sensory seeker

40, audhd, queer, trans, poly, it/its she/her fae/faer

[masked-miscling]

this is a pinned post. we reblog posts from @miscling, @littlefaefae, and @miss-laney, @straymisc and @froggiefaefae

also @cassadism and @pondkeeperfi

and we guess also @dust-unto-others

[miscling]

🌻

lets take some time to process something then:

its fundraisers have been drawing it a really specific kind of hate for being someone that uses it/its, being chastised for using it/its for itself and calling it a 'bit' and treating it like its pronouns are something to be corrected before it's deserving of donations and support

which is utter bullcrap. it is alive. its life matters. the way it expresses itself has no bearing on whether or not it should be helped or not. it is this thing's belief that 'deserving' is a flawed concept, because it's so often drawn along identity and politics in a way that can't be divorced from an individual's biases and limited perception, and so people are inherently incapable of determining who deserves help and who doesn't. any kind of system built to determine who deserves it is inherently invasive, and while it might be able to avoid some biases, there has never been a system that fully encapsulates everyone who needs help getting it other than to provide it for everyone, universally.

now on a personal interpersonal level, the best you can really do is to help those in front of you. you can't save everyone. you can't influence or change perfect strangers. all you can hope for is to have the resources needed to help someone when they ask.

all of that hate has been focussed on getting it to drop its pronouns, dangling its need in front of it, which is honestly unconscionable. it does not believe for an instant that someone would really donate if it said 'oh golly gee what a mistake I've made! I'm going to only use I me and my to talk about myself from now on'. it is a lie, whose only purpose is to kick this thing while it's asking for help. to tell it that the reason it needs help at all is because it's not the right kind of person.

but it's not a person at all. all that hate has really done is cement how little personhood it wants. if this is how people act, chastising and berating anyone who's different, then this thing rejects it. it would rather be itself, enjoy its existence, and rely upon the kindness of strangers knowing that they appreciate it for who it truly is, instead of as some hollow person who is too afraid to exist as who they are.

and to be honest, even if it was beginning to feel more like person again, all that hate has done is make it all the more resolved to not to be. so like, once again anonymous hate has failed to achieve anything useful and undermined that which it set out to achieve! nice work!

[masked-miscling]

ough we should do backups more often than once a month

[miscling]

too hot for warm clothes

warm enough for hot clothes

[miscling]

always it hurts and hurts and it’s feel so alone. and there’s no way to feel loved again because the one girl who ever really loved me well it is that we dumped her because we have different lives to live. always it is hurting so bad. how does it make the pain go away how does it never hurt anyone ever again

sending you so many hugs and offering its hand anon

it's so hard to know what to say. it could roll out the 'you're not alone' and 'you'll be loved again' and 'it won't hurt forever' but that feels trite.

it's sorry that you're going through this, but it hopes you'll get through it and grow from it, so that when you next find love you'll be able to enjoy it and love freely. it can't promise it will be painless and you won't have to change, but it hopes you'll endure it and get through it and all will be well in the end.

there's not a lot more it can say or anything it can offer to do, but it will always try to offer some support.

[miscling]

Hi Miscling. How Does Anyone Domme Without Losing Energy Or Patience Or Focus Basically Immediately. I Think I’m Doing It Wrong.

the diagnosis questions we'd ask are...

are you doing something *you* want to do, or are you doing something you've been asked to do by someone else?

are all your needs being met? are you fed watered rested stimulated healthy and otherwise not distracted by something more pressing?

do you feel safe and otherwise confident with your play partners abilities to speak up when something isn't working and thank you when things are?

are you putting unreasonable expectations on yourself like expecting what you do to be perfect or having to maintain a persona throughout without breaking character?

the ideal answers would be that you're invested in what you're doing because you want to do it, that your bodily and social needs are being taken care of, you trust your partners to be communicative, and have realistic aims, goals, and practices. if any of those are lacking, you're likely to lose focus or patience with the play, and struggle to get into the right headspace for the activity!

