Dapper Spot

Perpetually Overwhelmed (fanfic writing attempt in progress)

[maplesdapperthoughts]

Age Old Assumptions

Azriel X Reader

Words : 3.2K

WARNINGS: Angst, mentions of trafficking (not specific), hurt/comfort, fluff, emotionally a lot. Briefly proof read

Summary: Being the youngest addition to the Inner Circle, you've always felt disconnected to your found family. Their assumptions about what you can handle could be to blame, but the Shadowsinger pushes a little too far and he quickly regrets that choice.

“You are such a cheater!” 

You roll your eyes at Cassian’s sudden outburst. “Honestly, I kinda wish I was. I know you said that you were bad at this game, but mother above this is just sad”. His jaw drops in a dramatic display of offence at your words, and you can’t help the twitch of your lip as you bite back a laugh. 

“I refuse to accept that as the truth, there is no way you won that quickly! You’re practically still a babe! I figured if I was able to beat someone in this house it would be you” He grumbled out. You let out a scoff at that and begin putting the playing chips and cards back into the bag. 

“Ok firstly ouch, secondly fuck you.” 

He laughs and opens his mouth to quip back but you cut in first “also, you’re just mad that someone in their 20’s beat your slow old man brain. Call me a cheater, but you know the truth. You’re old”. He glared at you in response to which you stuck your tongue out, as if that would solidify your argument. 

Your age was a constant teasing point among the inner circle. You heard stories from your High Lady about Cassian and Rhys constantly teasing her when she first became fae at 19. Since her and her sisters were all into their early 100’s by now, you were the new target.  

You didn’t mind it most of the time, if anything you gave it back just as hard. A small part of you though, resented the disconnected feeling you had with the rest of your family. You knew they meant well but you didn’t miss the way they sheltered you, or tried to anyway. It was almost as if they had already decided you’d break before you stepped out of the door, and something about their assumptions of what you could handle made a small part of you want to scream. 

You had been found by a shelter owner just outside Velaris as a youngling who had kindly taken you in with the other orphaned fae she watched over. Unfortunately you were a little too much for the old woman to handle, your mouth got you into a lot of trouble that she stopped being able to get you out of. 

She had enlisted the help of the High Lord and after one conversation with him, that may or may not have included you calling him a few names and telling him to shove it, he had hired you. Initially it was just as a bookkeeper around the library to help the priestesses but Rhys soon realised that your stubbornness and hard headedness would be better put to use in political settings. He was correct, and you quickly became his own political 'assassin’ of sorts. 

They never pushed questions about your past, and you bore those scars very well. Maybe too well, as it seemed that everyones goal was to make sure that nothing bad ever happened to you, under the assumption that nothing bad already had. In a weird twisted contradiction of your feelings, you sort of preferred it that way. 

Your thoughts were interrupted as you hear the front door open and click shut. Cassian immediately perked up, a mischievous look crossing over his features as Azriel walked into the main foyer. His shadows curled lazily over his shoulders, clearly glad to be done for the day. “Ah brother how nice of you to join us, I was just wiping the floor with our dear y/n here in a game of cards” he mused.  

Your jaw dropped, the audacity of this male in front of you. He knew exactly what he was doing, the cheeky bastard. 

Azriel looked between the two of you and raised a brow, you felt your cheeks warm, “Cassian has hit his head too many times during training I think. He’s clearly deluded” You deadpan. That earns a chuckle from Azriel and in that moment you feel as though you’ve won a gold medal at the sound. 

“As tempting as it is to watch you lose brother, I have reports to get done for Rhys by tonight.” You couldn’t help but feel a little deflated at that. You had always felt a certain pull to the Shadowsinger. At first you assumed it was admiration, maybe just a puppy crush that would go away. But 5 years later, here you were. It was still very much there and it was infuriating. 

