diary

17 she/her - TW ED

[mareats]

gonna try to recover (again lol)

but this time it's different!! i'm really motivated to improve my mental health so i can do good in college, it's an amazing oportunity and it would be stupid of me to ruin it by willingly staying unwell.

alsoo my mom and my doctor are expecting me to gain weight to get my period back so it kinda feels like i've been given permission to eat (sad ngl).

so i'm just going to eat whatever, not care about the calories and gain weight until i get my period back. if i hate it i can always go back, for now though, i'm all in :).

[mareats]

GOT ACCEPTED IN MED SCHOOL WTFFFF

i'm so happy i will NOT shut up about this holy shiiit

[mareats]

the part of me that wants the attention and care that comes from recovering with the help of others vs the part of me that is too embarrased to tell anyone and doesn't want to make anyone upset or become a financial burden

[mareats]

ed tumblr what's your workout routine? i need motivation

[mareats]

i have been eating too much but my workouts have been more consistant than ever and i have not purged in a while so in my head that means = recovery

it makes me feel like ass this is so stupid

[mareats]

drank too much coffee took too many laxatives oh nononono

[mareats]

me when i see a boy skinnier than me

[mareats]

hello mentally ill people i need some help/reassurance

my mom made brownies, they came in this package that has three bags of brownie mix. the whole box has a net of 1.7 kg so each bag is 1/3 of that. she used a single bag and made 18 brownies with that. according to the box that means each brownie is about 170.7 calories, is that correct?

[mareats]

today he said i make him nervous

glad i didn't kms two days ago

[mareats]

emotional constipation induced burnout

[mareats]

i don't want to leave my bedroom ever again there is nothing for me outside

[mareats]

i want to kill myself but i also want to know what i got in my exam so i guess i'll wait a little longer

[mareats]

if bmi 15 why so big?

[mareats]

hated today. can't wait to workout for three hours.

[mareats]

"True beauty is something that attacks, overpowers, robs, and finally destroys."

- Yukio Mishima

[mareats]

🕯️bmi 14🕯️

[mareats]

my brain feels like an old ps4 just brrrrrrrr all the time SHUT UP PLEASE