tw- minor mentions of death
third year was the first time he asked her out officially. that infuriating hair and cocky grin he flashed her way before sauntering over to her with a confidence that no fourteen year old should have. ‘so what do you say me and you go on a date evans? you know, tell everyone that we’re an item.’ she grit her teeth because god if he was anything other than infuriating before spitting out ‘us? never.’
fourth year came and the marauders were still as exasperating as ever but she would be lying if she said they weren’t a welcome distraction for her. their constant loud energy let her think about something other than how these days behind severus’s words seemed to linger something so much darker. but all gratefulness for the distraction vanishes immediately when a filibuster bursts right above her at the gryffindor table and now there’s orange juice all over the front of her blouse and all she can see is red. she storms over to the four boys with the innocent looks one their faces and she doesn’t really remember what it was she said but she does know it would’ve been enough to make a grown man cry but not the marauders. especially not james potter. while the other three have the decency to look at least a little scared, potter just sits there with the most self satisfied expression on his face. and then he had the audacity to speak, ‘merlin evans you sure are creative with your swearing. godric’s burning ballsack? it’s inspired really. we could use that talent. your brilliance and my charm, we would make a pretty spectacular team don’t you think?’ lily just stares at him because god if he was anything other than infuriating but it was 8 in the morning and she was already drained so she just said ‘us? never.’
fifth year and she was on the train on her way home for christmas, her body filling with dread, already anticipating the colder than ice welcome she’ll receive from her sister especially now after the blow up in summer after she got the prefect badge. marlene, dorcas and mary were staying at hogwarts that christmas and alice was a bit lost in her newly found romance with frank longbottom and she didn’t want to interrupt their honeymoon phase so she sat alone in the compartment and tried her best not to wallow in self pity. then there was a knock at her door and in glided james potter in all his arrogant glory. she glared at him in an attempt to say ‘what in the living hell are you doing here?’ and he just stared back with a calm but equally challenging expression. she couldn’t tell how long they stayed like that for but after a while he accepted mock defeat and replied to her telepathic question ‘i just wanted to know why you were sitting here all alone and sad when such kindred and fun-‘
‘and glorious!’ called sirius black from god knows where.
‘-and glorious spirits are sitting in the compartment right across from you.’
she rolled her eyes and responded, ‘i’m not alone and sad.’
‘please you can smell the gloom the moment you walk in here’ he scoffed.
‘it’s a lot potter but we aren’t friends so it’s alright you don’t have to listen to my problems.’
he mock gasped ‘how dare you, it happens to be my life’s purpose to listen to your problems. and i must embrace my destiny.’
she could feel the corners of her mouth tug up and she mentally screamed at herself because no no no she is not smiling at something james potter said because this is james potter and god if he was anything other than infuriating. she looked at him and despite the humour in his words she saw genuine concern in his face. so she, as briefly as she could, explained the situation with her sister and they kept talking and somehow, by the time the last rays of the setting sun were filtering in through the window, they were still talking. ‘anything from the trolley dears?’ they both looked up to see the trolley witch smiling at them kindly and james nodded and bought some food. before she could reach for her purse, james was already paying. he fixed her with a stare as if to say ‘don’t even try’ so she just grabbed a licorice wand and bit into it. the trolley witch gave james his change and right before she left she smiled and said ‘so you both are finally together huh?’ and james grinned a smile wider than anything she’s seen before while lily choked on her licorice wand before spluttering out ‘us? never.’
sixth year came and lily couldn’t look at either snape or potter in the face because she was furious, but she was also so so hurt. she ignored the signs for so long and it finally came back to bite her in the ass. and now the damage has been done and whenever she sees snape watching her in the corridors or in the great hall, he was always with an expression of great sadness but she knows it was more for himself than anyone else. and potter. with snape she was sure what she was feeling, an unmistakable sense of hatred. but with potter it was a haze. she didn’t know whether to hate him or thank him for being the reason she saw snape’s true colours. so she ignored it. and she got away with it until one day, she heard him shouting her name from across the crowded hall. she put her head down and tried to blend into the crowd but apparently potter now has an eye like a hawk and immediately spotted her trying to slip onto one of the staircases. she hurriedly tried to climb up and a hand caught her wrist and pulled her back just as she noticed the step in front of her had moved to join another staircase ‘damn these moving staircases’ she internally cursed hogwarts and it’s incredibly horrendous timing. ‘merlin evans watch where you’re going’ came james potter’s slightly out of breath voice ‘you may be terrible at hiding but you sure are fast.’ ‘aren’t you supposed to be an athlete?’ she muttered, looking for the closest exit and then noticed james’s hand still gripping her wrist. ‘har dee har har,’ he replied sarcastically ‘i need to talk to you.’. lily sighed, she knew this was gonna happen eventually so she just nodded at him to lead the way. he gently pulled her down the school and a few minutes later, she was sitting in a well furnished secret tunnel, not surprised in the slightest because what else could you expect from the marauders. then james launched into a winded speech about how he’s really sorry evans and other than the few slightly inappropriate innuendos here and there it was a genuine apology and she found herself nodding when he softly asked ‘so can we put this all behind us and be friends?’. so a few days later the school was buzzing with news that james potter and lily evans actually walked to class together without any minor casualties. lily still found him and his puns exasperating because god if he was anything other than infuriating. but they were friends now and she didn’t mind it? not one bit. ‘should i be jealous now?’ marlene asked one day when they were walking to the lake together. lily looked at her confused and asked ‘what why?’