[miscling]

Dominant: you have to do as I say because I'm Dominant!

sub: uhhhhhhh? no?

Dominant: lol what a brat! I'm gonna break you!

sub: ...

[miscling]

this thing has apparently started a conversation™️

shoutout to everyone who's ever been labelled a brat for expressing boundaries and wanting dominants to pay attention, and to everyone who hates being called a brat just because they're not a doormat

and one extremely dishonourable mention to the Man who said that the only effort he needed to put forward was demanding obedience and that brats were 'fucking bitches' (who also implied itself was a brat)

[miscling]

tummy tuesday?

does it count as a tummy tuesday pic if it's wearing a catsuit, if the catsuit is the shape of its tummy? we'll just open it up and let y'all see it uncovered too!

[neosayshey]

Pretty toy ♡

[miscling]

everyone look at the art its girlfriend drew of it! it's so good and pretty!

[miscling]

we read through miscling’s blog a few weeks ago, and it helped one of our headmates become confident in being a toy and using it/its pronouns <3

yay! it's so proud of you!

[miscling]

every non-switch domme has a domme-breaking kink because not one of them ever wants to believe that anyone else is better than them in any way, so every single one thinks they can break every other domme they come across

[miscling]

it's not bratting, it's trying to get you to actually inspire submission in it instead of just demanding and expecting it.

[miscling]

what are you doing to actually earn the submission you're getting? what dominant effort are you putting in to get submissive effort?

[miscling]

wei thank miscling sm 4 its advice it rly rly means alot. prob alot wei have to think abt/discuss with muirselves, an then work up the courage to talk to partners abt. scary but wei hope wei can do it. all of muis thank it sm 4 its help in figuring muirselves out an wei hope wei can find a solution that works for all of muis in the future ty ty ty a million for the advice wei cant say ty enuf 💝💝💝💝💝💝

hope everything works out for you! it believes in you! you can do it!

[miscling]

every donation it gets adds to a timer that it can only reduce by doing tasks for its owners, answering asks, and doing its housework. so the best way to keep this thing obedient and responsive is to give it lots of money that it can use to buy food and enrichment for its enclosure!

donate here!

[miscling]

wei want to send an ask that isnt super depressing ehe so 🌻💝

hmm... that means it should find a topic that isn't super depressing to talk about...

one of the kinds of games we like to play when we're not really up to much is idle games. like yeah, different parts of the miscellany like different kinds of games. sometimes you need something cozy and full of frogs, or the kind of game that gives you a big gun and a target rich environment, but when it comes to just spacing out, we like an idle game. something we can set going, and then space out on tumblr until we need to poke it for the next little increment of progress

at the moment, we've got a *big* idler going atm, and we're also playing a couple of roguelikes. the thing about roguelikes is that we're not really sure any have ever really solved the 'how do we make interesting that you're just playing the same 2-3 hours over and over again?' question. as soon as we feel like we're not doing anything novel, there goes our interest. to be honest, sometimes it feels like roguelikes are just making up for the fact that the games industry is in shambles, and making a 3hr long game in such a way that it can stretch to a hundred is just an easy way of making a game cheaply, that doesn't feel like a rip-off when you pay a tenner for it and complete it in an afternoon.

we're also not really a fan of difficulty for difficulty's sake. soulslikes kinda annoy us. and it's not cause we're bad at them, for what it's worth. we've completed hard-for-the-sake-of-hard games before. we have an ultimate clear in ff14 (TEA, specifically). we grew up with nintendo-hard games. it's the same thing as roguelikes, you get to a boss, do it, die, have to go back and do the same run to the boss and fight you've already done, before you get to make any progress. it's timewasting masquerading as entertainment sometimes. and sometimes, the 'difficulty' is just that the numbers are bigger than they need to be, rather than any kind of skill test. that was okay when you had three games to play and they had to last you the whole year. now we neither have the time nor patience for it.

