we're not kids anymore.
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@malibuindigos
" baby, please. it's not what it looked like. "
β it's not what it looked like. β repeats his words, slow nod following like she was registering it as what it was ... bullshit. β do you think i'm dumb or something ? naive, maybe ? β both questions didn't need answering. a crease in her brows while eyes narrow in on him, analyzing his features. β spare me. it looked like you were trying to get cozy with someone else. can't be taken any other way. β
" you couldn't even give yourself a full twenty-four hours before shoving your tongue down someone else's throat? "
he'd like to think he was more careful than to be caught playing her but it became clear with her query and the way she approached him that being caught is exactly what happened. β oh ... that. β brow raises, leaning further into the bar counter. β that meant nothing. β as most do. β didn't think you cared enough to react. β amusement laced between syllables, a sudden glint in his eyes with a smile crept to feats, flashing pearly whites.
isn't a stranger to the whiplash she gives him, dangling a shiny toy in his face only to rip it away moments later, which just about summarizes their entire relationship. even in this moment, when he's offering her a get out of jail free card, but she still wants to fight it. one time, shame on him. two times, shame on her. three times, he's officially lost all interest, retracting digits from her cunt. " if you'd rather use your fingers to get off tonight, then by all means, go ahead. " palms are held up like he's wiping his hands clean of her, the lust in his eyes replaced by a loud reminder that this will never work to his advantage β no matter how they spin it. " you're not worth this shit, liyah. i could fuck every girl in here and they still wouldn't be half the headache you are. "
eyes narrow in on him, looking for something to further express her anger until he finally opens his mouth. a slow nod, not agreeing, just showing she was listening and not agreeing to anything he was saying. his hand removed from her cunt, her own hand aggressively dropping her grip on his wrist. β you're literally ridiculous, did you know that ? β words laced with irritation, a roll of brown eyes follow. it was a constant game with him, every time he made her fold after making her look foolish. that grew old. β i'm not worth this shit, but you're the one who approached me feeding me some bullshit i missed fucking you. β uses air quotations while repeating his own words. β after you made me look like a clown, if i may add. you're just as much, if not more, of a headache than i am. something you refuse to admit. β
stares at him as if he has two heads, jaw hanging wide open, visibly gobsmacked because there's no way in hell he didn't know. " what do you mean it wasn't your idea? " does he genuinely think she's dense enough to believe any of the excuses coming out of his mouth? " this is your song. were you not involved in the creative direction? " then she's groaning in agony, forcing herself to sit down on the trailer steps, face buried in her palms like the most dramatic person on planet earth. how she's acting right now, someone would assume she'd been asked to shoot him with an ak-47. " seriously? you guys didn't have the funds to hire literally anyone else? " βββ " i would've even taken the camera guy. " sprinkles in, " no offense. "
he can tell by the look on her face that he'd been caught in a lie, completely taken aback by his claims ( although weren't completely a lie ). β exactly what i said is what i mean. β refrains from repeating himself again despite the urge to. β if i had known we were kissing, i would've told you sooner. β that much was true, but it slipped his mind -- something he didn't think that much about. chocolate hues study her, releasing a low laugh at her dramatics before crouching down to her level. β are you going to be miss dramatic about this ? you're acting like it's the end of the world. β hand settles on her knee, β it's not my fault you agreed to something without knowing what you were doing. β another laugh, this one lacking its usual humor to it, β i am offended, by the way. β
"Β Β noΒ Β needΒ Β toΒ Β getΒ Β bentΒ Β outΒ Β ofΒ Β shapeΒ Β ,Β Β nowΒ Β youΒ Β canΒ Β callΒ Β usΒ Β evenΒ Β .Β Β "
even. the word made a low chuckle rumble from his chest, β even ? you think this makes us even ? nah. β humming to himself, letting his eyes scan over her features, β wouldn't consider us even because you haven't done any damage but i'll let you think that, babe. β
"Β Β iΒ Β toldΒ Β youΒ Β thatΒ Β thisΒ Β thingΒ Β betweenΒ Β usΒ Β wasn'tΒ Β seriousΒ Β .Β Β "
β it's wasn't serious, but here you are trying to make it a spoken thing. β cerulean hues roll, arms folding across her chest. β if it wasn't serious, you wouldn't be talking to me about it ... but here you are, trying to state the obvious. β
