[uwu btw i have this posted on my ao3 acc too!! click here for the link!! pls enjoy reading mwa a like or reblog is appreciated <33 enjoy my junchan oneshot]
There were times when I loved the rain.
Ever since I was a kid the sound that lulled me to sleep was the soft pitter-patter of rain outside. And when I woke up, fresh morning dew would be on my Mom’s flowers and the smell of the soil was wafting through my nostrils.
When I had my first date with the man I loved, when we just got out of the restaurant, it was pouring. We dressed elegantly since it was a fancy dining place he reserved. He grabbed my hand and pulled me to the center of the road, and my suit was ruined. But we didn’t care. He was a romantic, and so was I. We spent the night dancing under the rain, without a care in the world and our eyes brimming with love.
But today, the rain felt a little less comforting, and a lot colder.
The sound of rain hitting the ground reminded me of how he would whip his belt and slash it against my back. The sound of thunder made me remember how he would grab the nearest chair and smash it to bits and pieces next to me. And the absence of people on this highway took me back to the time I screamed for help in the parking lot, and no one dared listen.
I ran away from that man, the one that offered me love and gave me pain instead.
I looked up, and closed my eyes.
The sky was crying with me. Offering me sympathy.
Somehow I smiled, and felt comfort in the compassion I felt in the cold, bitter rain.
I’m in a deserted highway, the kind you see in movies where the lead character probably gets his car broken down. Most times it’s a desert, but nonetheless they find a way to get home. Not today, though. I ran away of my own accord. It’s my fault I’m still here anyway. I was too weak to even try and walk to see any places I could spend the night in.
But if I haven’t ran away, I would’ve been dead still. A walking corpse, a man no longer alive.
This was the only option I had.
I shivered, and held my yellow jacket closer to me, laying on the cold, wet ground. It was the only piece of clothing that was mine, he refused to let me buy any other garments without him. What I wore were his pants, and his sneakers as well. And I hated it. I hated it so much that even when he left, I still had pieces of him with me.
I stayed in that position for a while, and ended up sitting up since I was too cold. I closed my eyes, just to catch a few flitting moments of rest. I felt a light shining from the back of my eyelids, and squinted them open. What’s going on?
My eyes struggled to see because of the pouring rain, but I caught a hazy figure of a red car. I rubbed my eyes and tried to flick away the rain on my face. The car to the driver’s seat opened. A tall man with dark coffee hair walked out with a black umbrella, wearing a long, light brown cardigan that reached his knees. He had a white knit sweater and black trousers underneath. Maybe he’s a model or something. He looks good.
The man crouched down beside me and held his umbrella above my head, the rain momentarily stopping. I looked up his eyes and it took my breath away, I almost fell forward.
They were the same shade as his hair. A deep, chocolate. Even under the dark gloom of the sky and the harsh roar of raindrops against pavement, they twinkled. Like a million stars were dancing inside. He looked at me with so much care and concern that I felt myself tearing up. Nobody’s ever looked at me like that. He was the first.
This is stupid. This is the first time I’ve ever seen him, and I’m already like this? I must’ve gone crazy. Insane.
I’m not looking for love or self validation after what happened, right? I can’t go that low. I look desperate. I don’t breathe and exist on love.
I quickly got myself together, and let my brain sort things out. His hand reaches out to hold mine, his palm small yet warm in contrast with my big, shivering ones. He holds it tighter. “Are you okay?” He asks me. His worry was clear, and resonating throughout his deep, clear voice. Even his voice reminded me of the warm hugs of my mother.
Nevertheless, I still struggled to answer. My lack of response was worrying me, since maybe he’ll leave me too. Surprisingly, I earned a soft look from him instead. He smiled warmly at me, his eyes making me feel like home. He helped me up on my feet, almost stumbling in the process. He held an umbrella in one hand and my arm in another, and guided me to his car.
I stepped back and shook my head fiercely, afraid to even look in his eyes. “What’s wrong? Do you not want to go in?” Cautiously, he loosened his grip on my hand. He took a step and came to face me. I looked up, and said in a hushed voice, “but I’ll get your car wet.”
He smiles, “that car’s importance can’t compare to yours, you know. I’m letting you in, regardless if you’ll get it wet or not.” He held my hand and guided me to the passenger’s seat. He let go for a split-second to open the door, and even in that small frame of time, I was missing his touch. I stepped in carefully, already grimacing at the amount of rain I was leaving on the leather seat.
I never thought today would go like this. Me being inside a stranger’s car who actually cares about my well-being. It’s crazy. I thought I would’ve just died of pneumonia out there.
Then I remembered the soft, caramel eyes that were staring into mine.
Maybe fate just has a way.
