Unattended

beth/ 22/ has it been six years already or is it more/ i sell shit

[marcidinvestigation]

first things first I will do what i want and what i have to. i dont care about much anymore and im not sorry for what ive done, though i am sorry for the way it had to happen. i am not a good person and i am only tangentially helpful i will not help you get out. i am not reentering the sphere for anyone else. it is not because i hate you it is because i will not become emotionally invested in you just to watch you die. ive seen enough blood already and im sure you will too especially if you are seeing this. my victory was a pyrrhic one. yours will have to be too that being said, i can answer good luck

[marcidinvestigation]

answer my dms coward

im sorry

[marcidinvestigation]

A Year

I don't remember a whole fucking year

[marcidinvestigation]

I think I need help

It's been more than a year since I received a letter, addressed to me in my own handwriting. I've kept it, even though I moved and stopped filming and stopped...well. It hasn't been easy. I don't know how many of the people I've spoken to are still alive. I know that I don't deserve help. I've fucked over more people than I've saved and I can admit that. I cut contact with just about everyone and ran because I'm selfish. I can't take any of that back and I also can't really promise I've changed. It's hard to break out of the patterns that keep you alive. This post is just a shout out into the void. Things will move as they should but I don't want to be alone. I've isolated myself for the better part of a year and some change and it's killing me. I just need someone. Anyone. I don't even know for what.

[marcidinvestigation]

I can't believe I'm so worked up over a stupid piece of paper that I've held onto it for a year. Embarrassing. I'm too hot and sexy for this behavior.

[marcidinvestigation]

i live with a layer of bile right under my heart. it burns when it beats too hard, i can feel it in the back of my throat whenever i speak on certain things, like it is an omnipresent force waiting. waiting to burn me, waiting to choke me. it stops me from saying what i want to say and yet as my heart burns as it beats and as the thick presence in the back of my throat chokes me, i know that I am alive, at least. it's good to be alive. at least.

[marcidinvestigation]

Originator, we should talk.

-Kaylee.

who the fuck and what the fuck

[marcidinvestigation]

oh god if i truly was meant for peace and not for war if i was truly meant for mercy and quiet and to be free then why does the handle of a blade fit so perfectly in my hand why do i smell iron in my sleep and why do i not regret anything i have ever done missed calls after miss calls and all i can do is keep running and keep hiding and mayb e me vanishing will be the kindest thing i can do

[permanenceofinsomnia]

So the video I SAID I was going to post was corrupted beyond belief. I've been working on salvaging what I can from it. This just adds to my friends not believing me since i said I had video proof but now the video is in fucking limbo. Hey. At least my camera survived,,

[marcidinvestigation]

ignorance can keep your pulse going and your lungs filling with air but it benefits us selfish sons of bitches to take it away from them doesn't it

[permanenceofinsomnia]

hey what the fuck does this mean.

[marcidinvestigation]

fish in schools, birds in flocks, lions in prides, wolves in packs, foxes in skulks, hares in downs, robins in a blush, ravens in an unkindness, crows in a murder, humans in a... human needs human for the same reason, create a same-group, avoid individual fate

[permanenceofinsomnia]

Seriously what the fuck does this mean

[marcidinvestigation]

what is the reason for prosocial behavior what is the reason for altruism what is the reason for us needing to talk to people what purpose does it serve Hint: We are Beasts

[permanenceofinsomnia]

thanks for the weirdass explanation Beth. are you stalking my page?

[marcidinvestigation]

no

[marcidinvestigation]

again

[marcidinvestigation]

im no t drunk enough to be here right now

[marcidinvestigation]

Hey baby! When are you going to open the letter I wrote you? Stop running! - A

fuckkkkkkk youuuuuuu suck my DICK

[permanenceofinsomnia]

stolem

[marcidinvestigation]

i love seeing you in my clothes ;)

[permanenceofinsomnia]

I'm alive by the way. Traveled to Tennessee to get more of my things from Eli's place. Didn't see Him. But expect a video in January documenting the trip back. Also, Beth, because I know you'll read this, I saw the Podcast Unknown video. Our 'relationship' is more complex then you let on ;). But who will be the first to post about it? Me or you? I bet 20$ on you.

I'm struggling with the cipher in my latest video. If anyone has ideas, please reach out to me on YT or here. Fuck, even discord if ya nasty. permanenceofinsomnia . I'd love help.

I hate flying.

[marcidinvestigation]

it will be you but know that if you ever lose your way i would shatter my soul into a million pieces and put them up against the stars so you could find your way back to me you're my favorite roommate

[marcidinvestigation]

i have a lead. maybe. things have been too hectic

[marcidinvestigation]

pay no mind to the ramblings about the real paracosm

[marcidinvestigation]

He cannot touch me, He cant go near me, it doesnt matter that i can see Him because He is a constant, even though i am out He is a constant, a steady steady constant. and for some reason, He is a comfort on the dark nights, watching me with no eyes and with an expression on His non-face. i wonder if He is fond of me for some reason. id imagine if He is, He is fond of me in the way a Father is fond of a Daughter, though i cannot ever be a Daughter. the fondness that a Father has that slowly morphs into anger and derision because they are Daughter, they are His Daughter, love and hatred in the same whispered sigh of "get home safe". and the Daughter holds Him at a distance. further, farther, Father as the joke goes. and the Daughter holds Him there but He remains and He watches from behind the trees that are rotting and peppered with old box tv static haze that Daughter can remember from when they were small, the sound and scent of old memories. they love and hate each other it is hard to not grow fond of and also not hate someOne that made you you i wish He hadnt

[marcidinvestigation]

again

[marcidinvestigation]

i have seen intestines wriggling up on hooks, shifting, moving, ever-working as a human lays comatose beneath them. i have seen masked figures cut into hi m with tiny knives, searching and scouring for imperfection and then i tell you it is surgery and the masked figures are doctors and it is yet another example of how we are god - arbitrators of our own experiences

[marcidinvestigation]

again