Sophie NGO

It’s such a crying shame you’ve been all this way, cause you won't find Jesus in LA.

[malumbeoo]

I’m surprisingly happy when everyone assures that I’m still young enough to do all that childlike stuff.

#NoiBaiairport

[malumbeoo]



Hi Tumblr, long time no see.

I woke up in this scene, under my opening favorite window.

I felt like I was watching the world went by, and I am completely not related to that. All I wanted to do was just simply lying here, counting the days, seeing what might happen.

This scenario was like an animated movie. A lost young girl stared at the window with despair, had no idea what to do next in her messy life.

I missed my cat. It would be a vividly perfect scene if he were here by then. More than that, I was carved for his warm paws, fluffy fur, and tricky face. However, I did promised that I would let him go.

My single yet exciting life is going to expire very soon. Another brand new page is yet to turn, and I feel both scared and curious about that.

Long way to go.

[malumbeoo]

Xin chào Tumblr,

Mình đang trải qua những ngày mệt mỏi nhất cuộc đời, nên cho mình xin phép nói tiếng Việt nha. Mình không muốn làm khó bản thân thêm nữa ^^

Hôm nay ngày 29 tháng 3 năm 2021. Mình chấp nhận 1 điều là bé cưng của mình đã rời xa mình để đến với một cuộc sống khác tươi đẹp hơn. Đã gần 12 tiếng trôi qua rồi, chắc bé đang đầy quỳn lực, đứng trên vạn người, trấn áp tứ phương rùi. Heheee

Vậy là hành trình của bé với mình đã hết, trùng khít với một giai đoanj hoàn toàn mới của mình trong đời. Kiếp này chắc chắn bé đã sống trọn vẹn và hạnh phúc. Bé thừa hưởng năng lượng từ lửa của mình, để dạo chơi tới 1 kiếp khác với vai trò đỉnh của chóppp luôn. Mình vui cho bé lắm. Mình sẽ giữ bé mãi ở trong tim, bé ra đi thanh thản, ngoan ngoãn và rất xinh đẹp ❤️

Như mình nói đó. Bé ra đi nhẹ nhàng, tất cả oán hận và tự trách để mình lo là được. Mình chấp nhận bé đã có 1 hành trình mới tốt hơn, nhưng cùng lúc đó, mình không thể buông bỏ oán hận đối với chính cha mẹ mình - người đã khiến bé rời xa mình nhanh hơn mình tưởng tượng.

Thật khổ sở khi cứ giữ sự căm ghét trong lòng, đặc biệt lại là với chính người thân trong gia đình mình. Nhưng thế giới khó khăn quá, mình cảm thấy mình không buông tha được việc này. Mình có lẽ sẽ ghim chuyện này đến chết? Hy vọng là không. Nhưng giây phút này, mình oán hận và thật vọng cực điểm.

Bé bắt đầu một hành trình mới đầy rực rỡ và quyền lực. Và mình cũng bắt đầu moving on, tha thứ cho bạn thân. Mình biết hành trình còn nhiều khó khăn cà mình đã ra đi trong mệt mỏi, nhưng điều mình nên làm và cần làm, là dũng cảm chiến đấu, suy nghĩ, tin tưởng vào tương lai phía trên.

Bé cưng rất yêu mình, chắc chắn bé cưng ở nơi khác cũng cầu nguyện cho mình như cách mình càu nguyện cho bé vậy. Mình thấy thật sự biết ơn. Hàng trăm hàng vạn tế bào trong cơ thể cũng yêu mình. Chúng cố gắng chống chọi, chèo kéo mình qua bão táp trong cuộc sống. Một tia lý trí mạnh mẽ trong tiền thức cũng yêu mình. Chúng phát ra tín hiệu bảo vệ cơ thể trước khi mình thực hiện những suy nghĩ tăm tối. Mình cảm thấy rất biết ơn. Một phần dũng cảm trong mình đã chiến thắng phần sa ngã còn lại, để mình mạnh mẽ hơn trong cuộc đời dài.

Một lần nữa, mình cảm thấy rất biết ơn ❤️

[malumbeoo]

Welcome back, my dear. Long time no see.

Because my thought keeps destroying me, I decide to come back to this diary. As promised before, I never give up on myself.

I will never give up on myself. While trying is sometimes a big deal, embracing and healing should be highly prioritized. I fulfilled with satisfaction when talking to myself with a cozy, soft, and encouraged voice like this. While feeling safe and relax, I am motivated more strongly.

As a result, all I wanna address today is just: i’m doing it well. I have plans and can handle them all. As long as I stick to my schedule, there is nothing to worry about.