" they never knew what they were talking about. " hates that he can't undo the damage, their words cutting deep, leaving scars she obviously still carries. if he could've gone back in time, he never would've brought her around his family. an innocent bystander caught in the middle of a war that was never hers to deal with. but she still wants this, and he does too, so what's stopping them from trying again? " it matters to me. " reassures with more certainty, digits grazing her forearm like he's holding onto something already slipping out of his grasp. " let's get away. just the two of us. " there's no hesitation in his voice, first to jump at the opportunity for adventure. " we can be across the country by tomorrow morning. "
hearing him say that makes her brows crease, questions running through her mind about the legitimacy of her thoughts up until this point. β they didn't know what they were talking about, but they got between us. β they destroyed us threatens to spill from brims, but continues biting her tongue. she never got over the feeling of not being good enough for him or hearing that she wasn't explicitly, it always came back to her. β you know i want you. that's all i've wanted. β her confession comes with a deep breath, holding it at his touch like it was the first time again. his lack of hesitation in his voice tells her he's serious. β where do you want to go ? i'll go anywhere you want. β
" she should matter to you, " clarifies with an assertive finger, playing voice of reason purely for shits and giggles. because this is his undoing, a decision he continues to make over and over again. she doesn't owe her anything, but can't help wondering when he plans to put an end to the charade. " i'm just surprised you've gotten away with it this long. " hums more to herself than him, impressed, though maintains a poker face. " tell me, what's it like living a double life? fucking me and then crawling into bed with her? " hangs at the door, still refusing him entry into her sanctuary, at least while she busts his balls. " do you ever mix up our names? do you kiss her on the mouth after you've tasted my cunt? " amusement sparkles in hues, sure her neighbors down the hall are enjoying their little back and forth.
β she should matter, but she doesn't. β couldn't be any more blunt, straight to the point even though it was something they both already knew. β your act as if you care about her is funny, you know. β points out, a grin tugging to corners of his lips as she tries to bring him back down to earth. β why ? it's not like i'm out being obvious about it. nobody said she gave it any attention to realize what's happening. β brow raises as she continues to pry into his personal life, head tilts to the side as she digs in. β can you really call it a double life if she doesn't matter and this is just sex ? β the query leaves his lips as she continues to question him. β really trying to question me instead of letting me in, huh ? is this a police interrogation or something ? doing a crime that i have not committed. β
the second the words leave her mouth, everything else is irrelevant to him, shoved to the back of his head to be forgotten about until further notice. there's a mischievous glint behind his eyes β the kind of look that says she handed him exactly what he wants, and without putting up much of a fight. low chuckle rumbles from the base of his throat, palm sliding further along her thigh, grip around her throat tensing to keep her steady in place. eyes drag slowly over countenance, taking in the challenge like she's daring him to call her bluff. " right here? " repeats in a voice that almost mimics awe, pleased grin tugging at his lips, more surprised by her sudden brazenness. but that's how it usually goes with them, from zero to one-eighty at the flip of a switch. gaze wanders past her shoulder to acknowledge the setting, belligerent drunks, exhausted bartenders trying to get through the night. lucky for her, he's never minded a crowd. " all that attitude just to fold at a simple touch. you're too predictable. " he's taunting now, pads of his fingers pushing lace panties to the side as digits tease her slit. " are you gonna make a mess for me in front of all these people? "
how quick his energy shifted like she'd handed him exactly what he wanted made her laugh. the look in his eyes told him that what the game she was playing had him ready to fold. β right here. β she nodded slowly as she spoke to play along with him. his grip on her throat tightening had lips curling into a satisfied smile as her breath hitches and her hand between their bodies to stop his in its tracks. β acting as if you deserve to touch me right now is a choice. β spoken lowly, tilting her head up to keep her eyes on him as she kept his hand in its place. β supposedly predictable but the second i showed a little bit of interest here you are ready to play with my cunt. if i'm predictable then so are you. β
TIME SKIP...
