maria's party tips.

everyone loves a good party.

[mariaspartytips]

fairy play.

Hey guys,

and let me say nope, this one's not about gays.

OK. Maybe a little. But most of all, it's about classic fairy tales and what they can teach us about being party-perfect.

Nope again, I'm not kidding. I'm actually pretty sure that's what fairy tales were created for.

Ssh, quiet there! Just listen now. Once upon a time, there was a princess called, oh well, how about... 1. Cinderella The lesson in this fairy tale is crystal clear. (Poetic, are we?) Usually, the smartest thing to do is leave the party early. After midnight, the prettiest dresses get ripped and stained, the make-up is smeared, the hairdo turns to a hairdon't, and it becomes quite a challenge to charm your average Prince Charming. Or Princess for that matter.

Yes, you might end up making out with a Prince Not-that-charming. You might even have babies with the guy, and be forced to marry him by his WASP parents. Hey, nothing wrong with that! You get the idea why Cindy always took the 12pm cab, though. 2. The Sleeping Beauty There's nothing like a good long beauty sleep. Plus, roses do wonders for your skin. Tested. 3. Hansel and Gretel Don't take LSD in a forest. 4. Beauty and the Beast

I guess this one's quite obvious: don't turn the guy down just because he's not what Karl Lagerfeld would call handsome. He might as well be a) nice, b) brainy, c) talented, d) fucking rich, e) ride a Bentley, f) live in a castle. Not all of the above I hope, cause that would mean he's gay, and married to David Furnish anyway.

5. The Emperor's New Clothes

Wearing nude colors can be quite tricky, especially in the dark. Sweet fairy tales! There's even more to them than you can fit in an oversized clutch. The end.

[mariaspartytips]

look the art.

Hey guys,

you know how old Oscar always talks about there being so many people at art openings that one's not able to see the pictures?

Actually, I guess that's why most people attend those. To see. To be seen.

To get excited, sometimes, but mainly to get bored as hell. Yawn.

This is - quite obviously - a list of things to do when you're bored at an art opening:

1. Eat the food. It's amazing how we're determined to pay whatever it costs for someone making our sandwich, pouring our coffee or squeezing our oranges (no second thoughts here), and still get super-excited when offered free food.

Right, go on, eat the canope and the sushi and the dried tomatoes. Don't fight over it, though, just play it cool. And avoid spinach as it always magically sticks between the teeth. 2. Drink your drink.

No rush there, though. You're only allowed one (or two if you're a Schwarzenegger - but then, how the hell did you get here?). The age-old saying "more booze brings more trouble", which I just invented, is right.

Try and avoid the bar, otherwise you'll end up a) buying an over-priced piece of art, b) telling the curator/artist/president the exhibition sucks, c) yelling "FUCK OFF YOU BUNCH OF FUCKING SMUG HIPSTERS". 3. Be nice to people.

You probably DO think they're a bunch of fucking smug hipsters. You never know, though. That guy who just got off his fixie bike might as well become your next boss. Or your next boyfriend. Or your boss's next boyfriend. 4. Say random shit like:

"Look at the linear verticulation of the painting."

"I love the use of semi-triple-exposition in XY's oeuvre."

"This is so Rauschenberg-ish."

"Don't you think that by spraying glitter all over the toilet bowl XY wanted to show how the society is just a gilded piece of crap?"

*The last one is actually pretty good. 5. Look important. And please don't get me wrong, I love good art more than I like a good tart!

[mariaspartytips]

out and about.

Hey guys,

it’s a sunny day down here, which makes me wanna take the easy breezy summery putting-my-feet-up-y way.

I mean, let’s just talk about fashion. And, quite naturally, about what we hate.

Actually, this is a monologue, so it’s gonna be more like what I hate.

Oh well. Enough with the blah blah, let’s go straight to the point.

Lemme present you with the ultimate list of things one should NOT be caught wearing at a party:

1. Nylon pantyhose.

The only place you're supposed to wear those is the NEVER-land.

2. Ripped jeans.

Generally, blue jeans tend to be pretty anti-party. But alrightie, keep your denim AS LONG AS IT'S NOT RIPPED.

*Unless you're Frances Bean Cobain.

3. Shopper bag.

You're in a club, not a luggage compartment.

4. Wrong attitude.

To be honest, I've got no idea what the right attitude is. Let’s just skip this one.

5. Fake stuff.

Who cares if it’s designer anyway (except almost everyone)? The important part is that it looks great on you.

