Chastity is for couples
Male chastity is not just for men, nor is it just for women who want to control their men. Male chastity is for couples! Both the submissive male and his partner stand to gain from incorporating male chastity into the relationship. The relationship as a whole stands a great deal to gain as well.
If you are the female whose partner has been talking to her about incorporating male chastity into your relationship, but you have reservations, let me put you at ease. First of all, you should relax. I know you may have concerns, issues, and yes. Even a certain amount of fear. Taking total control of your family (Female Led Relationship) can be a daunting task. But that’s not what I am talking about here.
All I am talking about is taking control of one small aspect of your relationship. The sex. By utilizing a chastity device of some kind, you are taking the first step toward controlling your partner. He may or may not be keen on the idea. If he is the one who approached you about male chastity, then half your job is done. On the other hand, if this is your idea, you may have to incorporate a little tease and denial to get what you want. Never fear, it will work.
Anyway, the first step is for you both to agree to give male chastity a try. Sit down at your kitchen table to discuss it. Why the kitchen table? Simply because it is a place where you can both feel comfortable and relaxed. It’s neutral ground, so to speak. Talk about the possibilities. The benefits to both of you (we will cover those in an upcoming post). Get used to the idea. Don’t try to push anything on your partner. Let him or her think about it, maybe do some research on their own. Give it a few days to sink in and then sit down and talk again.
The hardest part is being open and honest with your partner. But this is paramount. If you are not totally honest about your feelings, then you are doomed to fail. Don’t be afraid to talk openly. Remember, this is the person who has seen you naked many, many times. This is the person who knows your strengths, your weaknesses, and your vulnerabilities. If you can’t be open and honest with him or her, then what chance does your relationship have, anyway?
If you can both agree to give male chastity a chance, then be realistic about it. Start out slow and easy. Don’t plan on more than a month or even a week for a trial period. Decide in advance when and how many orgasms will be permitted for the male during this trial period. Even who can decide when they will be permitted. Remember, this is just a trial period. If you don’t like it, don’t get any enjoyment from it, don’t see how it can improve your relationship, then you can always quit…
How to select a chastity device.
There are many different chastity devices on the market. Everything from cheap Chinese knock-offs of the most popular brands to complete customized chastity belts costing several hundred dollars. I will only cover the those that I feel are the most reasonable for those just starting out.
Before we begin, let me state that a chastity device is a very personal choice. What one couples likes may not be the best choice for the couple next door. There are a great number of things that need to be taken into consideration, such as penis size (when flaccid), the amount and type of exercise your guy gets, travel, and overall comfort. It may take some experimentation to find exactly the right device for you and your guy.
Customized Steel.
To avoid breaking, most people will choose to go with a metal device. There are several different styles to choose from. Mature Metal ( maturemetal.com ) will custom build any of their chastity devices to fit the way you want your chastity device to fit. They offer several designs. You can get spikes with some models, but not all, for an additional charge. Of course, being customized, these chastity devices will cost you a little more. But if fit is important to you, this might be the way to go.
There are other customizing companies out there, but Mature Metal seems to have the best customer relations and best way to insure proper fitting BEFORE you buy. So if you are looking for a custom fit, Mature Metal is the way to go.
Pros:
Customized to fit properly the first time.
Steel construction won’t break.
Spikes available.
Cons:
Can cause a pant-bulge.
Fairly expensive.
Long wait because of customizing.
Standard Steel.
There are many companies that make standardized devices out of steel. However, many do not use surgical stainless steel and those models will often corrode and/or cause irritation. Be VERY careful in selecting one of these.
However, if purchase from a reputable company, you can often save a great deal of money because they usually only come in one or two sizes. The nice part is that you can get quite a large variety of styles. Some have urethra catheters (usually removable) just in case you are feeling extra sadistic. Some brands offer some kind of spikes that can be included or not, depending on your mood. Some of these spikes are quite sharp and may even bring a little blood on occasion. So, I would recommend filing them down just enough to remove the sharp tip. They will still be effective.
Pros:
Inexpensive.
Many different choices.
Optional catheter.
Cons:
Spikes can be too sharp, requiring filing.
Limited sizes available.
Difficult to judge quality of steel.
Usually cause a large pant-bulge.
Airport security.
Silicone Devices.
There are a couple of companies making male chastity devices out of pure silicone. These stretch to fit snugly and are usually make from one piece. So there are not little parts to lose, no sizes to worry about. The most famous of these devices is the “Birdlocked” ( birdlocked.com ) which can be bought with spikes in the head of the device. Most devices put the spikes along the penile shaft. But the spikes are NOT removable and you would have to purchase more than one device if you didn’t want the spikes always there.
While silicone is a nice stretchy material, it does not breath well. It fits very snugly and may not prevent an erection as much as a harder material would. However, because of its elasticity, one size will fit everyone. The Birdlocked comes in three size, getting the right one can be a matter of trial and error. In spite of what the manufacturers might have intended, these devices often do cause a bit of pant-bulge, but not as much as their steel or acrylic counterparts. All in all, the silicone devices are not as popular as many other devices. Why, I don’t know. They seems to do well.
