Dude... no.

Mark Robert Michael Wahlberg June 5th, 1971 Dorchester, Boston, Massachusetts One of 11 kids I answer to 'Dad' if your name is Ella Rae, Brandon Joseph, Grace Margaret Michael, Rani Rose, Ryder or Bingham Hawn Smitten with a pretty blonde kitten named Kate I act, sometimes I work in a burger joint with my family I'm just some boy from Boston who gets to live the dream, okay? [not the real Mark Wahlberg. Obviously.]

[markrobertmichael]

mrmark: Turned on my TV and there's my fucking BOY. Getting it. Always. Miss the hell out of you, @dobrien.

[markrobertmichael]

[text-Taylor] Not for now. I'm not father material, man. You definitely are.

[text] Just don’t set yourself on that. 

@froggy-brolin

[markrobertmichael]

[text-Dylan] That was funny. I literally laughed out loud. [text] Thank you, man. It's really awesome, actually. I get to experience life as an uncle and it's the best thing ever.

[text] So did I, thinking it was Taylor.

[text] I can attest to that. 

@dballsobrien

[markrobertmichael]

[text-Taylor] Nope. Not cut out for the daddy thing. I'm more of the cool uncle type.

[text] For now. I used to be the cool uncle, bro.

@froggy-brolin

[markrobertmichael]

[text-Taylor] Damn, you're a sap... it's really fucking sweet, though.

[text] Yeah, well. Find yourself a cute boy to talk into having your kids and you’ll see it.

@froggy-brolin

[markrobertmichael]

[text-Dylan] Right. So. Long story short, my father is different than originally thought and I have this really cool, really tall, really Texan other family. And my brother Jared has three kids and a fourth on the way with his husband.

[text] ‘Really cool, really tall, really Texan’. I would have thought you meant Taylor. 

[text] That’s wicked, though. How cool!

@dballsobrien

[markrobertmichael]

[text-Taylor] They better bring it. I'm getting back into it now that I'm cleared. [text] I could tell, she looked really thrilled to see all that pink confetti.

[text] You’re fucking on. 

[text] It’s so fucking sweet, I love her being so fucking happy, man.

@froggy-brolin

[markrobertmichael]

[text-Dylan] Please don't. I've become pretty fond of living. [text] NO. No babies for me. My brother is having a little girl, though.

[text] Awwwwww. Wait, your brother?

@dballsobrien

[markrobertmichael]

[text-Dylan] I don't hate you, I understand. I'm really excited for both of you!

[text] I’m gonna kill you if this one thinks you’re cute too. Just putting it out there.

[text] HEY, WAIT. ALL THE BABIES? SOMETHING YOU NEED TO TELL ME?

@dballsobrien

[markrobertmichael]

[text-Taylor] No shit? Damn, boy. You're going to have your own hockey team at this rate. [text] Congratulations though, brother. That's amazing news.

[text] Hell yeah, I will. And they will ALL beat your ass, Texas. 

[text] Thank you, man. I appreciate it. We’re really excited... Katie wanted a girl.

@froggy-brolin

[markrobertmichael]

[text-Dylan] All the babies!! Congratulations, man!

[text] THANK YOU, LOVER. 

[text] Don’t hate me, we needed to keep it quiet for a while.

@dballsobrien

[markrobertmichael]

[text-Taylor] Dude, what is this news I'm hearing?

[text] Surprise? 

[text] Uh, so. About that...

[text] Kate miiiiiiiiiiight be having a baby?

@froggy-brolin

[markrobertmichael]

mrmark: I'm not saying the cat's out of the bag... I'm just saying our backyard is covered in pink confetti. #thescoresareveningouthere

[markrobertmichael]

misskhud: @mrmark I'm going to pretend that you DIDN'T say that.

mrmark: @misskhud Probably safer for me.

[markrobertmichael]

misskhud: @mrmark Daddy is going to LOVE this.

mrmark: @misskhud At least I'm keeping it in the family, though.

[markrobertmichael]

misskhud: @mrmark Ugh, get a room. And not ours.

mrmark: @misskhud YOU GAVE US PERMISSION, JUST REMEMBER THAT. @ohmygodollie LETS GO, ROMEO.

[markrobertmichael]

mrmark: When you watch #bae's new show cuddled up with him and the mrs asks if this means you're officially leaving her for him. #sorrykitten #ollieandiareforever