Az had always been nothing but kind and polite. He had even trained you in the earlier days of you joining the inner circle but after one training session where you had slashed your side badly, he had abruptly put a stop to your sessions. Yet another person trying to shield you from the outside world, but for some reason when Azriel made that choice it cut deeper than when the others had done it. 

You felt the familiar embarrassment creep in at the thought of him looking at you and seeing a young and immature female gawking over him so you simply nodded as he bid you both goodbye and made his way into his office. 

Seeing the change in your attitude, Cassian furrowed his brows “Hey, you ok?” The concern he had was endearing but did little to dull the feeling bubbling inside of you. “Yeah, Az just reminded me I had a few meeting plans to go through so I should…” you trail off. You can tell he doesn’t believe you but get up before he can question it. 

Before you can walk away he grabs your wrist “you know I was just joking right? You’d run circles around anyone in this house when it comes to strategy” by the way he said it you knew he meant the words wholeheartedly. You gave him a nod before excusing yourself and heading towards your chambers. It was going to be a long night. 

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“She needs to accompany you on this mission, Az. We need to see if Spring are trying to hide underground operations. If they are we need to know why” 

You couldn’t believe what you were hearing. Rhys had called both you and Azriel into his office not long after dawn to run through a mission. While it was rare for you to go on missions like these, it wasn’t unheard of. This time though, Azriel was pushing back harder. 

“Rhys this is Spring, those relationships are still very new-“

“Which is exactly why you need her there. If anything goes wrong there has to be someone to de-escalate the situation. It won’t be combat, it will be diplomatic and you aren’t the smoothest talker brother”. Rhys spoke with a finality that even Azriel knew couldn’t be persuaded. 

However you were currently going through your own emotional spiral. You were originally from Spring Court, you knew the archives you’d be sent to scout for this mission like the back of your hand. The thought of being back within those walls made your stomach churn. You only hoped your face wasn’t as pale as you felt it was. 

“I know the archives as well, it would be faster knowing where everything is” You breathed out, cursing your vocal chords for wavering. Rhys have you a concerned look. He knew that was your place of origin but you hadn’t divulged the details. You didn’t want to.  

“It’s settled then, you two will leave tonight.” With that you both nod. You prayed to the mother that neither of the males saw the tremble in your fingers as you grasped the office door handle and made your way out with Azriel trailing behind you. 

“You shouldn’t have agreed to this, this is too big of a mission.” The comment just about smacked the air out of your lungs as you whirled around to face the shadow singer, hurt flashing over your features. 

“I can handle myself you know, I’m not a child.” You tried to sound confident, willing your voice to stabilise. He groaned, his hands reaching out to grab your shoulders but stopping just shy of touching you “I am well aware of that fact, but this is too dangerous-“

The bitter laugh escaped you before you could stop it. “Azriel, I get that in everyones eyes I seem to be a liability, and I’m sorry that you got stuck on babysitting duty. Truly I am, but I intend on going on this mission so you’re just going to have to live with it.” Before you can regret your words, you turned on your heel and walked away. 

A sigh left Azriel as he watched you disappear down the hallway. A hand coming up to rub over his face as he lets out an exasperated sigh. This was going to be a long mission. 

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“We need to enter through the left chamber, we’ve been given access under the guise of comparing historical data for citizens so by going through the historical records wing, it makes it less suspicious.” 

Azriel and you had arrived in spring shortly after your little tiff. You’d calmed down enough to push the personal side of things aside. Right now you were an emissary with a job, and despite how little others thought you were capable of, you were good at what you did. 

Azriel on the other hand, had tried to make small jokes and small talk on the flight over. 

Usually you’d lap up the attention and snort at his dry humour, you were always the only one that seemed to appreciate all his dry and poorly times quips, but you didn’t have it in you. That seemed to make him try harder. He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t panicking a little inside. He had never intended for how he treated you to come across the way that it so clearly had.