there's no backing out now, not when everything is already set in motion. camera crew on standby, wardrobe hanging from a silver rack, hair and makeup trailer with her name written on it. if she wasn't such a professional, she would've fled the scene, but there's too much riding on this. a reputation she has to uphold, to show up for everyone who's counting on her β friends included. even if they're all treading on thin ice for omitting a very important detail about this shoot. somehow despite the bundle of nerves settled in the pit of her stomach, she pushes through, keeping a relatively calm demeanor until catching him from the corner of her eye. lifts a stern finger as footsteps approach his vicinity, scolding with a gaze that could burn flesh. " i'm going to murder you. " they're the first words that expel from her lips, jabbing at his chest with a frustrated huff before she's wrapping digits around his collar, dragging him away from the crowd. isn't quite ready to put on a performance. at least not yet. movements halting once they reach her trailer outside, releasing unrelenting grip as arms fold across her chest. " were you planning to share that we have to kiss? " freshly manicured nails tap against skin expectantly, eyebrow arched. " scratch that, make out. "
there was a minor detail he left out, partially because he knew she wouldn't have done it after she'd already agreed. as soon as she approached he knew that it was no good, the look in her eye gave it away. β hey, relax. β said as she dragged him away from the crowd of people by his collar against better judgment. β what's all this about ? β tried to play dumb, waiting for her to explain her actions after he fixed his shirt following her release of it. how quick her attitude changed from aggressively dragging to her stance that expressed her irritated. β look, i just found out about it. it wasn't my idea. β somewhat the truth, he didn't decide on the make out but he wasn't going to pass up the opportunity.
and that might be the most heartbreaking part of their demise, the fact that the cards were stacked against them from the very beginning. didn't understand it at the time, but as his world has come crashing down, his dad's own mistakes spreading through the city like wildfire, he can't seem to care about outside perception. " fuck my parents, is. things are different now. " hues search hers for a glimmer of hope, a sign they still have a chance at redemption. " what do you want? "
the entire conversation played over in her head. being told that she wasn't good enough haunted her every thought whenever she saw him. canines begin to bite at the inside of her cheek, oceanic hues locked on him, β it's easy to say that things are different now, but a lot of things were said. they were right. β saying the unspoken part out loud for the first time. β i want you, but does that even matter ? honestly. β
her ego is big, but she can also spot his bullshit from a mile away, which prompts a humorless scoff. " oh, i'm sorry. did you not just show up at my suite in the middle of the night? " brow arches in challenge, arms crossing over her chest as she looks him up and down. " does she even know where you are? or should i say, who you're in? " βββ " you're fucking pathetic, luka. "
β i showed up at your suite in the middle of the night because i just want you right now. let's not make it more than what it is. β figuratively waves off the point she made, ignoring the fact she was right. frame leans against the doorframe, arms folding across his chest with lips forming a straight line while giving her a once over. β don't play that game. she doesn't fucking matter, why bring her up ? β
" did we move way too fast or is it because we let everyone in on what we had? "
her heart sinks, the question weights heavy on her as their entire relationship flashes before her eyes. β we both know it wasn't going to work. even if i really, really wanted it to. β she pauses, β it was a losing game, right ? your parents never wanted us together. β
" tell your girlfriend i'm the one you've been waiting for. "
β is your ego that big that you think you're the one i've been waiting for ? β laugh rumbles from his chest, β had you been the one i've been waiting for, i would've acted by now .. but here we are. β leaving the rest of his sentence up for interpretation despite the obvious you're not the one hanging in the air.
compares the conversation to that of talking with a child, one who needs to be guided in the right direction before making a bad decision. " think he's just more blunt. and maybe has a few more brain cells. " thumb and index finger pinch together at the latter, lips pursing, bracing for another exaggerated eye roll. " other than that, i don't see many differences. " and it's her honest truth. ironically, lying to his face isn't her strong suit, but when the shoe is on the other foot, he clearly doesn't hesitate. then he's talking about filling a void, hyperaware of the implication and something foreign stirs within her stomach. " that's not normal, xav. " reprimands with a smack to his shoulder, refusing to acknowledge that she's the person he's hinting at. because it almost feels worse. " you need to go to therapy. unpack why you act out in these ways. " expels a sigh, wearing the role of mother like a merit badge, always first to offer advice to their group of unhinged friends. doesn't mean it doesn't get exhausting. especially when he attacks her own dating choices, sending him a scowl to refrain from another hit β one that contains actual force. " well, it's not my fault. the dating pool in this city is garbage. i'm dealing with toxic musicians, self-obsessed actors, and athletes who have a nasty case of wandering eye syndrome. "
