Scarlet Brain Rot

[malkavi-ann]

When the Truth Hurts. Chapter 7

Elden Ring: Shadow of the Erdtree fanfiction

Rating: Mature (May change in the future)

Relationship: F/M

Pairing: Messmer the Impaler/Original Female Character

Tags: Self-Loathing, Reference to Depression, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Memory Loss, Messmer is bad at feelings, Mommy Issues, Abandonment Issues, Mostly Canon Compliant, Canon Divergence, Tarnished never arrives to the Land of Shadow, Friendship/Love

Link to Ao3

Chapter 7: The Ritual

TW: Mentions of violence and abuse

The following few guard shifts Brennan and Morgana spent going over the plan. It seemed quite simple: on the day of Brennan’s shift, Morgana needed to get Hilde to come closer to the prayer’s room door. When the Fire Knight was close enough to the small window, she would use one of the enchanted flowers that Brennan would have brought to her earlier. That would put Hilde to sleep for a few hours, and while she would be asleep, Brennan would take the key and get access to the room. After that, they should have enough time to perform the ritual. Again, it sounded pretty simple yet it was still incredibly risky. Needless to say, when Hilde would eventually wake up once the ritual was over, she would have many questions about what had happened to her, and both Brennan and Morgana would be the primary suspects. However, at this point neither of them cared enough about the consequences, and if they were to be questioned, their main strategy would be denial.

On the day of the planned ritual, both Brennan and Morgana were extremely anxious. Neither of them could sleep the night before. Despite having discussed their plan in great detail multiple times, there was still a possibility of something going wrong. Morgana spent the night rehearsing her lines while holding onto the withered purple flower like it was her dearest treasure. She really hoped that this plan would work not for her own sake but mostly for Brennan’s. Deep down Morgana felt sorry for him: he was far away from his home and family which he missed dearly, and there was no certainty about his future. Yet this man was determined to go as far as to disobey orders just to get a glimpse of his past life in his dreams. And Morgana was his only hope, his guide to the world of dreams. How desperate and miserable he must have been here if facing harsh consequences wasn’t a major deterrent to his goal. In a way, his actions were admirable in Morgana’s eyes: Brennan wouldn’t give up on his hopes; thus, she swore to do her best to help him.

The prayer room where Morgana had been locked away was always dark, so it was impossible to tell what time of the day it was. However, having spent almost a month in that room, Morgana learned an approximate schedule of her jailers. The Fire Knight would bring her food a couple of times a day: one around midday and another towards the evening. In between those meals, Hilde would sometimes go away for an hour or two leaving a soldier to guard the cell. Morgana’s task was to make Hilde fall asleep just before the beginning of Brennan’s shift. She was praying that her prepared little speech would grab Hilde’s attention enough to get her close to the window.

It felt like an eternity to wait until her first feeding time but because of the growing anxiety Morgana could barely eat anything. She tried to nibble on some bread but immediately felt so nauseous she thought she would throw up. “No point in forcing myself to eat. I better focus on my part of the plan until the time is right.” She thought to herself trying to suppress the nauseating feeling in her stomach.

The next couple of hours went by in a haze. It was when Morgana heard Hilde’s anxious pacing outside the door that she knew she had to act. Brennan was going to be a bit late to allow her time to engage with the Fire Knight, and Hilde didn’t like it when the guards were late. As Morgana moved closer to the door, she could feel herself trembling. When she was right next to the barred window, she could see her jailer going back and forth in front of the cell. The Fire Knight, who was normally calm and composed, was visibly annoyed that her subordinate wasn’t there to take over the guard duty. “It’s time.” Morgana whispered to herself, took a deep breath and leaned closer to the bars.

“Lady Hilde, may I speak to you?” Morgana said, her shaky voice almost betraying her.

The Fire Knight stopped pacing and glared at the horned woman. The prisoner hardly ever tried to speak to her, let alone addressed her by name in such a direct manner.

“I don’t have time to talk with prisoners.” Her usually cold tone was full of venom this time. The whole situation started to irritate her: Hilde had an important meeting she needed to attend, and that useless guard was late for his shift. She simply couldn’t afford wasting time on idle conversations, especially with the likes of Morgana.

Morgana was expecting resistance, so her next words came out immediately. “Please, it’s an urgent matter that concerns Sir Messmer. I have an important message for him regarding my memories.” Surely, that piece of information was bound to grab her attention.

To Morgana’s relief, it seemed that Hilde’s curiosity was piqued. The Fire Knight took a few steps towards the door but it was still not close enough. “What is it? Spit it out!” Hilde demanded, her commanding tone exhibiting impatience.

There was still some distance between them, so Morgana had to lure her even closer. “It’s quite a private and sensitive matter to talk about. I do not wish to be overheard.” Morgana even lowered her voice to force Hilde to get in her proximity. She knew it was silly, yet she didn’t have many options. All Morgana could do now was pray that her trick would work on Hilde.

”Don’t be stupid, woman. We are alone here.” It was clear that the Fire Knight was losing her patience. Morgana had to choose her next words carefully if she wanted this whole plan to work.

”We may be alone now, but isn’t one of your soldiers supposed to come for the shift any second now? What I have to share with you must not reach the ears of your subordinates. They would lose all respect for Sir Messmer if they heard what I have to say.” Morgana had to bluff and hope that Hilde wouldn’t call it.

There was a brief moment of silence as Hilde was processing what Morgana had just said. Considering the possible link between Morgana and Marika and how it would affect Messmer’s and his army’s morale, she was inclined to believe the horned woman. Sure, it sounded a bit too suspicious to be the truth; however, Hilde would rather be safe than sorry in situations concerning Messmer’s authority.

Morgana’s heart leaped when she heard the Fire Knight sigh deeply. “Fine”, Hilde finally said as she approached the door. This was the perfect moment to make the move. Luckily, Morgana was prepared for it, and when her jailer was practically next to the barred window, she quickly raised her arm and threw the purple powder that was left from the crushed enchanted flower into Hilde’s face. Everything happened so fast, the Fire Knight couldn’t even react. The powder immediately turned into mist, filling her lungs and making her dizzy. Hilde tried to move away and unsheathe her great sword but her limbs refused to obey her. Suddenly her eyes grew heavy, her body went limp, and the last thing she saw before falling asleep was the stone floor of the room.

”It worked!” Morgana exclaimed as she watched Hilde’s body slump on the floor. Now it was Brennan’s turn to fulfill his part of the plan. Luckily, she didn’t have to wait for him too long: Brennan showed up shortly after Hilde fell unconscious with the help of Morgana’s magic. The first thing he did when he approached the female knight was check if she was actually asleep.

“Lady Hilde, can you hear me?” He tried to call out her name to see if she could hear him. Nothing. The Fire Knight was fast asleep, her breathing slow and steady. Brennan looked up to face Morgana, who was getting incredibly anxious on the other side of the door.

”You did it!” His voice was filled with excitement. Things were going according to their plan, and he was going to see his family, even if it was just a dream.

Morgana nodded. “I certainly did, but please hurry up with the key. We mustn’t waste any more time.”

She was right: they needed to act fast before someone stumbled upon Hilde’s body. Brennan quickly grabbed the key ring from the Fire Knight’s pouch and moved towards the door. It didn’t take him long to unlock it and get inside the prayer room. Morgana greeted him with a weak smile; she was sitting on the floor with her cloak resting in her lap. It was unusual for Brennan to see her so up close, and even though she wasn’t standing, she still was quite tall.

”Shall we bring Hilde in? Just in case…” She asked him.

”That’s probably a good idea.” Brennan agreed with the suggestion. It took a couple of minutes to drag Hilde’s body into the room.

“Alright, we should probably begin the ritual.” Morgana said in a hushed voice once Brennan closed the door behind him. “Come here and sit with me.” She said, gesturing to him to move by her side. Brennan didn’t have to be asked twice; he sat next to her, suddenly getting anxious about the ritual.

”Rest your head on my lap. Try to relax and think about what dream you’d like to see.”

He swallowed nervously but followed her instructions anyway. Her cloak fashioned into a pillow was surprisingly soft and smelled like lavender. As he laid down, he felt his eyelids get heavy and a yawn escaped his mouth. Morgana gingerly put her hand on his head.

”Now, close your eyes and take a deep breath”, her voice was soothing like a lullaby. “Think of those who you wish to see. Picture them in your mind’s eye and focus on them for as long as you can”.

Brennan closed his eyes and tried to recollect any memories related to his family. It didn’t take him long to bring back the pictures of his house nestled near a lake. He saw his two children playing outside, their laughter bringing joy in his heart. And then there was his beloved wife, his darling Pauline. He concentrated on her image: her long auburn hair, a sun-kissed round face with freckles, those lovely dimples whenever she smiled. There she was, so close yet so far, existing only in his mind for now.

Meanwhile, Morgana’s eyes turned bright purple as she went into a trance-like state. The familiar interior of the room started to blur as she was on the threshold of the dreamworld. However, she couldn’t step in there yet because Brennan was still awake.

”Brennan, listen to me closely. You will fall asleep on the count of three. Keep focusing on your dream.” She whispered to him. “One. Two. Three.”

And just like that, Brennan fell into the state of slumber, which opened the pathway to the dreamworld for Morgana. It was a sudden yet pleasant transition akin to falling into a soft feathered down bed. In an instant Morgana found herself in a darker version of the prayer room which was now engulfed in a purple mist. The dreamworld felt familiar and welcoming to her despite its gloomy appearance. The air was cool but not uncomfortably cold; it was more like a refreshing breeze filled with the faint aroma of lavender. In the center, Brennan was peacefully snoring on the floor, and above his head there were three dimly glowing orbs just floating in the air. As Morgana slowly approached them, she reached out to one of the orbs. It flickered at her touch and suddenly dissipated, its particles forming into a thin thread. After Morgana repeated the same motion to the other two orbs, she chanted an incantation to commence the most important part of the ritual.

Suddenly, the threads began to move on their own as if they were following the rhythm of the chant. All Morgana had to do now was to guide them as she weaved them into Brennan’s dream. She had done dream weaving before - though she couldn't remember the circumstances - and she was always mesmerized by it: the way the threads were intertwining, forming into a glowing canvas, was like some otherworldly dance, and Morgana was the one staging it. Those threads represented the memories or images that Brennan wanted to see in his dream. Morgana had the ability to peer into the dreams; however, she chose not to for she believed that they were sacred, intimate, and, therefore, had to remain unseen. Thus, she stayed in the dreamworld as a silent guardian of Brennan’s peaceful rest while also admiring her work in solitude.

*** “How could she be late? Lady Hilde is as punctual as a clockwork.” Commander Gaius exclaimed in that thunderous voice of his.

Messmer had to agree with his friend: one of his most loyal Fire Knights would always arrive on time to give reports, and now she had already been 30 minutes late. To put it mildly, it was incredibly unusual for Hilde to be even a tiny bit late. What could have possibly delayed her for that long? His gut feeling was that something was awfully wrong about this whole situation. And he couldn’t shake off the feeling that it was something to do with the prisoner Hilde was guarding.

”I’m going to the Church District.” Messmer said, standing up from his seat. Gaius gaped at him for a moment.

”My lord, we could just send the soldiers down there to check Lady Hilde.” The commander was genuinely confused as to why Messmer had to go there himself.

Messmer turned to his friend as he was about to leave the chamber. ”I have an inkling that our…”guest” might be the reason behind Hilde’s tardiness. We shouldn’t underestimate her and her abilities. Both of us have seen what she is capable of.”

“Hmm, I suppose you’re right.” The albinauric man mumbled to himself as Messmer headed off to Morgana’s cell.

On the way to the prayer room, Messmer was trying to figure out what could have happened to Hilde who was highly skilled in both combat and fire magic. She was certainly not an easy target but Morgana’s powers had proven to be very effective against his people. Besides, he was only aware of one of her abilities; the full extent of her magic was yet to be uncovered. However, there was one thing that didn’t make sense: Messmer had taken away her belongings. Assuming that whatever was in her pouch allowed her to cast her spells, Morgana shouldn’t have been able to inflict sleep on Hilde. Could it have been possible that someone else was helping her somehow?

