The Life I Chose

Follow our story, we are making it worth it. 

[purr-in-ink]

[plaguedocboi]

We need to go back to using sailing ships full time like immediately. Yes it would take longer to get places but the Aesthetic is unmatched

Like there is nothing sexier hthan this

[theboboshow]

Can’t wait for OP to get scurvy

[plaguedocboi]

Are you under the impression that the ships themselves are what caused scurvy

[plaguedocboi]

Once again. Do you think this is the fault of the ships themselves

[legsloveless]

[movedtofailhag2]

how it feels to be in a transitional period

[mamalifee]

Every time.

[mamalifee]

[mamalifee]

I had to take a screen shot of what my profile has been for all these years. I am having a hard time updating it. I never know if I still have these photos or if they were lost in one of my many hard drive crashes.

[mamalifee]

Osiris Sage Owens. My sidekick. I miss you so much

[mamalifee]

The First Of September

Has been a good one with a bit of a rollercoaster; natural.

We went to Vegas....not a fan of Vegas unless I am working. I wasn't working. Since, coming back from Vegas and Belize it has really strengthen that I do not want to drink and just want to focus on my goals and have no distractions.

Speaking of distractions.... I still haven't celebrated my birthday...probably should try to put something together instead of writing on my ghosted Tumblr. I turned 30 on August 26th...I had weddings that entire week. Following week was Vegas for someone else's birthday and now I am back and still just working and trying to get a hold of my never ending to do list.

I have been getting more accomplished and my head is becoming clearer. I still have a way too much on my to do list and need to hire for Light Rae to help take off the load.

I am still learning a lot as a go but I know having help with my editing will free up 80% of my time. That is huge. I spend most of my days editing.

__

Getting back in the swing of things with my daughter in school is going well. We have been utilizing our time well. Ivy helps me with chores in the morning before we walk the dogs around the park, I take her to school and the race is on to get as much done before she gets home for family time.

__

More and more I start to feel like myself as I get more organized and try to slow down. It is really the hardest thing I have ever done with running my own business. There is no down time. I am needed all the time by everyone. Learning the balance of everything will set me free to a new level.

__

[mamalifee]

9/11

We remember

[mamalifee]

I am obsessed with this outfit. I want to wear it in every photoshoot.

[mamalifee]

Anyone else hear the voice inside their head that says "remember who you are?"

[mamalifee]

I forgot to mention. I am 30 now. Wild right?!

[mamalifee]

It is Augusts last full moon that we won't see for another decade.

I had it in my calendar and didn't even plan to go and take pictures. I am disappointed in myself. Get it together girl.

The Skeleton Of My Day:

This morning I ran the dogs before I got to work and didn't stop til I had to pick up Ivy. Went straight to Mikes Camera to get a final answer that it is my camera that isn't recognizes my external flashes. Why? We don't know. Either way, I filed an insurance claim, bought a new camera and it should be here hopefully in time for the next wedding on the 1st of September. If not, I have work arounds, different camera bodies and will use light in a different way.

Poor timing for Mikes Camera, sat in traffic. I knew that was going to happen but I just couldn't bring myself to leave earlier since I was in a workflow. Can't ruin that.

Made dinner, got cramps and while Ivy was playing with her friend, I cleaned up my office and got ready for a tarot reading. Paused, went to go draw with Ivy before she went to bed. Once, she was all tucked in I prepared to go through all my cards, rituals and do a reading. Feeling drained, still pushing through though.

Next, Ruby gets home when I am feeling anti social, nothing left in me and want to be alone. My anxiety sky rocketed-as I was trying to manage it most of the evening with thoughts of how it would be nice to be alone. Manic thoughts of getting rid of everything but I don't have the energy right now. Never have time, get rid of it all. Focus, declutter.

Since, I have been neglecting my decks I decided to read though them all. Do an overall check in. I took pictures to refer back to since my head and eyes are just aching. None the less, they all hit home. I just want to write and draw about it but I am all out of time.

Tried to lay down and sleep and my mind was racing and crazy...I thought about hopping on Tumblr to write and see what comes out.

That is a plus, changing my habits around little by little. I have been neglecting to write for a long time. Writing helps me work on staying grounded. Revise and reflect.

Goodnight,

XoXo

[mamalifee]

When I look back on all of my conflicts I have had with people the one common factor in all of them is when you push enough buttons, I snap.

I have gone through so much therapy wondering if I am ever the problem. I have dissected every relationship, from all the point of views to play devils advocate and even my therapists have said they see why I act the way that I do. Kinda annoying, I was hoping for a different answer that I have been missing.

That when I do not feel heard and have repeated myself multiple, countless times that I start to act out to be heard.

I love how I go on and on in therapy sessions telling stories and making sure all the details and levels are in the light and my therapist can just take all of that in one simple sentence. I simply act out when I am not heard....duh! ding, ding, ding.

I don't always like how I handle certain situations. I learn from them as much as I can and wont be around people that bring that out in me.

Cutting ties has always been a little too easy for me and I always thought it was healthy. I protect my energy, keep my eye on the prize. I had one therapist turn the question around on me and ask me why is it so easy for me to cut ties, burn the bridges and if I see a problem with it at all.

I chewed on that for awhile going through the timeline of my life and looking at different scenarios and situations. There aren't many times that I don't regret cutting ties. I do always know that I can handle certain situations better. I love thought provoking questions though. Ask me hard questions, make me uncomfortable, let me go inward. This is why I love therapy, listening to podcasts and reading self care books. I want to uncover all the angles.

Another question my therapist asked me that had me looking for the answer was

"Do you think your ability to connect with animals is because of any trauma responses."

