ache.

logan o'shea // pan

[masochisticpan]

....INTRODUCING LOGAN O’SHEA,

the mortal sun has risen and set a thousand thousand times, and pan is yet bound to the earthly realm, the reincarnation loop continues. this time their mortal coil has taken the shape of dacre montgomery, a human born on 5th may 1994, a taurus and named logan o'shea.

FULL NAME: logan o'shea AGE: 27 STAR SIGN(S): taurus sun, PRONOUNS: he/him BIRTHPLACE:   buncrana, ireland. ORIENTATION: bisexual ALLERGIES: n/a HEIGHT: 6'0 FAMILY: unspoken of TATTOOS: multiple PIERCINGS: ears PETS:  rhodesian ridgeback named bucky CHARACTER INSPO: kevin ball (shameless), noah calhoun (the notebook), jesus (the fosters), eddie munson (stranger things), nathan (misfits),  jax teller (sons of anarchy), deadpool. 

with pan's consciousness tucked away from their own, they have some indication of the complexity of who they are, and what they are, and that has only really served to add more confusion and questions. when, or even if, the barrier between the immortal pan and the mortal logan is broken down, they will be able to harness the ability to posses superhuman strength and the ability to transform objects. until that day, as the pan of the wild, logan continues to unknowingly influence the world and be influenced by, the immortal being within them, manifesting in strength, object manipulation and the ability to pick up any instrument with ease. in the mean time, logan is cis-male using he/him to define themselves, and is 27 years old. life goes on for them as most everyone else’s does; working  as a carpenter and if he can’t be found there, he can usually be found at kick-flip park, skating. they are originally from buncrana, ireland and they now live in rock rose park with their dog, a rhodesian ridgeback named bucky. to date, logan has been on magnetic island for 15 years.

BIO: heavy trigger warnings for loss, child abuse, & alcoholism.

logan’s mother was born into a wealthy family on magnetic island, however, when she met logan’s father she gave up everything to be with him in a small town in ireland. the pair were believed to be happy, however, there was a lot going on behind closed doors and his mother was never allowed to contact her family back in australia, in fact, she was pretty much cut off from everyone except the family in buncrana. their life was pretty average, his father was a mean drunk but he never raised a hand to his wife. logan was the third born of their children, the youngest, and the last to leave home. by the time his mother passed, both his older brothers had fled the nest.  this proved to be difficult for the youngest brother, who was now left to deal with his father who had begun to spiral in many more ways than one. there was never any food in the house, only alcohol, the living conditions were filthy, and logan eventually began skipping school. his father never noticed, and after a while, the struggles became noticeable to the fathers family. because of this, to now pay with the bills that were building, logans uncle and aunt moved in. things were okay for a little while, but after an affair between his father and uncles wife, things began to turn sour once more. logan received a lot of abuse from the adults, often times for being in the way, or not being quiet enough.  still missing a lot of school, he became a concern to his teachers who were now starting to notice a lot of bruises and marks that were appearing upon the 10 year olds body. after a long winded process, logan was eventually pulled out of the household and custody was given to his grandmother in australia. finally, by the age of 12, he was able to go fourth and live a normal life. 

[alisxsolar]

[dailywallows]

[masochisticpan]

shelvedsaints​:

open to: everyone | @eternal-starter location: olympus

The red hues of the lights that glittered around Olympus made Bellamy believe it was the hues of the sunrise, that he had been there far longer than most. It had dissolved quickly into another scheme, though, and once more time was no more than a construct within its walls. The bass swallowed him whole, and he tilted his head back into the black that danced behind his eyes. Exhaustion was close, but his fingers found his lips and parted them with a bitter pill. He wouldn’t be gone until they’d kick him out, which with his reputation, was always a hit or miss if someone would beat the bouncer.

The stillness he found on the swarming dance floor tugged at him, a hand grabbing his and spinning him. He let our a roar of laughter, swearing he could see it vibrate of the perspiration that glistened off the bodies of those around him.