The mere thought of his people disobeying his orders was infuriating. He had to deal with riots within his ranks before, and it left him with bitter memories. Messmer really hoped that this time it wasn’t the case of rogue soldiers going against him. However, if his suspicions were true, his wrath would be unmatched.

The Church District greeted him with quiet despair and a suffocating stench of mildew. What a shame. It used to be a place of worship where his subordinates could get some peace and quiet, and now it was nothing but a bunch of flooded derelict buildings rotting away in the water. These days only few Fire Knights could be seen patrolling this area; however, on his way to the prayer room, Messmer didn’t encounter anyone. It was quiet. Too quiet.

As he turned around the corner, Messmer saw that his concerns were not unfounded: Hilde was not at her post. Usually, when she had to leave the cell unattended, a guard would have to take over her place. However, there was no one guarding the door, which was a bad sign. Without hesitation, Messmer went straight to the door, and as soon as he approached it, he caught a whiff of the familiar scent of lavender that he’d first encountered when he met Morgana. She must have used her power somehow; maybe taking away her sacred seal wasn’t enough. His serpents hissed in unison as they prepared to face whatever danger was ahead of them.

Without even looking through the barred window, Messmer pushed the door half expecting it to be open. It flung open revealing Hilde’s unconscious body lying on the floor of the room. He hurried inside just to witness Morgana holding in her arms one of his soldiers who was fast asleep. He could feel his blood boil with fury: how could one of his men disobey him like that? Overwhelmed by bloodthirst, he closed the distance and grabbed Brennan by the throat.

Meanwhile, Morgana, who was still in the dreamworld, sensed that something was wrong in the real world. Suddenly, her connection to the dream disappeared as Brennan got forcefully woken up. The sight before her eyes filled her heart and soul with horror: Brennan was struggling for air as Messmer had lifted him up, choking him. The whole room felt hotter as if it was set ablaze by Messmer’s fury. She had to stop him!

”My lord, please let him go!” She pleaded with Messmer but he ignored her cry. In fact, his grip on the soldier’s neck only tightened. Brennan’s eyes rolled back, and his breathing got shallow. He was going to die if Morgana didn’t act fast.

“This foul worm is a traitor. I’ll kill him and put his worthless body on a stake as a warning to everyone, including you”. He hissed, his gaze fixed on poor Brennan, who was fighting for every little bit of air.

His spiteful words brought a horrifying realization upon Morgana: it was her fault that this man was going to die. She could’ve said no to his request, considering how dangerous the whole idea of conducting the dream ritual was. And yet she agreed to this… The events that were unfolding in front of her were nothing but a consequence of her actions. Hot tears welled up in her eyes. It was all her fault, but she wouldn’t let him die like that. If this was her mistake, then Morgana would rather take the punishment herself.

Determined to stop Messmer, Morgana ran up to him and tried to grab his arm but his serpents were quick to react, darting towards her and hissing menacingly. They didn’t attack her, however; their actions were to stop her from interfering. Morgana recoiled instinctively at first but, seeing that the snakes didn’t mean to actively harm her, she moved in closer to look into his eye.

”My lord, it’s all my fault that this happened. This man has done nothing wrong. It was all my idea, and he just followed it.” She didn’t care if she had to lie to save Brennan. Morgana only hoped that Messmer would believe her.

”Please, don’t kill him. He’s innocent!” Her voice faltered as she cried out. “Take my life instead.”

Her plea seemed to work this time because Messmer finally looked at her. And as he did, he froze in place, overwhelmed by the memories he wished to forget.

He was still a young boy when the Hornsent sent several raids on Shaman Village. Every time the Horned Warriors came to the village, they ransacked it, taking some of the shaman women with them. He could hear their blood curdling screams and cries for help as they got dragged to Bonny Village, a wretched place where shamans were tortured and mutilated before they were stuffed into massive jars. Marika would always hide Messmer during those raids but one day they found him.

The memories of those moments still haunted him. Marika was away at that time, collecting medicinal herbs in the nearby forest. A couple of horned warriors barged into their hut while Messmer was waiting for his mother’s return. He tried to run but they were much faster and stronger than him. They called him “abomination” and “monster”; they were telling him how they would flay his skin and then chop him up in pieces. Messmer still remembered how terrified and helpless he was at that moment: he was just a little boy, so all he could do was cry. He also remembered that soon enough his mother returned home. Horrified by the scene in front of her, she darted towards her son, protecting him from the warriors, who seemed to be amused by the poor woman’s actions.

”Please, leave him alone. He’s just a boy!” She begged them to spare her only child but they only laughed at her.

”A bastard child of a whore shaman woman is still good enough meat for the jar. Maybe we’ll stuff both of you in the same one.” One of them sneered as he approached Marika and grabbed her by the hair, pulling her away from crying Messmer.

”Please, he’s innocent. Take me instead.” She looked into her torturer’s face despondently. Marika was terrified but she would rather suffer herself than let her son die by the hands of those vile Hornsent.

The men exchanged looks before speaking up. ‘Fine. We’ll have fun with you instead. And the little one will watch.”

They beat her up so badly that she was bedridden for a few weeks. They kept her alive because they knew she was a healer; they told her once her bruises and wounds healed up, they’d come back for more.

Marika’s bloodied face and her final words got etched into Messmer’s memory. And now as he was looking at Morgana, her face red from crying, he could see his mother again, begging him to spare someone’s life. At that moment, he was the torturer, the bloodthirsty monster, similar to those disgusting Horned warriors. He released his grasp, and Brennan collapsed on the floor, coughing profusely as he was trying to breathe freely again.

Morgana stopped crying and looked at Messmer with gratitude. She really began to lose hope but the sudden change in his behavior brought her some relief. She did notice the sadness in his face as he released Brennan from his grasp. Just a moment ago he was filled with anger but now he looked sorrowful as if he realized that he was about to take an innocent life without fair judgement.

”Thank you, my lord.” She tried to express her gratitude but Messmer didn’t seem to hear her. Or perhaps he didn’t care for it. He was just staring at her with that look of sorrow.

”Don’t thank me for that.” He finally snapped out of his stupor. “I might’ve spared his life for now but he still deserves punishment for insubordination.” He threw a look of disgust towards Brennan, who was still gasping for air.

”And you,” he turned to Morgana, “you will be questioned. I’ll see to it myself. Now, I need you to wake Hilde up.”

Morgana did as he asked, and in an instance Hilde woke up. She tried to get up, groaning and holding the side of her head, but as soon as she caught a glimpse of Morgana, her whole demeanor changed.

”You…,” she hissed angrily, “you did this. I’ll make you pay for this.”

When she tried to move closer to Morgana, Messmer stood in front of her. ”Lady Hilde, I need you to take this traitor to the most isolated dungeon in the Keep. Give him the dirtiest, most difficult job you can find. Make his existence as miserable as possible. I don’t care if he lives or dies but he needs to learn his lesson. I’ll deal with Morgana myself”.

”Of course, my lord.” As livid as she was, Hilde couldn’t let feelings prevent her from following orders. As such, she forced Brennan to leave the room and escorted him to the deepest dungeon of the Shadow Keep. From now on, his fate was sealed.

[malkavi-ann]

When the Truth Hurts. Chapter 6

Elden Ring: Shadow of the Erdtree fanfiction

Rating: Mature (May change in the future)

Relationship: F/M

Pairing: Messmer the Impaler/Original Female Character

Tags: Self-Loathing, Reference to Depression, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Memory Loss, Messmer is bad at feelings, Mommy Issues, Abandonment Issues, Mostly Canon Compliant, Canon Divergence, Tarnished never arrives to the Land of Shadow, Friendship/Love

Link to Ao3

Chapter 6: The Arrangement

Getting rostered for the guard duty wasn’t that difficult: Brennan only had to ask around to find a slacker who wasn’t so keen on guarding the woman and convince them to swap tasks. Then, he only had to wait until it was his time to start the guard shift. The only problem that could dampen his chances of talking to the woman was the relentless presence of the Fire Knights near her cell. However, he believed that he would find a way to sneakily communicate with the prisoner.

At this point, the insomnia had gotten so much worse that Brennan was ready to risk everything just to get rid of this ailment. He had a constant throbbing headache, which made his existence insufferable, and sometimes he had visions of things that were not real. Not to mention, he had become moody, irritable and paranoid. Many of his mates had already noticed those changes in his behavior and begun to avoid him. The isolation in the Land of Shadow was already bad enough for his morale; thus, the fact that he was being alienated because of his condition was even more depressing. He simply couldn’t live like this any longer.

On the night of his shift, Brennan’s anxiety was killing him. In his sleep-deprived mind he was imagining over and over how he would get caught immediately and punished for his disobedience. In Messmer’s army those who refused to follow the orders were harshly punished, most of the time the punishment being execution. And Brennan didn’t feel like dying in this forsaken land far away from his family. He still had hopes of returning to the Lands Between where his wife and children had been awaiting him. He missed them dearly, and the thought of reuniting with them at some point kept him going despite all the doom and gloom.

When Brennan entered the Church District, he had to first report to one of the Fire Knights who was in charge of the area. As he approached the tall knight, his hands began to shake. “Calm down, for Gods’ sake”, he thought to himself. “Now it’s not the time to lose your composure.”

”Halt.” The knight raised her hand as she saw him approaching. “State your business, soldier.”

Brennan cleared his throat before speaking up. Suddenly, his mouth was as dry as a desert in Caelid. “Lady Hilde, I’m here to report for guard duty.”

Hilde stared at him silently: she knew that Brennan wasn’t originally rostered for this shift. “What’s your name? I don’t believe I recognize you.” Her tone exuded cold confidence that made Brennan’s shiver.

”Name’s Brennan, m’lady. I’m here to cover for Jonas. He’s not feeling well, so we swapped the duties.” Brennan could feel the sweat beading on his forehead. The knight was still staring at him, but it was hard to read her face as it was covered by a helmet. “I-I thought he’d informed you about that.” He stuttered, his nervousness betraying him.

Lady Hilde pursed her lips - she didn’t like sudden changes in the roster - and this man seemed a bit too anxious. She couldn’t help but feel like he was hiding something, but it was too late to turn him down. Hilde needed to be somewhere else, and there was no way she would leave the prisoner without a guard at her door.

”Fine.” She finally said. “You may start your shift immediately. I presume Jonas told you about the duties already. I have to go now, but I shall return in a couple of hours to check on the prisoner.”

Brennan felt a surge of relief when he heard that. Surely, two hours should be enough for him to talk to the woman. “Understood, m’lady.” He straightened up and bowed his head as the knight left the room. Brennan could finally exhale now that he was alone. The door to the cell was right there - the door to his possible salvation - and thus, he wasted no more time and headed straight towards it. When he got closer to the door, he heard a quiet humming as if someone was singing a lullaby. Brennan cautiously inched towards the barred window and peeked inside. There wasn’t much light in the prayer room, so it was almost impossible to see anything. At first, it looked as if no one was in the room but the humming proved otherwise. Brennan gathered all of his courage to finally say something.

“Hello? Is anyone there?” As soon as he said it, he realized how delusional he must have sounded. Of course, somebody was there; otherwise, he wouldn’t hear any singing. Or maybe he was actually losing his mind due to lack of sleep.

The humming stopped. “Yes.” A small voice answered. Brennan gasped; now it was his chance to speak to her.

”May I talk to you quickly?” He asked, his heart pounding in his chest. This was his only chance to speak to her but if they got caught, it would be over for him.

He heard some rustling near the door and the next thing he saw was a very tall woman standing on the other side of the bars. The rumors that he’d heard from his mates were true: she was pretty much a spitting image of Queen Marika. Of course, she had those ugly horns and her eyes didn’t have that golden sparkle but apart from that they were almost identical. Though Brennan wasn’t deeply devoted to the Golden Order, he still was taken aback by what he saw and stared at the woman for a moment, trying to comprehend how such likeness was possible.