He closed the door and went around to the other side, sitting in the driver’s seat and closing his umbrella, placing it beside him and closing his door then. The low hum of the engine comforted me, and I eased more onto the seat, despite worrying still about the wetness. I allowed myself to sleep for a while, a slow descent into a world of black.
I was running. For my dear life. My legs felt like giving way but my mind knew better than to stop. He was behind me. He was shouting my name. Not really my name but a slur of what I was used to hearing.
Slut, whore, bitch, dirtbag, fuckface, maniac. I heard them all leave his disgusting lips. Lips in which mine have once touched. I felt like ripping it off my face. I was so disgusted. How could I ever have fallen in love with such a horrid monster.
I’ve had enough. Of what were once loving hands that caressed my body, they now delivered harsh slaps to my face. The same hands that held my face so tenderly under the moonlight were grabbing candles and dripping them onto my bruised thighs. It hurt. But nothing hurt more than not being to leave.
I was crying now. I sped up running. I was small, and he could easily get me and take me back to the hellhole. But then I heard the footsteps fading. I turned around. He was leaving, he had his back turned to face me. He was walking calmly, as if he never meant to put up a fight to catch me. I scoffed, a mixture of hurt and relief. Hurt because he didn’t even care about me enough to run after me, and relief that he finally left me.
It all seemed too easy, running away. I never thought that just by opening his car and running outside would be the way I would redeem my freedom. But I was glad. I walked a little slower now, feeling lightheaded and dizzy. My steps wonky and distorted. And I ended up falling on the ground. I sighed, maybe it was easier like this. Motionless. Finally I could get some rest.
Then there was a flash of light. Then a cracking, roaring sound. Thunder. Then came the rain.
Someone was shaking my shoulder, and I abruptly woke up. It was the guy. “Are you okay? You were crying in your sleep. Was it a nightmare?” I timidly nodded. He reminds me of a prince somehow. He not only looks like one, he acts like one too. “I parked near a convenience store, we should get down. I’ll buy you something to warm you up. But first I’ll let you clean yourself up.” He smiled, then got out of the car, leaving me with time to fix my sobbing mess. I wiped away my tears and fixed my hair, still wet. He opened the door for me, and I stepped outside carefully. The rain was still heavy. We went inside the store.
I was met with the cold air of the air conditioning above, and I shivered. I wish I had brought a thicker jacket. I rubbed my hands together and blew some warm air, hoping to get some warmth from there. I felt something rest above my shoulders and saw his cardigan. He smiled the same wide smile, and let me sit down. “I’ll just buy some coffee, okay? I’ll be back.”
I smiled back, feeling a rare comfort and happiness just a few moments away from the darkness I was in. I looked at my reflection in the glass. Brown hair, small face, clothes too big for such a small body, and bruises underneath those garments. I was a mess.
The reflection of a paper cup with steam appeared beside me. I looked to my right and saw him sitting down, a coffee cup of his own between his hands. I thanked him and held mine, grateful for the source of heat. I let the coffee’s steam pass by my face for a few seconds before bringing it up to my face, taking a sip.
It was creamy. With a hint of sugar. I smiled since this was probably how he took his coffee too. Very much unlike the bitter black I was used to drinking.
The silence was comforting. The neon sign, the rain outside, the soft music coming from the store’s speakers, and the sheer presence of him beside me, is enough to make me grateful and happy.
Not soon after, he broke the ice. He leaned his body towards mine, so did I. “So, what’s your name? And would you care to explain to me why you were outside when the rain was pouring so heavily?” I smiled, finally able to take grasp of my facial emotions after being so stoic.
“My name’s Chan. Kang Yuchan. And I ran away.”
He looked surprised with my sudden confidence and outburst, but he was happy with how I was finally talking nonetheless. “Ran away? From home? Or is it something else?” I was about to reply when he suddenly said, “ah, I’m sorry. I forgot to tell you my name. I’m Park Junhee,” and smiled with his teeth showing this time. He looked like a star. He was so beautiful. I was becoming more and more enthralled with him by the minute.
Stop it Yuchan. You can’t be like this. You need to get a hold of yourself. You can’t throw yourself onto anyone who shows care or affection for you. You’ll get hurt again.
I was probably staring too long since he suddenly waved his hands in front of me, confused. “Channie? Are you alright?” My ears perked up at the nickname and my face flushed red, looking down in embarrassment. Channie. It was…nice. I’m not sure if I considered myself worthy of such a name but I liked the way it rolled off his tongue. Like a soft huff of air with the slightest of movements.
“Yeah, I’m okay, sorry. I just blanked out for a bit,” ruffling my hair, I heaved out a sigh. It’s a messed up story. And a long one at that. I wouldn’t want to waste his time. “A-are you sure you’d want to hear it? It’ll take up your time…” He smiled at me and held my hand again. The warmth was back. “The rain looks like it won’t be stopping anytime soon, right? We have time. And even if we don’t, I’ll make time for you. I’m concerned.”
