¯\_(ツ)_/¯ @malpolio - Tumblr Blog

i hate it when people ask me to "explain my thought process" like hell if i know

"what's going on in that head of yours?" nothing i want to be a part of

#therapy is....the biggest self drag i’ve ever experienced #to articulate my dumbass thoughts to a person I respect is painful

geniusoflove

god. god. im glad i have the gay gene so i can listen to abba and lose my fucking MIND. its so sad straight people cant appreciate abba like we do

geniusoflove

me listening to voulez vous

healbells

i can’t believe i haven’t seen this yet

#dumbass bastard #and occasionally edgy thot

straightboyfriend

customers will see u drink water & be like i didn’t know u were allowed to do that

omgmasalacat

I’ll see a coworker drink water & be like I didn’t know we were allowed to do that

random-jot

quietpetitegirl-deactivated2025

#me in therapy

lesbiantahani

Jenny Slate, Stage Fright (2019)

ryebreadgf

Ugly, Bitter, and True by Suzanne Rivecca

homemade-ghosts

John Mulaney on The Late Show with Stephen Colbert (2020)

#ahhhhhhhhh #this is too relatable

everythingfox

“She’s in love with the new tiny human“

(Source)

go-drink-the-kool-aid-deactivat

Ok but its absolutely amazing how dogs know “hey this is a tiny, I could hurt it if im not careful” and immediately act upon that knowledge.

Our yellow lab adjusts his reactions around small children because be knows that one stray tail wag and he could really hurt that kid. So he takes extra care to not do anything that could possibly hurt the kid because, despite being a dumbass, he understands that he is really big and that children are small.

seriousfic

Dogs:

refinery29

This student emailed her philosophy TA after getting her wisdom teeth removed and it’s one for the books

Love you, bye! Read it and weep.

beggars-opera

“I will most likely not be normal again until at least Thanksgiving turkey” is now my favorite sentence to use in the future

tactical-necromancy

“please sir” and “i will buy you expo markers” killed me

amandagenine-deactivated2019062

Thanksgiving turkey and the casual love you bye killed me dead

true-king-of-monsters

spotlessgloves

Transcript (and no, your text reader is not malfunctioning):

[all caps] I emailed my philosophy T.A. while I was high on hydrocodon I’m dead

Kevin-

I believe that I relmebmer you said we, as us students, would be able to send you our papers for classss for you to look at over before we turn them in to cColin if we got them to you by the 22nd of Novermber. I unfortmately got my wisdom teeth sliced outr and have not been reacting very well to the surgery nor the medication I were given/ so I do not thimk that I will be able to habe my paper finishend by Tuesday at all. Is tehere any way I would be able to send you my paper at any later date??? I wnt to do very good on this paper you know becayse I like to do well in my classes. please sir I workled very hard and thouught that I would be abel to finish it on time but my doctor said I will most likelly not be normal again until at least Thanksginvg turkey. If you say no then that is okay but i would be sad and i would reallyyyy lik e it if you said yes.

Thank you Kevin, my dude.

Abby Jo Hamele (pronounced hah-mil-lee) (if you were wondering)

P.S. I will answer youpr questions in class forever so theere are not any more awkard silence. and i will buy you expo markers that work (even thougih our tuition should pay for markers that work)

love you bye

infiniteglitterfall

There’s something so sort of wistful about “I will most likelly not be normal again until at least Thanksginvg turkey.” And at the same time, it makes me laugh so hard it hurts.

stevebucky-deactivated20221119

being bi is just having a crush on a girl and being like “damn if i only i was a hot mediocre dude with cheekbones then she would like me :/” and then YOU end up ALSO being attracted to hot mediocre dudes with cheekbones…..the self betrayal

#don’t @ me

lunah-goodbye

growing up reading fantasy books was such a bust cause your whole life you’re left wanting more from life and like there’s something missing and you’re just waiting for that missing part to begin but it’s never gonna come

lunah-goodbye

fruityogurt

you know how sometimes it just feels so good to move and twist about in your bed? that’s your wormsona coming out

glorianas

bauhaus-movement

the-eternal-moonshine

Wassily Kandinsky - Dance Curves, 1926

catgirltreats

beachdeath

the most #UselessLesbian thing i have ever done was when i was trying to figure out if this girl liked me or not, just constantly arguing with myself about it, and after a couple, uh, months, of this, i was like, “god i wish i could just like… go to court and lay out all this evidence and have a couple lawyers argue over the TRUE MEANING of her text messages, and then a judge tells me if she likes me or not.” and then the proverbial lightbulb went off over my proverbial head, and i dug into my mock trial folder from high school and found the trial guidelines and i wrote out an entire trial transcript featuring a plaintiff (me), my attorney (my wildest hopes and dreams), a defense attorney (my worst fears and insecurities), and a judge (my desperate attempt at rationality). the final product was several thousand words long. it clarified nothing. at any point in this process did it occur to me to ask her how she felt about me? absolutely not. did i ever stop and think, “hey, maybe i should tell her that i like her?” absolutely not. that’s for people who take risks and i don’t take risks i take myself to court in my own head.