I lost myself.

Marley Lavinia 'Nani' Sander | 25 | Healer | Pleasant Meadows

[marley-lavinia]

stcyingsilent​:

“There are so many flavors. They’re limitless. You can even combine them. There’s one that’s crumbled up cookies. Could you imagine trying to get that up a small straw?” Even if they were wasting their time talking about it, they were trying to keep their sanity up. Talking about something that didn’t take too much brainpower was much needed for them. Not like they were really even talking earlier, but that’s a different matter altogether.

“A.M. or P.M.?” Adam honestly didn’t even know what day it was, let alone the time. Had they even slept? They could’ve been together for five minutes or five decades, and it’d feel the same to him. That was the power of Marley. 

Just as he didn’t know the time, he hadn’t felt like anything had changed in the house. It still felt like home. It was still the home they had moved to after no longer wanting to hear the Chosen’s pity. Even though Adanna was a whirlwind to the house, it wasn’t out of place. The house had been waiting for a family to cause a ruckus within its walls and it was thriving. And he was allowed back in so easily? Even though he thought he didn’t deserve it, that was what he was receiving. There were no words for how much he missed their home. He closed his eyes, basking in it. Eventually, he’d open them after a long sigh. “It feels like it hasn’t changed at all.” It felt like their dream - their dream of having a family of their own. It’d been in their hands for years, but now they were complete. Right? The setting was a bit off, but they were together. Wasn’t that the point? “Or did you do something that I just haven’t seen yet?”

Marley let out a laugh at his question. “P.M., darling. We still got a few hours.” She sure got where his feeling of timelessness stemmed from. She was feeling just the same. It was so easy to get lost in his eyes and his voice and just forget everything. Just everything. 

Marley was smiling at her husband as he was enjoying the moment, closed eyes, relaxed state. She was so happy to have him standing right there in front of her. She looked at him, taking in the familiar sight and adding in all the subtle changes that comfortably fit right in with her picture of him. He hadn’t changed all that much. There was nothing sticking out to her that left her questioning. He was still just the way he had left her. Them. With a soft sigh, Marley rolled onto his side of the bed and got up next to him, wrapping her arms around him and smiling up at him just as Adam opened his eyes. “Well, it hasn’t changed much. The nursery is not set up for an infant anymore though.” She chuckled softly. They had had it set up ages ago. Marley was convinced she’d still spent more time crying in that room than not. Even with Adanna. It sure was that way for Adam.

[marley-lavinia]

stcyingsilent:

Her sudden interest in milkshakes made him laugh. Such a serious topic and yet she brought up something light-hearted. If it was even possible, he fell more in love with his wife. How could he not have a smile all over his face? How he had missed her. Now, his heart could soar freely. “I’ve had a milkshake before, but it’s different when you’re a worker having one.” Her curiosity in this specific subject, to him, was honestly adorable. Is that really what she immediately thought of when thinking about the outside? All pretty and frilly things? He wished that was true all the time, but unfortunately, that wasn’t how it was. But generally? People were people. People were generally kind, but not caring about others outside their sphere. Here, where everyone was a part of the same big family, that was strange.

“People can be rude or misinterpret things or demand things that are far out of your control. You know how it is you have multiple patients and a short amount of time to do things. It’s a lot like that.” Granted, it wasn’t life-saving work he was doing as opposed to her, but when you depended on tips, it wasn’t the best job in the world. 

Then a sudden regret came upon him. “I wish I could’ve brought some of the books with me. They explain things a lot better than I ever will.” Besides, of course, being out there in the Sinner’s World. But that was a whole other can of worms to unpack. They could unpack that later. For now, he just wanted to hold her close like he had dreamt of for the last five years.

Marley was genuinely happy that Adam had gotten to experience the good side of life outside the community even though she now saw that it also meant he had experienced the bad side. Apparently, it was true. There’s no good without evil. She knew he had tried to get the most out of it while it lasted. “Which flavour did you get? I had strawberry and vanilla once. Are there more? Did you like it?” Marley knew there were so many difficult topics to talk about and she was aware that they were wasting time with every second not spent on planning their next move, but she had missed him so badly. She simply couldn’t get herself to redirect their conversation in a more serious direction.

His explanation made sense to her now. It had probably been difficult for her husband to even find a thing in the community that would relate to his experiences in the outside world. So she nodded with a smile to reassure him but also with furrowed brows because she was still in doubt about overreacting in a mean manner when the only thing at stake was their meal or the next drink and nothing more important. 

She sighed at his next statement, feeling with him and - now that the topic and the possibility was mentioned - being disappointed about things not working out their way at well. “It’s fine.” A hint of sadness hiding in her soft voice and on her lips. The smile they formed was honest, nevertheless. There were more important things to worry about and even though she wished she would have gotten the chance to read more, Marley knew that she would soon have the chance to do so and to experience so much more. “We’ll have to pick up Adanna at four. Do you want to get up and I show you what has changed around the house?” There honestly wasn’t much to see. No big changes had taken place during the time he had been gone, but Adanna’s existence was evident around the house. Making everything shift just slightly. 

[marley-lavinia]

stcyingsilent​:

“Lots of reading,” was his instant reply. “You learn a lot about math, science, and history. Some people take up another language or play sports or play an instrument. It’s kinda interesting, you know?” Probably because they were denied that life.

