." Another deep breath, Subaru nuzzling into him. "Because I don't think there is a single word that can describe what we have. It's... everything."

For one heartstopping moment, Kamui thinks Subaru's sentence will end with because Seishirou-san is my soulmate. Really, a terrible place for him to pause. That man continues to haunt him and leave him more insecure than he already is.

Warmth blooms in his chest, spreading outwards, filling him with a rush of affection. "You have no idea how happy it makes me to hear that." He takes Subaru's hand and lays it to his cheek as he snuggles up against him. "Sometimes being with you feels like a dream that I'm afraid to wake up from."

Before Subaru, his life was bleak. Mundane. The same routine every day, broken up only by whatever emergency work brought him. If he were to wake up and return to that, he'd be miserable.

[majestyofgod]

Kamui's devotion warms his heart, the feeling a brilliant and pleasant bloom in his chest. How many other men would have waited that long for someone they didn't even know would come back? How many would have resisted a million people throwing themselves at him just for the one that got away?

Of course, it's not like Subaru was out hooking up and having fun, either. Even in his darkest moments, he thought of Kamui frequently, wishing to see him at least one more time. Subaru had just... convinced himself that it would be better for Kamui if he didn't. How utterly wrong he was.

Subaru shucks his clothing as well, happily sliding in and spooning behind Kamui. He places a soft, loving kiss to his shoulder. "Thank you for waiting."

"You're worth the wait," Kamui murmurs. More than worth the wait. "I can't picture my life with anyone but you. You've seen at my worst and still love me." How can he ever have a deeper bond with anyone than the man who literally dove into his soul and saved him from going over the edge of no return.

Subaru is precious beyond words. Despite the fights and the heartache they've suffered over the past few months, they kept coming back to each other.

"Is it... weird that I think you... you might be my soulmate?" It sounds so cheesy but the words ring true in his heart. Subaru is his soul. His other half.

[majestyofgod]

The one downside of how he got back with Kamui is he can't go to his job and make his claim obvious. It would be too risky. Instead, he just puts up with the stories of the other nurses all wanting to date and fuck Kamui at once.

Not that Subaru would stop him if Kamui decided he wanted to. He would never deny Kamui his happiness. Subaru is well aware that he's certainly a shitty partner most of the time. Anyone else would be better, and yet Kamui stays regardless.

"Well, if you end up liking one of them and leave me." He presses his lips firmly to Kamui's. He somehow doesn't see it happening. "At least invite me for a threesome from time to time so that I can still have my way with you."

Kamui laughs and takes Subaru's hands, gently steering him towards their bedroom. Cuddle and nap, stat. "As if anyone could ever replace you. I waited ten years for you, and I would've waited a lifetime if I had to."

No one understands him the way Subaru does. No one can understand what he's gone through. Why would he ever settle for anyone else?

When they reach the room, Kamui tugs his clothes off and slides under the sheets, casting an expectant look at Subaru. It's early morning for Subaru but it may as well be the middle of the night for him.

[majestyofgod]

Honestly, Subaru wasn't a fan of many of the outfits either. He wore them happily because it made Hokuto happy, but he would have preferred something simpler. Outfits that didn't make him stand out.

Then again, her outfits would probably be quite popular today. The Harajuku girls and boys would have been all over it. She might have even ended up a famous fashionista with them.

If only.

Subaru decides to tease Kamui. "Maybe you're secretly into girls now. I looked just like one." But Kamui wouldn't have made that mistake in person. The personality difference would have swayed him wildly. "Should I be worried?"

"Maybe I am." Kamui smirks and presses his lips to Subaru's. "I guess I should let my coworkers know, huh? They've been dying to set me up with one of the pediatric nurses."

Romantically, he thinks, he could like a girl. Setting aside for a moment his lack of interest in anyone but Subaru, liking a girl romantically makes more sense to him than physically. Doing... things... with a girl... No. It's not for him. Maybe it's his preference for a masculine body that made him dislike Subaru's heels.

[majestyofgod]

Subaru snorts. "I am definitely putting that to the test."