He had never once doubted your abilities but seeing you get hurt, for some reason, caused him physical pain. It was a fear of his with no logic or rational thought behind it. He had thought that it had been a protectiveness given your young age at first but it had only gotten worse the more capable you became. You weren’t a young girl anymore, but a fierce female who bowed to nobody. Not even Rhys or Feyre. 

As you both walked down the winding path to the archives building, he couldn’t help but sneak glances at you. The way your hair fell around to frame your features. You had a confidence to your step that he was sure could make men kneel at your feet if you simply asked them to. You were magnificent, and the urge to shield you away became stronger. He looked away before that feeling overcame his senses. 

You both stopped at the large ornate doors, a breath leaving your lips as you swallowed thickly. A crack in your confidence that he watched carefully. “Ok, we head inside and try to find any tomes that appear scroll like, or any ledgers to do with unheard of groups. Those are more likely to be cover names for underground organisations.” You whispered, looking up at him. 

His heart stuttered as he met your eyes, nodding “Lead the way”. He gestured for you to move in before him, checking the surroundings as he walked in behind you. 

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It didn’t take long for you both to be surrounded by ledgers upon ledgers, luckily there was a private room available and the head archivist didn’t seem to care for the files at all so the mission was fairly easy going so far. Not that either of you were complaining. You rolled your shoulders to ease the tension as you sat bent over a ledger you’d just picked up from the growing stack. 

Azriel was stealing glances at you when he could, clearing his throat eventually to grab your attention. He swallowed as your eyes met his “I’m sorry for making you feel like you are anything less than an exceptional female”. Your eyebrows shot up in surprised “Azriel you really don’t have to…” You murmured, a blush forming on your cheeks at the praise. You’d never heard Azriel speak so candidly.

“No, I do. It was never my intention to make you feel like I didn’t think you were capable. I just…I’ve seen how bad people can be and when I think of you in those situations I…I can’t…” He trailed off trying to find the right words. 

You reached over and grabbed his hand, startling him but a warm feeling quickly came over him as he melted into the touch. “I know Az, I didn’t mean to get so defensive…I guess I just hate how everyone thinks that I’ll break by a gust of wind”. 

Azriel looks at you with furrowed brows “That’s not a bad thing though is it? If its overbearing I’m sorry, but we- well, I just want to protect you. You are so important to everyone but to me you’re everything” You had never heard his voice so soft. You don’t know when he’d walked over to you but you can’t help but lean into his warmth as his hand cups the side of your jaw hesitantly. 

You give him a sad smile “I know you want to protect me Az, but you have all already made the assumption that I’ve never been broken before.” You breathe out, feeling the sting in your eyes as you will the lump in your throat down. 

“I hate being treated as if I haven’t an ounce of resilience in my body. I do. I’ve been a witness to the ways of the world.” Your voice shakes and you hear his breath hitch. “I get so scared sometimes, seeing what you go through on every mission. That if you have to carry my burdens, that it’ll be too much. That I won’t…I won’t be worth it.” The words are spilling out before you can stop them and his eyes are lined with silver as he looks at you with what can only be described as adoration. 

“I could…I would never, you are worth everything to me. Please never say those words. Don’t even think them, they are wrong for even existing in your mind.” He whispered. The proximity and tension was palpable as your eyes flickered down to his lips. He seemed to have the same idea as he slows leaned in, almost giving you an opportunity to pull away. 

You lifted yourself up on your toes, your lips meeting in a soft kiss. It was gentle, conveying all of the admiration held for the other. You slowly pulled away, “You have no idea how much I wanted to do that over the last two years” he admitted sheepishly. 

You let out a small laugh “I guess missions with me aren’t so bad then huh?” He rolled his eyes. “Speaking of the mission, I say we get this done as soon as possible so that we can go home and I can take you on a proper date.” You felt fuzzy at the words but nodded, not wanting the little bubble you had created to burst. 

Unfortunately for you, the next ledger Azriel picks up makes the room go ice cold. His shadows stilled, clearly he’d found something as his eyes scanned what was written. It seemed to be one line in particular that has his shadows lashing in a way you’d never seen. 