Even he wasn’t quite sure how he managed to get his G.E.D. He was lucky he was born outside the Chosen. In a way, it felt like a luxury to have it, not a necessity. So he just shrugged. “There’s a lot of documents you need if you wanna survive out there. They all cost money which seems counterintuitive, y’know? It’s hard to get a job without them, but there are people out there willing to give you jobs if they don’t have to pay you decently.” Was he rambling? Most certainly. With her, he didn’t even notice. No matter if he was rambling or not, it was a difficult concept to get across, especially to someone who had never been outside, not truly.

“I was able to get a shortened version of all that schooling, but that was only because I was taught a couple of things. I can’t imagine what someone a few generations deep in here would do.” But why did they spread it out over that long? That was a question he didn’t really know the answer to. “I mean, they’re kids Adanna’s age who are taught how to read from scratch, and how to do math by showing them basic addition. We all had to start out somewhere.” If anything, that skirted around the question.

But she asked him another question. What had he done over the years? That made him pause. The years blurred together - he wasn’t himself then. “I’ve done a lot of things,” he settled upon that sentence. “Lots of physically demanding jobs - and yes, being a server counts. That’s mentally demanding, too. People can be so mean to each other for just doing their job.”

Marley raised her brows, instantly interested in learning more about what he had learned there. On her occasional visits to the outside world, everything had always shown her that there had to be more than what the community had taught them. Once she had started to pursue help for and information about their struggles to start a family, Marley had realized just how much more she had missed out on and she had started to devour every tiny bit of information she had gotten her hand on. She had been glad that her parents had taught her how to read on so many occasions.

Adam soon moved on to the next part of her questions and Marley’s brows furrowed again. She was fixed on Adam’s words. Listening intently even though she wasn’t sure of she really understood any of the explainings that he gave her. When he mentioned people not valuing his hard work as they were supposed to, Marley scoffed at the abstract concept of people not valuing Adam as much as she thought the should in general just as much. “But that doesn’t seem to be fair. You probably did just as good as anyone with the right piece of paper. The results should be what’s important.” 

Marley tried to imagine her daughter in a different environment, taking her own attempts at teaching her how to do basic math and how to write her name and numbers and a few letters in general as an object of comparison. She wasn’t sure if Adanna was made for a setting that was based on focus and concentrated learning from her young age on. She was still so curious and loud and bubbly and curious. It was hard to keep her interest on anything other than what caught her own attention. Marley had decided to let her explore the world a bit longer in her own way and at her own pace...maybe that had been a mistake. Would she be at a disadvantage once they would manage to leave the community. Nevertheless, Marley nodded at Adam, acknowledging his answers, showing him that she was listening intently.

His last answer made sense in retrospect. Would she have known that it hadn’t been easy to find a job and that those he had found hadn’t been well paid, Marley would have guessed that he had switched around and tried various places to find a way to get the most out of his time for them. “What do you mean they are mean to each other for doing their job?” All this time, Marley had hoped that Adam was doing fine out in the world on his own. They had expected difficulties but Marley had only ever experienced neutral or nice interactions with other people in the outside world. Granted, she had been kept out of most of the interactions to be honest. She had been to some cafés and restaurants on her travels though, so she knew what a server even was. “Did you serve in a café? A diner with a milkshake machine? Did you get to try one for yourself?” Excitedly, Marley squeezed her husband softly and cuddled herself even closer to him, smiling at him with all her hope for the future of her little family.

[marley-lavinia]

stcyingsilent​:

He’d go over all of Marley’s questions, mentally checking off each box when he was finished. It was like they’d been together this whole time, falling into old habits.

“I’m assuming I’d be a nanny. I vaguely remember talking to Mama about it. How else can I be productive here?” He sold himself extremely short, but he had to show that he wasn’t going to leave anytime soon. They’d bog him down until he couldn’t think. Now that he thought about it, that’s what they had always done to him. But no more Bliss! He’d go mad if he had any more! “Sure they’re family, but I dunno. Something’s off with them.”

He hadn’t even noticed that once he started talking, he was playing with her hand. Once again, easily falling into old habits. It’d been so long since he’d been so close to her and yet his body knew exactly what to do. “I don’t think anyone knew, or if they did, no one said anything to me. Like, why would they tell me? If they knew, we probably wouldn’t be together.” And the only one that’d yap was Adanna. Maybe Adam would on a bad day, but if Adanna was Adam’s kid, she’d immediately blab.

Now for the diploma. That thing made less sense than money! “The paper is like… proof that you know something, from a school.” How could he explain it? That made him pause as his gaze floated to the ceiling. “We would’ve gone to school out there for twelve years and in the end, get a piece of paper that said we did our twelve years of schooling. But me not having that at my age hindered me from getting job ls that didn’t have anything to do with teaching or learning!” That was when his eyes snapped back down to his wife. “Well, I definitely learned, but it was stuff like sorting and digging and stocking. It doesn’t correlate! I have the paper now, but it was hard to get.”

Nani listened to her husband’s words, trying to take it all in and remember every word in case it would be important later on. She furrowed her brows when he mentioned that he couldn’t help the community in any other way than being a nurse and she had wanted to stop him and assure him that he could help in many ways. But she didn’t wanted to interrupt him. It didn’t matter much anyway. It was the best for them if he started being a nanny again and the only thing that would have been worth reassuring him about would have not been his worth to the community but his worth to her, to their own family, their own little cosmos. They all just needed to be good enough for each other and Adam was worth everything to Marley.