6. Anything that doesn’t look great on you.

Ask your friends. Ask your mama. Ask the fucking shop assistant, he’s gay anyway. That’s about all you need to know to become more iconic than Tiffany.

[mariaspartytips]

the survival kit.

Hey guys,

so recently a guy has told me he read my tumblr & liked it.

So he left me wondering if it really used to be such fun.

So I went & checked it out. So I LOL'd.

So I realized this shit might be the only thing I've ever been good at.

So I decided to write some more. FYI guys, here's what I learned during the past year:

1. You can go to work AND party on daily basis.

Yeah right, sometimes it hurts as hell. There's the headache, the nausea, then there are your colleagues' judging looks when you come straight from a club or a pub or whatever was up. But there's also the free coffee in your office kitchen & the wonderland called YouTube.

2. Gloria Gaynor is still a party-saver in 2013.

3. Home is where the unwashed dishes are.

4. Free stuff never loses its appeal.

5. People will adore you even more if you introduce yourself with a proper handshake.

What I mean is a real good fucking handshake. No dead fish, no soft touch - but definitely no "Ima rip your arms off". A proper handshake is like good coffee: short, strong, and just the right amount of warm. Gosh I might start selling motivational posters or something.

6. If you wear all things black, you can never make a mistake, plus people will wanna take pictures with you. For some reason. OK, that's enough with the lessons-learned crap, from now on we're gonna party like it's 1773, around tea time, Boston, Massachusetts.

[mariaspartytips]

neat dreams.

Hey guys,

it's been almost 3 months since we've seen each other (or "seen" in this weird, online social-networky kinda way) but don't worry, I'm still here.

Awaiting the new party season, looking for a new sequin dress and überhigh heels, and ready to share ("share" in this weird blah blah kinda way) more tips with you.

3 months = a quarter of a year, which I think is enough to let us delve in a little nostalgy. That's why today I'd like to talk about our biggest party planning dreams, what do you think?

Me first!

1. Get into Berghain.

In case you didn't know, Berghain is a super-legendary club in East Berlin.

It's also super-exclusive, and therefore super-attractive. I'm painfully, ♥-breakingly hating to say this but: I didn't get in.

There's a load of urban myths about the ways to get there - but since I'm not gay, German, or friends with the owners, I'll have to figure out a plan of my own.

2. Throw a party in a fast train.

Hey, nothing wrong with a slow train but I've heard there's a lesser chance of someone falling out of a window in a fast one.

Renting a Shinkansen or a TGV sounds like a fun nite in...

3. Have Ellen DeGeneres as a DJ.

Wouldn't it be cool to have her but don't let her talk?

4. Learn to dance.

I mean, for real. Ballroom dancing and stuff. Oom-tsa-tsa oom-tsa-tsa boom. Waltz, polka, tango, dance like crazy... Boogie, mazurka, or salsa maybe?

If I just managed to overcome procrastination and signed up for a dance class! Until then, let it be just disco balls, tacky pop tunes, and me.

5. Run my own club.

I guess I'll name it Maria.

And naturally, my dream #1 is to be more successful than the Spice Girls' comeback.

[mariaspartytips]

do me a savor.

Hey guys,

I've spent some time planning a birthday party for my friends.

I've also discovered all the unexpected obstructions one meets on the way to a perfect party for SOMEONE ELSE.

It's harder than Sarah Jessica Parker's biceps.

Harder than finding the perfect gift.

Probably harder than finding the perfect PARTNER.

Umm, not really. But still - there are so many things that can go wrong:

1. The guest list.

As much as it might seem appealing, DON'T choose the guests yourself. Let the birthday girl/guy invite their friends. Although, if you plan to celebrate at your place, you can be a little control-freaky and cross out the people you really can't stand.

2. The theme.

DON'T do that awful surprise-party-fancy-colors-funny-hats thing. Instead, think of what the birthday person hearts, may it be motorbikes, the smell of roses, gothic rock, or Disney movies.

In fact, it might be cool to watch a movie or music video they like and steal the style. Get inspired. How about a decoration à la Rihanna's S&M video, Andy Warhol's Factory, or, say, Dirty Dancing?

3. The music.

See 2. Maybe hire a DJ or make a playlist from the music they like? Oh keep your "how am I supposed to know" for someone else, hun. They're your effing friend, aren't you supposed to know?