“Az…what is it? What’s wrong?” He looked at you with the expression of a broken male.

“Why didn’t you say anything?” His voice was hoarse, you could see tears lining his eyes. You furrowed your brows “What is the ledger?” You asked, grabbing it from his hands before you could protest. The fear thrumming through you only amplified once you read the words written.

TRADE GROUP: MORREN S TRADE 

The name alone seemed to plunge you into ice cold water. Rows of names of girls, their ages, their area’s of expertise, their price….and there at the very bottom you read it. 

Your full name. 

Female.

Approximately 13 years of age. 

SOLD.  

Then another line, RESOLD. 

RESOLD. 

Again, the more you read the more you went back further into the vivid memories flashing behind your eyes. Gods it never ends.

RESOLD. 

Different prices next to each, different buyers you never knew the names of until now but remember. You get to the bottom to the final buyer you remember clear as day. The bile forces its way up and stings the back of your throat as you read the margin note: 

‘Spirited. Requires constant correction.’ 

You begin to shake violently, looking at Azriel like a deer caught in headlights “I-I didn’t…I don’t…” You couldn’t get words out. Breathing was now a manual effort. Your ears felt like they were stuffed with cotton as the fear of his reaction and the memories all surfaced at once. Too much. It was all too much. 

Azriels eyes softened and his instincts immediately pulled him towards you. He gently pulled you into his arms without a word, and before you knew it the shadows had placed you back into his room, his priority being getting you out of that place. He held the back of your head as you sobbed into his chest, the other around your waist pulling you into him.

It seemed like you’d spent hours there before you ran out of tears, he patiently sat on the bed with you now in his lap as he ran his fingers through your hair. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you” you offered meekly, your eyes puffy and voice muffled.  It made him want to rip each of those buyers apart, slowly so they felt every fibre of their beings break. 

But as he held you in his arms, you were his only concern right now. “Don’t you ever apologise for those deranged creatures acts, you have done nothing. Nothing changes how I see you and I promise, we will put an end to this. I will make them regret the day that they were born. You just say the word” 

Despite the ice in his tone and the lethality of what he did shining through, you looked up at him and finally felt safe.

You began to nod off and so Azriel tucks you into the covers of his bed, his scent enveloping you tenfold as he gets in next to you and pulls you into his side. 

“Hey Az…” you mumble

“Yeah sweetheart?”

“I love you. Thank you…for being here…” you practically fall asleep mid sentence, the emotional exhaustion taking over as his own eyes stung watching you, not believing that you’d trust him enough to sleep in his arms after what had just been revealed. 

“I love you too sweetheart…you have no idea how much” He whispered back, pressing a soft kiss to your temple before mentally filling Rhys in what he had found. He left the details of you out, that was a choice you should be able to make on your own. But he knew for certain that this would end with him. No matter what. 

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A/N:

AHHHHH another one done. This went in a completely different direction to what I planned but I kinda fw it so I hope you guys like it as well. I've got a few WIP but if you have any ideas absolutely feel free to request. I also kinda wanted to only start of doing one-shots but I could see a part 2 for this. Might edit it if it ends up being a series thoughhhh...ANYWAYS hope you guys stick around for whats coming next <3 Thank you for all the love on the last fic I posted. XoX IM SO EXCITED TO BE WRITING AGAIN

[maplesdapperthoughts]

A Little Hope Never Hurt

A/N: AHHHHHH MY FIRST FIC. Please be gentle, the last time I wrote a fic was when I was 16 on Quotev (ifykyk) that did pretty well...I am 25 now so might be a smidge (a lot) rusty. I'm so down for ideas though so send 'em all in the requests for ACOTAR you freaks :) I hope you enjoy XoXo

AZRIEL X FEM!READER ONE SHOT

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SUMMARY:

When you admit a truth about your magic abilities to the IC, you face the consequences of a certain shadowsinger feeling like a pawn. What happens when the truth you tried so hard to hide, inevitably has to come to the surface?