I held his hand tighter, grasping my courage. I held in my breath for a few seconds, and let go. This stranger is about to know more about my life than anyone else, except him. I’m about to let him know everything now.
I feel like I’d want to tell him everything anyway too.
He makes me feel safe, like a home.
And just that thought makes me be brave.
So I did. I went on, and told him everything.
Doing so, I remembered it all. The pain, but it was okay. I’ll be alright.
It was a Thursday when it all started. He just got home from college, and I didn’t attend my classes since I was sick. After hearing the door click, I went downstairs, giddy to see Donghun again. He closed the door rather loudly and had a grim look on his face. Nonetheless, I tried my best to be happy and cheer him up.
“Hi Hunnie! Are you hungry? I made you dinner so you could study for your test tomorrow!” I beamed with a proud smile. He said he always loved my cooking. “Not hungry,” he said with a grunt. I pouted. “But I made all this for you! Won’t you atleast try some?”
“Just shut up! You never even did anything for me, why are you forcing this? You’re just a fucking kid that’s leeching on to me!” He screamed while throwing his plate on the floor, and grabbing another one and aiming for the empty space next to my feet.
Oh my God. Please, this can’t be happening. Oh my God, oh my God. Please let this be a dream, please. I closed my eyes and bit on the inside of my cheek, scared of what’s to come.
I opened my eyes for a bit and saw him going up the stairs, leaving me alone. I was motionless, confused, then I fell to a heap on the floor, sobbing, covering my mouth to soften my cries. My shaking hands grabbed the broken shards of porcelain, hiccups leaving my spit-covered mouth. The tears haven’t stopped yet. I wished they would.
That night, I ate dinner alone. Me and Donghun lived together, and even slept together, but I slept on the sofa. When I woke up the next day, he already left. Without a note, text, or even touching the breakfast I left and woke up early for. It left a hole in my heart, thinking that maybe this whole relationship will end soon.
He wasn’t the same Donghun I knew. His eyes were bleak, smile almost non-existent. What happened to the Donghun I knew that danced with me under the rain? What happened to the Donghun I knew that almost starved himself at school just to buy me a record player for my birthday? What happened to the Donghun I knew that went stargazing with me despite his fear of the dark?
Maybe it was all a lie, the Donghun I knew. Maybe I was just fooling myself to see what I wanted to see. Maybe he’s had enough of me. He calls me worthless anyway.
It went on like that for a few months. Donghun being aggressive, not even caring to apologize about it, and I still stayed despite it all. Why, you ask? I didn’t know too. I used to say that it was because of love, but now maybe it was fear. Fear of angering Donghun more than I’ve already had.
When Donghun’s anger got the best of him, it wasn’t pretty. There were times when he dragged me at the mall, earning evident stares because of my hurt cries. He would take out his belt at home and whip me on the back for about 20 times a day, and even when I was shouting for help, no one batted an eye. The worst was when he slammed me against a concrete pillar in an underground parking lot. I barely made it alive, my head was bleeding. Luckily someone called for help. Bastard Donghun lied all the way and said he tried his best to help me when I fell.
At that point, I was numb. People started asking about the bruises, so I did my best in covering them up, mastering my fake smiles. Whenever Donghun had a death grip on my arm, I just smiled. Whenever Donghun threatened me at home, I just kept quiet. It’s better to say nothing rather than barking back and getting thrice more pain that I already have.
A couple of weeks after, I was in his car, going home after going with a party of his. No music from the radio, just the slow, steady hum of the engine and tires on the road. Then I realized,
I could run away. Right now.
It’s a highway, deserted by the looks of it. I could run away and no one would be there to care. Yeah, I could. I could open the car door right now, despite Donghun being right next to me. I could.
I licked my lips, gulping nervously. My heart pounding so loud in my chest I could hear it. This is it. The moment I’ve been waiting for. All I need to do is just to reach the-
“Hey, can you grab me the charger I left in front of the dashboard?” Donghun says without as much as looking at me. I jolt, hands retreating back to my sides, nervous and finicky. “Y-yeah, of course.” He looked over at me with confusion, with my sudden stutter and all. I flashed a weak smile and grabbed the wire and handed it to him, going back to my chair as fast as lightning.
He stopped the car for a bit to attach the wire to his phone, and my brain short-circuited for a while. This is it. You have to do it now, Yuchan. Now or never.
In a rushed daze, I forcefully pulled up the car lock, opened the door and ran outside, the fresh air almost suffocating. I ran, sprinted if you would call it. My legs felt like wires. I could hear his voice, laced with more anger than usual. Saying it’s slurs. I could barely hear since the wind was harshly blowing against my ears. But I heard him say my name. And a few other disgusting titles.
Tears pricked my eyes, and they were now running down freely on my flushed face. I kept running. Then his footsteps were inaudible. I was confused, then turned around.