4. The timing.

Make sure to arrange the date with the birthday girl or guy up to 3 months before. Invite all guests at least a month before. Start prepping a week before, shopping 3 days before, and cooking 1 day before. Approximately. I mean, you're the party planner...

Be creative! Make it more surprising than Madge performing Born This Way.

[mariaspartytips]

the book clubbing.

Hey guys,

recently I read this brilliant article about the 10 Books That Would Make Great Theme Parties, and decided to invent a few more ideas for literarties. 

Here's what I came up with:

1. Nana, by Émile Zola.

Or any other Zola novel. You'll need loads of cheap alcohol, ripped stockings, can-can skirts, dangerously high heels, and enough make up to give you that decadent vampy look.

Recommended games: strip poker, chicken dance battle, the "drink every time when someone mentions social decay" game.

2. Three Sisters, by Anton Chekhov.

You'll need a big table, a strict seating arrangment, lots of caviar, mixed pickles, smoked fish, champagne, and vodka. The dress code should be "extravagant elegance" or maybe "elegant extravagance".

Such event calls for Russian classical music, long conversations, and revealed secrets. A game of truth or dare will help bring them out as well as vodka brings out the right amount of melancholy.

3. The Hobbit, by J. R. R. Tolkien.

Remember the unexpected dinner party at the beginning?

All you need is to dress up as dwarfs, crash somebody's apartment, gain their sympathies with your compelling nature and sense of humor (swords should help, too), play weird instruments, and get them to make enough courses to feed an army of hungry elves.

4. And Then There Were None, by Agatha Christie.

Dress as Coco Chanel as possible, with a hint of grease in the guys' hair. Invite ten people and make them "disappear" - you'll need some fake blood and other Halloween stuff. How long will it take for the guests to indicate the murderer?

5. The Bridget Jones's Diary, by Helen Fielding.

Cook some really bad food (don't forget the blue "string soup"), then order pizza. Drink wine from Marks & Spencer while wearing Marks & Spencer. (Sorry hun, Vivienne Westwood is too posh for a nice urban single like you.)

Drink too much, smoke too much, talk too much, mostly about relationships that went wrong, and why your families piss you off. Than eat chocolate and sing karaoke. Let me know about your own ideas! I'm sure you've got more than Allen Ginsberg on LSD.

[mariaspartytips]

silence is golden.

Hey guys,

sorry for the superlong silence!

I've been way too busy popping pills, doing nothing (and calling it "looking for a job"), actually working (for 2 weeks), and contemplating important issues (e. g., "how bitchy is too bitchy?").

I've also been collecting some catchy-yet-mood-killing phrases people tend to say at parties but they SHOULDN'T. Read on:

1. Could you take our picture?

This is a real WTF question. It's like saying, "we don't want you in our picture but we're giving you the honor of taking it for Our Majesties". No matter how Paris-Hiltony a person you are, don't do this. Please.

2. You look fantastic, I didn't recognize you!

What you mean: "You look even better than before!" What I hear: "You used to look so terrible I can't believe the change!" What I think: "Did I look terrible the whole time without anyone telling me?!"

3. This party sucks.

Honey, if it sucks, what the hell are you still doing here?

4. You're the greatest person here.

Actually, I say this a lot. You might wanna save yourself the trouble, though, cause everybody's gonna think you mean it, and you'll be condemned to be nice to them for eternity.

5. Buy me a drink?

Haha, just kidding! Use this one as often as you like. Also, try using your cute gay friends to get you free mojitos; it always works. (Mostly in gay bars, though.) Yes, you can make your behavior more adequate than Madeleine Albright's brooches.

[mariaspartytips]

make them come.

Hey guys,

there are plenty of people who aren't into partying, plenty of reasons for that, and plenty of excuses to go with those.

I always say you shouldn't push anyone into doing what they don't like. You can manipulate them a little, though.

Here's how to make your parties more enjoyable and more alluring:

1. Be super-unique.

Brainstorm. Give your party a catchy name. Think up a theme. Put a lotta effort into decorating, designing invitation cards, making an oustanding menu, and stuff.

Don't settle for what's not good enough. Your guests won't either.

2. Get popular.

When there's a lotta talk about your parties in town, more and more people will be keen on coming. Become the new Michael Alig, and even the hippest & the most blasé of local hipsters will yearn for an invitation.

3. Engage special guests.

A DJ, a singer, a rock band, a chef, a professional photographer, a stripper? Whoever you feel like. Whoever you can afford.

4. Focus on your target audience.

Do it like the best marketing and advertising pros.