I have looked for that answer and I am going to keep watching for more evidence to come to a clearer conclusion. At this moment, there is a part that in some cases, yes but I have always been able to communicate with animals on a deeper level ever since I could walk and talk. With those memories, I still believe in my gift to communicate, understand and anticipate animals needs. Sure, I seem to enjoy there company over most humans because I do feel safe with animals. I can read their body language, there isn't any secrets.

Just some thoughts for now. Back to editing ✨

[mamalifee]

New levels, new demons

[mamalifee]

Long time, No Blog

What can I say...it has been awhile since I posted. There are so many reasons why I stopped blogging and looking back now I regret it a bit. I may just get into all that. I am not one for reliving the past but I am at a point that I just need to get it off my chest and move forward.

One reason why I am going to be back posting on Tumblr is

Tumblr always felt like the one place I could really let out my feelings and be vulnerable and no one really follows me on here anymore since it has been so long.

Who ever is still here...at least has seen the growth of my story and I am sure you would love to hear the tea

My first post is going straight to the point. Remember my daughters father at all? Yeah, him. We used to co parent perfectly. Well, we are no longer friends and we are no longer on good terms. 11 years of co parenting down the drain. Don't worry. I will dig into all the tea on why. I must say, it does sadden me where we are at now. I never thought we could be here. There are obvious lessoned to be learn here. I am still uncovering them as they unfold. Meanwhile, I am doing all this inner work and I have him and his wife posting all these lies on the internet. It really shows me their mental state and the perception of the world that they created.

I am no stranger to the narcissism, projecting, gas lighting and fall outs. It is half the reason why I stopped blogging and just decided to live my life and know my own truth and not tell anyone my struggles, my accomplishments, my hopes and dreams-unless you are in my inner circle.

I have been doing extreme self work the last 3 years in therapy and before that I was just doing it all on my own with yoga, self care books, journaling and anything that seemed to fit and sit right with me. Constantly looking inwards.

Here is the first post. More to come but I have to switch back and get back to work and put my energy there so I don't stress out and fall behind on edits.

Oh yeah----I made it. I am a full time photographer. Holy shit. Here is something ironic--blogging is important in my business and I struggle with that. Who would have thought? After all my blogging on tumblr that is my weakness. 😆 Don't worry all my weaknesses get put in the light and I will get my flow and mojo back. Mark my words.

[mamalifee]

WOOHOO! You picked a wedding date. Congratulations! That is a huge step!

I am currently engaged and still have yet to do that. It is a tad bit overwhelming for me during these COVID times and I personally am okay with a longer engagement. That is just me though but we are talking about YOU and getting this special day planned and as stress free as humanly possible.

The wedding date is set. Now, you are in the running for making all the rest of the plans come together from the save the date, venue, decorations, cake, florist, photographer and videographer and the list goes on.

A question I get a lot is "when should I get a Wedding Photographer?"

Don't you fret. I got you.

By now I am sure you are all over Pinterest and following local or destination photographers that you enjoy their work and you want the same style of photos implemented on your day. If you haven't, get on that!

First Determine

Wedding Date

Venue

Style you Want

Budget

Wedding Date

Wedding Date is number one because when you determine your wedding date everything else can fall into place from there. As you scout out photographers when you reach out the first thing they will ask you is the when and where!? Photographers want to make sure right away that the date is available in their books and where is it because travel fee's may apply. You want to be finding your photographer right away if you want first dibs on your favorite photographer because they are someone else's favorite too. There is nothing worse than getting your heart set on someone/something and realizing they are all booked up for the season! Especially, if you choose a date in the heart of wedding season from May-October.

The Venue

Secondly, you want to know your venue if possible. I had style and venue tied for second but I decided to go with venue. My reasons for knowing your venue is if it is outdoors or indoors. This will tie into style so bare with me! Some photographers are all natural light so if you have a dark venue you are going to want someone that is familiar with darker settings and still capturing the aesthetics of you wedding. Keep in mind your venue and time of day and be sure to ask your chosen photographer how they can accommodate.

The Style

You want to know the style of editing and photographer that you want to capture the biggest milestone for you and your significant other. Do you like light and airy or dark and moody, muted greens and yellows in your photos. When you are looking at wedding photos and you fall in love with a photo. Ask yourself what it is about that photo that you are attracted to. The emotion in the photo, how it is edited and the creativity of it. Keep note so you know what you are looking for to be the best fit for your day!

Budget

Now this is a big one for my bargain shoppers out there like me. I am all for a good deal but there are some things in life that you learn that you get what you pay for and photography is one of them. I bargain shop my clothes, decorations and everything else but when it comes down to my tattoos and who is going to capture the day we dream of forever. You best believe I won't bargain shop for that, that is permanent. The decorations and the venue will change and be filled with a different look, the flowers will change, the people will come and celebrate and leave and go home and continue on with their lives. Your photos, that is what lasts forever. Keep that in mind for your $500-$4,000 wedding packages what you will be getting. You pay for expertise, editing style and what is included. Know your budget because those Instagram famous photographers aren't $500. They work hard to know the industry, up to date on editing styles and programs, their camera and everything else in between. You get what you pay for so know your budget when you are out lookin for vendors for your wedding.

In conclusion knowing these four things will help you find your photographer with ease. You want to know the date you are getting married. The venue for lighting purposes and travel fees and the style you want captured and that will match your aesthetics. Naturally, with wedding planning comes with a budget. You want to know your budget you are wanting to spend on your photographer.

Thank you for reading!

Light Rae Exposures

www.lightrae.net

@lightrae_exposures

[mamalifee]