“Woah, woah, slow down or I’m gonna be sick,” Bellamy laughed, but he dipped into the turn of the room to match the pace of the music. His own body became slick with something, possible the spill of a drink mute against the bass. “Shit.”

A night with Bell was never dull, and providing the nice bag of happy pills tucked away in his jean pocket, everything seemed to get better and better by the hour. The lights felt brighter, and it was as if Logan was floating across the dancefloor to Bellamy, reaching towards him until he was able to spin, spin, and spin the other. A cry out, and he’s pulling away, protesting that he’s feeling nauseous. Keeping his distance, Logan watches the other with a tilt of his head and rubs his hands against the front of his pants. The room is warm, and what’s in his system doesn’t help with the heat that’s radiating off of him or the other people in his vicinity. 

He doesn’t hear much, aside from Bell cursing and then finally he looks up to see what’s wrong. He hears his own chuckle late, delayed, everything moving in slower motion than usual, but the grin on his face meets his ears. Hands reach out for the other once more, “You’re so fucking clumsy. Sorry -- I make you dizzy?”

[masochisticpan]

deathsflcwers​:

𝔬𝔭𝔢𝔫; 𝔟𝔲𝔰𝔦𝔫𝔢𝔰𝔰 𝔥𝔬𝔲𝔯𝔰   /  spring flower rush

to  say  lilac  had  been  experiencing  an  episode  of  melancholy  was  fairly  accurate,  between  work  (if  needed)  and  normal  errands  she  turned  to  quiet  reclusiveness.    her  home  was  her  safe  place,  everything  in  it  she  had  orchestrated,  designed  and  picked  out.    soaking  in  the  hot  tub,  enjoying  the  curated  beauty  of  her  garden  —  it  had  helped,  and  it  seemed  when  spring  arrived  lilac  felt  whole  again,  ready  to  re-emerge  into  the  living  world.    gathering  some  roses  from  the  front,  organising  a  bouquet  that  had  been  ordered,  lilac  smiled  at  a  potential  customer  that  was  passing  by.    it  was  a  busy  day,  a  nice  day,  and  the  foot  traffic  on  the  island  was  quite  heavy.      “here,”  she  offered  a  soft-hued  rose  to  the  person,  “it  matches  your  outfit,”  lilac  smiled.

his hair was in disarray, freshly dyed and definitely unbrushed. he was still wearing the outfit from the night before, some party he’d found himself stumbling into with a new friend he’d made at a local boozer. needless to say, it had been a heavy night, but nothing a giant iced coffee wouldn’t fix. 

logan was in a world of his own when lilac approached him, and while he doesn’t dislike her, he also doesn’t have the best opinion of her. however, right now, he and alex weren’t on the best of terms so why should he still hold a grudge if even he couldn’t speak to his best friend right now. “hm?” the rose lingers in front of him, almost as though it’s hovering and without too much hesitation, the male takes it from her and offers something that could be considered a smile. looking down at the brightly coloured, long sleeved punk shirt he’s wearing, logan meekly nods his head and lets out the quietest, tired laugh. “thanks.” it would be rude to walk away now, would it not? maybe small talk won’t harm. “slow business today?”

[easybugb0y-deactivated20230715]

blue hair dylan

[masochisticpan]

“Logan, your lack of faith is apalling,” Aylin scoffed, hand to her chest for theatrics completely with a knitting of her brows in feigned defeat. “I’m the best dancer of all our friends. It’s been a while, only because I need to make sure you’re not tripping over your own feet otherwise. Though, I’ll admit, it has been a while. Let’s change that.”

There was a awe to him that Aylin would never shake, and she accepted some moments were she’d think he could put the stars in the sky. Before she remembered it was impossible, that he was just as human as she was, their antics had a certain exhilaration different to anyone else. Theirs was about freedom and basking in its sweetness. Taking one last sip of her drink void of liquor but heavy with a sugar rim to indulge herself, she peeled tugged at her jacket to sway with her to the music. 