“Who are you?” The woman finally broke the awkward silence as she started to lose her patience. Brennan snapped out of his trance, feeling slightly embarrassed.

”Oh, err, name’s Brennan. I…uh…I’ve heard you can put folks to sleep.” He stuttered, his nervousness taking over him once again.

The woman tilted her head and narrowed her eyes. She remained quiet for a while before resuming the dialog. “That might be true. Why are you interested in my abilities?”

Brennan grinned excitedly: she might’ve been cautious with her words but she didn’t deny the rumors. Perhaps, he could talk her into helping him with his insomnia.

”I’ve had problems with sleep for a long time. I can’t sleep no matter what I do, and I’ve tried everything. It’s gotten so bad I’m scared I might lose my mind soon. Is there anything you can do to help me?” He didn’t want to wait any longer so he decided to be upfront and skip the pleasantries.

She looked at him wide-eyed as she didn’t expect him to be so direct. However, her facial expression softened when Brennan asked her for help. “Maybe I could help you with that but I need something in order to do that.”

‘What do you need? I’ll do anything in my power.” Brennan was so excited he completely forgot that he could potentially get in trouble for doing this.

”Oh, I just need a flower.” She said with a smile.

“A flower? What kind of flower?” Such a simple request took Brennan a bit by surprise.

”Any flower would do but without one I’m afraid I can’t help you.” Her voice sounded apologetic.

“Just a flower? I can do that. I’ll bring it next time. Can you…?” He stopped mid-sentence as he heard someone walking in the hallway. The sounds distant at first were slowly approaching the room where Brennan was talking to the prisoner. His heart dropped; he couldn’t get caught now that he found a way to cure his insomnia.

He quickly whispered to the woman. “Don’t tell anyone I talked to you. If they find out, I’m a dead man.” The woman nodded and stepped away from the door. Brennan turned around and straightened up just in time as the Fire Knight Hilde appeared around the corner.

”Anything to report, soldier?” She asked him when she got closer.

”No, m’lady.” He reported back. Now that he achieved his goal, he felt much more confident and calmer.

“Good. There has been a change of plans. I’ll be taking over from here. You’re dismissed.” Hilde ordered, gesturing with her hand for him to leave.

Brennan didn’t need to get asked twice so he hurried to the barracks, filled with hope and excitement.

***

It had been a week since Morgana had that unexpected encounter with Brennan. She’d never thought that one of the inhabitants of the keep would seek out her help considering how much they seemed to detest her. That was mainly the reason why at first she was distrustful of that man. However, when he asked her for help, she could feel his suffering so vividly that she just couldn’t turn his request down. Besides, Morgana was glad that her abilities could relieve someone’s pain as it always made her feel like she had a purpose in life.

Another week passed uneventfully: the only person she interacted with was the female Fire Knight that was guarding her cell and bringing her food. She didn’t speak much to Morgana and her demeanor was generally cold and indifferent. Messmer also hadn’t visited her since the last time, and Morgana wondered if he had given up on her or just decided to give her more time to regain her memories. There were other soldiers guarding her cell while the Fire Knight was away but they didn’t care about Morgana. The complete isolation and loneliness began to mess with her mind, so she was looking forward to seeing Brennan again. And yet he wouldn’t return for another few days.

Morgana started to get worried that he might’ve been caught or gotten into trouble when one night she heard a familiar voice calling out to her behind the bars. She immediately moved closer to the door and saw Brennan; his face was even paler than before and the dark circles under his eyes were more prominent since she last saw him.

”Hey”, his voice was hoarse as if he was ill. “I’ve brought what you asked for.” He squeezed his clenched fist through the bars, and when he unclenched it, there was a tiny daisy resting on his palm.

“Fantastic. Please let me hold it for a moment.” Morgana gently picked up the flower and put it in her hands. She then closed her eyes and whispered an incantation. As she was doing that, the flower slowly started to wither and the color of the petals changed to soft lilac. The whole transformation happened so unexpectedly fast it left Brennan speechless. He kept staring at the enchanted flower as she handed it back to him.

”There. Before you go to bed, crush it in your hand until it turns to powder. You can put in a drink if you like or inhale it. Both ways should work just fine. The enchantment should give you a whole night of rest. There won’t be any dreams, however.” She instructed him briefly.

Brennan couldn’t believe that this flower would cure his insomnia but he was willing to try. “Thank you for that. I shall try it tonight.”

Morgana smiled at him. “I hope it helps. Sleep well tonight, Brennan.”

***

Darkness… All Brennan could see was darkness. Before that he was surrounded by a gentle purple mist which was embracing him like a loving mother. But then there was nothing except darkness. Yet, somehow he wasn’t afraid of it. In fact, the darkness brought him peace that he’d longed for. Being in this darkness felt so serene and calming Brennan wished he could stay there forever. Then, all of a sudden, a rumbling voice tore through the darkness, bringing Brennan back from the sweet slumber.

”Oi, Brennan. Wake up mate.” The voice was familiar - it was one of his few friends that hadn’t abandoned him.

Brennan slowly opened his eyes, his eyelids still heavy from a night of sleep. The first thing he saw was his mate’s face just a few inches away from his. At first, Brennan wanted to punch him for waking him up but then he realized - he had some sleep. The cure he’d received from Morgana actually worked. The realization brought him so much joy he couldn’t help but smile.

“Have you finally gone mad Bren?” His mate asked him, looking puzzled.

”Yes. I’ve lost my mind because you ugly idiot woke me up.” Brennan exclaimed before laughing out loudly. At this moment he didn’t care about anything; he was just happy that his insomnia was gone. Frankly, he still felt exhausted as one night of sleep couldn’t fix his sleep deprivation. However, he was excited that he’d found a way to possibly get rid of the insomnia. Despite the risks it involved, Brennan was determined to get more help from Morgana.

From that day he started to collect flowers whenever he had a chance. However, getting rostered for guard duty was becoming more difficult. He used to get shifts every other week but now they were a few weeks apart. Brennan began to think that perhaps Hilde had become suspicious of his frequent requests to be on the guard duty. Nevertheless, Morgana was always happy to see Brennan as he was probably the only person who willingly interacted with her, even if this interaction was mainly transactional. The enchanted flowers worked like magic in helping Brennan fall asleep; however, whenever he ran out of them, his sleep problems would return. And the longer he went without the cure, the worse his condition and mood were getting. Another problem that bothered Brennan was the lack of dreams. At first, he was so overjoyed with the fact that he was able to sleep again that it didn’t matter to him that there were no dreams. Later, Brennan realized that having dreams had been making his life more bearable. Before his insomnia, he would have had dreams about his family and the life in the Lands Between. Without them, his existence felt empty, hopeless even.

One day, when Brennan brought more flowers to Morgana, a curious idea crossed his mind. If Morgana had the ability to inflict sleep on people, she would also be able to have some power over dreams.

“Can you make people have dreams when they sleep?” He blurted out.

Morgana looked at him, her eyebrows raised as if she was surprised by such a question. “What do you mean?”

”Well, if a person wanted to see a specific dream, would you be able to help them see that dream?” Brennan asked in a hushed voice.

To Brennan’s surprise, the woman blushed as she heard the question. “Yes, I can but I choose not to do that very often.” She replied hesitantly.

Judging by Morgana’s reaction, there was something that had made her embarrassed about using that ability. Brennan didn’t expect that the power to manipulate dreams could be so disturbing to her. “Why?” He probed further.

She chewed on her lip. “It’s not as easy as enchanting flowers. It requires a ritual with…umm…physical contact. Nothing too intimate though.” She rushed to clarify as she realized how her words could have been misinterpreted. “I just need to hold the person who wishes to have a dream while they’re sleeping. That way I can step into their world of dreams and change it to my liking.”

“Hold on, does that mean you can also see the dream of that person?” Brennan exclaimed impatiently. He didn’t like the idea of someone peering into his dreams.

”Yes and no. I reach into the person’s mind to grasp the images they want to see. Then, I weave them into their dreams. That is the extent of my power.” She explained. “It doesn’t bring me joy, however. To be honest, I dislike using this power of mine.”

”I can certainly see why.” He muttered absentmindedly. Doing this ritual would be even riskier since he would need to get access into the cell, and the only person who had the key was the Fire Knight Hilde. What could distract her for such a long time and let him steal the key? Brennan doubted that she would hand it in willingly even if he told that it was Messmer’s order. But what if she was unconscious? What if…she fell asleep for a while? An idea creeped into Brennan’s mind.

”Would you help me see my family in my dream?” He asked Morgana as he still needed her consent.

Her eyes went wide. “Are you out of your mind? You would need to come inside my room, and I doubt you have the key. Not to mention, that Fire Knight doesn’t leave her post for too long.” Morgana made really good points but Brennan already had a plan in mind. It was a reckless one, but he’d been breaking the rules for a while now so at this point he was willing to try it.

”I have an idea on how to get in and get rid of Hilde for a while but I’m going to need your help. So, what do you think?” He held his breath as he was waiting for her answer.

Morgana stepped away from the bars, mulling over his request. Even though she didn’t like the idea of manipulating the dreams, she wanted to help Brennan. Over the past several weeks, she’d grown attached to this man who was so desperate for help he was willing to disobey the orders. At the same time, because the ritual required more effort, Morgana was considering asking for something in return for this favor.

She sighed. “Fine, I will help you but this time I need something in return.”

Brennan was taken aback but it made sense to him that she would require some sort of repayment for doing the ritual. “Alright then. What do you need?” He asked with caution.

”When I was brought here, I saw a massive library on the way here. Would you bring me a book from there? Secretly, of course.” As she finished the sentence, she noticed Brennan’s quizzical look on his face. “I just feel so bored all the time. It would be nice to read a book to pass the time. Otherwise, I might lose my mind to boredom, I’m afraid.”

“Heh, just a book then? Sure, I could probably steal one or two for you.” The Brennan from the past would be appalled at the current Brennan’s attitude. He seemed to have stopped caring about his duties and following the orders. Maybe it was because he was sick of being stuck in this forsaken realm fighting a war that no longer had a purpose.

”I do have one condition.” Morgana’s voice interrupted Brennan’s thoughts. “I will only perform the ritual once.”

Brennan was going to ask why but the sound of approaching footsteps cut him off. He immediately moved away from the door as if nothing happened. They didn’t have time to discuss the plan but he wasn’t bothered by it at that moment.

[malkavi-ann]

When the Truth Hurts. Chapter 5

Elden Ring: Shadow of the Erdtree fanfiction

Rating: Mature (May change in the future)

Relationship: F/M

Pairing: Messmer the Impaler/Original Female Character

Tags: Self-Loathing, Reference to Depression, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Memory Loss, Messmer is bad at feelings, Mommy Issues, Abandonment Issues, Mostly Canon Compliant, Canon Divergence, Tarnished never arrives to the Land of Shadow, Friendship/Love

Link to Ao3

Chapter 5: Insomniac

Morgana was surrounded by thick darkness. She was completely alone, yet she could feel that someone was watching her. Her gut feeling was telling - no - screaming at her: “RUN!”. But what did she need to run from? Suddenly, she heard creepy laughter coming somewhere from the darkness. Morgana peered into the nothingness in an attempt to find its source but she couldn’t see anything. The laughter, which was distant at first, started to grow louder and louder as if it was slowly approaching her. Fear started to creep in as she was looking around in panic. Did the sound move to her right? Or was it on her left? Morgana wanted to run but her legs became so heavy that she could barely move them.

All of a sudden, the laughter stopped and there was a moment of silence. The feeling of relief washed over Morgana until a hoarse voice whispered into her ear.

“FOUND. YOU.”

She quickly turned her head and a scream froze in her throat. An imposingly large figure towered over her, making her feel smaller than a mouse. Its hideous face was twisted by gnarly horns with one of them almost piercing the gray flesh. Morgana tried to scream but no sound came out. The creature looked at her, its eyes two empty voids, and a ghastly grin slowly spread across its ugly visage.