Instead, she let him keep on talking and now he was reassuring her. At least to some extent. they couldn’t be sure whether anyone knew about their past plan and their current ones, but at least they knew that it wasn’t a big topic in the community or in the family. Noone had been talking of it as of yet. They simply needed to keep it that way.

Marley’s brows furrowed again when Adam tried explaining the problem with the paper to her. She shifted slightly, pulling her hand from Adam’s, wrapping her arm around him and looking up at his face. “Twelve years of schooling?” That sounded excessive. “What would we have learned there that would take twelve years of learning?” She shook her head slowly, almost amused at the concept. “How did you get it? You’ve only been away for four years and not twelve. If learning all of it is possible in four years, why spread it out over twelve?” She chuckled and another question popped up in her head. “Wait. And what did you work as out there then?”

[marley-lavinia]

diceinorbit​:

Abraham was incredibly busy. Being the Father and ruling over an entire compound of people who relied solely on you for safety and words of wisdom was not a task for the fainthearted. He was fortunate that he was raised to be this way — else he wouldn’t have made it a year as the man he is today. Gazing up from his opened book at the sound of the door opening, he offered a wry smile. “To what do I owe this visit?”

Hearing the voice that greeted her when she opened the door made her realize instantly that she’d made a mistake. “I apologize, father.” She was always unsure about the right way to speak to him. Was she allowed to use his first-name when Magnolia or his children weren’t around and actively doing it with her? Was she supposed to use Mr. Huber? That felt entirely wrong to her, but since her and Magnolia had married, she was technically his daughter-in-law. More or less. She was the mother of his grand-child. Again, more or less. “I was looking for Adanna. She wasn’t with the others. Uh, you haven’t seen her by any chance?”

[marley-lavinia]

stcyingsilent​:

She trusted him enough to watch their kid already? That made him smile. For a second, he was himself again. But wait, weren’t they going to make him a nanny again? “I don’t think I’ll only be watching Adanna.” With the influx of people joining, there was bound to be more children to take care of. While it’d normally make him excited, it would only lead to more problems for them. “I’d love that to be the case, though.” She’d been alive for four years now and they just now met! Did she even know he was her dad? Thinking that made him reach for Marley’s hand, holding it between both of his. “We have time to figure it out, to get our bearings again.” God knew Adam didn’t have his.

But her expression before made him curious. He knew far more about the Sinner’s World now, which was hilarious to him. How the roles had flipped! She had known more before he left, believe it or not. He’d hardly been in town or interacted with its residents. Now he could share some knowledge with her - but it’d be so much easier to just show her! He could only tell of his adventures, but it was better than nothing, right?

“I know that look you had before. What do you want to know this time? I’m all ears.”

“Does that mean you’re going to be a nanny again?” Marley drew that conclusion from him telling her he would watch more children again. “Still, Adannna will always be close to you instead of the family. I always had a bit of a bad feeling leaving her with them.” Now, her time had come though and Adam was making sure to leave room for her questions. That’s why she wasn’t in a hurry when talking with her husband. She would always have her words heard eventually. With other people, she often had to get them out as soon as possible to get an answer. “I have so many questions about all of it. Four years. I can’t even imagine what you’ve experienced during that time.” She sighed, tilting her hand slightly between the both of his and intertwined her fingers with his. “Do they know why you left? Do they know I knew?” It would chance her entire position in the community. Until this morning, she had been convinced that everyone was pittying her or blaming her for her husband leaving. She knew that her sisters were glad that Adam had left. They couldn’t stand to see her happy. Marley didn’t care about their jealousy though, she was just hoping that they would soon be happy enough themselves to just forget about her happiness. “And what did you mean with that piece of paper you need that says you know things? You could just prove it by showing, couldn’t you?”

[marley-lavinia]

stcyingsilent:

How could he possibly attack the words she said? As much as he would’ve liked everything working out his way, that never happened - there’d always be bumps they’d have to overcome. It was different now, and that complicated things. They were parents! It wasn’t just them anymore.

The least he could do was answer her questions. “I came back for you and Adanna.” Even if he came back to the county not knowing the little one existed, he wasn’t going to leave without her. “There’s a little house,” he started, unsure about telling every detail. “It’s ours, far away from this place. It took a long time to figure it out.” Then he blurted out something that made him shake his head. “Out there, money means everything! And so does a piece of paper saying I know a few things! It’s so much simpler here.”

But their next move? He hadn’t thought that far ahead since he got caught. They hadn’t allowed him to think about that, let alone talk about it. Eyes were all over him, though. How long would it take before they no longer looked? “I was at our spot, to try and talk to you, but you know how it ended.” Her feelings were valid, though, and in embarrassment, he shied away from her touches, his gaze faltering as his face flushed. He felt like such an idiot! They were all in danger because of what he did! But how else were you supposed to communicate with someone in the modern age who didn’t have a phone? A letter would’ve been intercepted long before it reached her. No, it had to be in-person.

“We have to wait,” was his answer. Just as they had done before. How else did they manage to flee the first time? “I wish there was a better answer. Like I wish I could tell you a definitive time but I can’t. We have to play into their hand.” And that? That was the one thing he hated.

