the optimistic pessimist maria

how much time do we have left?

[mariacheri]

They would never get it. Frankly I never got it

:)

[mariacheri]

And then he asks me if I love him, if I'm happy with him.

I love you more deeply than language knows how to explain.

And I'm happy with you. Happier than I ever thought I could be, happier than I ever had the courage to hope for.

[mariacheri]

I keep agreeing to survive on crumbs, convinced that wanting a slice of cake was too much

And the people who hand me the crumbs know how much I love cake

[mariacheri]

I think love has very little to do with destiny. It feels more like the quiet accumulation of a thousand impossibilities finding its way not to remain impossible. Born beneath different skies, carried by different griefs, shaped by different versions of ourselves, and still the world found a way to fold our lives into the same sentence.

I don't just see you. I see every almost, every delay that arrived disguised as timing. Perhaps love is not just fate, but the miracle of everything that had to happen for us to be here now.

Oh I love you so. I love loving you

[mariacheri]

Endings do not announce themselves. They burrow beneath ordinary days until they become indistinguishable from the rest. We live through them without knowing. Only when we look back do we find ourselves searching for the last time they rested within our grasp.

[mariacheri]

I got to see the love of my life today and Dexter is back on Netflix!! I love this life with all the tenderness I can carry.

[wifislim]

[mariacheri]

Some days I have to remind myself that everyone is carrying something invisible. We move through each other’s lives like ships crossing in fog, seeing only outlines and never below deck. Beneath ordinary conversations are griefs and weights that leave no bruises for the world to notice.

And so perhaps kindness begins not in grand gestures, but in the quiet decision to leave people lighter than we found them.

[mariacheri]

...And that was the last straw. Whatever it was, it settled beneath my skin and left me trembling. Not from shock, but from the strange ache of finally seeing what had been there all along.

14 June 2026 | 414 days since

[mariacheri]

Was clearing out my photos when I came across this. I can’t remember where I might’ve left it, but I hope I find this note again someday.

Don’t worry still. I’ve got you :)

[mariacheri]

People have no idea what it cost me to still be standing here. They do not know how many nights I spent digging through wounds I stitched shut with my own bleeding hands, peeling them open again so others could rest peacefully atop the ruins left behind. I never longed for revenge, nor for them to taste even a fraction of what they handed me. Still, there is a particular cruelty in having to heal from wounds you never deserved in the first place.

I learned to hold my breath before every revelation, terrified that certainty would merely put a name to what I had been trying not to believe. And when it does, I cannot even find gratitude in being right. There is no comfort in having your worst fears validated.

Perhaps what frightens me most is the possibility that this never leaves me. I have become fluent in disappointment, practiced in receiving half-truths dressed as honesty. Somewhere along the way, I learned how to settle. Not for what I wanted, but for whatever fragments remained after everyone else had taken their share.

[litsnaps]

[mariacheri]

Thank you for making me feel like I could win prizes simply for existing (and smiling... like you would always say).

Thank you for listening... the kind that makes me feel safe and secure, like knowing someone will stay on my side no matter how loud the world becomes.

I don’t know if you realize how much that means to me.

To love another is a kind of gamble, as if placing fragile things into uncertain hands and trusting the future not to break them. But somehow, with you, the risk feels softer. The fall does not frighten me when it is toward you.

I immediately forget all the day’s wrongs when you drape the world and make me see through rose-colored lenses every single time.

And lately, I think my favorite thing has simply been this quiet act of loving you.

I love you

22 May 2026 | 1215H

[mariacheri]

And I woke up. But last night I was praying just to fall asleep. I didn’t want to feel that empty drifting again. At least not without something to help me rest.

I said sorry for that day and for everything before it. And quietly, I also wished that maybe I wouldn’t have to wake up.

[mariacheri]

I've always been convenience disguised as choice. And for the longest time, I settled for it. It felt like happiness or at least something close enough that I convinced myself it was. I took it as it came and quietly accepted that consequences would follow, as they always do.

Still, I chose myself a thousand times over, even if it never appeared that way from the outside. I did. I truly did. But somewhere in between those choices, I built a life out of quiet deceptions tucked into corners I hoped no one, not even I, would ever uncover. I carry them silently, with the quiet wish that they all someday die with me.

Beneath all of these, there was always a truth I could never fully escape. Deep within, I knew. I had never really known what love was.

forgive the scattered thoughts lol. i can’t seem to find the right headspace to gather them.

[mariacheri]

FML

[nuttybarzz]

Let me know all of you