Pros:
One size always fits.
Smaller pant-bulge.
Cons:
No removable spikes.
Not as comfortable as other devices.
Does not breath well.
HolyTrainer.
In all my research into male chastity devices, I have never run into a device as perfect as this one. It is made by Novamédia of Sweden. The HolyTrainer ( holytrainer.com ) is unique among male chastity devices in that it is made from a bio-sourced resin (plants) that is extremely strong. It has the unique property of becoming ply-able when heated. The HolyTrainer is formed without seams which means it won’t break where most plastic and acrylic devices break. At normal room temperature is is very strong, but when heated normal body temperature (such as when you wear it) it becomes somewhat soft and will become quite comfortable.
The material used and the unique design of this device make it ideal for travel. It does NOT require the usual pad lock and the only (tiny) metal piece used for locking the device in place does NOT set off airport metal detectors. If your guy travels a lot, this will be a really big plus! The base ring is also made of the same bio-sourced resin and will form-fit itself your guy’s body the first time he wears it.
The HolyTrainer comes in two sizes (like the CB-6000) for those smaller than normal guys. However, not only does the device NOT produce a pant-bulge, it is extremely comfortable to wear even while riding a bicycle. I am told (by a reliable source) that is the most comfortable device on the market. (Believe me, we have tried them all!) While it does not have any provision for adding spikes, it can be worn 24/7 removing it only for a thorough cleaning once a week (recommended for ANY device!)
Pros:
Reasonably priced.
Comfortable.
No pant-bulge.
Less apt to break.
No problem when traveling.
48 hour delivery (believe it or not)!
Cons:
No spikes.
All in all, the best device I have ever tested! I would strongly recommend the HolyTrainer as your number one choice for a male chastity device. If you heat it in hot water, it can be molded to fit any penis. Put it on your guy, have him take a hot shower, and the device will mold itself to come extremely comfortable.
How to begin…
Once you have your chastity device, you should engage in a brief test period. You should put it on him. Let him wear it for a day, then check to make sure there are no major problems. That is, make sure it doesn’t pinch him or chaff him anywhere. If it does, try to correct the problem. You may also have to wait a few days for him heal before testing it again.
To prevent chaffing, use a good lubrication on his penis before putting it back on. Most water-based lubes will dry out too quickly. I suggest a oil-based or silicone-based lubricant. (Johnson & Johnson makes a Baby Oil Gel that works well for this.) If chaffing still occurs, you may have to resort to a different chastity device. Once he can get through a day without any problems, try it for twenty-four hours. If all goes well, try three days this time.
Once you have a device that he can comfortably wear day after day, be sure to clean and inspect it (yourself) at least once a week. Taking a shower together is good way to do this, but by all means, not the only way. The device does not need to be removed for cleaning. Use a liberal amount of soap and water to clean his penis every few days. Remember, he probably can’t see it well enough to clean it himself, so you inspect it for him. This can be part of the teasing process as well.
Don’t let him (or anyone else) tell you that he needs to have an orgasm to prevent any kind of disease. He doesn’t! I checked with more than one doctor on that, so trust me. He can easily go for a week, a month, even six months or a year without having an orgasm. When the sperm in the body gets old, it will be released inside the body and will be quickly absorbed by the rest of the body. All this happens without him even knowing about it.
Blue-balls is something that is vastly misunderstood as well. Blue-balls is a condition that occurs when a man gets frequently aroused, but does not have an ejaculation for a long period of time. How long depends on the individual and the amount of arousal. What happens is this: He gets aroused and his body (testicles in particular) begin producing sperm (or fluids for feeding and transporting the sperm (in the case of a vasectomy) along the urethra for eventual ejaculation. If that ejaculation does not occur, there is a build up these things in the body (particularly the balls). This may cause him to feel a slight aching in the groin (or balls) when he gets his next erection (or tries to). It is harmless. It’s all a part of the game.
After a few weeks of not getting have an orgasm, his body will limit the amount of sperm etc. that it produces and the effects of blue-balls will go away. (No more groin pain.) So you see, blue-balls is nothing to be concerned about. In fact, you may take some joy in the fact that he gets them. After all, it’s just another reminder that he is yours and is not allowed to cum without your permission…
Learning to be in charge…
This is one area where many women have trouble. Learning to be in charge when you have spent your whole life expecting your partner to be in charge is not always easy. Some women are more assertive than others. But that is really all it takes. Whether your guy approached you about this whole chastity thing or it was all your idea, makes no difference here. Being in charge is really not as difficult as some people believe.
If you had a ten year old child who didn’t always do what you want him/her to do the first time you told them, what would you do? You would tell them again in a firmer tone of voice. Correct? Well, it is really no different here. If you start out being firm, and by that I mean don’t allow him to talk his way out of anything, then you should have no trouble keeping things under control.