Adam hadn’t even been done talking and Marley’s head was full of questions that wanted to be asked. But she held herself back, drowning in the blue of his eyes and listening to his words carefully. A little house? Her mind instantly made something up, images of a home that was purely imaginary. Whatever it would end up being like, she knew it would be home with him and Adanna. 

Money. She knew about the concept vaguely. She had been out and about to get supplies before and she knew that the center she had been to because of their problems with starting a family had managed everything for her. That’s how they had gotten the paperwork for everything. They had helped her and Marley was sure they could reach out to those people again- or maybe not. They couldn’t leave a trace to where they were planning to go and start over. Marley was glad that her parents at least had taught her to read and simple math and she had tried to learn a lot by herself. But she hadn’t heard of any piece of paper anyone would need to prove that they knew anything. What was that even supposed to mean? Questions about what he had said and even more about what he hadn’t - how it was out there, how he had figured out anything, how and what and why? - were running through her mind. 

But Adam wasn’t done talking yet. When he explained at least where he had gotten caught, Marley gasped and shook her head no. She had always been so careful. Did they know that she had known why he had left, that she had been lying all this time. She was praying that they didn’t. His last words managed to reassure her at least somewhat. That was nothing new to her. She had been here waiting all this time. She would wait some more until Adam came up with something, maybe she would have an idea, maybe it would be safer to leave soon. An escape with a child would be even more challenging. Marley reached out for him, kissed him again even though she could see that he was blaming himself for their situation. “It’s okay. That’s- we’re going to figure something out. We-” She sighed, biting her lip while thinking. “It will be easy to keep Adanna more to us and away from the family now. You’ll watch her the entire time anyway. No reason for me to bring her to your mom anymore. At least that means she’ll always be close if there’s a chance to run.”

[marley-lavinia]

stcyingsilent:

If only they’d known they missed each other the same paramount value! Even then, they would still lament to each other. Her words were breathy and difficult for him to understand, but he felt their raw emotions. His soul understood it fully. Even if she had moved him from his oh-so-comfortable position, he didn’t mind. They were together no matter the orientation. “So we’re both lucky?” he finally ventured. “Lucky to find such a love, I’d say. People search their whole lives to find an inkling of what we have, so desperate for any tiny amount of love.” 

Then came her next words. It earned an instant response. “No, that’s not selfish.” Years within the Chosen made thinking about only yourself seem like it was selfish, even if it was only for one second. It was being human, Adam knew that now. His voice was low as he basked in the afterglow, admiring his wife. “It’s letting you be happy for a change. Nothing selfish there.” They weren’t hurting anyone, right? Only themselves if anyone at all, especially the way they clung to each other. “I can see why you think that, though,” he continued after a few moments of silence, his brows slightly furrowing in thought. “The circumstances aren’t the greatest, but you’re still allowed to be happy. Happiness isn’t selfishness, Marls.”

Marley listened to his words but she wasn’t convinced. How could she allow herself to just be happy if his life was on the line, her life, her daughter’s. She wasn’t sure how their situation would change now that Adam was back and the family knew. Marley cuddled closer to Adam - if that was even possible - desperately wanting to feel even closer were close wasn’t even beginning to be enough. She scattered feather light kisses onto his neck, his collarbone, his jaw, and ended with a gentle kiss on his lips. Breaking it with furrowed brows, looking up to him with uncertainty in her eyes. “How can I allow myself to be happy if what we have is in danger. It’s such a confusing feeling - so happy to feel you, have you close, but so scared for everything. How do we even want to go about this, now?” And even though she was so glad that he did and she was so happy that she cold hold him. Even though their family was finally whole again- Her voice was so faint when she asked him again, so confused- “Why did you come back, my love? Why now?”

[marley-lavinia]

stcyingsilent:

When they spoke, they were always on equal footing - the same height between them. He’d forgotten how small she was as his hands could easily encircle her waist. If she were any shorter, he’d have to hoist her up. Not like he wouldn’t have minded. But he pulled away - not because he was scared, but because everything was suddenly so loud. Her skin was rough against his, not some soft figment of his imagination. So much was new and yet nothing had changed. Well, his mind did. The fog had mostly cleared and been replaced with too-aware feelings of his body. He was finally inside his own body! But his eyes, once they adjusted to the crude awakening, still had that twinkle. This time, it wasn’t Bliss causing it. He’d missed Marley far more than he’d like to admit. Perhaps that’s why he closed the gap once more, his heart aching.

——————–

Now they both looked the same way they felt - two complete messes, tangled together once more. Adam couldn’t stop smiling as he burrowed his head against his wife’s neck. As their bodies molded against each other, they felt safer and safer. Even if they missed each other’s bodies, they also missed each other’s souls. Many nights had been spent lying next to each other, simply talking and laughing until dawn. There was always something to talk about with them. This night, he figured, wasn’t going to be any different. Years had passed and yet their bond was still the same. “How’d I get to be the luckiest man in the world, married to you?”

Marley was still slightly out of breath but she was also calm as she hadn’t bee in years. They had made it to the bed eventually. Their bed. And now, Marley’s legs were wrapped around him, and her hands were in his hair. Her fingers running through his -now equally as messy as her - strands of hair, scratching the back of his neck and his shoulders softly, drawing random never ending lines on his skin, mapping it like she was trying to check if everythign was still here, still the same, still him as she knew her Adam had always been. 