Good luck with love from self ❤️

[malumbeoo]

I drown in thousands of pictures and found this one. Let’s begin with a pretty thing today: embrace yourself.

Lately, the word “Sorry” has been constantly echoing in my head. I am obsessed with this sound. I hear myself saying sorry for not good enough, sorry for being so fat, sorry for missing the deadline, sorry for not preparing well. I hear myself whisper sorry to everyone, for everything I did. And that’s so unfair.

For a long time, I’ve been begging myself to love me a little more each day. Emotional intelligence is super important, and I'm currently weak at it. I am helpful and I am love and I am forgiven and I am not alone. Why? Because I'm still trying so fucking hard to achieve what I yearn for. Hard work requires huge relaxation. I cannot dedicate 100% of my time to work and projects, which is impossible for a human being. So please stop claiming me a bastard. I work hard, and I need time to rest, and I need space to think about how to maximize my productivity. Resting also plays a crucial part in working and success. I don’t need to relax and get nervous simultaneously. Soften myself, relax, keep it on the low.

On the other hand, I must stop comparing myself to others. I’m not them, our targets are super different. There must be some people looking at me and get jealous of what I've archived so far.

Right here, right now, I award myself for being so resilient and brave. I keep learning, keep struggling, keep moving. That is a signal of moving forward. And I appreciate me a lot for being the better version of myself day by day.

Love ❤️

[malumbeoo]

Hi there. It’s a sleepless night again, so I’m here to talk about my messy thought. Although I’m so weary, I cannot put myself to sleep. Let’s start talking about what is preventing me from doing so.

These days I’m preparing materials for both the scholarship path and the career path. I firmly believe that I am possible to complete those two. I’m qualified for the job’s eligibility with passion, enthusiasm, self-confidence, and experience. I’m good enough to hunt for a scholarship with a growth mindset, standout academic background, and many energetic activities. Despite all that matters, I find myself questioning the success rate in every plan I made. For short, I’m having a serious self-doubt obstacle. In spite of the high success rate, I do not believe that I can make it. I always imagine the worst thing that can happen. I focus on my one weakness more than millions of strong points. These thoughts let me down and drive me insane.

When talking about the problem, a smart one should propose the solution. It is widely known and believed that “Doubt kills more dreams than failure ever will”. The first step I should take is to stop playing myself. I am helpful, I am worthy, and I am always good enough. If not, then prove me wrong. Second, I have numerous forces. What I should concentrate on is improving and emphasizing my strong points to others. Remember, all the matter here is how people examine, evaluate and grade you. To archive that, prepare yourself in a good manner, learn, focus, and flourish your confidence.

I hope that this conversation means something to me. Please sleep well, love ❤️

[malumbeoo]

Here I am again, writing about my messy life. To start with, I confess that only when I am fulfilled with stress and anxiety, do I come to this blog. I know it’s not fair.

How ineffective I am. Though I started some businesses, I do not have enough perseverance, encouragement, and motivation to complete them. I should have put an end to this stage 1 month ago, but I didn't. And here I am, paying the severe price.

Today I talked with a girl who has the same vision and orientation. At first, I refused to make the first move, but later, I choose to be the stupid extroverted girl I have constantly been. We confide in each other a little bit. In the end, I’m still satisfied with the kind of thing I choose to do.

Recently, I am obsessed with failure before kick off any new plan. I’m afraid to be rejected before I apply for a new dreaming job. I’m worried about being dropped before completing the scholarship documents. There is a sea of decisions that need to be addressed, and I’m doubtful that I fail in most of them. My negative thoughts seem to exceed my hope and kindness. Sometimes I lay down in the bed, empty as fuck.

On the bright side, I believe that many people look at me with an envious gaze. I look good from the other side. I’m pretty enough to show up stunningly on social media. I look good enough to have a high position in the academic and corporate field (which I am not that good at). I look so gorgeous from the outside, but the truth is I am rusted from the inside.

But I try, I try, then I try.

[malumbeoo]

20 Feb 2021

To begin with, I would like to express my gratefulness for the life I've been living. I have my job. I cover the bills on my own. I live an independent life that I've always thought of. To be honest, I've become the person I always wanted to be 5 years ago.

But there always comes the time I suffer a lot.

I've been under pressure for a few months now. Mostly because I expect too much in myself while doing too little. There is a saying: "Your hope is too high, and your mood is too low". I guess it perfectly describes me.