Warnings; hurt/comfort, angst (just a smidge), fluff, friends to lovers, light topic of death, first fic.

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Empathic; An ability derivative of Daemati with very little known otherwise. The minimal knowledge available details an empathic having the power to influence and wield a single emotion how they see fit. The empathic ability has been stated to drive fae to madness if not mastered hence the hunting of them has been encouraged over multiple periods in history.  

“Rhys, I swear to god if you don’t give me 15 minutes to take a break, my head will combust.” You  said as you shot him a pointed look. Stretching  your arms out, a satisfying click of bones had you heaving out a sigh of relief from where you had been hunched over stacks of books “And then you’ll  have to tell all of our friends that you made my head explode, now do you really want that?” You had asked the question with complete seriousness, but his lips quirked up at the sides, amusement flickering across his face as he scoffed. 

“That seems a little dramatic, but point taken. I admit I may have let my curiosity get the better of me.” He conceded without a hint of remorse in his tone, arms unfolding to rest at his sides as he sat himself on the edge of the desk. 

You had both been crammed in one of the study rooms of the library and while it had only been a few hours, it had felt like an eternity. You had been a part of the inner circle for just over a year and had finally entrusted them with the knowledge of what you were. To most, disclosing your empathic ability would make you a threat, a monster or a liability. Majority of the time, you’d be seen as all three. 

While you didn’t divulge in more details than simply naming it for what it was, Rhys had proven himself to be quite persuasive in asking if you’d be willing to let him enter your mind and, in his words, try to understand what goes on in that head of yours. You hadn’t accounted for him wanting to go over every snippet of text about Empathics he could find, and asking you to verify their validity. You had to admit though, it was a relief that he had been so open to it and you couldn’t blame him with how little people knew of your kind.

You had been surprised at first at how well everyone had taken it, excluding a certain spymaster. It made sense that they were used to the idea with already having two Daemati in family but for some reason Azriel had been avoiding you since you announced it two weeks ago. The thought that he was that off put by you now made your stomach drop, the dread being a familiar tug by this point. Rhys seemed to notice where your head went at your sudden quietness “He’ll come around you know.” He said, as if there was no doubt at all. 

Azriel had been the first person in Velaris that you had genuinely trusted since arriving with barely a dime to your name and a backstory that he pretended to believe. While he wasn’t the most talkative of the bunch, he was a constant that you hadn’t realised you relied on having near you in day to day life. He had become your favourite person. “I know you believe that Rhys, and I thank you for it but I just wish I could too.” You looked down at your hands fiddling in your lap, a habit you couldn’t shake when you got nervous “You should’ve seen his face when I walked past him in the hallway after that dinner…It was like he didn’t even recognise me. I just got stone faced Az like I was some stranger on a mission.” 

His eyes softened at that, “It may just need time, I don’t want to push you but maybe if he had more inf-“ 

“I’m not outing my emotion Rhys.” You immediately butt in before he can finish the suggestion. “You don’t understand what you’d be asking of me, or the power you’d have over my life.” Your voice comes out firm, and with a sigh he nods “alright, but at least try to get some rest for the evening. If you need to crack into the wines just please leave a few of the good ones to us” he teased. You rolled your eyes, a small smile taking over your features as he bid you goodnight and left the room. 

As you made your way through the house of wind, you couldn’t shake that nagging feeling. This time of night you’d usually be huddled up on the love seat by the fire with a book and tea while Azriel either read as well or cleaned off his blades if he wasn’t out on a patrol mission. You’d always make him a cup too, and he always accepted it gratefully. His shadows would twirl around your wrist or turn the pages of your book for you which almost always led to Azriel grumbling about them behaving but it was your favourite moment every time it happened. Now the house was dead asleep, the quietness only reminding you of the fact that the usual routine you grew to love so much would no longer exist. Your heart thudded painfully in your chest at the thought, so you forced your legs to take you to your bed chambers instead, yet again. 