Between Aylin and Logan, he was just about able to keep up -- he wasn’t the best of dancers but he also wasn’t the worlds worst. What worked in his favour was his ability to understand music so deeply that he could feel the beats almost before they even dropped. Most would look at him and expect the pasty white boy to not know how to fit in on the dancefloor, but somehow, he pulled it off. 

“I’m gonna blame you for that one, Ay. I’m always out, I don’t think I remember what the inside of my house looks like actually. Lucky for Eevee I swing by to make sure she’s fed but the poor thing probably forgets I’m her father.” 

His hands instinctively come to wrap around her waist, pulling her in towards him the moment she starts dancing. “I have missed this -- you, specifically.” Their connection was not one so easily forgotten, not even now as adults. He misses those earlier days, when the only worries that they had were where they were going to get their alcohol, or weed, or who was going to have an empty house that weekend.

[masochisticpan]

agrrotera​:

STATUS: Open LOCATION: Koala Kingdom

Typically, Mysha didn’t help out on tours. Truth be told she didn’t love to work with the general public and a good thing about the animals is that they never talked back. The only exception she made was when there were plenty of children. She always liked kids, she loved interacting with them and listening to what they had to say with every ounce of seriousness. There’s a few families in the crowd who watch in awe as she takes out different creatures from the reptile section— a green tree frog, an Madagascar hissing cockroach, a chameleon. The eight foot long python was always saved for last as it was a spectacle in it’s own right. As her co-worker gives the group different facts, the snake rests on Mysha’s shoulders. When the spiel is finished, she eyes the crowd. “Does anyone want to hold him?” It’s a half joke that elicits a few laughs. Very rarely was she ever taken up on the offer, with most opting to pet the animal’s head. She spots a familiar face and can’t help but grin. “What about you? Hm? He’s lighter than he looks.”

He comes here most weeks, sometimes finding more comfort in the wildlife than he does real human interaction. It isn’t unusual for Logan to come alone, often spending hours just sharing glances with the animals and having what could only be described as a ‘silent’ conversation. He understood them, far more than he ever could people. There was an empathy there, something he couldn’t always reach with his friends or family, no matter how deeply he loved them. 

“Me?” Logan steps forward, expression unchanged as looks from Mysha, and to the snake resting upon her shoulders. Nothing scares Logan, not in the animal kingdom, he knows when and were to step back. Shrugging, he lifts an arm and returns her grin. “You know me, up for anything.” He wasn’t about to turn down a once in a life time opportunity. 

[rageisinourveins]

[bassettshole-deactivated2023050]

[masochisticpan]

Aylin was notorious for questioning herself, even if it was silent except for between her own ears. Only a few people let her squash that small voice of reason who was more often than not a little overreactive. It swore up and down for her to think of how easy she’d already seen certain thrills fall apart–– but more often than not, it was just the dread in the pit of her stomach that she recognized instead of the act all together. She’d been playing it as safe as she could as much as her life would let her. With her friends, it was a little harder but Aylin found a way to keep her wits. 

Then there was Logan, who for some reason, always had Aylin off her heels and leaning in to whatever chaos he wanted to ensue. She always found herself already stepping forward before considering. He was the only one her questions seemed to go quiet for, just for a moment. It had been years and she was still catching herself. 

“If you can’t feel your toes, maybe things are going my way. You can’t complain about dancing in this mess if you won’t feel anyone step all over them,” She smirked, taunt tossed right back at him. “Though, I’m a great dancer. I’m just not sure you’ll be able to keep up.”

One thing was for certain, Logan was not about to turn down a dance with his favourite. They always had a connection, some sort of unspoken spark between the two of them. When Logan looked at her, he hated to say it, but he felt a sort of power -- not something he’d ever take advantage of of course, instead he used it to channel a sort of protective bond with the woman. From the moment they’d met, he’d known she would be in his life for a long time, he was just lucky to manage to gather such a close knit group of friends that all seemed to feel the same way about one another. Despite all of the messes they managed to get themselves into, and more often than not, it was them dragging Logan out of a mess or some sadistic hole he’d found himself in. 