Want your average 15-year-old urban gangstas to attend your little brother's birthday party? You gotta hire a graffiti artist, a DJ, and organize a breakdance battle.

If it's a ladies' nite, you wanna invite a make-up artist, play old Sex And The City episodes, and bake macaroons. Oh. I mean buy. Etc.

5. Invite friends of friends.

Some people are introverts. They just don't feel at home in a place where they don't know anyone. Having a friend by their side should help them feel comfortable.

Thank you Mark Zuckerberg for teaching us how useful mutual friends are!

6. Make it a YouTube party!

This always always always works. Everyone ♥s playing their favorite music as well as showing their favorite videos of cute kittens and bad dancers.

I mean, what exactly did we DO before YouTube?

I'm sure you can come up with more ideas quicker than Kim Kardashian changes husbands.

[mariaspartytips]

eat the rich.

Hey guys,

lately there's been a whole lotta request for advice on how to eat healthy but still keep your party spirit.

I gotta say what Liza Minnelli said on her third wedding night:

Wow, this one's hard!

You see I'm not a nutrition specialist, actually I'm the kind of gal who eats cold pizza for breakfast, never refuses a cake, and thinks piňa colada is a fruit salad.

Anyway, I'll give you some ideas that generally work:

1. Drink shots rather than cocktails.

There's no juice, no syrup, no cream, no sugar, which means like a 100,000 less calories. Plus, shots are kinda the new pot. Just make sure to drink lots of mineral water.

2. Choose the raw veggies.

I mean, potato chips and nachos are made of vegetables, too, but try and hit the table with caprese salad or sliced carrot with yoghurt dip. At least from time to time.

3. Pause between meals.

You might find out that you're absolutely full even though you still got the urge to stuff your teeny tiny belly with anything you find.

4. Skip the early hour trip to McDonalds.

5. Do sports.

I recommend dancing, walking in high heels, drunk toilet yoga, and the morning jog to catch a taxi. Singing, kissing and sex are believed to help burn calories, too.

6. Don't be too hard on yourself.

Strict dieting through the whole party may seem as an act of strong will but usually ends up in a burst of hysterical overeating as soon as you get home.

Plus, one cupcake won't kill you. Or two cupcakes. And a macaroon. And a few of those delicious looking salmon canapes...

Just don't get too stressed and you'll feel sexier than a Gucci dress.

[mariaspartytips]

the dinner takes it all.

Hey guys,

if living a successful life involves being a lazy crazy hazy bitch, then baby I'm brilliant at it.

But let me tell ya: if you're smart, you can afford to be lazy. Take a dinner party for example. Some people work their fat asses off and go through various trouble to make'em perfect to the last detail. Well, I never.

It was Mao Tse-tung who said that "revolution is not a dinner party". What he didn't say, though, is that a dinner party can be quite revolutionary.

Here's how you throw one at a minimum cost, and with minimum trouble:

1. Get your friends to help.

That's right, let the guests be part of the process! You might not wanna force them to clean up (although if you're like me, you will) but... How about asking everyone to bring some home-made treats?

Ashamed to put together a dinner from stuff people brought? OMG haven't I taught you anything? NEVER reject free food!

2. Invent a cooking game.

That way, each guest can help. Make them think it's fun - this is done best with kids, who love to engage in such activities, but you may think of a way to sell it to adults, too.

Try "spaghetti eating contest" or "make your own yoghurt & honey facial" or "who's got the biggest cucumber". Be creative.

3. What's for dessert?

You don't have to bake, or even buy a cake. Try a choice of Belgian pralines, or strawberries with chocolate dip (why, even I can make chocolate dip!). Or Häagen-Dazs. Everyone loves Häagen-Dazs for God's sake.

4. Drink drank drunk.

It's time to put in a little effort. Check out my cocktail specialities or create your own. And no boring soda for abstainers, make'em a freshly squeezed orange-grapefruit juice or a milkshake that brings all the boys to the yard...  

And last but not least, take time to make yourself look more gorgeous than Angelina at the Oscars.

[mariaspartytips]

worth the trouble.

Hey guys,

long time no see, huh?

I've been doing some field research lately, which required attending (and hosting) a whole lot of parties. I also focused on the dark side of partying.

Ya know what I mean: every party can turn into living hell in a few seconds. 

Here's four of the most common troubles, and some ideas on solving them:

1. The rolling stoned.

Did your friend have too many Whitney Houston cocktails? Are they trying to jump out of the window? Or rolling on the bathroom floor?