Hearing his voice, raspy and relaxed, caused tears to well up in her eyes again. Her heart was about to burst with euphoria about having him back with her. It hurt so good to feel him close to her. Many nights she had lain awake, wondering if she would ever see him again, so confinced that she wouldn’t. “You’re lucky, you think? When so many nights we have only been able to meet at midnight in the forest of my dreams. Only to make a fire to count the stars that shimmer above the trees. Now you’re back here with me. Finally. I’m the lucky one, I’d say.” She sighed softly, embracing him, turning them so she could look him in the eyes once more. "I’m so happy to have you back while I should rather be scared that you are here. Isn’t that selfish?”

[marley-lavinia]

Marley Lavinia Gehling

[ SHAILENE WOODLEY, FEMALE, SHE/HER  ] right, here are the files we have on THE NAIVE  ——— GEHLING, MARLEY. 25 years old, CHOSEN MEMBER. current employment looks like a HEALER. current residence is a SMALL HOUSE in THE MEADOWS for the past 25 YEARS. current views have been noted as PRETENDING TO BE A DEVOUT BELIEVER. current risk level has been listed as MEDIUM.  [ MG, 25, she/her, GMT+2 ]

[marley-lavinia]

stcyingsilent​:

He was here. With his wife. His wife was wrapped around him, and he still couldn’t believe it. Her words didn’t register, only the odd comfort he was given did. Their whole interaction felt like a dream, and he knew he never wanted to let go. He held onto her tight, fearing that when he let go, she’d disappear as quickly as she came. But as he brushed back the quarrelsome hair from her face and saw those teary eyes, he knew he wouldn’t be leaving her again. His own voice was choked - just a lump that wouldn’t move. It’d been years. He’d gone off on his own so that they could have something when she finally left. She stayed behind and cared for their child. They were in drastically different circumstances that neither of them experienced together. But they were together now. They’d experience the world together now, as they always promised. That made a world of difference.

“I love you.” The only three words that escaped that lump while staring at the woman he married. That had never changed over the ten years they’d been together. The ring on his finger was now a part of him, eight years later - he never once thought about taking it off. He was completely, utterly devoted to Marley. Nothing could change that, not even years away from her. If anything, it made him love her more. She was so much stronger than people gave her credit for. “I love you, Marls,” he repeated. It felt so wonderful to say, like he was getting something awful off his chest again. He hadn’t said it in so long. 

His embrace felt so familiar and yet so unfamiliar at the same time. She hadn’t been held like this in years. Hadn’t been held like this by him. She knew she wanted to get used to this again as fast as possible and never miss out for longer periods of time again. She couldn’t even fathom how she had survived this long without him. He felt more like home than their house had ever felt without him. 

His words broke every barrier there had been. Tears were falling from her eyes and at the nickname that only Adam was allowed to use for her, an ugly sob escaped her. Desperate, Marley clinged onto him, scared he would vanish from between her fingers. She reached for his neck and pulled him down to her gently. It amazed her every time anew how tall he was and how much he didn’t look like it but felt like it. “I love you too,” She breathed while she moved her weight from her soles to the tips of her toes only, closing the distance between them. 

[marley-lavinia]

stcyingsilent:

Even if he was blissed, he was still Adam. He might not be expressing himself clearly or in an adult manner, but he was still inexplicably him. It was still his heart spewing out this disgusting mess. Yes, it was there even when he took in the clutter and messiness of his home and his wife. He fit right in with them despite feeling like an outsider. It was what they had wanted for years and Adam simply couldn’t have been a part of it. It was a family’s home. Hearing her words couldn’t help but bring tears to his eyes. They didn’t fall, but there was hope spilling out of his chest. Despite the years going by, he still loved them. Sure, he’d only known Adanna for two seconds, but he’d do anything for her.

“Really?” Was his disbelief that obvious, as his eyes widened in shock? His mother, actually playing nice with Marley? He never would’ve thought in a million years that it would happen, even after they had children. “And all of you generally get along, even her and Adanna? What kind of black magic is that?” 

Soon enough, his brain changed the subject, a wide smile forming when he recalled meeting his little siblings. “But yes, they told me about that. I met them! They’re so small, especially Johanna. Or maybe that was the dress she was in - she looked so little in it.” Was it also obvious he’d fallen back into his old habits of being a nanny? It was so natural to him, but he didn’t mind. There was nothing he’d rather be. 

“But I met my mama first, on accident. I was trying to see you first!” He said that as if that would change anything. “I don’t even know what day it is. Couldn’t tell you how long I’ve been here.” He sounded so defeated knowing that. He didn’t even know if they blissed him more or if he was still reeling from the darts. Either were possibilities, honestly, and that was just enough to hurt him.

Marley laughed at the disbelieve in his eyes. She couldn’t help it. She could relate to him and saw how surprising the development was. “Yes, can you believe it?” She chuckled softly, watching his reactions closely. “Especially her and Adanna. I’m conviced it is because she’s so much like you.” Nani knew that Adam being himself had caused trouble between his mother and him in the past. In turn, Adanna behaving so similar to her husband in so many ways had been difficult for Marley at first.