”NO ONE CAN HEAR YOU, LITTLE OMEN RAT. YOU’RE ALL MINE.” The monster spat out the words as it grabbed Morgana’s neck with its unnaturally long arm. She struggled to break free, trying to hit the creature but the grip was too strong.

“This is it. There’s no escape. Mother, I….”. Her thoughts became scattered as she started to lose consciousness and her breathing got raspy. Her vision started to blur when suddenly…

…Morgana gasped in her awakening. She was lying on the stone floor of the prayer room, surrounded by the dying candlelight. What she experienced earlier was just a nightmare, yet it was so vivid it felt like it was real. Morgana sat up and tried to steady her breathing.

Nightmares like that haunted those afflicted by the Omen curse quite frequently. Morgana was no exception. Despite her abilities to control sleep and dreams of other people, she was seemingly unaffected by her own talents. Her mother was the only one who could ward the nightmares off, but now that she was nowhere to be found, there were no sweet dreams for Morgana.

Mother… When Morgana tried to recall memories of her mother, there were only echoes of the past. Those echoes were represented by feelings, colors, and scents that she associated with her. Even though Morgana couldn’t remember specific events, she just knew deep in her heart that her mother cared about her, loved her, and tried to protect her. But, at the same time, she could feel that there was some pain and sadness in their relationship. As she attempted to delve deeper into those fragments of memories, she got a splitting headache. It was as if her mind was blocking her from learning the truth.

”There’s no point in dwelling on the past at the moment. I need to focus on the present.” Morgana shook her head trying to distract herself from wasting time on retrieving her forgotten memories. She stood up, picked up her cloak, and put it around her shoulders. It was hard to tell what time of the day or night it was, but judging by the chilling air in the room, it was probably an early morning. Some of the candles were still flickering, giving away the dimmest light which was just enough to see the small portion of the room where she was standing.

She closed her eyes and muttered a prayer in the hopes that her goddess would hear and help her. “O Formless Mother, I pray to thee: guide thy loyal daughter on her path to finding the truth. Help me find a way out of this prison so I could fulfill my purpose. Please, I beg of thee.” Usually, she would use her sacred seal for praying which would enhance their communion; however, the pouch with all her belongings had been taken away. Yet, Morgana was hopeful that the Mother of Truth would lend her assistance for she was the one who brought Morgana to this realm. “Seek the truth in the Land of Shadow. Find your Mother for she hath the answers thou art seeking”. Those were her last words before Morgana found herself in that forsaken town.

Sometimes the Formless Mother would speak to Morgana directly, but this time her prayer was left unanswered. “It seems I have to find a way out of this predicament myself. Perhaps, the Mother of Truth is testing me. I shall look for an opportunity to get out of here and seize it as soon as I can.” Morgana thought to herself. She might be here all alone, but she must believe in herself and trust her goddess’s plan.

***

Messmer couldn’t get any sleep last night but that was not an unusual occurrence for him. His mind was quite preoccupied with everything that had happened recently. How did Morgana end up in the Land of Shadow? Who was her mother, whom she was desperately trying to find? Was she somehow related to Marika? There were so many questions, yet he couldn’t think of any logical answers. In his head, he went over every detail of the previous day but to no avail. He did, however, remember that he took the woman’s pouch, which was still in his possession. Could there be anything that might shed some light on Morgana’s past?

Messmer took a close look at the pouch. His curiosity was telling him to take a peek inside: there was no harm in just having a quick rummage, wasn’t there? After all, he wasn’t going to steal anything. After a moment of hesitation, he reached out into the pouch and pulled out the few items that were inside. There was that sacred seal that Messmer had seen already; there were also some fruit and berries, and lots of flowers. Some flowers looked like they had been recently picked while others were withered. At the very bottom of the pouch, he found something that piqued his curiosity - a slender dagger decorated with rubies. The dagger was made out of fine materials and was definitely the work of an experienced craftsman. The handle and hilt were decorated with flower ornaments, depicting crimson roses. However, there were no distinct signs or crests on the dagger that would point at a specific dynasty of the Lands Between.

Going through Morgana’s possessions, Messmer felt a bit disappointed: there was nothing remarkable about the items. “What a waste of time.”, he thought, putting all the items back into the pouch. He learned absolutely nothing, yet he was determined to find the answers to his questions. Perhaps, it was time to pay a visit to the prisoner and see if she managed to remember anything. Before leaving his chamber, Messmer glanced over Marika’s statue. It was still incredible how much Morgana looked like his mother. Suddenly, he felt ashamed: the main reason he brought that woman to the keep was because of her striking resemblance to Marika. And now he was fooling everyone, including his best friend, about his true intentions behind Morgana’s imprisonment. Messmer tried to shake off the feelings of guilt and shame as he headed off to the Church District.

***

It had been a few hours since Morgana woke up but it certainly felt like an eternity. She had nothing to do but stare at the walls or the ceiling. Sometimes she would say a prayer as it was one of the few things that gave her comfort. After a while, she started to feel hungry. Would they even give her food to survive or would they leave her to die from starvation? She remembered the looks on the soldiers’ faces when they first saw her. Their looks of disgust and contempt were now etched into her memory. What made them so upset about her? Could it be her Omen horns? She recalled that their leader - Messmer - was visibly taken aback when he saw her face. He also mentioned those Hornsent people and judging by the way he almost spat out that word, there was a feeling of enmity towards them.

The sound of the keys unlocking the door brought her attention back to reality. She stood up as Messmer entered the room. He looked weary as if he hadn’t slept in a long time.

“Good morning, sir. Or afternoon. I’m not sure what time of the day it is anymore.” Morgana greeted her visitor first.

”It is early afternoon.” He replied dryly. “Have you been able to remember anything? I’m interested in learning what you might know about the Lands Between.” Messmer didn’t want to waste any time on pleasantries.

Messmer’s directedness took Morgana a bit by surprise. Did he really expect her to regain her memories overnight?

”I’m afraid no, sir. I did try to recall anything I remember about my mother, but I simply couldn’t.” She replied hoping that it would convince him to let the matter go. However, he didn’t seem to be satisfied with the answer.

”I see. You mentioned that you used to live in a palace. Do you remember anything about that place? Perhaps, you can describe it.” Messmer wasn’t ready to give up so easily.

Morgana sighed. “I’ve told you already: I cannot remember anything about my past.” She paused for a second. “However, when I think about my mother and the place I used to live, I get this feeling of loneliness and sadness, as if I was abandoned at some point. But deep down I also know that my mother cared about me… before she disappeared.”, her voice faltered when she spoke of her mother.

Her final words left Messmer dumbfounded: the way she described her feelings almost exactly matched his own. Loneliness, sadness, abandonment, all of these things were way too familiar to him. And again that feeling of pity washed over him.

“I’m sorry about that.”, he blurted out, surprised at his own expression of sympathy.

”Oh, that’s quite alright, sir, but thank you.”, Morgana smiled appreciatively. She didn’t expect sympathy from a man like him; therefore, his words were especially touching.

Messmer cleared his throat, trying to overcome the sudden feeling of awkwardness. “Anyways, do you remember where your palace was located? Was it in Limgrave, Liurnia, Caelid or Altus Plateau?”, he asked in an attempt to change the topic.

Morgana tilted her head as if some of those names sounded familiar. “Hmm, I think I’ve heard about these places before, but I’ve never been to any of them. In fact, I believe I never left the walls of the palace, that is, before I ended up here.”

”So, you don’t belong to any major royal families in the Lands Between”, he concluded. Now, this was confusing as other royal lineages were extinct. The smaller noble families lived in manors, and Morgana insisted that she had lived in a palace. Unless she was lying or her existing memories were unreliable, there could be a new royal lineage that appeared while Messmer was away in the Land of Shadow. Perhaps, he should look for another clue.

”Excuse me, sir.” Another voice interrupted Messmer’s thoughts. He turned around to face one of his Fire Knights who just walked into the room.

“Ah, Hilde, what’s the matter?” Messmer addressed the female knight.

“My lord, lade Rellana wishes to speak to you privately.” The knight replied. Her tone was calm yet it exuded confidence and respect to her superior.

“Very well. Tell her I shall see her in the Dark Chamber.” After he gave the order, he turned to Morgana.

”I must go for now but we shall continue our conversation later. I do hope you will be able to regain some of your memories soon for your own sake.” Messmer put an extra emphasis on his last words.

”I do hope so too. Have a good day, sir”. Morgana replied simply with a slight bow.

Messmer was about to leave the room when he suddenly remembered something. He turned to his loyal knight and said, “Oh, and make sure our…visitor gets fed. There is no need to keep her starving.” Then he left along with the knight, and Morgana was alone again, wrapped by the billowing darkness of the room.

***

Lady Rellana was nervously waiting for her liege in the chamber. She had been notified of Messmer’s return to the keep only that morning, which was rather unusual. Ever since she received the news, she was wondering why she had been kept in the dark until the next day.

“My apologies, lady Rellana, for keeping you waiting”. Messmer’s voice echoed behind her back. She quickly, yet graciously, turned around to face her leader. No matter how many times Rellana had seen his face or heard his voice, her heart would always skip a beat when she talked to Messmer.

“My lord,” she began with a bow, “I was not aware that you had made your return last night.”

”We arrived rather late yesterday. I didn’t wish to disturb your rest.”, Messmer said dryly.

“That’s very kind of you, my lord”, Rellana uttered with a nervous smile. “If you don’t mind me asking, what happened yesterday? I mean, at the Gravesite Plain.”

Messmer briefly gave her an overview of the previous day’s event. After hearing about what had actually happened, Rellana stared at Messmer in complete disbelief.

”Well, that was certainly one of the most bizarre stories I’ve ever heard in my life. And this woman is a follower of the Formless Mother? I don’t think we should trust her.” Rellana exclaimed after Messmer finished talking.

”Do you know much about this deity?” Messmer asked in hopes that the former Carian princess could shed some light on the mysterious woman.

Rellana furrowed her brows, ”Hmm, she’s an enigmatic Outer God who blesses her followers with blood flame. Not much is known about her as her cults are very secretive and isolated. Her followers claim that she accepts and protects those who have been exiled, alienated, or abandoned by others. I’ve even heard that some groups of albinaurics worship her. However, some fundamentalists believe that she’s nothing more than a manipulative goddess who preys on the most vulnerable people.”

Messmer considered what he’d just heard. Indeed, it made sense that the Formless Mother had tried to take advantage of Morgana who didn’t remember anything about her past life, which made her an easy target. Nevertheless, it was still unclear if Morgana was connected to Marika in any way.

”Thank you for sharing this with me. I do agree that we must be cautious when dealing with this woman.”, Messmer expressed his appreciation to Rellana with a slight nod.

”I wish I could tell you more, my lord. Sadly, my knowledge of Outer Gods is limited.” She said apologetically as she truly wanted to be helpful.

”Lady Rellana, any information about this matter is of great use.” He tried to reassure her. “Anyway, was there anything out of the ordinary during my absence?”

”Nothing to report, my lord. It had been very uneventful, well, until you returned.”

”I see. In that case, you may return to Castle Ensis. You will be summoned to the keep when the need arises.”, Messmer said.

Rellana felt a prick of disappointment; these days she was almost always stuck at her post while her heart wanted to be at the keep, near Messmer. However, her loyalty and honor wouldn’t allow her to disobey his orders. As such, she bowed solemnly before leaving the chamber.

“As you say, my lord”

***

The events at Prospect Town and what followed them shook up the residents of the Shadow Keep for a couple of weeks. Not many soldiers and knights were fond of the idea of keeping the horned woman alive within the keep. However, they were well aware that expressing their dissatisfaction could result in dire consequences. Ever since the war on the Hornsent began, there had been a couple of rebellions within the ranks of Messmer’s army, and they both ended up crushed. Therefore, everyone kept their opinions to themselves.

As days turned to weeks, things had calmed in the keep as if nothing had happened. Or at least this was the impression that Messmer had. Little did he know that the rumors about the woman and her abilities started to spread amongst his men. And one particular soldier took a special interest in those rumors.