Reluctantly, he pulls away, his hand sliding along Kamui's stomach as he slips past him. There's the sound of rummaging through something before he returns with a worn and crumpled paper in his hand. No, not paper... an old photo.

"Which one are you attracted to?" The picture is of the twins, both in high-heeled boots and matching, more feminine outfits. The only way to tell them apart without looking into details is the inch Subaru had on her and the slight swell of her breasts.

Kamui takes the photo and studies it closely. The twins are identical. Same hair, same eyes, same smile. He can just make out his sister's figure and pinpoint which twin is Subaru.

The outfits, though...

What the hell? They make Subaru's heels look tame in comparison.

"I don't like the clothes but you were cute," Kamui teases, pointing to Subaru. "But isn't weird to be attracted to you when you looked exactly like your sister?"

[majestyofgod]

Seishirou would have tried to kill Kamui. There is no question about that. He wouldn't have let anyone interfere with the bet, even The Kamui.

And besides that? If Kamui can't even handle seeing him in heels, there's no way he would have been able to survive Hokuto. Kamui is far too pretty, and she wouldn't have been able to resist. Heels would be the least of his worries.

Subaru's arms slide around Kamui's thin waist, holding him close. "You would have hated my sister. Plus, you wouldn't have been attracted to me." Subaru wasn't a girl, obviously, but he was still more feminine. Also a bit of a doormat.

Then again, he did have an aggressive side that mostly came out when he was pushed too far. He wonders if Kamui would have naturally brought out that aggressive side in... other... ways.

Kamui's arms slide around Subaru's waist in turn. It's amazing how Subaru touching him wipes away all of his exhaustion from work. Being deprived of his kisses and touches for an entire shift will do that.

"I think you underestimate how attracted I am to you if you think I wouldn't have been all over you when you were younger." His sister is another story. From what Subaru has told him about her, she sounds terrifying. A one-woman storm that isn't confident he could've reckoned with. He wouldn't have hated her. How could he hate Subaru's twin?

"I know I would've loved you just as much as I love you now."

[majestyofgod]

"I was there for part of your teenage years," Subaru reminds lightly, teasing. "And I was filled in on the rest of it."

Kamui doesn't need to know how Sorata had described it to him. Probably wouldn't do well for his pride. Lots of hissing kitten analogies and all.

"My issue was that unlike you, I was too good and innocent. I went along with everything expected of me." His family's wishes, Hokuto's wishes, Seishirou's...

Subaru never saw him at his worst. Probably a good thing. He definitely wouldn't have liked what a massive asshole he was back then. Too angry and violent for his own good, quick to fight and with an even quicker temper. He likes to think he's not nearly as bad anymore.

He cups Subaru's cheek. No wonder that man was able to take such advantage of Subaru. Wanting to please everyone would've left him open to manipulation. A younger Subaru couldn't have realized what was happening until it was too late. "I wish I could've know you back then. I would've protected you."

[majestyofgod]

Hurt feelings are the last thing on Subaru's mind. Instead, he finds himself incredibly amused and feeling weirdly enamored by it all. What an adorably stupid thing to be upset about...

Subaru undoes the clasps on the shoes, sliding them off. He stands, finding that it takes a moment to readjust to walking on a flat surface again, and pads back over to Kamui. "You're far too cute," he murmurs before kissing him, deeply and slowly.

When the kiss parts, Subaru snorts softly. "Guess I shouldn't talk about my teenage years to you, then."

The familiar refrain of I'm not cute dies on his tongue and Kamui leans into the more familiar territory of kissing Subaru. He deserves a kiss after working through the night. The last kiss Subaru gave him before work was an unacceptable number of hours ago.

"Why not? Yours can't be worse than juvenile delinquent," Kamui laughs. Subaru's apparent penchant for wearing women's shoes aside, nothing he tells him can ever be as terrible as the way he used to act.

[majestyofgod]

Subaru stares at Kamui for a few long moments, curious and amused. He crosses his legs, leaning forward. "Kamui, are you bothered by me wearing them?"

Oh, if only Kamui knew his history. His sister liked to dress him up and sometimes tried out hair and make-up looks on him. Going out in heels and eyeliner wasn't unheard of. Then after she died... all he wanted was to do whatever it took to get fucked in a weird attempt to piss off Seishirou...