When Adam told her about meeting his new siblings, her brows furrowed. She had wanted to ask him about how long he was actually back for already, but he answered the question without even being asked. Marley reached out for him, when it got more and more apparent that he was happy about Peter and Johanna, but that he was frustrated about the general situation and not being able to see her sooner and explain himself more clearly. He still seemed very much a little beside himself and Marley knew that if he had been back and hidden for a few days already, they had to give him multiple doses of bliss. She was hoping that that wasn’t the case. It would also mean that Magnolia had kept him away from her for longer than she could possibly explain - which was entirely possible considering that Marley still believed her capable of doing all sort of things. Especially concerning her family.

Marley had reached for his arm, had caressed him to soothe the frustration of not being able to see her sooner, she smiled up at him softly, pulling herself closer to him. “Hey, shh. It’s fine. You’re here now.” She pulled herself even closer, wrapping her arms around him and holding him tight in her embrace. She breathed in the familiar scent that almost brought out the tears that she’d been holding in since she had seen him at that shed earlier. She swallowed hard and looked up at him, still holding him tight for fear of losing him again should she ever let go again. “I’ve missed you so much, Adam.” Her voice was shaky and her eyes still held her tears, ready to spill them. “I’ve missed you. I-” There weren’t any words that could describe what she wanted to say, that would include all the missed out memories, all the missed opportunities, her undying love for him and how happy she was to have him back. No matter the circumstances.

[marley-lavinia]

stcyingsilent​:

“You still could have left.” His voice was small as he followed her. He might as well have been a small child, an Adanna replacement for the moment. Yet he could understand her frustration and disbelief. It was always harder when it was more than just you. But he said he’d come back for her! He always would. Nothing could change that. How he came back had several hitches in it. Who’d ever expect to be caught by their mother’s workers? Certainly not him, especially since he had no clue about the current power dynamics. He was a part of The Family now, and in Pleasant Meadows, he was virtually untouchable. That was confusing to say the least. 

But he’d wanted to see his wife the whole time he was tied up and just conscious enough to exist. He asked time and time again and yet was denied. Even now, his mother still hated the woman. But why? He could never fathom the reasons she gave. Marley was anything but what she claimed. She was scared to let her baby boy go, he supposed. Oh, she must’ve had one hell of a time when she decided to stay behind! Adam felt inherently guilty. Everything here felt like it was his fault, like Marley didn’t have a choice. They all had a choice. Yet that guilt turned into anger - if she knew about Adanna, she had all the more reasons to leave with him! It didn’t make sense. Not one bit.

Despite the years, Adam still knew it was their home. Its structure hadn’t changed, and sure, its insides had, but it was their home. He wasn’t alone anymore. He didn’t want to let go of his wife’s hand even if it was an inconvenience. “They know I’m here, Marls. The Family. I can’t believe my mother married into that mess!” He took a deep breath, almost like a sigh. “Can’t imagine what that must’ve done to you.”

Marley shook her head in disbelief. How could he say that. She let out a sigh instead of uttering her whitty retort. He wasn’t really himself right now. He was blissed and it was not exactly helping the situation at all. They did reach their small home in the end. If Marley was a mess, then the house offered them an even bigger mess today. She hadn’t exactly managed to get chores done while she was spending time with sick children but now Marley desperately wished she would have at least kept up the work somewhat. 

The moment the door was locked behind them, Adam brought another round of bad news upon them. “Wait, what?!” She looked at him in complete shock and utter disbelieve. “Is that how you got there? Did they manage to track you down? Did they do anything to you?” She realized that she already knew the answer to that question when it had left her lips. Of course not. Magnolia was very much capable of a lot of things and she definitely didn’t stop at blissing out her son but she would never let him get hurt. “Your mother joining the family? That sure was something.” It had made her fear for her own life and her child’s safety more often than not. She’d been too far in her pregnancy when they made things official. She had missed the time slot to follow Adam and now she had to worry about new Mrs. Huber simply getting rid of her despised daughter-in-law to get free range of her granddaughter. Marley hadn’t expected her to start getting friendly with her once Adanna had been born and it sure took a while for Marley to trust the change in scenery, but she had needed help and she had wanted Adanna to grow up with a loving relationship between her and her grandma. She hadn’t exactly expected that Magnolia didn’t even need Adanna as a replacement for her child because her and the father simply reproduced themselves.

“You know, she’s been disturbingly nice to me lately.” She chuckled before she registered the name he had used for her. Marls. She had missed that too. He was the only one to call her that. “You got half-siblings now, did they tell you that? Magnolia and me agreed that it’s good for them and Adanna to spend time together. I can’t believe I’m telling you that but by now, I allow her to watch her when I’m too busy. Never would have thought I’d leave my child alone with your mother.” Marley thought back to the time when Magnolia had been actively working against the relationship between her and Adam. How she had tried to force them apart when they didn’t have children and Marley did anything she didn’t agree with. It seemed so long ago. Even longer now that it was a change that she had lived through without Adam. He was just now catching up on everything and all the time that had been lost between them became so apparent. 

[marley-lavinia]

stcyingsilent:

She was gone as quickly as she appeared. But he’d wait. He’d wait years by that shed if he had to. If only he wasn’t always Blissed out of his mind - that’d be far better than whatever hell he was living. Every time he struggled against it, he felt his consciousness slip even further. Needless to say, he hated it. He wanted to be there fully, especially for Marley. What was the use in talking when he felt like he was talking into a garbage bag half the time?

