The cinnamon bun was the farthest thing from his mind right now. He could have been famished a few moments earlier and even so would not have been able to think on it, save for a tightening of his mouth at Gracie’s mention of it. His agitation was, of course, not directed at his wife, but she was, regrettably, the unfortunate witness to it. Had Mark been feeling less urgent he would have approached it better, but this was a situation involving Gracie and Rudy and that changed everything. He might have been maintaining a cool head on the surface, save for his obvious concern, but underneath it all he felt something bubbling.
There were precious few things in this world that Mark loved; he couldn’t handle the thought of one of them destroying the other.
But...he was getting ahead of himself. Gracie was here, after all. His brother hadn’t killed her (even thinking that made his stomach turn). She was not unshaken, but she was here. He had to focus on that, and when she finally touched him he released a shaky breath that somehow managed to embody his relief and his fear all at the same time.
The mention of her father sent yet another jolt through him, though along with it came a resolved sort of discomfort as well: Johanssen had not been a good man, and he had certainly not been a good father, but...for a time, he’d been the one to provide Mark with the thing that he’d been missing all his life. In turn, he’d idolized him. For a time. He had been an accessory to many of the pastor’s sins, hadn’t he? Mark knew that he deserved to feel uneasy right now, but he forced himself to remember that those terrible things that had been done to Gracie had also been the things to turn him from his father figure’s side. It hadn’t been about redemption for him to do so, though. It had been about her. His sins were his own, but his salvation had always been her.
Then again, Mark Rollins had never been under the illusion of being a good man to begin with, so perhaps the reminder of Johanssen was a welcomed thing. There are worse demons out there. Well. There were. Helena had taken care of that.
He couldn’t find comfort in any of that, though. Not when his wife was recounting her ordeal with his brother, and certainly not when she finally relented to show him the evidence of Rudy’s attack. His gaze dropped from her face, down to the wound on her neck and that cold, rolling feeling in his stomach gave way to a sinking sensation as he realized all at once just how easily his brother could have killed her. Where had he been when this was happening?
He could picture it now with chilling clarity: Rudy, with a hand clamped mercilessly around her throat. Gracie, struggling for breath but never begging. He knew that she wouldn’t have begged. He knew that his wife was brave, and far stronger than anyone would have assumed from first glance. What she had survived, and what she still endured, had made her unbreakable.
That didn’t change a thing about how he felt about all of this, though. Not a thing. Mark raised a hand, trembling with suppressed emotion, in order to trace a finger gingerly across the wound on her neck. His expression crumpled with the contact, and for a moment his grief at her suffering was all that he could feel. Even his anger has given way to this feeling; Mark stroked the side of her neck tenderly with his thumb, trying to keep from imagining how horrifying this had to have been for her.
“No...Gracie, no,” he replied miserably, shaking his head firmly as he brought both his hands upward to cup her cheeks. Mark lifted his gaze back to Gracie’s, his concern for her finally flooding over the bubbling rage that he’d been struggling with. His anger would return later, undoubtedly, but for now all he could care about was how she was faring. “No, this wasn’t your fault.”
Why had Rudy done this to her? To hurt him? ‘Well, mission accomplished, brother’, he thought bitterly as he brushed his forehead against his wife’s. It didn’t matter how much Gracie insisted that the blame was hers...Rudy was the one that had drawn blood. Again, the thought sent his stomach churning, and he knew that he would need to respond to this before long.
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry I wasn’t there to protect you. This will never happen again, I promise you.”