shakes his head at the comment, ready to argue that he's got the same amount of brain cells but bites his tongue ultimately. β i'll give you the bluntness, but that's all you get. β brows knit together as he watches her demonstrate how very few his demonic other half has over him, letting a grin find its place on his lips at her. he couldn't find it in himself to be offended or act it because he saw her point. he often acted like he lacked brain cells, naturally she'd say that, β you're trying to flatter me by telling me we don't have many differences after you told me he has more brain cells. β a low hum comes from his throat after scanning across her feats, picking up on her honesty to the way she scolds him like he's a child. rather than giving her some kind of rebuttal to both what she has to say and the gentle smack, a roll of his shoulders said everything. β it's normal to me. maybe not normal for you, but it's normal for people. β his initial comment being honest while his follow up being broad, trying to make it seem like it wasn't horrible that he did things to fill the hole of something he craves. β i don't need to unpack that, i know why. β browns fall from her face, looking down at the pen in his hand and twirling it around to keep occupied. somewhere in the conversation his heart began to ache, trying to find the subtle difference in the way they held conversations prior to his revelation about his feelings and now. he looks up in perfect timing, catching her look and putting his hands up in defense. β saying toxic musicians to a musician's face is wild. β
smirk sharpens, head tilting to study her as if reading through a book he's already memorized from front to back cover. " yeah, i know i am. " and it's a hill he's willing to die on, confirming his answer with firm confidence β leaving no room for negotiation. they had rules. and that last encounter pushed everything over the edge. his own mistake for playing the role of hero, assuming she'd shrug it off as harmless. doesn't stop him from pushing further, ignoring her wishes to keep his opinions to himself. " 'cause you were supposed to be different, right? the bad girl who's unaffected. " even the mean ones have a heart hidden beneath their armor. " but deep down, you're just like the rest of 'em. " thumb presses lightly at the side of her neck where her pulse flutters, watching the way her jaw tightens β how her hand lingers against his skin despite the venom spat through her words. " that wasn't so hard to admit, was it? " approving hum vibrates deep in his chest, satisfaction written across features as digits glide up the curve of her inner thigh. " what are you gonna do about it, liyah? " voice comes out rough, almost guttural, breath ghosting just shy of her mouth while inching closer towards the center of her heat.
the smirk on his face makes her blood boil. the same smirk that got her into this mess to begin with. how he examines her, knowing exactly what she was thinking irritated her to no ends. one of the many cons of being with him for so long. β i was being sarcastic, asshat. β agitation in her voice after his words oozing confidence. she couldn't remember where the lines began to blur, whether it was his savior act or the gradual build up of years that went by, but everything got fuzzy. when he continues to feed into something she already told him to stop, her eyes roll. his implication she was like one of many prompts her to release a short laugh, β now i'm like the rest of 'em, huh ? β tilting her head with eyes narrowing in on him, trying to figure out where he got off. she lets out a soft breath as his thumb gently presses into her neck, β you act like it's something i've been refusing to admit when i'm the first to tell you i'm fucked up. β digits leaving the back of his neck and travel down to broad shoulders then back down to settle at his chest again. lips curve into a smile as his got closer to her, β maybe i'll let you fuck me right here. β
holds her palms up in defense, brushing off the sentiment as pen carelessly lands in the middle of her lap. " that's between him and whoever keeps his bed warm. i don't fall in that category, so it really doesn't apply here. " nonchalance hangs between each syllable before she's giving him a pointed look, as if to say be real. it's the pot calling the kettle black. " and last i checked, you're no saint either. " shakes her head, trying to the stifle the laugh that's threatening to spill into the atmosphere. while his reputation isn't quite as damning, there's a reason the two of them are such close friends. " you recycle through women just as much as him. " she's witnessed it first hand on nights out, a revolving door of girls at their disposal, their names being forgotten the next day. couldn't be that reckless if she wanted to, far too intentional about her dating life and the people she allows inside her heart. yet somehow they still end up disappointing her, so maybe she should be the one taking a page out of their playbook. " can you make a public service announcement? maybe tell that to the guys i've dated? " history shows her track record is a mess.
if he had the capacity to be offended, truly offended, he would be in this moment. there was no shame in his habits, he knew that it was a long rap sheet of questionable things that were comparable to her bandmate's. β okay, fine. maybe you're right. β his shoulders fall in a shrug, ignoring the look on her face that tells him to put some honesty on the table for once. β i might not be a saint, but comparing us is shameful. he's far worse than i am, we both know that. β his response is short, but he finds humor in it. she's seen him at his worst, constantly in trouble with some girl or the aftermath of a chaotic night with the bands, but he found pride in the fact he wasn't as messy. especially not entirely in front of her. hand rubs the back of his neck as he listened to her, a shit eating grin threatening to spread across features once she talks about how he discards women at a rapid pace. β and if i were to say that i go through women to fill the void of someone i really, truly, honestly want ? then what ? β his query fills the air, looking for some answer that's tangible enough for him to offer any inkling that he might've cared for her in a different view than just friends. β i don't know ... you've dated some seriously questionable men who don't deserve to even entertain them. it's their loss. β