“Is this your way of warning me that you’re about to crush my feet before morning? I can’t remember the last time we hit the dance floor together --” It probably really wasn’t that long ago, but their nights together were never sober ones. “It’s fine, if I wake up with bruised feet I’ll just remember that you owe me a breakfast burrito.” Grins the other, hand reaching out for hers as he pulls her enthusiastically towards the middle of the room where a few others were grinding up against one another.

[masochisticpan]

     though he should have seen it coming, logan’s words and his anger still came as a surprise to alex — he has a hard time remembering, that not everyone views these things the same way he does. and you’d think he would learn, considering all the times it got him into trouble with people before. “ why the hell would i do anything with hurting you in mind ? ” still, he couldn’t help but push back a little — even if he kept trying to reel it in. logan was more important than his need to be right in any situation he finds himself in. “ logan, come on… i’m sorry, alright ? it was just a little game — we’re all drunk, i’ve made out with most of my friends… it’s not a big deal, alright ? ” he still spoke calmly, hoping that he could still talk logan down, sway him into not letting this ruin their night. but he knew how stubborn logan could get about something. 

he shouldn’t give a shit, but he’s got all this anger and pain in his chest with no where to go. alex was giving him an outlet, without meaning to. all this sneaking around with auggie was messing with his head, and his feelings. it was never a smart move, fucking your ex, but there’s comfort to be found in hooking up with someone you love, or at least loved. he didn’t know how to open up, but with auggie he could be vulnerable, even if it was just physical. seeing alex get the same kind of attention, it stung. 

“you just don’t fucking get it, do you alex?” logan looks down, because he can’t look at alex right now. he’s his best friend, he doesn’t want to be mad at him, but there’s so much anger inside and alex was one of the people who helped put it there. he was usually quick to play the bad guy, to accept his own role as the villain, it feels weird to be on the other side of that. “it’s a big deal to me. i love him, i fucking love him, and fine, he’s not mine, i don’t own him but shit -- for a moment there i thought you knew what that felt like.”

[masochisticpan]

the shame that followed logan’s outburst spread in his chest like wildfire as alex had went after his friend. auggie, left in the closet with his own stupidity, had watch them both go without saying a word. he should have said something then, to logan. to alex. but he just stood there, fingers hovering over his lips, chasing the remnants of something unnamable. two people had barged in then, laughing and happy, ready to take their turn in visiting heaven, and the mask was back on. happy auggie, untouchable auggie. smile, laugh, drink- rinse and repeat until he was numb enough.

then, after a few hours of not being able to find alex (was it hours? or minutes? time stood still tonight), the anger had set in. not effectively replacing the shame, but shutting up all self-deprecating thoughts. he owed absolutely nothing to anyone. not even beautiful dez, with her golden complexion and soft eyes. auggie was his own man, and sure. he was stupid, sometimes rash and impulsive, desperate for love and affection. but logan couldn’t hold anything above his head, beside him being an asshole two years ago.

so with his in mind, was he deliberately trying to wind logan up by batting his doe-like eyes at some pretty blonde in front of him? yes. a laugh escaped his lips as what the guy in front of him was saying, shaking his head. a hand carefully placed on the other’s shoulder. logan doing shots with a brunette (he always did love brunettes, right?). and honestly, she was beautiful. he couldn’t say that logan didn’t have some fucking taste, because he did. “hey,” leaning into the boy’s personal space, mouth near his ear as to make sure he could hear auggie. “d'you got to visit the place? it’s pretty grand, i could show you.”

and yes, he kept looking at logan, not wanting to miss out the view of him drinking his shots.

the more they fought, the more logan wanted him. their fights didn’t miss a beat, a beautiful swirl of tension, both sexual and otherwise. they wanted to hate each other, because hating one another meant they couldn’t love one another, or so that was the theory behind it all. they were all strong emotions all the same, emotions that had no where to go, and so they directed them at each other. 