It was a late evening, and the soldiers who were done with their duties for the day gathered in the barracks. The sound of lazy chatter filled the room as tired men were trying to unwind before the nighttime. One of them named Brennan, a stocky middle-aged looking man, was playing cards with a few of his mates. He was losing consistently, and his friends kept making snarky comments about his losing streak.

”Marika’s tits!”, he cussed loudly after another unlucky round.

”I’ve never seen such shite luck before, mate”, his friend said with a chuckle.

“Argh, shut up, you son of a whore. I only lost ‘cos I couldn’t think straight. Not been able to sleep much these days, so my mind is all foggy”. Brennan was visibly annoyed by this whole conversation. He was telling the truth though: for the past month, he hadn’t slept much, and he couldn’t figure out why.

”What’s the matter, Bren? Do you need us to tuck you in and tell you a bedtime story?”. His other mate guffawed at his own joke.

”Fuck off, you old bastard”. Brennan was getting really sick and tired of his mates’ behavior. Usually, he would ignore them or play along but this time he was not in the mood. This time their jokes were nothing but irritating. The prolonged lack of sleep began to affect him negatively: he would snap at his mates for no reason, mess up his duties, or forget simple instructions from his superiors. In fact, he had already been reprimanded several times for not being able to fulfill his guard duty.

“Oi mate, no need to get feisty. Just get yourself a pint and you’ll sleep like a babe. The stuff always knocks me out”.

“Trust me, I’ve tried everything so far but nothing works. I feel exhausted all the time but as soon as I hit the sack, I simply can’t fall asleep. It’s like I’m cursed or something”. Brennan said harshly.

”Perhaps, you should pay that prisoner a visit. I’ve heard from Edward that she can put anyone to sleep. He was a part of the scout squad that was sent to that damned shack”. His friend remarked with a smirk.

”He’s right”. The other man chimed in. “Personally, I wouldn’t come near that ugly Hornsent whore for any treasure in the Lands Between. Gods know what accursed power she possesses.”

Brennan pondered the idea for a moment. He also heard the rumors about the mysterious woman locked up in the Church District but he never thought about asking her for help. It was mostly because he didn’t believe that she actually had any power to inflict sleep on others. Maybe, he could talk to Edward and see if the rumors were true. At this point, he was willing to try anything to get some rest.

”Hmmm, I hate to say it but you two idiots might have a point.” Brennan finally said. “Do you know where Edward is?”

”I think he is on guard duty tonight somewhere around the east tower.” His mate replied.

Brennan immediately stood up and left the barracks. He still had doubts about this idea but there was no harm in asking, wasn’t there? As he was walking up the stairs, he was thinking about how desperate he had become because of his insomnia. Normally, he was known as one of the most sensible soldiers among his peers. Yet, now he was ready to believe some hearsay without second thoughts. When Brennan reached the tower, he found Edward sitting on a bench, looking into the distance.

“Hey Edward, I hope I’m not interrupting or anything”, he greeted the guard.

Edward nodded, “Hey Bren. It’s all good. Nothing been happenin’ anyway.”

”I’ve heard that you were involved in that scout mission at the Gravesite Plain several weeks ago.”

”Indeed I was. Why you askin’?” Edward inquired.

”Oh, I was just wondering, well, what happened there? I’ve heard some bizarre rumors that your whole group was found asleep near the shack”. Brennan asked anxiously.

The guard chewed on his lower lip, pondering the question. “Not much, really. When we arrived there, we saw a bunch of those hideous blood fiends around the place. It’s like they were guardin’ the place. So, we decided to get rid of them. But as soon as we approached them, there was this horned woman who appeared outta nowhere. And then all I saw was just purple mist that wasn’t there before. I reckon she was the one who conjured it.” He paused for a second before continuing. “That’s all that I remember”.

”What happened after that?” The guard was reluctant to finish his story, so Brennan had to pry with another question.

Edward sighed before answering. “Like I said, not much. I just fell asleep. And from what I got told, I was sleeping for a while. I don’t know who that woman is, but she’s got some odd powers, that’s for sure”.

”So the rumors were true after all”. Brennan muttered to himself. Edward looked at him with suspicion.

“The rumors? What are you talkin’ about?”

“Ah, it’s nothing. Anyway, I have to go. I’ve distracted you long enough. So long, Edward.” As he bid his farewell, Brennan hurried downstairs back to the barracks.

Now that he knew that the captured woman indeed possessed sleep-related abilities, he needed to find a way to approach her. She was watched by the Fire Knights, and no one was allowed to interact with her apart from those who were assigned to guard her cell. Therefore, the only way to get close to her would be by getting rostered for guard duty. For the first time in a while, Brennan was filled with hope that his insomnia could finally be cured. Feeling hopeful, he was determined to talk to that woman and was ready to do whatever it would take to achieve his goal.

[malkavi-ann]

When the Truth Hurts. Chapter 4

Elden Ring: Shadow of the Erdtree fanfiction

Rating: Mature (May change in the future)

Relationship: F/M

Pairing: Messmer the Impaler/Original Female Character

Tags: Self-Loathing, Reference to Depression, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Memory Loss, Messmer is bad at feelings, Mommy Issues, Abandonment Issues, Mostly Canon Compliant, Canon Divergence, Tarnished never arrives to the Land of Shadow, Friendship/Love

Link to Ao3

Chapter 4: The Shadow Keep

Meanwhile, Messmer’s men were waiting for his liege to return outside. Some of them were having an idle chat, while others were watching the door closely, and Commander Gaius was one of them. Truth be told, he was concerned about Messmer’s well-being. They had known each other since they were serving the Golden Order in the Lands Between. Both of them suffered from afflictions that made their life miserable, and perhaps because of that their bond grew stronger as the years passed. When Marika ordered Messmer to wage war on the Hornsent, he personally appointed Gaius to lead his army into the Land of Shadow. All these years they fought their enemy side by side. When they weren’t fighting, Messmer would confide in Gaius about his fears and feelings related to his mother’s absence. Therefore, the albinauric warrior knew very well how deeply Messmer was concerned about this mysterious woman who could be Marika’s imposter.

Gaius’ thoughts got interrupted by a loud rumbling “oink” that came from his mount, a giant boar which he gently called his other half. “What’s that, Penelope? Have you grown tired already, my dear?”, he playfully asked his beloved animal. Penelope shook her head and grunted, expressing her disagreement mixed with concern. “Now, now, no need to fuss over me. I’m just a wee bit worried about my dear friend. But I’m sure he will be alright. He has been through a lot, but he’s a strong man.” The boar got quiet for a moment and then grunted softly as if she was trying to reassure her companion. “Ah, I do appreciate your concern, my dear.”, Gaius said as he patted his loyal mount on the back of her head. Penelope squealed with delight and finally calmed down.

The sun slowly started to set when two figures finally emerged from the hut. Messmer’s men sighed with relief when they saw their leader appear unharmed, but their demeanor changed drastically when their eyes fell on the female figure following Messmer. Many soldiers and knights in Messmer’s army were Marika’s followers who worshiped her with fervor. And so they were also hoping for their Queen’s return; however, nothing could have prepared them for what they saw: a visage resembling Marika but plagued with a mark of their sworn enemy. Morgana could feel all those looks filled with disgust pointed towards her and it made her skin crawl. She wondered what exactly about her presence had made these people so deeply upset. Messmer also took notice of how the attitude of his soldiers had changed once they saw Morgana. He stepped in front of her, his figure hiding her from the silent hostility.

“We shall take this woman to the Shadow Keep for further interrogation. No harm shall be inflicted upon her.”, Messmer announced. His men exchanged puzzled looks as they couldn’t understand why they should spare this imposter from death. Nevertheless, Messmer’s orders were not to be argued with, so they had to obey.

Messmer turned to Morgana, “You said you could awaken my soldiers from their slumber”. She nodded, “As long as they are moved away from the blood fiends, yes. Otherwise, the soldiers might attack them again once they’re awake”.

“Fair enough”, Messmer said. He ordered his men to move the sleeping bodies of the scouts away from the blood fiends. Once they were at a safe distance from the shack, Morgana closed her eyes and whispered an incantation. In an instance, the sleeping soldiers started to wake up, yawning as they were getting up from the ground. After they finally came to their senses, the envoy was finally ready to return to the Shadow Keep.

The journey back to the Shadow Keep was quite uneventful and mostly silent. Every now and then some soldiers would quickly look over the horned woman and exchange hushed murmurs of disapproval. It was getting dark when they finally reached the gates of the keep. One of the Fire Knights approached Messmer and Gaius, “My lord, where should we take the…uh…prisoner?”. For a moment, Messmer considered the options: there wasn’t a functioning prison in the keep as his army didn’t tend to keep captured Hornsent alive for too long. He was trying to remember if there were any spare rooms where Morgana could be kept under lock when Commander Gaius chimed in. “We could take her to one of the prayer rooms in the church district and put a couple of guards at the door to make sure she doesn’t escape.”

Messmer nodded, “That sounds reasonable. Thank you for your suggestion, Commander”. He then turned to the knight, “Take her to the prayer room and arrange guarding shifts. Keep an eye on her day and night.” The Fire Knight bowed slightly before heading towards Morgana, who was surrounded by the foot soldiers. Messmer and Gaius heard him give orders to the soldiers and after that, they took Morgana away.

”Well, that was certainly an unusual encounter”, Gaius said.

“Indeed. Out of all possibilities, I didn’t expect this to happen.” Messmer remarked.

“What exactly happened in that shack? And why in the name of the Erdtree did you decide to bring this woman here?”, asked Gaius.

”Let us speak in private. I do not wish anyone to overhear us. Come with me, my friend.” Messmer turned around and headed towards his chamber while Gaius followed behind him. After taking a brisk walk through the keep, they entered the Dark Chamber. The room greeted them with silence and complete darkness. Messmer made a slight gesture with his left hand and the candles around the room lit up with his flame.

“I was worried about you, Messmer”, Gaius began. “I know that your mother means a lot to you, but I still cannot comprehend why you kept that woman alive. She looks like a Hornsent.”

”Oh, believe me, my friend, I did want to kill her on the spot once I saw those wretched horns. To distort my mother’s visage like that? Such a blasphemy. And yet I couldn’t do it. Despite the horns, that woman reminds me so much of her. It’s like she’s back here with me.”, Messmer said.

”I see. Can’t say I blame you for that.”, his albinauric friend was always incredibly understanding, and this time was no exception. “In any case, my other question still stands: why did we bring her here?”

”She mentioned that she comes from the Lands Between, so I reckoned she might know something of the current state of affairs there. And perhaps she may have information about my mother too as she said she used to live at a palace.”, Messmer replied, his words filled with desperate hope.

”That is rather curious. But couldn’t you get that information from her when we were at the hut?”, Gaius questioned his friend further.

“The woman has lost her memories so she couldn’t give me any details about her life in the Lands Between. So, I thought that maybe with time she could regain her memories, and then we could interrogate her.” When Messmer was trying to explain his reasoning, he could feel that Gaius was hesitant to accept his explanation.

“Hmm, I suppose that could be possible. But what if her memory doesn’t come back? What are we to do then?”. It was clear that Gaius had doubts about this plan, and quite frankly, Messmer was also unsure if it was possible.

“In that case, we’ll get rid of her.”

Gaius nodded in response, seemingly satisfied with Messmer’s reply. “Is there anything else we should know about her?”, came another question.

Messmer hesitated for a few seconds: he needed to consider what information he could share even with his friend. Though they’d been close friends for a long time and they trusted each other deeply, Messmer was still afraid that Gaius would think less of him for his true intentions.

”Her name is Morgana, and she’s been afflicted by the Omen curse since she was born. That’s why I mistook her for a Hornsent.”, he finally spoke.

”An Omen? From what I recall, Omen folk are much bigger and more violent than this woman.”, Gaius remarked, and Messmer had to agree with his friend.

”Indeed, I found it hard to believe as well. However, since she comes from the Lands Between, and the Omen curse doesn’t exist in the realm of shadow, I’m inclined to trust her on that.”