But she came back! If only he could see that smile on his face! Everything lit up, and his mind felt clearer. It seemed to quiet as it focused on her and only her. There were so many questions the both of them had about the other. And, of course, there was that tension between them. Who should go first? What question would be asked first? Adam took that leap. “Why are you still here? I thought you’d leave the first chance you got.”

She hurried back through the gate and down the street, letting out a breath she hadn’t known she was holding in when she spotted him back at the shed. He was still there. For a moment, she’d been worried that she might have dreamt or imagined him and was slowly losing her mind out of sleep deprivation. But there he was. Smiling at her with that smile she had grown to love so dearly and that she had missed so much over the last years. She wanted to run to him, burry herself in his embrace and cry out all the tears she had wept while he was gone once more for him to let him console every pain and heartbreak she had suffered without him. 

Instead, they had to hurry home and hide him away as soon as possible and for as long as it took them to find a solution to this situation. When Nani arrived at his side, she tried to talk again but she didn’t know where to even begin. When he asked his question, Marley furrowed his brows and looked at him in confusion and just slight disbelieve. Was he kidding her? Didn’t he realize what had just been revealed? Didn’t he realize the situation they were in? “You just saw why I couldn’t leave.” It was more than just an explanation. It was a question to whether he had made the connection between Adanna and her. And him. 

“We need to go, Adam. Now. We need to go home and sort this through. Our old friends can’t see you here.” Again, she ran her hand through her hair in frustration and took his hand, starting to walk towards their home. “Why did you come back? Have you lost your mind?” It wasn’t a real question meant to find out an answer. She wanted to express all the risks they had taken and all the sorrow they had endured that were now lost with his return. 

[marley-lavinia]

stcyingsilent:

He should’ve stayed inside. People were watching him, he knew that. He was still new and should’ve done what he was told. Since when did he do that, drugged or otherwise? The Bliss was affecting him in ways he didn’t expect, and seeing a little girl with Marley wasn’t unexpected. But this girl looked slightly different than in his hallucinations. And that. That had to be Marley. The real Marley. None of his hallucinations would show a struggle, right? Upon realizing it, his own face turned pale, his smile fading. Everything became still. Well, all except for Adanna who didn’t register the tension between her parents.

His gaze flickered from his torn-up wife to the giggling child before going right back to Marley. No, it couldn’t be. All kids acted like that, right? But her eyes were so big and bright. There was no mistaking that child for anyone else’s. In his heart, he knew. That made his heart drop far past his stomach. They’d tried for years and nothing. Once he leaves, they finally have one? What kind of cruel God did he believe in?

He didn’t want to slip away again. So he got up and closed the distance between them, leaving Adanna behind. (She was soon to follow.) He had to make sure he wasn’t imagining her. Even at her worst, she was still in his hallucinations - he had to double-check. He brought a gentle hand to her arm, testing the waters. If his hand went through her, she wasn’t real; if his hand didn’t, she was real. Seemed simple enough. He figured out that trick out long ago. But his hand was met with fabric - and he took back his hand with a gasp like he had touched a hot stove.

Now all he saw was Marley despite the chitter-chatter of the child. His eyes teared up as he looked at her. She was still here, still beyond beautiful without even trying. “It’s you!” he exclaimed. It seemed like he was the child and not the four-year-old. “It’s really you! God, I’ve missed you.” Everything he said felt like an understatement. How could he possibly describe over four years’ worth of jumbled feelings?

Marley opened her mouth to speak and closed it again without doing so. All she could hear was her own blood rushing through her veins, pulsing in her ears and dulling any background noise. This couldn’t be real. Was he back on his own behalf or had he been captured? Had he been tortured, blissed, worse? His eyes told her that he recognized her, still they didn’t focus. Once he was closer, Marley could see that they were glossy, almost making that exact shade of blue that she had marvelled over for the last four years glow at her. His actions seemed hazy and when he pulled away his hand once he’d touched her, Marley knew. They’d blissed him, no matter how he’d arrived back in the meadows, they’d made sure that he would stay. 

Instantly, Nani reached out to him, caressed his cheek, ran her finger through his hair softly. The familiarity in texture, it sparked long forgotten memories in her head. The turmoil of emotions almost made her let out a sob. Slowly, she registered her daughter’s urgent questions about the man she’d just met. -Momma, I’ve met a new friend! He’s new here.-, -You know that man, momma?-, -Who is that, momma?- and finally simply -Momma!-. Calling for her attention.  Quickly, Marley blinked away any tears that were threatening to spill, grabbed at Adam’s shirt and pulled her husband closer to the boards of the shed. “Stay right here, alright? I’ll drop her off real quick and be right back.” The three of them couldn’t be seen together before they had talked this through and had figured things out. Adanna was a dead give-away to anyone that was looking close enough trying to recognize who this new man in the meadows could be. Many people hadn’t even been here four years ago and had never seen Adam before and those who had might not recognize him immediately if the very obvious combination of the couple wasn’t with them. 

Marley didn’t wait for a response. She turned to her daughter, told her that the man was an old friend of hers, took her by the hand and practically dragged her down the short street and past a gate to the only place nearby that could possibly be called a playground. Every word of conversation that one of nannies tried to get out of her was torturous. She was in a hurry, antsy and eager to return to her husband as soon as possible and before too many people could spot him. Hastily, Marley tried to fix her hair with her fingers, running them through the mess that was impossible to fix without a bath. She blushed and angrily muttered to herself about how she could end up leaving the house like this today out of all of her days on this planet. Thoughts about how this could be possible and the various scenarious she’d made up to make sense out of her husband’s appearance were running through her mind. She would have some explaining to so.