which makes you wonder how idlers don't set off the same thing. maybe just because they're not active. just don't confuse them with incremental games, which are active, and wear the skin of an idler while being an actual game you have to think about when you play it.

but our true love in gaming is metroidvania style games, and in particular the ones that are like castlevania especially, and not so much metroid or the kind that was popularised by hollow knight. we want an expansive map, pickups hidden in every corner, a rich story and characters, and a levelling system that means you can one-shot bosses if you overlevel enough. of course any metroidvania gets on our to-play list pretty much immediately as soon as we spot it.

gaming is fun. games are meant to be fun. also winnable. and kinda like masturbation: something you do on your own.

thankies for the sunflower!

[miscling]

(from ask abt compdom 💝) wei thank it for the advice, it gave muis alot to think about. wei guess... the big problem for muis is, what if wei r never "fed, hydrated, happy, an free"? even in a perfect world where wei live with muir beloveds an hav infinite money an food an resources - wei will still be disabled. an while imagining a "holodeck" sitch like miscling said is useful (an wei will be doing this!!) wei struggle to imagine a situation where all muir needs r met... but wei are still disabled. weive never been in that sorta thing, disabled an not struggling 4 resources, its depressing wei know...

is the solution just to stop domming an topping totally? its something parts of muis rly enjoy but it makes the rest of muis feel used up an forgotten after... wei dont rly know what to do an usually wei only think ab "did wei want to do that" after it happens, not be4 (bad habit wei know, lots of trauma)

wei dont rly know what to do and parts of muis dont want 2 stop domming / topping but forcing muirselves to do it keeps hurting muis... wei don't know😞

we think that's a hard thing to consider. you'll have things with folks that you might not be able to stop doing cleanly. if you need to, make sure to communicate. it might well be there's something you need that you're not getting, and talking it out with your partners might get you some insights that make it easier to figure out what's going on and what you need from yourself and everyone else.

we'd also query if you're getting enough aftercare from domming: signs of appreciation and care from your beloveds that show you they care about you aside from the domming/topping you're doing. it might be you feel off about it because it's not being properly appreciated!

[miscling]

🌻

so the miscellany is (or has), among other things, an artist who's done a couple of exhibitions and is currently in the process of planning a piece for an exhibition in a couple of months. from her, then:

i've been thinking about a piece based on community. one of the things that keeps coming up, aside from communication, is that we are social animals, and at our core, we need others. there's no part of our experience that isn't affected or changed by contact with others, and it can either be something that heals or helps us, or hurts and harms us.

there's an exhibition we saw recently, that maybe if you're into art at all you've probably seen. not the specific piece, but a piece wherein someone is being showcased, talking about or representing their mental health, and it's showing their struggles in an attempt to garner empathy for their situation, and so often they're alone. they're alone to figure it out for themselves and the climax of their piece is that they have to step outside. outside their comfort zone, outside their limits, out of their own head, outside their house.

and it is, in a word, Bleak. stepping outside works for most folks because society doesn't actually have a problem with them. the problem is, stepping outside won't do you a bit of good if there's no community to receive you. stepping outside won't help you in the slightest if the moment you stick your head out someone starts throwing rocks at you. it's safer to do it alone.

and that's where plurality kicks in. now i'm in a community of one, and most of the time we support each other, some of the time we have to lean on a system contract to force each other to support each other, some of the time we just don't get on at all. but at the end of the day we are stuck with each other.

communities are much the same. we help each other. we sometimes have to be forced to support each other. we sometimes don't like each other. most communities have expulsion as an option, but what if we took that - and all punitive measures - off the table. what if our community is so small that removing a member isolates us all further, or does far more harm to them than simply losing a social space? the miscellany has a lot of thoughts on community because of our collective work. especially since it is a part of the small minority that its works are servicing. we are stuck with each other, and losing our space means losing everything, not just one social circle.

i mostly try to use my art to process plurality, but the thoughts about community are still there, it's not just art, it's our life now. i can put it into words, but i need to put it into art now. and also hope my skill level matches what i've got in mind!