The two men stayed silent for a while as both were processing the events of the day. Gauis looked at his friend intently: was there something Messmer was not telling him? While his reasons for keeping this woman alive had some validity, it seemed as if Messmer was trying really hard to convince Gaius that there was a legitimate need to bring her to the keep.

”My friend,” Gaius said gently, “if there’s something you wish to get off your chest, I’m always here to listen to you with an open mind. And I swear on my honor that everything we’ve discussed here shall remain a secret.”

Messmer smiled wearily, “Thank you, Gaius. Your support means a lot to me.”, he paused. “Now, if you excuse me, I wish to be alone for a while.”

“Of course, you must be exhausted, my friend. I shall leave you be. Rest well.” And with that, Gaius exited the Dark Chamber, leaving Messmer alone to ponder the events of the day.

Messmer turned his gaze towards the statue of Marika which was hidden in the shadows of the chamber. He still couldn’t believe that everything that had transpired earlier that day was real. Now that he was back in the Shadow Keep, it all felt like a distant dream. Yet, that woman was here, locked up in one of the prayer rooms of the keep. Messmer sighed heavily: now that he could think a bit more clearly, he realized how desperate and irrational his actions were. And, judging by his conversation with Gaius, his loyal friend remained doubtful about Messmer’s true reasons behind Morgana’s imprisonment.

Truth to be told, there was another reason why Messmer decided to bring her here. After seeing how much this woman looked like his mother, he simply couldn’t let her go. All these years he’d been yearning to see Marika once more. And when he looked at Morgana, he could almost see his mother right there in front of him. His common sense and rational thinking kept telling Messmer that he was wrong for hoping that this woman could somehow replace Marika’s presence in his life. Nevertheless, he chose to follow his heart. Was he really that desperate and weak? Just thinking about this situation made him despise himself even more.

”Pathetic.”, Messmer said out loud to himself. “You have always been pathetic, and you shall remain that way till your very end. Maybe you deserve to be abandoned by the one who you love most.”

He looked at his Mother’s stone visage once again. “O Mother, forgive me for my sins.”, he prayed silently. There was, of course, no reply, but Marika’s statue always watched over him with a smile. In his mind, Messmer preferred to believe that she would forgive him no matter what for her maternal love was unconditional.

* * *

Morgana was following the knight through the keep. She was surrounded by a couple of soldiers who kept a very close watch on her. Agreeing to come here was most certainly a mistake since everyone treated her like a dangerous prisoner. However, it was too late to regret her past actions. Besides, she didn’t have much choice to begin with. Maybe the man with the serpents was right, and her memory would come back to her with time. Or maybe it was all a ruse to get her captured.

Her thoughts were interrupted by the chatter between the guards. “We should take her through the Specimen Warehouse if we want to take a shortcut.”, one of the soldiers to her left said, addressing the knight in front of her. “I’m well aware of that. Now shut up and stick to your duty, soldier.”, the knight cut the guard off.

As they entered the Specimen Warehouse, Morgana was taken aback by how enormous this part of the keep was. There were multiple levels connected by stairs and elevators, and each of these levels contained hundreds of thousands of ancient tomes, scrolls, and stone inscriptions. Who knew what kind of knowledge and wisdom could be gained from perusing this collection? Morgana, who had been mostly looking at the floor on the way to her cell, started looking around the warehouse with excitement and curiosity. But the most astonishing thing about this place wasn’t its size or its extensive amount of books. It was the mummified specimen of animals and even people whose bodies were covered with horns. Their corpses were either suspended by the chains or displayed on large platforms around the library. The mere sight of these dead creatures was both breathtaking and terrifying. An eerie thought crawled into Morgana’s mind: would this be her fate if she didn’t regain her memories? Would she be murdered, mummified, and put on the display? Thinking about it made her sick to her stomach, and the sliver of hope that she’d had before began to wane. Disgusted by the morbid sights, she averted her gaze and tried to concentrate on the positives: she was still alive, and there was still a chance, though slim, for her to reach her goal.

Morgana was so consumed by her thoughts, that she didn’t notice that they’d reached a stone platform that took them to the lower levels of the keep. As they made their descent, the air changed drastically: the warm scent of parchment and leather of the books was replaced by a stale odor of something cold and damp. When the platform came to a halt, Morgana realized why it smelled so putrid: this level of the keep was surrounded by murky water.

“Thank Marika, we’re almost there.”, one of the soldiers murmured, avoiding being heard by his superior. “Can’t wait to bugger off and get some bloody rest”. The guards were obviously not happy with their duties. But it seemed that the knight didn’t hear - or pretended to not hear - the soldier’s rumblings. Soon enough they reached a wooden door tucked away in the corner of the building they were in. The knight opened the door and gestured for Morgana to enter the room. “Get in.”, he ordered sharply. Morgana obeyed silently and walked into a dimly lit prayer room. The door behind her slammed shut, and she heard the sound of keys rattling in the keyhole. She was now locked in a room that had no windows except for a tiny opening in the door with iron bars that separated her from the rest of the world. In a moment the rattling stopped, and Morgana could hear the sound of footsteps that grew fainter and fainter as the knight with the soldiers were making their exit from the building.

Morgana looked around the room, which was now her prison. There were a few benches and a couple of chairs that faced an altar adjacent to the back wall. As there were no windows, the only source of light was candles placed on the wooden holders. Most of them were almost completely gone, sitting in the solidified puddle of wax, while some were still giving off feeble light. It seemed as if this room wasn’t frequented by the keep dwellers and therefore was as solitary as its only occupant.

Morgana wanted to consider her next steps, but she was too exhausted to even think. There was no sign of a bed, and the chairs were too small for her. “Looks like sleeping on the floor is my only option. Good thing I’ve already gotten used to it”, she said to herself. She took off the cloak and threw it on the cold stone floor to make it slightly less comfortable to sleep on. When Morgana finally lay down, she whispered a quick prayer to the Formless Mother. Even though her sacred seal had been taken away, saying a prayer brought her a sense of comfort. Feeling slightly better, Morgana closed her eyes and drifted into the world of dreams.

__________________________

Note: Hello dear readers! First of all, thank you for your patience! I know it's been a while since the last update. Unfortunately, I didn't have much time to work on this chapter the previous week due to some IRL stuff. I also felt a bit uninspired, so that sucked. Anyway, I feel like I'm getting a bit better at writing longer chapters. I also realized that I really enjoy describing the characters' interactions with their "pets". I think it shows their kinder side of personality well. Speaking of the pets, I couldn't find any info about Gaius' boar gender, so I just decided to make it female lol. Finally, thank you all so much for the likes, comments, and reposts. I really appreciate your support, and I hope you enjoy the new chapter <3 Until next time :)

[malkavi-ann]

Ok, so hear me out.

Sabrina Carpenter’s “Taste” music video but instead of Sabrina and Jenna it’s Marika and Rennala (a blonde and a brunette just like in the video), and the boyfriend is Radagon.

I swear it makes sense 🫠

[malkavi-ann]

When the Truth Hurts. Chapter 3

Elden Ring: Shadow of the Erdtree fanfiction

Rating: Mature (May change in the future)

Relationship: F/M

Pairing: Messmer the Impaler/Original Female Character

Tags: Self-Loathing, Reference to Depression, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Memory Loss, Messmer is bad at feelings, Mommy Issues, Abandonment Issues.

Link to Ao3

Chapter 3: In Search of the Answers

Messmer slowly walked into the decrepit hut, which was so dark it almost looked like he was walking into the void. His only eye was used to darkness from all the time he’d spent in his chamber. Besides, his serpents, who had much keener senses, were always by his side to guide him. Now alert, they were peering into the insides of the shack, hissing quietly. Through their senses, Messmer was able to get a better picture of what his surroundings were like.

The hut’s interior had certainly seen better days, and it looked like it had been abandoned for a long time. There were cobwebs and dust everywhere, and some parts of the walls started to get overtaken by moss and mushrooms. The main room had little to no furniture apart from some broken cupboards, a couple of wooden chairs with missing legs, and a rotted dining table. When Messmer entered the room, his nostrils were hit with a heavy smell of earth and mold. It was so strong it was almost suffocating. However, there was also a faint but distinct hint of some sweet flower-like scent. The only source of light in this place was a hole in the ceiling that let some of the sunshine in. It was just enough light to illuminate a small part of the room where a silhouette of a woman could be seen.

She was wearing a black hooded cloak so her face wasn’t visible. One thing that certainly stood out about her was her height: the woman was much taller than ordinary folk but slightly shorter than Messmer. Her dress and cloak were made out of fine black velvet with intricate gold embroidery along the hemline. Her hands were almost completely covered by the long sleeves as if she was trying to hide them but even in this darkness, Messmer could still get a glimpse of a tiny sparkle of the amethyst ring she was wearing. Such an expensive-looking dress and piece of jewelry were not something an ordinary woman could afford, so this one certainly came from a renowned - if not royal - family.

“You said you won’t cause me any harm. Is that true?”, a soft, almost hypnotizing voice broke the silence. As Messmer realized earlier, it was definitely not the voice of his mother. Marika always had this regal confidence when speaking as she was well aware of her status and power as Queen Eternal.

“Yes, it is. I’m a man of my word. Now, may I ask you some questions?”, asked Messmer with unwavering directness.

The woman paused for a moment, considering his request. “I’ll try my best to give you answers, but would you be so kind as to answer some of my questions in return?”, she replied gently, as if she was afraid to offend Messmer by making such an inquiry. Her shy politeness took Messmer a bit by surprise: his name was well-known across the Land of Shadow and not for honorable reasons. A lot of people native to this realm feared or hated him, so they wouldn’t even dare ask him questions.

”Of course, however, I would trust you more if you uncovered your face. A trustworthy person wouldn’t have anything to hide, don’t you think?”, said Messmer in an attempt to get the woman to show her true face. Once again, she hesitated for a moment before finally removing the hood. What Messmer saw left him shocked and speechless.

It was just like the reports were saying: her facial features were almost identical, though somewhat softer, to those of Marika’s - the nose, the lips, the cheekbones. Her long hair was like pure gold cascading down her shoulders. While most of it was let down, some of it was arranged in three thick braids. Despite clear similarities, she wasn’t an exact copy of his mother: whereas Marika’s eyes were of golden color, indicating the grace of the Erdtree, the woman in front of him was devoid of that light. Instead, her eyes were light purple, close to the lavender color, which was very unusual in this realm. But it wasn’t only the striking resemblance to his mother that made Messmer freeze in his place: the woman had horns growing out of her forehead. Some of them were small, almost like tiny spikes piercing through skin, and growing upwards, while others were almost the size of a fist and curled in the same way ram horns did.

“This is blasphemy!”, a thought was ringing in Messmer’s head. “This woman is a Hornsent, and she bears resemblance to my Mother! Are the gods mocking me? I should kill this abomination right now”. His mind was delving deeper into the vortex of emotions: despair, rage, disappointment, and disgust.

The woman’s expression, which was calm a moment ago, changed, showing concern. “Are you alright, sir?”.

”Who are you?”, asked Messmer in a cold tone. As his anger grew stronger, he tightly gripped his spear. Yet, despite the urge to kill the woman standing in front of him, he still wanted to learn the truth.

”Oh, forgive me, sir. My name is Morgana. Pleasure to make your acquaintance.”, she bowed slightly. Her light tone was so innocent and naive that it was almost disarming.

”What is a Hornsent like you doing in this village?”, Messmer shot another question, like an arrow, and this time it was filled with more venom in his voice.

”A Hornsent? I’m afraid I don’t understand what that means.”, the woman looked genuinely confused. “Is that how you refer to Omen people in this place?”

Now it was Messmer’s turn to be confused: he’d heard about the Omen curse before during his time in the Lands Between, but in this realm, it didn’t exist. Besides, the woman in front of him didn’t look as brutish as the Omen folk he’d encountered around Leyndell. Was she trying to fool him?

“Don’t act like you don’t understand, woman. You look exactly like one of the Hornsent.”, he was starting to lose his patience.