‘because you and potter are best friends now aren’t you?’
lily looked at marlene with a roll of her eyes and a very small smile
seventh year and they were so close to the end. in a few months it would all be over and they would leave the castle and all the magic it held behind. to become soldiers. like it or not they were all going to fight. and god was lily terrified. faces of the missing flashed through her mind at the worst times and she knew, everyone knew, this wasn’t going to end anytime soon. not unless they all fought and won the war or died trying. and she was so so scared for everyone she loved. marlene, dorcas, mary, alice, frank, peter, sirius, remus, james. james. lily thought of the quidditch captain and how absolutely stunned she had been when she saw him in the beginning of the year with the head boy badge. one glance and she could tell he had changed. he stood up taller, not with arrogance but with the stance of someone ready to lead. he talked with purpose and acted the same. james potter had grown up. and she could tell it was for his family, for sirius. and she noticed it all. yeah noticing is one thing but the slow fluttering in her stomach when she did? completely different. and she tried so damn hard to ignore them because she can’t focus on romance when she or anyone around her might die any day. and that was exactly what she was thinking about when she looked down at the daily prophet that day and read the front page article. death eaters strike muggle town. killed 4. she choked back a sob as she saw her town’s name on the smaller print and as she read the names she slowly processed the words. suzzane edward. she had known suzanne, been best friends with her as a child and even talked to her last summer. and now she was gone. her and her whole family. she was devastated for them. she put down the paper with a start and looked around the table to see almost everyone at the table clutching a paper in their hands, their expressions varying from horror to defeat as they took in the tragic familiarity of it all. the rest of the day went by in a blur and by the end of the day she sat in the common room trying as hard as she could to focus on the relevance of the goblin wars to today’s banking system. she could hear wisps of conversations floating from parts of the room and she heard marlene say ‘they were found lying next to each other. i’ve read so many people say that even if they died, they died having found their soulmate.’ and upon hearing that, something inside lily sparked. she had to do something and she had to do it now. she knew peter was attending a study group tonight and sirius and remus were merlin knows where and she did know james did not have practice today so she shoved her parchment aside and like a woman on a mission stalked up the stairs to the boys dormitory. and as she took the last few steps her mind caught up to what she was doing and she paused ‘oh god what am i gonna say when i go up there and what? james potter isn’t your soulmate.’ she sighed and turned around about to leave but then her thoughts interrupted her once again ‘isn’t he?’ and that was the last push she needed. she near sprinted up the stairs again, grabbed the handle and barged into the dormitory with the initials j.p. s.b. r.l. and p.p. carved into the door. she entered breathless, to find james sitting in bed in an old t-shirt and
‘bright red snitch pajamas??!!??’
she couldn’t help her laughter, ‘you wear snitch pajamas!’ she snorted.
james was too startled to even look embarrassed ‘evans what are you doing here? are you okay?’ this sobered lily up immediately and she looked around and remembered what she was there to do and managed to stammer ‘oh- uh- yeah.’
‘yeah?’ james asked, still visibly confused.
lily took in a deep breath, ‘okay you got one chance, DO NOT screw it up.’
‘okay well- shit. okay so you know how there’s a war going on right? of course you do. yeah so i heard marlene talk about soulmates and how dying together is better than living without one and hell when i heard that the first person i thought of was you. all these years i kept turning you down cause i found you immature, annoying and quite frankly infuriating and i didn’t expect that to change and then you show up this year and god you changed. you stopped being an arrogant asshole, you stopped walking around like you owned the place and you changed for the better and i couldn’t believe it. then i saw how you were with the firsties and how well you took care of them and when simon hubell needed help with his transfiguration homework, you stayed up all night helping him. and everyone kept telling me you changed for me but i knew, it was for your brother and it made me want to punch a wall because you’ve become a 100 times better person than you already were and how was i so oblivious. and of course i saw what changed in you but i also saw what didn’t. your hair is still as messy as ever and you still run your hands through it whenever you’re nervous or anxious and your laugh, it still fills up a room with joy like it always did, it’s infectious. and you’re still so determined, i mean, whether it was asking me out or anything about the war, you never gave up and you inspired almost everyone in the school. and your eyes. they’re still the chocolate brown they’ve always been and they still turn lighter, almost amber when you’re happy and turn near black when you’re angry and there’s that shine in them that only shows up when you’re up to no good and lately i’ve seen that shine when you’re talking about the war and god those eyes. i’ve slowly fallen in love with them and i can’t help it anymore. ironic isn’t it?i guess your pining methods do work potter. cause here i am in your dorm almost at midnight declaring my love for you.’
she let out a giant breath and stared at james waiting for something, anything. he stared at her, right at her and slowly got up from the bed and walked across the room, never once breaking eye contact and came to stand less than a hair breadth away from her, his eyes shining in a way she’s never seen before. ‘you aren’t pranking me now are you evans? because if this is revenge for all the pranks i would like to let you know that you would’ve broken my heart, like completely shatter-‘
‘no you toerag. i’m not pranking you.’
‘because if i was, would i do this?’
then she reached up to cup his jaw and met his lips and she could see it all. the stars, the moons and her entire future. with him.
after what felt like an eternity of bliss they broke apart and rested their foreheads against each other’s. ‘i love you james potter, more than you’ll ever know.’ she whispered.
‘oh i know, because i love you an infinity times more lily evans.’
so as she left the dorm that night, both of their eyes shining with something new and so so much brighter, he called out ‘so does this mean we’re together now evans?’ with a grin in his words.
she turned around, smiling and eyes sparkling.