Kamui is so sweet and pure in comparison. Why is Kamui with him again?

Kamui crosses his arms and focuses his gaze on a spot directly over Subaru's shoulder. Why did he have to ask him directly? Admitting he doesn't like the heels makes him look bad when he knows Subaru likes them for whatever reason, and pretending he doesn't mind may encourage Subaru to wear them more frequently.

What a terrible night for the ER not to have an emergency that would've forced him to stay late and avoid this entire conversation.

"They're just... not for me..." he says slowly, as gently as he can so as not to hurt Subaru's feelings.

[majestyofgod]

"They are pretty effective at luring men in at bars when needed," Subaru muses, picking at them. His heeled boots are even better. Granted, guys with... certain interests... tended to like these more because they expose more of his foot. "Although at my age, I'm not sure I could still pull that off if I needed to for a job."

It's strange, Subaru thinks. At 25, he was slender and could easily pull off fully feminine if needed. Now, he's pretty sure he couldn't. The job and not wanting to die has changed his body and workout routine. "I'm not sure I would be considered a 'sexy twink' anymore."

Not like Kamui.

The last thing he wants to hear about is Subaru going to bars and luring men. Even with the context of knowing they're targets. What does it say about him that he's less concerned about the men being murdered than about Subaru wearing heels? Nothing great, probably.

"Anyone who doesn't think you're sexy is out of their mind." He can agree with Subaru not being a twink, though. It doesn't fit him in the slightest. "You don't need the heels to be sexy." Or need them at all.

[majestyofgod]

Subaru tilts his head, clearly not seeing any of this as a big deal. "I was curious to see if I could still wear them and walk in them." He walks around the living room expertly before returning to the couch.

"I used to wear heels more often because of my sister. These, I got after she died." He would prefer not to say what he used them for. Kamui doesn't need to know about his... sexually self-destructive stage.

"I've more recently used them to lure some targets." Subaru pauses, frowning. He was twenty-five then, almost twenty-six. Hardly recently. "God, that was ten years ago..."

"I see..." Filing this one under Things He Didn't Need to Know About Subaru. He can't say he's thrilled by Subaru's choice in shoes. They're too feminine, which Subaru normally isn't, and don't suit him.

But if he asks Subaru not to wear them, he'll sound like a dick. Especially since he seems to be enjoying them.

"...Are you going to start wearing them again?" They seem wildly impractical for the kind of work Subaru does but what does he know.

[majestyofgod]

"Hm?" Subaru stands from the couch, walking to Kamui with not even one little wobble. Like riding a bike, they say. "No, just trying these out again. It's been a while."

He looks down at Kamui. "Ah, it's like you're 15 again..." The more drastic height difference. He sort of misses it.

That walk.

Trying them out again.

It's been a while.

What the hell is going on?

Kamui doesn't find the situation nearly as amusing as Subaru does. "Why are you wearing... those?" If he believed Subaru had a sense of humor, he would have written it off as a joke.

[majestyofgod]

(Nurse) The scene Kamui comes home to feels like one he wasn't supposed to walk into.

Subaru is laying on the couch in a black short sleeve turtleneck and black jeans, legs in the air and his focus on the black heels on his feet. He seems to be considering them curiously, moving his feet around as if getting re-acquainted with them. He only notices Kamui as an afterthought, smiling at him and welcoming him home.

"How was work?"

"Fine." He drops his bag, staring at Subaru. Either he's imagining things or Subaru is wearing heels. As he moves closer, it quickly becomes apparent that he isn't seeing things. Those are definitely heels on Subaru's feet.

Kamui keeps his face carefully blank. "Um... am I interrupting something?"

[majestyofgod]

(Nurse) How would you feel if you came home to Subaru in make-up and stilettos?

"I'm not into that." While he's (mostly) fine with Subaru dressing him, it... isn't for him. If he wanted someone in make-up and heels, he would've have chosen accordingly.

[majestyofgod]

(Nurse) You would literally be the perfect drag queen, and Subaru could do your hair and make-up. Maybe a future side gig?

"Yeah, no, that's not happening."