His change of tone seemed to frighten her as she took a small step back: “Sir, I’m telling the truth. I was born with an Omen curse in the Lands Between. I have never heard of these Hornsent people that you’re speaking of.”

The Lands Between… The moment Messmer heard her say that, he paused: this was the place where his mother had ruled all these years. At some point, eons ago, Messmer was there with her before Marika ordered him to eradicate the Hornsent in the Land of Shadow. That’s where it all began under the golden grace of the Erdtree. Suddenly, a thought sprung in Messmer’s mind: maybe the woman was telling the truth about not being a Hornsent.

“You said you come from the Lands Between. Where exactly do you hail from?”, Messmer inquiered, his tension starting to subside.

”I don’t remember exactly but I do recall living in a palace.”, she replied hesitantly.

“Was it a golden palace?”, he probed further.

”I…I’m not quite sure. My apologies, sir, my memory is in a terrible state at the moment.”, Morgana furrowed her brows as if it hurt her to recall her memories.

“If the Lands Between is your home, how did you get into the Land of Shadow? Traveling between realms is not an easy task.”

”Alas, I can’t remember. I think my goddess helped me to get here. She told me I would be able to find my true purpose in this land”, her face lit up when she spoke of her deity.

A goddess? Could that be Marika? Messmer was determined to find at least a tiny connection between the horned woman and his mother. “Who is your goddess?”

”I follow the Formless Mother. She’s always been kind to me and my kin. Her guidance has helped me greatly in my journey.”, Morgana said with reverence as she reached into her pouch and retrieved a sacred seal shaped like a trident.

”I see. That explains why there were so many blood fiends outside.”, Messmer concluded with a slight disappointment. “Speaking of which, I found my soldiers sleeping around the hut. Were you the one who put them to sleep?”

Morgana nodded. “Yes, it is one of my gifts. Those big creatures - the blood fiends as you called them - found me first when I woke up near the ruined town which is not too far away from here. They looked quite menacing, yet they didn’t do any harm to me. In truth, they helped me survive by getting me to shelter and bringing food and flowers. Then, a week or two ago your soldiers showed up, and the blood fiends were trying to protect me. I didn’t want anyone to get hurt, so I put them all to sleep.”

”I have never met anyone with a sleep affinity before. These abilities are incredibly rare. We’ve tried to wake them up but to no avail.”

”They shall remain asleep as long as I wish. But if you need them awake, I can arrange that. However, you must promise me to leave the blood fiends alone. They have shown me nothing but kindness, so please, tell your men to refrain from violence.”, she pleaded.

Messmer considered her request for a moment before finally agreeing. “Very well. You have my word. However, I still have some questions for you. You said you came here from the Lands Between. But why are you here?”

Morgana lowered her gaze. “I’m looking for my mother. I don’t remember anything about her but I know she is here somewhere. When I found myself in this realm, I realized that my memories of my past were gone. But my goddess told me that if I could find my mother, she would help me remember everything. And by doing so, I will find my purpose.” Messmer could hear the sadness in her voice, and his heart trembled. Did he actually feel sorry for her? This woman was so lost in the land she’d never been before. All she wanted was to find her mother and learn the truth about herself. In a way, she reminded Messmer of his own fate. Maybe her mother also abandoned her, and the poor girl didn’t remember that. The more Messmer learned about this mysterious woman, the more sympathetic he felt towards her.

There was a moment of silence as both of them got lost in their thoughts. Morgana was the first one to speak. “Sir, may I ask a question about this realm?”.

“Oh, of course. I believe I owe you some answers in return for your honesty.”, Messmer replied.

“When I think about my mother, I feel something like a tug in this direction as if someone or something is pulling me towards them.”, she pointed in the southern direction. “Do you know what lies there?”

“Hmm, as far as I know, there’s a place called the Cerulean Coast. I have never had the need to travel there, so my knowledge of that area is limited.”

”Oh, I see. Do you happen to know if there is a path I can take to get there from this hut?”, she inquired further.

”Unfortunately, I don’t think it’s possible to travel to the Cerulean Coast directly from here. You see, this village is right on the cliffside, so the only way down there is by taking a detour. The journey might take a few days. Are you certain you wish to go there by yourself?” Messmer only needed to have a quick look at her attire to realize that she was not prepared for such a long and arduous journey.

Morgana caught his glance and shifted awkwardly. “I’m not sure to be quite honest. I’m a stranger in this land and will almost certainly get lost.” She chewed on her lip, trying to find the right words. “I know this might be too big of a favor to ask but you’re the only person I feel like I can trust. Would you be able to help me in any way to get to the Cerulean Coast?”

That was a very bold request considering she’d just met Messmer. Nevertheless, it seemed that Morgana trusted him. Yet, Messmer still wasn’t sure what to do about this woman. Helping her would distract him from his main objective, although at this point it was almost a welcome change. However, letting her go wandering about the Land of Shadow could cause some complications because of her likeness to Marika. The Hornsent despised the Eternal Queen but they also believed in premonitions and receiving signs from the gods. If they were to encounter a woman who looked like their sworn enemy but also had horns, which they considered a blessing from their gods, it would taint Marika’s reputation even further and possibly give them terrible ideas regarding his mother’s reign. Messmer couldn’t allow this to happen.

“I am afraid I can’t fulfill your request.” Messmer broke the silence eventually. Morgana’s face turned somber: her hope of finding her mother was slowly fading away. “However, I cannot let you go just yet. I still have questions about the Lands Between, and I believe with time your memories will be restored on their own. Therefore, I have to ask you to come with me.”, he continued. Morgana’s eyes went wide.

”What? Sir, please, I beg you! Don’t do this to me. I’m so close to finding my mother. It is of great importance that I must learn the truth.”, she cried.

”I’m not quite done.”, he said firmly. “You shall stay at my Keep until I get my answers. And once I’m satisfied, you may continue your journey. I do promise that at the end of your stay, I shall assist you in finding your mother.”

The woman didn’t look happy. She went quiet, thinking about what Messmer said. He watched her closely as she tried to reach into her pouch. In the blink of an eye, Messmer’s serpents leaped towards her hands and wrapped around her wrists tightly, restraining her movement. Morgana gasped as Messmer approached her. Now that he was closer to her, he noticed that she had small patches of gray scaly skin on her temples and cheekbones. “How curious”, he thought to himself.

”I wouldn’t recommend resisting. It could end badly for you.” He said while taking her pouch away from her.

“You promised you wouldn’t hurt me.”, her voice was shaking. “I did, and I shall keep my promise if you stop resisting and come with me. But if you try to use your powers on me, I’ll cut your life short, and you will never find the truth.”

Morgana took a deep breath. She didn’t have much choice, so she had to accept, though unwillingly, Messmer’s conditions. “Very well. I shall follow you to the keep.”

“Excellent.”, he moved away, and his serpents finally released their grip on her hands.

And with that they stepped outside the hut, leaving it behind.

[malkavi-ann]

When the Truth Hurts. Chapter 2

Elden Ring: Shadow of the Erdtree fanfiction

Rating: Mature (May change in the future)

Relationship: F/M

Pairing: Messmer the Impaler/Original Female Character

Tags: Self-Loathing, Reference to Depression, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Memory Loss, Messmer is bad at feelings, Mommy Issues, Abandonment Issues.

Link to Ao3

Chapter 2: The Woman in the Hut

And so Messmer, accompanied by his loyal commander, knights, and soldiers, embarked on his journey to the Gravesite Plain. It felt so unusual for him to be outside as he’d been spending all of his time being a hermit. At first, he hated being outdoors: the light seemed too bright and the nature sounds felt overwhelming. However, in a few hours, he got accustomed to it and even started to enjoy it a bit. It reminded Messmer of the times when his army was in its prime and was going from one place to another chasing down the Hornsent people. How brutally glorious those days were. Every battle and every siege was filled with purpose. Every Hornsent life that they took felt like a victory. But with time the fights became few and far between, and the glory of the crusade started to wane. Now Messmer and his army are stuck in this land, with no sign of their Queen returning her grace to them.

The journey continued smoothly as the path was clear. They left the Shadow Keep early in the morning and by the afternoon they had passed Castle Ensis, which was Lady Rellana’s main post. As the day went by, Messmer and his people started to slowly approach the south side of the Gravesite Plain. And the closer they were getting, the more anxious Messmer felt. His mind was filled with conflicting thoughts and emotions. On one hand, the possibility of seeing his mother excited him. Despite her prolonged absence and lack of communication, he still loved her dearly. Marika not only raised him all by herself, but she was also the one who sealed the abyssal serpent away to prevent it from overtaking Messmer’s body and soul. In his eyes, this was the biggest manifestation of her love and one of the reasons why he wouldn’t give up on her. On the other hand, the news that his mother was back was too good to be true, and Messmer was never an optimistic person. Besides, it still didn’t make sense why Marika would choose an abandoned hut in the middle of nowhere to make her return. And what was the deal with the blood fiends? Those creatures didn’t care for the Greater Will or the Golden Order. The whole situation was extremely odd, raising a lot of questions without giving any clear answers.

“You seem rather preoccupied, my friend.” The booming voice of Commander Gaius snapped Messmer back into reality.

“I’m not sure what to expect when we arrive at that place. I’ve been thinking a lot about this whole ordeal but I cannot think of any reasonable explanation as to why my mother would return so suddenly. It just doesn’t make any sense”, replied Messmer absent-mindedly.

”I agree with you. The involvement of the blood fiends seems rather peculiar as well. They are known for worshiping the Formless Mother who is an Outer God. And since there is no connection to the Queen’s Holy Order, my fear is that this is some sort of trap to get you out of the Keep. You must be careful, my friend.”

“Well, if this is indeed a trap, we shall find out soon enough. Looks like we’re nearing the Prospect Town, and according to the reports the hut is somewhere nearby.”

The group continued their journey along the snaky cliffside path southeast of Belurat. The road was narrow and rocky, making the pass extremely dangerous. Soon enough they reached the ruins of the town where a tribe of blood fiends had been living for centuries. The first thing that struck Messmer was the absolute silence: all he could hear was the howling wind. Normally, this place would be swarmed by the fiends; however, now it was completely deserted with no sign of the monsters. There was something eerie about this whole situation, and Messmer’s people got visibly nervous while they were passing through the town. However, nothing could have prepared them for what they were about to see next.

All around the hut, many bodies were lying on the ground: some of them were blood fiends and others were of his soldiers. One would think that a battle had taken place here, yet there were no signs of struggle and not a single drop of blood. At first, Messmer thought they were all dead but upon closer look, it turned out they were simply asleep. Their slumber was so unusually deep that any attempts to wake them up were unsuccessful. The whole situation around the mysterious woman was getting weirder and weirder.

“My lord, we’re waiting for your command”, said one of the Fire Knights to Messmer.

Messmer took a deep breath. “Take two soldiers with you and get to the hut. Get that woman out of there. I have many questions for her that need answers”, he ordered. The Fire Knight nodded and called over some of the foot soldiers to follow him. The distance between Messmer’s envoy and the hut was short, yet it felt like an eternity for them to reach the door. The Fire Knight knocked on the door and barked out the order: “We’re here on behalf of Sir Messmer the Impaler. We know you’re inside. Any resistance shall be met with force. Come out voluntarily and you shall be spared.”

As soon as he finished talking, the door slightly opened and a tiny cloud of purple mist left through the opening, enveloping the knight and the soldiers. Everyone was watching with tension as the group fell to the ground in a matter of seconds…and fell asleep. It became obvious that whoever was hiding in the shack had some sort of power to inflict sleep on others and was responsible for putting the blood fiends and scouts into slumber. This was the first sign that the woman in the hut was definitely not Marika as the latter was never known to have similar abilities.

The remaining group stood in silence unsure of what to do next. No one dared to move closer to the shack; instead, all the attention was on Messmer - his men were waiting for his instruction. Meanwhile, Messmer was weighing his options: he could turn back and forget about everything that happened or he could burn this hut from afar, killing this mysterious woman. There was also another option: he could confront the imposter and demand answers: who is she? Is she related to his mother? Why was she here? In truth, the circumstances around the woman made him curious to the point that he wanted to talk to her. Perhaps she knew something about Marika or maybe she was her messenger or even an avatar. There had to be some explanation as to why she looked like Marika, Messmer thought.

