Mary @marysofthesea - Tumblr Blog

Draft from August 28, 2021, and everything still true with Susan. Now I’m partnered and my partner loves Susan too:

I want to write about something I’m especially thoughtful of lately. Last week, A had an assignment to make a poster of her life - her family, hobbies, favorites, etc. Wednesday night, my ex Susan and I sat with Aydrah and helped make her poster.

For those who may be new to my journal, Susan and I started dating Spring 2017 when A was 7-8 months old. Before Susan came into our lives, I was living as a single mom. In fact, I conceived A as a single mom by choice when I worked for an oil and gas company that had these Cadillac medical benefits. We all moved in together as a family 13 months after we started dating, had a wonderful (though unfulfilling at times) relationship, and even almost became engaged! 😮 Instead, after months of reflection and soul searching, I decided to leave the relationship late July 2020, and A and I have lived on our own again since.

Susan is a big part of A’s life. When I moved in with Susan, we made the decision that if it didn’t work out, we would all remain friends. We lived together for two years. Susan helped tremendously as I battled post partum anxiety, debilitating migraines, and shifts in work/life balance. When we broke up, it was amicable, and we agreed Susan would remain Mom #2.

We never combined finances, she doesn’t contribute financially to A’s education or expenses - I don’t ask. She does help pay for clothes, dance, and gymnastics. I know if we ever were in a rough spot, she’d be there.

Her family is really nice. Regular everyday people, strong values, and they always go the extra mile to make A and I feel included at holidays and family gatherings. Her mom wasn’t crazy about the gay, but out of love for Susan, loved A and I. Considers A her granddaughter. Now that Susan and I are no longer together, they consistently prove that their love for A is unwavering.

Without them, A’s local family would be just me and my 82 year old mom. So we are very, very thankful.

A while back, I chose to cancel A’s 5th bday party at an indoor playground (it was tentative anyways) because of another wave of Covid. Susan’s family then threw her a Unicorn party with just them (Susan’s mom, two sisters, brother in law, and neice). They spent hours decorating, ordered these decadent bakery unicorn cupcakes, and had a heap of presents for her. Way more than what my mom is able to do.

I’ve had time over this last year to process many things regarding Susan and I’s failed relationship. And I see 100% it was absolutely meant to be just as it is now. I can’t imagine raising Aydrah with just me and my mom, no other family around. How scary! (My brother and his family live about 10 hours away) I know Susan was meant to be in A’s life and A helped me choose her. In fact, I met Susan for the first time at Aydrah’s baby shower - she was Godfather Sean’s plus one because his husband (Godfather Mitch) had just had surgery. We didn’t start talking until 9 months later, but isn’t that something!

Below is Aydrah with her poster:

This is from my drafts: April 12, 2024

Life is flowing and flowering along.

5 more weeks of school, and the kids will be out for summer break. We're finishing up this semester on Triangle trigonometry and Exponential functions/logarithms in my Geometry and Algebra II classes, respectively. My admin team keeps checking in, "You're staying right?" and I say, "I'm pretty sure, but I will let you know by May."

(I can't afford to stay, but I know through my HR experience to drag out your notice to keep things from being awkward during your last few weeks.)

I'm planning to have that conversation soon. I can't afford to continue being a public-school teacher, but I have really enjoyed this experience and gained so much knowledge in pedagogy. For as lacking as the pay is, the training has been abundant.

I'm currently searching for my new work home, and I look forward to starting a new adventure this summer.

Therapy is going well with my girlfriend, but my it is hard work! We have a lot of differences - some very ingrained and cultural.

For example, in Russia, the children are taught not to smile unless they have a very good reason - "Smiling for no reason is a sign of insanity." They are also taught to keep emotions inside and to deal with things internally, to shut down, and never let anyone see their vulnerability. My girlfriend withdraws and processes things internally. I'm a "we don't go to bed mad" kind of person and I absolutely come undone when communication is shut down. During disagreements when there is a NEED to talk and resolve, her withdraw behavior looks like the silent treatment, which I have a very hard time with. We are working on developing some safe language and boundaries. I said, if you need a day or two to process, I need reassurance that you love me and are going to come back to the table.