I usually think about how weak and shameful I am for the way I think and behave. Negative thoughts seem to haunt me everywhere and every time I go. Like Alec Benjamin's lyrics, my mind is a prison that I'm never gonna get out. In the depths of my despair, I think no medicine or treatment can heal my mental illness. I am stuck forever among the fascinating thing I dream of and the simple thing I accomplish every day. There is no way out. Some days, I hope to die. Some others, I thank God for keeping me alive. The rest, I'm empty as fuck.

Yeah, I'm struggling and suffering from my mental illness. I hope writing it down can improve my mental and physical health.

[malumbeoo]

20 Feb 2021

First of all, I’d like to apologize for being so selfish. I don’t want to make friends or keep in touch with you because I’m green-eyed about your outstanding achievements and scared of being defeated in a highly competitive area. I am so sorry.

Furthermore, I maybe look good but... not that good. I’m lazy and afraid to start something new even though I firmly understand that I need to kick it off. Simply, I’m scared and lazy. I don’t know either what to do or what I want to do. I’m just so exhausted with myself. Why? All I need is to take the very first step. But why can’t I?

Recently, I’ve been obsessed with the thought of failure. I’m afraid to fall before I root for something. This results in my procrastinating to begin, then missing the deadline, then failing to catch the opportunities—shame on me. I hope that all these honest negative words help me face the harsh truth: I’m so ruined and spoiled.

But in the meantime, please don’t forget that I am young and super energetic. Every quiz shows that I am a cheerful, extrovert, enthusiastic, and strong person who holds vast potential for academic and corporate fields. I should believe in myself more and more as I used to do. The innocent might be all gone, but self-belief and self-confidence are necessary for all aspects of life.

I may not have my strength back by now, but I hope to bring it back slowly, gradually, resiliently. The meaningful thing is I do not quit. I’m still moving forward no matter how hard and far I could go. At the end of the day, the most tremendous, awarding, incredible thing I can do is not giving up on myself. Cheers.

I do hope I sleep well.

[malumbeoo]

[malumbeoo]

Em… Em sẽ không như thế này mãi. Thất tịch không mưa. Mấy năm nay 7/7 đều không mưa, Ngưu Lang Chức Nữ chắc đã hết yêu nhau rồi. Em sẽ không như thế này mãi. Em chán ghét cái sự suy nghĩ về anh, về chúng ta, về lí do xa nhau ngày ấy, về tương lai sau này. Em mệt, em chán ghét. Nhưng em sẽ không ngừng chiến đấu đâu. Không đâu, anh ơi, em không cứu em thì ai cứu ai bây giờ? Trời thì to, tay thì nhỏ, nỗi buồn thì rộng. Không có anh thỉnh thoảng em sẽ buồn, nhưng có anh rồi thì lúc nào cũng khóc. Như nhau cả thôi. Mà em thì chẳng quan tâm nữa.

[deeplifequotes]

Don’t believe everything you think. The mind creates its own illusions by linking thoughts that share no connection.

Jerry Corstens (via deeplifequotes)

[wnq-unknown]

And kid, you’ve got to love yourself. You’ve got wake up at four in the morning, brew black coffee, and stare at the birds drowning in the darkness of the dawn. You’ve got to sit next to the man at the train station who’s reading your favorite book and start a conversation. You’ve got to come home after a bad day and burn your skin from a shower. Then you’ve got to wash all your sheets until they smell of lemon detergent you bought for four dollars at the local grocery store. You’ve got to stop taking everything so goddam personally. You are not the moon kissing the black sky. You’ve got to compliment someones crooked brows at an art fair and tell them that their eyes remind you of green swimming pools in mid July. You’ve got to stop letting yourself get upset about things that won’t matter in two years. Sleep in on Saturday mornings and wake yourself up early on Sunday. You’ve got to stop worrying about what you’re going to tell her when she finds out. You’ve got to stop over thinking why he stopped caring about you over six months ago. You’ve got to stop asking everyone for their opinions. Fuck it. Love yourself, kiddo. You’ve got to love yourself.

Unknown | @wnq-unknown (via wnq-unknown)

[books-n-quotes]

There is always something left to love.

Lorraine Hansberry, A Raisin in the Sun (via books-n-quotes)

[books-n-quotes]

When you have eliminated all which is impossible, then whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth.

Arthur Conan Doyle, The Case-Book of Sherlock Holmes (via books-n-quotes)

[books-n-quotes]

This is what I like about photographs. They’re proof that once, even if just for a heartbeat, everything was perfect.

Jodi Picoult, Lone Wolf (via books-n-quotes)

[deeplifequotes]

Tell me every terrible thing you ever did, and let me love you anyway.

Sade Andria Zabala (via deeplifequotes)