[marley-lavinia]

Reunion. | Adam & Marley

Today was not a good day. Some stomach bug made its rounds among the children of the chosen. The actual children of their community. As a healer, Marley had spent the last week and the weekend with sick kids and concerned parents and just when she’d thought she might get a good night of sleep for the week ahead, Adanna had become feverish and started throwing up. Nani had spent the night on the worn-out sofa, her daughter in her arms. The girl had been whining the whole night, waking from her light slumber every time Marley had decided to give sleep another shot. Now, Adanna was hyper from sleep-deprivation, but at least she was feeling better already. Meanwhile, Marley was absolutely beat. Her hair was a mess, her eyes dry and ichy and the dark circles around her eyes were almost purple. She’d decided to bring Adanna to the nannies even though there was a high chance of them bringing her back home early because the girl was feeling worse again. Nani had put all the effort she could muster into making at least Adanna look somewhat presentable. Marley herself was dressed decently enough to leave the house but also carelessly and comfortably enough to return to her bed as soon as possible. 

Of course, Adanna wasn’t aware of her mother’s struggles enough to simply listen to her orders just this one single time. Instead, when they had gotten close to the last corner before their destination, the girl had run off, racing to see her friends. Ash blond hair with a tint of red was the last thing Marley saw before her daughter had vanished around the corner of a larger shed. “Ada, I told you to stay by my side.” Nani called after her in exasperation. She followed her daughter around the corner, her gaze directed down at the hight of her daughter. Surprisingly, the girl hadn’t gotten that far further down the road from here. She was standing in front of a taller man, talking and laughing. Marley sighed, guessing that her daughter had run into someone by accident again. Then, she lifted her gaze to check who had been the unlucky obstacle this time around.

It only took one look to realize who was unknowingly talking to their own child like talking to a stranger’s. With a hard swallow, all the color drained from Nani’s face before her neck started to heat up and red blotches  formed on skin as white as chalk. The initial shock quickly changed to excitement, fear, worry, longing, embarassement...the toxic cocktail of emotions running through her almost felt like a punch to her stomach and nothing left her but an audible gasp. 

Adam. @stcyingsilent​

[marley-lavinia]

lonesomeadam:

His expression softened at her words, his restless worries quelled. A faint smile covered his face. He should have been ecstatic, right? Nevertheless, he was still short of breath. He couldn’t believe any of this. Him, finally loving again? His heart was bursting with love to share but he was petrified of the thought. Yet his heart was all Marley’s. There was no doubt about it. It always had been. But it was scarred and sewn back together. Over the years, she taught him to wear it on his sleeve again. No wonder he fell for her, even if it was subconsciously.

“There’s a difference between being jealous as a friend as a… more than friend.” What exactly were they now? It was one thing to hide being in love with your best friend from each other, but once you both knew their feelings? It’d be an even bigger secret to keep. It’d be tortuous to keep their relationship under wraps, especially when all he wanted to do was hold and kiss her, even in front of her father. They couldn’t hide it for long - just look at the way they gazed at each other! At the very least, one of the brothers would know the second they catch one looking at the other.

Yet he needed her to say it back. He spilled it all out like a fool. Was it too much to ask for the same courtesy back? Her crypticness would be the end of his anxious brain. “If we’re on the same page,” he started, barely shaking. It was only enough that the hand that was holding hers trembled. Even his voice was soft as he closed most of the distance between them. His free hand gently held her waist, hoping it would steady their shaky foundation. By now, his voice was just above a whisper, his eyes studying hers, desperately pleading. “Then please say it.”

Slowly, Marley calmed down again. She still simply wanted to hug Adam so tightly, it would take his breath away, but they were also finally alone and could sort this out. Whatever this was. It was comforting, not being around all these people.She was able to focus just on Adam. His words made her roll her eyes at him and Marley smiled at him softly. “Either way.” She shrugged. “No reason to be.” 

Marley wasn’t. She was sure that what they had was special and far too precious to both of them for one of them to ruin it so easily. One the other hand, they were alone right now and there was literally noone to cause jealousy. How would she react in a different scenario? She had never been in a serious relationship before. She furrowed her brows. Now that she was thinking about it, she didn’t know all to much about Adam’s past realtionships. They hadn’t talked that much about it. Just the shortest summaries and a hint here and there. It simply had never been an issue that had concerned them before - at least it hadn’t been of concern for Marley.

Adam’s words confused her. She was listening to him intently again, focusing on the both of them only. She had tilted her head slightly and furrowed her brows when it started to dawn on her. Of couse he wanted to hear what he had dared to say to her just as much as Marley had needed to hear those words. The reason why her heart was already light as a feather was because Adam had set it free with his words. She hadn’t even realized that she hadn’t said them back yet. Instantly, Marley closed the remaining distance between them and hugged him close before leaning back to look up at Adam’s face. “Damn, Adam. I’m so sorry.” Her hand moved up to his chest, fixed his tie and her fingertips brushed over his jaw. With a smile of adoration, she spoke softly. “I love you too, Adam. Of course I do.”