In my world - both my childhood and early adulthood, if people were unhappy with me, I was scolded, shamed, abandoned, and love was taken away, even if it was just momentarily. In those moments of discord, I need reassurance.

I *think* we'll be ready to move in together by August, but we are both still unsure and we're not going to rush things. If we need more time, then we need more time.

On another subject, mom has had some health things come up. She has had a cough come and go since last spring and has had CT scans of her lungs, all kinds of tests, etc. to no avail. Absolutely nothing they could find wrong. Her primary finally referred her to a pulmonologist with a wait list of 4 months... her appointment was two weeks ago. The pulmonologist pulled up a CT scan of her head from when she had her stroke in 2021 and said - look here. Apparently, it was noted then - 3 years ago - that she had a deteriorated facial bone due to compaction in the paranasal sinus cavity. Of course, at that time, there were more dire issues - but no one ever told us or followed up with us on this issue. So, she is currently being evaluated for paranasal fungal rhinosinusitis. It is incredibly worrisome. She had new CT scans of head this week and we have a follow up on the 18th to discuss the results and bloodwork.

Not bragging, just super happy.. my partner sent me this song today ♥️ I can say the same for her. Spring is here, I’m realigning, and mood is lifting with the longer daylight hours.

♥️

I received some activity on my last entry from May which reminded me I need to note an important update in the situation.

Mom is doing better - though she has had some cognitive decline in the last 3 months which has not yet been officially diagnosed as dementia. We will be seeking testing soon, but right now there are more acute matters to attend to.

Mid May, mom had 3 falls in 1 week, one of them being outside in her yard at night and bad enough to bruise an entire side of her body. Scans came back clear but my brother and I, along with her friends, noticed some confusion in her thinking and behavior. She had forgotten how to answer her telephone, and at one point tried to answer the tv remote, which made her think her phone wasn’t working. She referred to me by my birth mother’s name (her sister, my aunt Janet) as well as my daughter’s name several times and did not correct herself. She had profound loss of short term memory, unable to say what she ate or did that day. She started having some potty issues and unaware of them. This, along with loss of balance and mood changes, all came up suddenly within a span of a few days, and it was a lot to grasp, juggle, and navigate through. My boss and workplace were amazing in giving me time and flexibility to attend to these matters. Brother dropped everything and within the day had zoomed down (he lives 10 hrs away) to stay with mom and tackle this together.

Mom’s Dr recommended long term care and sent over an order to the assisted living center and prescribed home health pt in the meantime. He took her driving privileges, he put her on a walker, and told the family she cannot live alone anymore. So in our minds, trying to grasp our new reality, both my brother and I concluded that dementia was setting in with mom and here we go. 😔 (This was when I made my previous post.)

Mom insisted she was not going to assisted living and threw fits about not driving, so I’m so thankful my brother came in to support. Also, Aydrah and I had her sibling reunion planned during the following week and his help allowed us to attend.

The evening this all came down from drs orders, my partner brought up an excellent question, “did they test her for a uti?”

The next morning, we took mom to get tested and found out she was positive. We gained some helpful insight into how uti’s present in seniors, which was everything mom was experiencing. She was prescribed a big dose of antibiotics and we decided to put assisted living/care giver plans on hold while mom gets the infection cleared and goes through her pt regiment. This would give us additional time to reassess and figure things out.

Fast forward to now - she’s doing so much better. Her bruises are gone, her moods are balanced. Her mental acuity has improved significantly. She’s been retested for uti and remains clear of infection. She’s still on the walker, not driving, and just completed week 6 of pt. She’s made a goal to remain at home and make smart, sound choices to support that goal. The village has really stepped up to give her help at home while I’m working, rides to her weekly hair apt, church, club meetings, arthritis infusions, have helped with some shopping. Brother is back to his usual m.o. of only calling mom once a week, but that’s fine - he came through when it was dire and that means a lot.

#Spotify

Evidence is mounting to explain how birds use the Earth’s magnetic field to help fly thousands of miles with unerring accuracy – a discovery

I think humans (and perhaps all living things) can utilize quantum entanglement to navigate situations.

This could explain enhanced intuition, strong connectivity, vibes, and psychic phenomena. Sure makes more sense than magic! What are your thoughts?

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