Most people think hunger is something you feel in your stomach. For me, it’s in my head. It’s a constant noise that never really shuts off. I can eat until I’m physically full, even painfully full, and somehow my mind is already chasing the next meal. It’s like there’s a hole that food never quite fills.
When a craving hits, it doesn’t feel like a simple want… it feels like I need to eat. I’ll tell myself I’m just grabbing a small snack, but I already know how it’s going to end. One thing turns into five. A normal meal turns into a stuffing session. I keep going long after I’ve stopped enjoying it because for some reason being completely stuffed feels like the only way my brain finally goes quiet.
There are nights when I eat until I can barely move. My stomach is stretched tight, I’m uncomfortable, and I know I crossed the line a long time ago. But even then, there’s a strange sense of relief. It’s almost like I’ve finally given my brain what it’s been demanding all day. For a little while, everything else fades into the background.
That’s the part that turns me on so much… It’s not about being hungry. It’s about chasing a feeling. The relief is temporary, and before long the thoughts start creeping back in again. What am I going to eat tomorrow? What’s my next craving? How can I get that feeling back?
It’s always one more meal… One more order. One more snack. One more bite. And even when I know it won’t, I still find myself listening.
It’s exhausting to know something has that much control over your thoughts. Every day feels like a tug-of-war between wanting to take that control back and wanting the comfort that only food seems to bring.
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