You need to adopt a firm stance on things. If you tell him to vacuum the living room carpet and he starts making excuses why he can’t do it, then get firm. Don’t allow him to weasel his way out of it. The firmer you are, especially when just starting out, the less trouble you will have later on. You don’t have to yell or scream. You don’t even have to get angry. Stay calm and insist that he obey you. There are numerous ways to convince him to comply with your every wish, but we will get to that later. For now, just try to be firm. Don’t take “No” for an answer.
When starting out, don’t “ask” him to do anything… Tell him! Don’t say, “Please,” say, “Do it!” Chances are, in the beginning, he will be quite willing to complete any task you set before him, especially if he initially approached you about chastity. You can expect him to defy you in one way or another during the first few weeks. He is testing you. He is testing your resolve and your ability be in charge. Once you realize that that is all he is doing, then you will have no trouble enforcing your rules. If you stand your ground, he will back down. After all, you hold the key to his sexual release. And there is no reason you can’t remind him of that.
And that is all there is to being in charge. Set your mind to it, and never back down…
The Reward & Punishment System.As I said in my last post, you can expect to have your authority tested, in one way or another. It’s not so much a challenge to your authority as it is a test of your resolve. Be prepared. Don’t back down.
The best way to maintain discipline (in my opinion) is through a good reward program. This doesn’t need to be anything formal (or even written down), but you should keep track so that you can keep a check on yourself, as well as your guy. Yes, you need to keep track of the rewards you give him. Why? Because it is too easy to slip into a complacency in which you don’t do your part. That is, you don’t give him the rewards he deserves. So get yourself a note book, or one of those journals you can use like a diary. Write down EVERY thing he does for you and the reward you gave him for it.
So what is a good reward system? Fondling him through his clothing can be a reward. Letting him please you sexually can be a reward. But the best rewards of all are those times when you take the time to tease him sexually even if he will not get to have an orgasm. If you truly want your relationship to prosper and flourish, you need a good reward system in place. The more attention (yes, sexual attention) you give your guy, the better the system will work.
Every man’s goal, not just a chaste man, is to receive sexual gratification. By locking him in chastity, you have removed every other kind of sexual gratification he could get BEFORE you locked him up. Now, the only thing he gets is what you chose to give him. That is why I have always said, “You can’t tease him too much.” He will enjoy it even if all you do is hug him, squeeze his balls or bottom, kiss his cheek and tell him that he is doing a great job.
However, you really should plan on at least one long (sixty minutes or more) tease session a week. You could tease him two or three times a week for thirty minutes each, and that would be even better. The more time you spend each week with him laying naked on the bed while you “play” with his body, the more he will appreciate it, and you. But it’s really all those short little teases you give him on a daily basis that keep him coming back for more. That means he will be better behaved. The minute he thinks you are taking all his hard work for granted, he will begin to doubt your ability to lead. Don’t let that happen!
Now, about those tests… Whenever he slips up, fails to do as you require, or even smarts off, it is time to implement the other half of the Reward/Punishment system. Punishment can range from a simple scolding, to a severe paddling, or anything in between. You can make him stand in the corner, balance a book on his head, or even wear a pair of clothespins on his nipples for ten minutes. It doesn’t matter what the punishment is as long as the severity fits the crime.
One of the best punishments I know of is adding time until his next orgasm. The key to this type of punishment is not placing his orgasm so far in the future that a few days one way or the other won’t matter. If you try to keep his orgasm within thirty days from today, you will be doing well. One way of doing that is to set a date in the near future, say… Two weeks away. Mark it on the calendar with a an “O” so that he can see it and he can count the days. Now each time he does something to displease you, you can cross it off and move it the appropriate number of days. (See the photo above.)
As you can see, as long as you can keep moving the expected release date, he will have something to shoot for, but he may never actually reach that day. It is a form of teasing as well as a form of punishment. Of course, you can give him an orgasm any time you want. Maybe he deserves a reward for going above and beyond what you expected and has earned a big reward. No one says you can’t give him one anytime you like. But the system above allows you to create an ever increasing time between orgasms without him even realizing what is happening.
Yes, you can make up reasons for moving the release date, if you like. For example, “Thursday is not a good day for me, let’s move it to the weekend.” Or, “Your birthday is coming up in a couple of weeks, why don’t we just hold off until then?” Perfectly good reasons to move his release date down the line without moving it too far. I know one woman who actually made her husband wait an entire year using this method of reward and punishment. She simply kept moving the date a few days at a time. Her husband was always less than two weeks away from his release date and never got upset when it got moved. She kept him happy by giving him lots of sexual attention (or taking some for herself) and he just never realized how long it had been since his last orgasm because he was focused on the next one.
There you have it. Life is good. If your man is in chastity, life can be great! All you have to do is take charge and tease the hell out of him, and have fun doing it!
great words
Interesting read . Hubby