”My lord, do you have any orders for us?”, a voice brought Messmer back out of his thoughts.

“No, I shall face this imposter myself.”, responded Messmer with confidence. Everyone looked at him in disbelief, but no one dared to question his decision. “I would like to speak to her personally and no one shall interfere”, he added briefly. Gaius gave Messmer a concerned look as he knew how vulnerable his friend was about the subject of his mother. He didn’t say anything, yet he understood why Messmer wanted to deal with the imposter himself. “We will stand at the ready my Lord in case something happens.”, he finally said. Messmer nodded appreciatively and headed to the hut.

As Messmer was walking up to the door, his heart was pounding. The possibility of getting answers about his mother was exhilarating and frightening at the same time. Once he reached the door, it took him a moment to collect his thoughts. Then, he spoke loudly so the person in the hut could hear him: “My name is Messmer the Impaler. I came here in peace and I only wish to speak with you. No harm shall be inflicted upon you. You have my word.”, he promised.

Nobody replied to him for a couple of minutes. Suddenly, a small melodic voice came out behind the door. “Please come in. The door is open”. Messmer’s heart sank a bit as he didn’t recognize the voice. How foolish of him to think that Mother would finally return to someone so monstrous like Messmer. Perhaps, there is no hope for him after all. Nevertheless, he took a deep breath and pushed the door. Even though he realized this was not his mother, he was still determined to learn the truth.

[malkavi-ann]

When the Truth Hurts. Chapter 1

Elden Ring: Shadow of the Erdtree fanfiction

Rating: Mature (May change in the future)

Relationship: F/M

Pairing: Messmer the Impaler/Original Female Character

Tags: Self-Loathing, Reference to Depression, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Memory Loss, Messmer is bad at feelings, Mommy Issues, Abandonment Issues.

Link to Ao3

Chapter 1: Marika’s Imposter

The next day came and went by just as any other one. It would have been another dull day except for one peculiar event that might have changed everything.

It was time to hear the reports from the patrolling troops. Usually, the foot soldiers and scouts would report their observations to the Red Knights, and then the latter would deliver the reports to Messmer, Commander Gaius, and Lady Rellana. Today was no exception: his knights arrived on time to the Dark Chamber but something was strange about them. Somehow, they seemed nervous, yet excited at the same time. Clearly, something out of the ordinary had happened to stir their usually collected and calm composure.

“My Lord, our scouts have noticed some unusual presence of the blood fiends to the south of the Gravesite Plain.”, one of them spoke nervously. Such news was certainly unexpected, although bloodfiends were never a concern for Messmer. Most of the time, these monsters were a nuisance causing minor clashes with his soldiers.

“Bloodfiends, you say? What of them? Bloody monsters are none of our concern”, exclaimed Commander Gaius, his voice booming like thunder across the chamber. Gaius was Messmer’s most loyal general and close friend, so his opinions always mattered. “This is true, but there’s more to it.”, replied the knight. Well, now Messmer himself was intrigued. “Our scouts went to investigate the activity…err… just to make sure there was no foul business”. “Anyway, they found this hut that the fiends were gathering around. It looked like they were worshipping something or maybe someone there. So, they waited until the night, and then they saw…umm… a woman coming out of the hut.”, the hesitation in his voice became almost palpable.

“So, the blood fiends are worshipping a woman? That is rather unusual but once again, it is nothing of interest to us”, Messmer finally said. This whole conversation started to annoy him. “Our enemy is the Hornsent, and we must focus on fighting them”.

“My Lord, the scouts had a look at that woman. And they swear…”, the knight paused, mulling his words. “…They swear she looked like Queen Marika.”

The chamber all of a sudden fell silent. The fact that they have not heard anything from Queen Marika after so many years of the crusade – HER crusade – made it extremely difficult to talk about her persona so openly. These days discussing Marika’s plans or intentions regarding Messmer and his army has become taboo. She was a god and it was her will to wage this holy war. No one was allowed to doubt her, even if her crusade no longer had a purpose. But to think that she might be back to the Land of Shadow, was absolute madness. Or was it?

As soon as his mother’s name was mentioned, Messmer froze in his seat. “That cannot be…”, his mind was racing. His common sense was telling him that the scouts got it all wrong, but his heart still had a sliver of hope that maybe, just maybe, his mother had actually returned. “It still doesn’t make sense. Why would she stay at some god-forsaken hut? And why would bloodfiends worship her?”, Messmer thought to himself.

When he finally snapped out of his stupor, Messmer could only ask one thing: “Are they quite certain of what they saw? Because if I find out that this was a mistake or someone is trying to fool me, I will NOT be merciful.” The knight took a deep breath, “Yes, my Lord, they swore that it was Queen Marika that they’d seen. They said it was a tall woman with golden braided hair wearing a black dress”.

“Hmm, that does sound like her but why would she choose to stay so far from the Keep, where her troops would celebrate her arrival?” this time it was Commander Gaius who voiced Messmer’s doubts.

“What if someone is pretending to be her?”, interjected Rellana, who had been listening quietly to the conversation. “Why would anyone do that?”, said Messmer. The knights exchanged glances but said nothing. The thought of someone trying to be Marika’s imposter was, to put it mildly, ludicrous. Despite her status as a goddess, she was not revered in the Land of Shadows, not after what her son and his army had done to the Hornsent. So, impersonating Marika wouldn’t end well for anyone. Unless there was some foul play at hand to further disgrace the Queen. And if that was the case, Messmer could not allow that to happen.

“Whoever this person is, if they are trying to fool us, I will end their life without hesitation.”, he proclaimed. “I shall embark on a journey to that place tomorrow morning”. Now it was Gauis’ and Rellana’s turns to exchange looks: Messmer rarely left his chamber, let alone the Keep. “My Lord, may I suggest sending a bigger group of scouts to investigate this matter further?”, said Rellana tactfully. “If this is indeed some imposter, then it might not even be worth spending your precious time on traveling to the Gravesite Plain.”

“When it comes to my mother’s reputation, I will not stand by idly.”, replied Messmer sharply, his words cutting through the air like a hot knife. “Nevertheless, your suggestion sounds sensible. Commander, I trust you can arrange an expedition by the morrow.” “Aye, my Lord.” Gaius nodded.

“Very well. The rest of you, you may return to your duties.” And with that, everyone headed back to their quarters. The dark chamber was empty again, leaving Messmer alone with his serpents and thoughts to keep him company.

The next morning Commander Gaius ordered a group of soldiers who were led by one of the Black Knights to locate the hut and investigate the possible imposter. The journey would take a day at most, so everyone expected the expedition to return after a day or two. However, several days had gone by, and neither the scouts nor their leader returned. Despite the relatively small size of the expedition, the soldiers were well-equipped for a battle if they had to engage in one. Therefore, their absence was unexpected and slightly concerning.

The days turned into a week, yet no one from the expedition made it back. Messmer started to get anxious. He craved for answers while secretly dreaming of meeting his mother once again. Finally, he could wait no longer. On the tenth day, Messmer summoned Gaius and Rellana to his chamber. Commander was the first one to arrive while Rellana joined them slightly later since she had to travel from Castle Ensis.

“Commander Gaius, Lade Rellana, I have summoned you today to discuss the missing expedition.”, Messmer started calmly. “I have made the decision to set off on the journey myself, and I will need your assistance in this matter”. Both Gaius and Rellana silently nodded in response.

“I will need Commander to accompany me on this journey. We shall also bring some troops with us in case we face any resistance.” It was clear from Messmer’s cut-and-dry tone that he was not going to change his mind about this endeavor. “As you wish, my lord.”, said Gaius with a slight bow.

“And you, lady Rellana,”, Messmer turned to her, “I would like you to stay in charge of the Keep while I’m away”.

“I would be honored to fulfill your order, my lord”, said Rellana, albeit with a slight disappointment.

“We shall set off tomorrow morning. If everything goes well, we will return the next day.”

[malkavi-ann]

When the Truth Hurts

Elden Ring: Shadow of the Erdtree fanfiction

Rating: Mature (May change in the future)

Relationship: F/M

Pairing: Messmer the Impaler/Original Female Character

Tags: Self-Loathing, Reference to Depression, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Memory Loss, Messmer is bad at feelings, Mommy Issues, Abandonment Issues.

Link to Ao3

Prologue

How long has it been? How long has it been since he embarked on this holy crusade sanctioned by his Mother? Centuries? Millennia? Messmer has lost count of the years he had spent in the Land of Shadows. Some days he wonders if he can even remember what his life had been before he was sent away to this forsaken land. Most of his life he’s spent leading his army to eradicate the Hornsent, the native people of the Shadow realm. All this bloodshed almost wiped out their entire population with only a fraction of survivors scattered across ravaged towns and villages. For all the atrocities his army committed under his leadership, he was named Messmer the Impaler. This war has become his life purpose, though it was his mother – Marika the Eternal – who gave the order to start it. Yet, after so many years, she has never returned to the Land of Shadows.

It was already a late night but Messmer could not sleep. In fact, he hasn’t been able to get any proper rest for a very long time. Most of the time his thoughts and ruminations kept him awake. On a rare occasion, he’d try to sleep only to be awakened suddenly by a nightmare. At some point, Messmer mentally accepted that he would not be able to rest until his end. Is there even an end? It seems like every day is just a repetition of the previous one. The days of great battles, when objectives were clear and victories were celebrated, are long gone. These days nothing happens. His soldiers still patrol the areas where the Hornsent once lived but for what? Perhaps that’s the reason why the morale is so low among his ranks. They’re stuck here without purpose with no end to their crusade in sight.

Therefore, most of his days Messmer spent in his chamber thinking, lamenting, and expecting. He rarely went outside and only faced his most loyal knights to listen to their patrol reports. Those visits were brisk since the most common report was “Nothing of notice, my Lord”. Some folk might say that the lack of any news is good news, but for Messmer no news was excruciating. It was as if they were abandoned not just by Queen Marika but by the whole universe.

“O Mother. Didst thou truly forsaken me?” Messmer muttered to himself as he was looking at Marika’s statue. It was the only visual reminder of her that remained intact since the beginning of the war. Most of her depictions were destroyed or vandalized by the angered Hornsent. But here, in his Dark Chamber, she was still there watching over him just like when he was a child. Messmer liked to believe that this statue helped him preserve their bond, their spiritual connection between the two worlds. Yet deep down he knew he was fooling himself.

“Nothing… ‘Tis only a statue. And I am going mad.”, he lamented after his question was met with ear-ringing silence. Turning away from the statue, Messmer surveyed his chamber which was dimly lit by flickering candlelight. The space was devoid of any furnishings as Messmer didn’t like to have visitors. His chamber was his voluntary prison where his only companions were his winged serpents. They didn’t talk, yet Messmer could still understand them. This mutual wordless understanding was enough for him most days. However, some days his loneliness was so unbearable he wished he could sell his soul to Outer Gods to hear his mother’s voice. Tonight was one of those occasions.

“What is the point of my existence?”, he thought. “I was sent here to fight, but now there is no one to fight except ghosts. Maybe this is the price I have to pay for my curse, for being a monster. After all, no monster deserves love or compassion. Or family.”

“Hissss”, he suddenly heard next to his right ear. Messmer looked at one of his serpents that was resting its head on his right shoulder. “Hissssssss”, another hiss of disapproval came out. Messmer’s lips twitched upwards in tired amusement. “My apologies. I suppose, after all those years that we’ve been together, you ARE my family.” The serpent stared at him for a moment as if it was considering his apology. “You shall always remain my companions until the very end. Even if the abyssal serpent finally devours me, I know I will not be alone.”, he said somberly. Indeed, Messmer knew that this would be inevitable, yet deep down he hoped that before he succumbs to the Base Serpent he would know once again how it feels to be loved.