I wasn’t even worth the fight.
Then, I fell to the ground. That’s where I met him. My prince, Park Junhee.
When I got to the end of the story, his fists were balled, and it looked like he was about to blow up any minute soon. He placed his fingers on his temples, and heaved out a heavy sigh. “So, that jerk’s name was Donghun, right?” He said the name with so much anger it actually made me rethink of what I said about him, but then again he deserved all the hate in the world.
I nodded furiously. That scumbag. I hope he gets what he deserves.
Junhee starts talking, angrily and without pause. “He’s such an asshole. Honestly, you didn’t deserve such a monster. You’re so beautiful and kind and pure and I don’t understand why he wanted to do that to you. Jerk. He’s the worst scum of all. Channie, please promise me you will never let such a horrible man like that make you forget your worth, please? You’re a star, so bright. You’re important.”
My face flushed at the sudden burst, and I looked down in surprise. After a few minutes of Junhee cooling down, he let out a soft sigh. He cupped my face with both hands, and I flushed like a beet. I’m internally panicking, since he could feel my cheeks and probably knew what I was feeling. He let out a soft chuckle at my state, and brushed his thumbs against my cheeks. Shit, I’m blushing harder now.
Maybe it won’t be so bad loving Park Junhee.
I felt all the air leave my chest. It was knocked out, just by those four words. I can’t speak, my eyes and mouth are wide open. Why, why, why, why, why. Why all of a sudden, Junhee. Giving me such an option. I want to run away with you. I do. I really do. But I’ll be a burden, a rock, I’m just a child, a piece of trash that shouldn’t even be taken care o-
“Hello? Channie? Are you still listening?” Junhee’s hands were no longer on my cheeks and were now waving in front of my face.
“I asked if you had a fever, since you were warm earlier. You’ve been blanking out a lot lately too. I can buy some medicine for you.”
It was just my stupid brain, ha.
I just met him today, why would I even think he’d take an interest in me…I’m dumb. Very dumb. Dumbest. God damn Kang Yuchan.
I shook my head. “No, it’s okay. I’m feeling fine, there’s no need.” I tried my hardest to smile. It hurts that out of all the people I had to fake my smile with, it was him.
Junhee gave me a smile, the kind that makes your insides churn. I loved that smile. I really did. I don’t know why but I think I’m really in love with him.
I’m in love with a man named Park Junhee.
I love the way his eyes crinkle when he smiles. I love the way his smile looks like that of a cat, wide and beautiful. I loved his sparkling eyes. I love the way one eye seems to be a little bit smaller when he smiles brightly. I love the sound of his voice. I love how it rumbles and comes deep from within his body, but still carrying a softness that embodies his persona. I love it all. I love it so so much.
Maybe I was just seeking for love from someone else. Maybe…I just wanted Junhee to love me back. Maybe I just wanted to make a home out of him. To feel safe.
But I didn’t want to believe that. I’m sure I’m not that bad of a person. Right? Junhee said that I’m important to him. Yeah. He’s important to me too.
“Do you have a place to stay? You said you lived together, so I don’t think you have any other place to go. We can go to your parents if you want.” Junhee asked me all of a sudden. My eyes went wide, and I shook my head. They haven’t seen me in years, I think they’d have a heart attack if they ever saw me like this. Plus, they’re in Jeju anyway.
Junhee huffed, “looks like you’ll have to stay with me then.” He flashed me a grin.
Am I still imagining this?
“R-really? You’ll let me?” My voice tiny and hushed like a child, still scared that my imagination may get the best of me again.
Junhee laughed, a loud one. “Of course, I’m not letting you fall into the wrong hands again. From now on, I’ll take care of you, Kang Yuchan.”
I smiled, a real one. All teeth. Mom said I looked like a star when I did. I felt like exploding.
His ears perked up at the nickname, but it didn’t look like he hated it, so I guessed it was okay. He had this big goofy grin. I hope he feels the same way I do about him, seeing him like this.
“You remind me of a prince. You know, for saving me at such a time, and accepting me.”
He smiled so brightly my legs felt weak. “Can I be your prince, Yuchan?” He held my hand and kissed the back of it and held my palm to his cheek.
Fuck, my heart is about to burst. I love him. I love him so much. Truly. I don’t doubt that now. I don’t care if I’m hallucinating his feelings for me. I love him more than anyone and anything else in this world. In my eyes, there’s only him. He’s my everything. I want to cuddle with him at night, hold hands, and let him know that I will love him til my last seconds, and even after that. I want to grow old with him. I want to spend the rest of my life, forever, with him.
I let out a smile from the bottom of my heart. So wide, and my eyes overflowing with love I felt like they were tearing up. My eyes conveyed all the warmth I felt in my heart.
“You’re my prince, Junhee.”
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