Sleep didn’t come easily knowing that the reason the pang in your chest was right across the hallway, and after an hour of tossing and turning you eventually fell into a light slumber. 

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Azriel had heard your footsteps before your bedroom door opened and closed again, signalling you turning in for the night. He lay on his back against black silk sheets, his shadows restlessly curling around the room almost as if portraying the chaos that was going on in his mind. 

When he had found you two years ago on the border, he knew your little story you told of how you ended up there wasn’t true but he never would’ve thought you’d hide something like this, something so important, from him. He had listened to his instincts that you were not a threat and over the last year he’d started to forget how lonely the house could feel as you quickly became a part of it. At game nights he had an automatic partner, neither of you ever needing to ask to be a pair. Or when he got back from a particularly hard mission and you would just…stay. Without asking anything of him, you would just be there to talk when he was ready despite that being a rare occurrence. For once disregarding not having the full story had seemed to pay off because it led him to have you in his life. 

His shadows missed you and he’d be lying to himself if he denied that he missed you as well. He had always become infatuated by females that needed him, having a purpose made him feel like he was worth something and that he could indulge in the softness of being with someone. It wasn’t his best moment but with you it hadn’t been like that at all. You didn’t need rescuing and your wit and intelligence rivalled the likes of even Rhysand. The pull he felt to you was what he thought to be completely organic, you were beautiful in every sense of the word both inside and out. Cassian made a point to tease him every time you walked into a room because his eyes would immediately go after you no matter what he was doing, and he didn’t give a damn about it. That was reason enough for him for once…until you informed them of what you were capable of.

His wings bristled at his back as he thought back to every time he felt that pull, your smile always making his heart skip a beat. His favourite part of it was when your eyes crinkled at the sides. He had finally let himself believe that just maybe, he could have this. Now it seemed tainted, how could he trust that you hadn’t just made him feel that way? You hadn’t clarified what particular emotion you possessed power over and he would’ve never let any other fae enter Velaris with a fake story the way he did with you. He just couldn’t help wanting to protect you in that moment, he always would when it came to you and to him that was proof enough that your influence must have been at play. He didn’t deserve to get the ending his brothers got, and so it had to be fake. All of it. 

His jaw ticked at the thought, at his own stupidity for thinking that you were possibly the one he’d been waiting for. With his head aching from all the mental gymnastics, he decided sleep was futile. And so he got up and swapped his sleep pants for his leathers and headed to the roof to attempt to get any sort of distraction. 

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When you woke the sun was slipping through the curtains, casting a yellow glow around the room. It seemed to be earlier on in the morning and with a sigh you begrudgingly got out of bed to face the day. After bathing, you slipped into a summer dress that was one of your favourites, the light blue material soft on your skin as it hugged your waist and flowed out. You left your hair wet to air dry as it framed your face and once you looked decent enough, slowly made your way to the door. It took a moment at the door, and a few deep breaths before you grabbed the handle and opened it. Weirdly enough Azriel’s door was cracked open, but you reigned in your curiosity before you could look into it and make him even more upset. You know you’d have to talk to him eventually but sneaking into his chambers didn’t seem like the best option.

Making your way down the stairs you saw that Cassian, Feyre and Nyx were all at the table, their breakfast conversation paused as they saw you enter. Feyre gave you a warm smile as Nyx babbled away in her arms “Good morning, I hope you slept well. We were actually just talking about how Rhys said that he may have gone overboard yesterday…” She mused, clearly not impressed by her mates actions. 