It's up to you how far you let'em go, I mean, it's a party after all! Try not to let people pass out, though, it kinda spoils the nite for others. Pour them a glass of water, and call a taxi when needed.

2. The neighbors.

If you don't own a secluded house or live in a building full of weed smoking rastafaris, your parties will probably bother a lot of people.

You'll get complaints, late nite calls, police visits, etc. 

I say, haterz gonna hate. Turn the volume down, write I'm sorry notes, and get used to the rest.

3. Broken glass.

Sh*t happens, and this sh*t's definitely gonna happen at your party.

Just be sure to clean the mess ASAP, and not to cry over spilled piňa colada.

4. Outta stuff.

Is there not enough food, drinks, cigarettes, paper tissues, or funny hats for everyone? Well, this shouldn't happen a lot.

But when it does, it's good to have enough cash on you, know the numbers of non stop delivery services, and maybe hire an assistant who'll pop in a shop at any time. You wanna be a successful host, you gotta think ahead better than the girl with the dragon tattoo.

[mariaspartytips]

poor a drink.

Hey guys,

these are hard times, right?

More and more money is needed for trips to European capitals, Starbucks lattes, luxury vintage apparel, home decoration, and parties. But it definitely ain't easy to find a decent job (or a decent sponsor) these days.

Moreover, jobs are such a bore. You usually gotta get up early to go to work, which causes sleep deprivation, Valium addiction, and under-eye circles. We don't want that, do we?

That's why there's a thin line between being a socialite and being poor.

There are ways to keep your fabulous even if your fridge screams "credit card empty", though:

1. Never refuse free stuff.

Use your best qualities - be it cuteness, friendliness, likeability, charisma, or pure hotness - to make the right aquaintances. This might get you free drinks, free dinners, and even free invites to important occasions.

I bet that's what my therapist meant when she told me to invest more in relationships, and less in actual things.

2. Be clever & look gorgeous.

Mix old with new. Nobody has to know that top is actually a dress from the time you were 13. Or that those pants are second hand. Or that your cute flowery scarf used to belong to your Granny.

All you need to do is add a modern touch with brand new shoes or a designer handbag time from time.

(I.e., when the fee for your bitchy Lana Del Rey review arrives).

Also, mix low-cost with luxury. You wanna buy a solid moisturizer, a new perfume or a nice massage. But you might consider doing your own mani, preparing home-made facial scrubs, or switching from Guerlain to M.A.C.

3. Go online.

Shopping online is as fun, easy, effective, and as cheap as imagining Jake Gyllenhaal in your bed.

You can also use the web for selling things you don't need anymore, like hipster glasses, your ex's underwear, or the latest Rihanna album. Sign them "Anna Wintour" or "Neil Patrick Harris" to get a better deal.

4. Become a celebrity and you will never ever have to pay for anything.  

Gosh, pretending you're rich will get you further than a bribed taxi driver.

[mariaspartytips]

the VIP area.

Hey guys,

don't know about ya but there are days when I feel so terrible that Prozac, Xanax, any kind of love, cold pizza from yesterday, or even Francis Ford Coppola pinot noir can't help.

That's when I turn to the ultimate antidepressant: the celebrity gossip.

Famous people are so cool because they're sexy, sociable, smart, spoiled, glamorous, and, well, famous. But most of all, they're cool because they're actually the same as everyone else.

Dear reader, if you're an attention-craving narcissistic socialite wannabe like me, you might find the following ideas very useful.

This is how you become a local celebrity:

1. Be hospitable.

Never refuse a guest in your house. Throw random parties. Don't hesitate to spend your last dime on a bottle of Moët if needed.

2. Act like a bitch.

Call people names. Be deadly sarcastic. Have hysterical attacks. Cry in front of everyone at your favorite sushi place.

3. Be friends with the alpha-gays.

That's where many careers started, including those of Gaga, Madonna, Liza Minnelli and of course The Beatles.

4. Never leave house without red lipstick, killer heels, huge sunglasses, your chihuahua, your BFF, rich husband, beautiful girlfriend, Starbucks cup, uggs, bodyguards, etc. etc.

5. Find "your thing".

It may be your love of ultraweird hairstyles. Or your habit of alcohol-poisoning yourself. Or you always dating hot guys. Or showing up with a fake Pope by your side. Whatever makes you special.

6. Be really good at something.

* This one's optional, though. Keep in mind that people need to remember you better than the lyrics to "I will always love you".

