Keep scrolling, keep scrolling. It's just me.
Today is the day when I'm coming home and I have altogether 5 hours in trains so here I am.
Part of me is quite happy cause I really like traveling by train. I have time to enjoy views but also for reading book or just listening the music. I usually have a quite comfortable seats cause it's quite representative line. It's going from mountains to the sea (across whole country).
After 3,5 hrs I'll have to take another train to my hometown.
Usually I'm happy that I'll see my parents and my brother. I see them once in one or two months. Usually I'm happy to tell them all about the things that's happening in my life.
Usually, cause I'm a coward. And this is the part about me that I'm not proud of. This part makes me scared everytime when I'm coming home.
After almost 4 years of relationship I'm still afraid to tell them about my girlfriend. I'm still afraid about coming out to them. Usually I'm just thinking that it's because they don't ask about my love life. So I'm not saying anything because they don't wanna know.
But to be honest - what would I say if they would ask me about that?
I probably wouldn't say anything. I'm a coward after all.
Last Christmas most of my family wished me a nice boyfriend who would take care of me. They were so.. happy, cause you know for them it would be great. Everyone wished me this, except my cousin who back then was supposing something.
He's like a brother to me. I came out to him in this February. I was planning it for two months. I wrote him very long email with explanation for what was happening in my life since I moved out from hometown. He responded with most beautiful words: I knew it, I'm happy for both of you, I love you.
Sometimes I wish that I would have enough courage to tell everyone else. I wish that they would say that they knew about it and it's okay.
Sometimes I think that my mother knows all about it. I'm close to her, we're talking few times in a week so naturally my girlfriend is always present in my stories. I'm trying to say that "I did it" instead of "We did it" but it's hard. I remember that one day she gave me a box of chocolates for Children's Day saying that it's for A. It was one of the most touching moments between us.
I like coming home - but I know it's not my place anymore. My place is where my girlfriend is. And still, after 4 years I'm much more thrilled coming to my real home - coming to her lovely and safe arms.
Wherever I'm going, coming back to her is the most exciting feeling in the world. I have butterflies in my stomach and the last hour before arriving is crazy, my mind just can't stay calm. I just feel suddenly so in deep in love only with thought that I'll see her again - even if we didn't see each other only 2-3 days. It doesn't mean that I don't feel in love when we're home. Coming home makes it more intense.
I suppose it's called love. And I'm like crazy addict.
Now, I have to go, I have to catch another train.
Stay safe and healthy everyone.