You breathed out a laugh “I can’t say I blame him, he always jumps on opportunities to know more…that mate of yours is quite the nerd.” At that Cassian lets out a snort “I never thought I’d hear someone call Rhys, our all powerful high lord, a nerd.” He grinned, but it was short lived as he seemed to remember something and his face quickly become serious “Oh before I forget, Az has been up at the training ring since mother knows when. I know things are kind of tense but maybe you should go talk to him?” Cassian suggested with a slight shrug. “You say that like it’ll just be a casual chat about the weather.” you mumble in reply. He chuckles, and gives you a pat on the back, his hand coming to rest on your shoulder in an act that you’d like to think of as encouragement. 

“I know what I’m asking, but you have both clearly been miserable. You need to sort it out. Those practice dummies can’t take many more distraction sessions from Az. I also have 50 marks on you two getting together before star fall”. You bite your lip at that to stop the smile escaping at the thought. “I’m scared I can’t fix it” your voice comes out smaller than you’d like as Feyre casts you a sympathetic look while she continues to feed Nyx. 

“But can it get any worse than not talking at all, like it is now?” You stared at Cassian, and knew he was right. “For a brute you can be quite insightful” You meant it as a teasing dig but your voice was laced with appreciation that you couldn’t hide. He gave you a wink and motioned to the roof. 

“I’ll give it a try, wish me luck” you breathed out, your heart already pounding. You get up, turn on your heel as Feyre cheers you on, and begin walking up to the stairs that lead out to the roof. The closer you get the clammier your palms feel and you can hear the blood rushing in your ears. Mother above, you really didn’t want to do this. You knew that you’d have to give him more than you were ready to but as you walked up step by step, the alternative of not having Azriel in your life seemed so much worse. Your mouth was dry by the time you reached the last step and you froze in place at the sigh before you. 

Azriel had forfeited his shirt, his dark hair tousled from hours of relentless physical training. In the sunlight his form glistened. Cassian hadn’t been lying, it seemed as if the practice dummy had personally offended him with the intensity he was punching it. You took note of the bags under his eyes, but not even those took away from the beautiful male in front of you. The sight of his defined chest and those powerful wings looming from his back, it was truly a sight to behold. He was so caught up that he hadn’t realised you were there, and already feeling like a creep you cleared your throat and approached where he stood. 

“You know, you should give the dummy a chance to fight back.” You tried lightheartedly but Azriel just stopped his ministrations, soft pants leaving him as he looked at you with the same stoney expression. There was that blank stare again but this time something flickered through his gaze as he turned to walk to his shirt, ignoring you. 

“Az…Please can we just talk? I know that you’re upset but I want to fix this.” You hated how weak you sounded, the hurt evident in your tone as you fiddled with your hands. Azriel stopped, his breathing still heavy, his back still towards you. “You can’t fix something that didn’t even exist” he rasped out, his voice low and raw. Hurt slashed through you at his words “Didn’t exist? Azriel, you are the most important person to me, how could you…why would you say that?” You cursed yourself mentally as your voice cracked on the last word. 

Azriel turned to you, his hazel eyes finding yours with an intensity that knocked the air from your lungs. “You say all the right things, do all the right things but tell me…if you could hide such a big part of yourself from me, how can I trust anything I feel for you? How can any of It be real?” At his admission a choked sound leaves your throat as tears begin to line your eyes. The panic was starting to rise up as the truth you’d worked so hard to hide slowly became inevitable. You could see him slipping through your fingers and you couldn’t figure out where to start. Your lip trembled as you steadied yourself. 

“Azriel…I know that I should’ve told you sooner. I wish I could go back and be honest but I let fear dictate that choice and I will regret that for the rest of my life,” you willed your voice to remain steady, and Azriel seemed to be allowing you space to talk so by the gods you were going to take it. “I won’t let myself regret another choice Azriel, if you allow me to I’d like to tell you everything. If you want the truth I will give you the worst and best truths of who I am, right now, but I need you to understand that you are everything.” At this point the tears are merely streaks down your cheeks. Azriel’s eyes soften, but he doesn’t come closer. He does offer a small nod, allowing you to continue. 