[mariaspartytips]

on the rocks.

Hey guys,

I'm a pure city girl but sometimes I experience weird episodes of yearning for the mountains. Like today. I'm like, f*ck exams, f*ck meetings, f*ck unsolved businesses, all I wanna do is ski and get hammered.

Bombardino + my prescription pills will definitely make a bombastic mixture.

And I wanna play games, loads of them.

What are your favorite games for the cold winter nites at your cabin in the woods (or at your five-star Aspen hotel suite)?

Sure "guess who I am", "spin the bottle" and strip poker are fun.

However, I invented a few brand new games. Can't wait to play them with my friends (if we ever actually leave the city):

1. Listen to a Coldplay album. Every time Chris Martin says "feel", drink a shot.

2. Ask a Q, i.e. "which celebrity would you like to nail?", and write the As down. If two people have the same answer, they drink a shot.

3. Empty your handbags. The person with the most different kinds of medication drinks a shot.

4. Go jump in the snow! The person with the least clothes on drinks a shot.

5. Now you're drunk enough to go night-skiing, or night-snowboarding. Whoever manages not to fall, drinks a shot.

6. All of you bitches who are still able to drink, drink a shot.  

Yay, we're gonna have more fun than people in a Wham! video.

[mariaspartytips]

the alpha male.

Hey guys,

when people ask me about my ideal husband, I'm like, he should be well-mannered, funny, stylish, moisturize daily, go shoe shopping with me, make margaritas, watch Gilmore Girls, and still wanna f*ck me.

Oh well, if I don't find a suitable handsome closeted gay, I just want the love of my life to enjoy partying and wear fitted tees.

Plus, I can name 7 more things every guy, no matter gay, straight or bi (cause you were born this way baby), should consider the basic, irreplaceable party pieces.

Trust me, you won't be sorry you spent a month's salary or two on these:

1. Jeans.

We're talking well-fitting, solid jeans here. Skinny, slim, low-rise, James Dean, James Brown, James Blake. Choose your style and bring a (girl)friend to tell you how great your ass looks in'em.

2. A nice shirt.

Since there are times you find yourself in a Vegas casino or at a La Traviata premiere, and you kinda gotta follow the dress code.

3. Perfume.

It might be harder to find the right perfume than to find a local crack dealer. But it's so much more worth it.

4. Shoes.

No matter black, white or beige. (Yep I'm doing it again, eat that ACTA.) They should be clean, polished, not too cheap, and not too pointy. 

5. Quality underwear.

Because you never know.

6. Quality hair products.

You see so many hair styles nowadays that feel so WRONG. Ask your hairdresser for advice. Or think John Travolta in Grease.

7. Wallet.

If it's pretty, everyone will automatically believe there are loads of money and some extra credit cards in it. Even if you're the poorest "my parents cut me off" smelly hipster on Earth.    

No, really, I hope you don't smell. Women are into guys who are cleaner than their little brothers' Internet history.

[mariaspartytips]

the rich biatch.

Hey guys,

baby it's cold outside and all I'm able to do is lie in bed, pop pills and watch cute kitty videos. It gives me time to think, though.

Think about money and shoes and stuff.

Recently, I realized you don't have to be rich (of course being rich is better but who are we to judge) to become a party icon. You just need to invest wisely. Think Warren Buffet.

Here's IMHO all the stylish party basics you'll ever need, for chicks:

1. The LD.

The legendary little dress might, but doesn't necessarilly need to be a little BLACK dress. The fashion magazines are all like, brights are so gonna be the new black this year.

2. The liner.

If you can afford only one make-up product right now, buy quality black liquid eyeliner. The classic Kate Moss look has been quite a hit for some time now, and it's a cool change to the usual smokey eye evening make-up.

3. The pumps.

Even if you're the low heels kinda person, which I don't get, but then again, I'm even a tiny bit shorter than Gaga, anyway, you should totally own at least one pair of fabulous, high-as-a-kite, go-with-everything pumps.

4. The good bra.

It might take ages to find Mr Bra-ight but it's the key to success.

5. The headband.

For that awkward moment when your taxi's waiting, and you realize your hair looks like crap. Plus, headbands are fun and great conversation starters.

6. The manicure.

Just keep it clean and rather short. And don't (over)use glitter.

7. The attitude.

Looks amazing with a Valentino robe as well as a second hand mini dress.

Ladies, you're gonna be more iconic than Siri.