You take another deep breath “I am 45 years old, I am an Empathic. Empathics are from the continent but are largely hunted and so it is imperative that even as younglings we do not let anybody know. Its ingrained in our survival so please understand that I always trusted you, but I let fear override instinct to let you in and that’s on me.” Azriel watched you closely, his gaze never straying as he took in the information he was hearing, his shadows were lapping at your feet but not quite able to make contact as he held them back with every attempt they made. 

“Another truth is that I have never influenced anybody or used this ability to manipulate any outcome” You hiccup as the tears fall faster, Azriels wings shift behind him. You take a step closer and he doesn’t move away this time 

“Azriel I love you, I love your shadows and how you’re a complete neat freak. I love when everyone else is in bed and its just us and it feels like nobody else exists outside our little bubble or how you always try new tea flavours I brew without question…” At this point the words are just tumbling out before you can catch them, but Azriel’s eyes are lined with silver and you can see the tremble in his hands. “I can’t imagine not having you in my life and if you can’t accept that these feelings for you are true because of my mistake then I will be happy to just be a friend. I can’t lose you…” The words of friendship tasted like acid off your tongue, only coming out as whisper by the end. Your chest feels abnormally tight, and before you can even register what’s happening there is a sharp snap within your ribs. You are flooded with emotions instantly, ones that don’t feel as tangible. Your eyes widen, still glassy with tears as you look up at him. His nostrils flare and his pupils dilated and the tether you feel leading straight to him, is all the confirmation you need. For a moment you both stand in silence gazing at the others. His hand cautiously comes to meet your cheek, cradling your face and you instictively lean into his touch, eyes fluttering shut for a moment. 

He breathed out your name as his own eyes line with tears that don’t fall “Gods I am such a fool, I should be the one grovelling at your feet apologising.” You look at him, confusion evident on your face “But I-“ you began, only to be cut off by him “No, it wasn’t just on you. I would be a hypocrite to blame you for fear when my mistrust was rooted in it. I was so scared that I had been cursed or forgotten about…that I would never have this with someone. When I found out about your ability, it was a cowardly way to justify not acting on something that I was too scared to.” Azriel stands closer to you, the heat coming off of his body seeps into you and you can’t look away from him as he he rests his forehead against yours. 

“I want to know everything about you when you are ready to tell me, I won’t let myself mess this up again  I promise you that. You are my light and words will never be able to describe how much I love you.” At his confession a sob escapes you. “You truly are a fool if you think you can get rid of me that easy.” You manage to get out

You aren’t sure who leans in first but his lips are on your as his other hand circles around your waist and pulls you into him. Your arms wrap around his neck and your fingers lace through his soft hair. Your lips move in perfect rhythm, as if this is the 100th time you’d kissed but the bond sings with elation at the closeness of your male. You both break apart briefly for air, a daze coming over you both in the aftermath. Azriel wears a smile that steals your breath away, his dimples peeking through and can’t resist kissing them and giving his lips another quick peck. 

“I never let myself hope for this.” He admitted softly and you couldn’t help the small laugh that escaped you. Azriel furrowed his brows as he tucked a stray piece of hair behind your ear “What have you found so funny about that my love?” He asked quietly, almost as if to not disturb the moment. You looked at him with a gleam in your eye as the irony of his words registered to you “Well then you definitely have proof that I had nothing to do with this.” You beamed. 

He raised an eyebrow “Please know that I already believe you didn’t, but what do you mean?” 

“Well…” You drawled out with a blush, all of a sudden a little shy “…I am hope, that’s kind of my whole thing. I guess now I’m your hope” You smiled, the realisation dawning on him and this time the tears in his eyes fell as he kissed you again, deeper this time as if he couldn’t fathom an inch of space between the two of you. 

When you broke away again, he didn’t hesitate in lifting you up. Your thighs wrapped around his waist as his shadows began to open a rift right into his chambers and he smiled up at you with a reverence.

“My love you are so, so much more than that.”