he knew his anger towards auggie and alex was irrational, but logan wanted for once for someone to give a shit about his fucking feelings. it had been so long since someone actually asked him how he was, or what he wanted. he’s used to being the pillar of support, it was a role he loved playing, but fuck, it didn’t mean that he didn’t have feelings. sometimes it got to him, but that was his fault, he bottled everything up, never let anyone see the darker side of what went on in his head. he’s scared, scared that if he ever told anyone who he really was, all he’d get in return is fear, or worse, pity. he let down every wall for auggie, every day he was his, was fucking sunshine, the kind that’s near impossible to recapture. 

logan watches as auggie instinctively moves closer to the guy, and he knows that any time soon he’ll have his lips on his. there was no escaping those brown eyes when they found you, and logan could feel auggie’s on him every second he focused on the girl before him. she was beautiful, fucking stunning, but did she have anything on auggie? no, but then again, no one again ever would. it was never just about his looks, there was so much more to him than that. logan was a sucker for sweethearts, and auggie had always been (until their breakup), just that. 

he downs his shots without expression, glancing at auggie once or twice to check if he was still looking, of course he was. and in his highly intoxicated state, he pulls the girl next to him forward for a kiss. 

[masochisticpan]

“When invitations were made, was absolutely everyone on their contacts invited?” Aylin’s voice bit back a shrill, frantics rolled around as she cracked her knuckles over and over again. She’d been optimistic all evening in anticipation for the night to begin. There wasn’t a single anxiety until it all hit at once when certain company joined the melting pot that had become Alex’s celebration. She was waiting for the boiling point and would do what she could to make sure the flames of whatever chaos didn’t ignite the entire party before it was in full swing.

She wouldn’t make this the reason she finally gave into tipping back a glass, and taking a swig of a breath of fire.

“Tell me you’re putting something good on,” She pleaded, head tilted back in defeat. 

What little faith Aylin had in him. Logan tuts at her unfair comment and gives her a quick look at the queue. “Nothing that Alex won’t appreciate. Not everything is about you, Ay.” He’s toying with her, teasing, just as he does throughout most of their relationship -- it’s always been a game of back and fourth with them. “If you wanna be the first to form the mosh pit, I’ll follow your lead.”

The music wasn’t terrible, but as someone who preferred something a little angrier, Logan had to see to it that he contributed to the vibe. “Besides, this is what you get for handing me that pink glittery shot that tasted like fairy floss. Those drinks are fucking dangerous, I’ve had about six now -- I can’t feel my toes.” He adds, a giggle soon following.

[masochisticpan]

psychcpomp​:

— 𝐂𝐋𝐎𝐒𝐄𝐃 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐚𝐧.

@masochisticpan​

     “ logan, wait — wait up a little, will you ? ” he finally catches up to him between the crowd, trying not to lose him after he was just caught by him in that… compromising, it’s not what it looks like position. out of breath, and a little out of sorts from the drugs and alcohol. he stops when logan finally turns around — and he knew that look on his face. he’s seen it a million times before; it was just a shock to him now, that this time it was directed at him. “ — logan, it was just for a drinking game. it’s not what you think it is, i promise. you know how august and i are. ” he explains coolly with a shrug, thinking that once it’s explained, logan would let it go. or was that more wishful thinking ?

he can’t be mad at auggie, he just can’t, because he’s not his and they are not together and it’s definitely not something they’ve discussed. they broke up years ago, and even if they were still hooking up now, that meant nothing. logan fooled around with dozens of people, but none of them happened to be people that auggie was close to. it was difficult, logan was having a hard time trying to place some kind of blame in this situation. what choices did he have? “i don’t ask you for shit alex, i don’t ever call you asking you for fucking anything -” august was the one person he’d let his guard down for, the person he loved beyond all reasoning, no matter how much they continued to hurt one another. “you knew that would hurt me. yet, you really didn’t fucking care. why am i always breaking my back to defend you, and this is the fucking shit i get in return?” alex wasn’t the worlds worst friend, but his desire to be loved and adored by everyone happened to be something that precedented that loyalty.

[masochisticpan]

alex’s bday event

he’s lost his friends somewhere in the throng of people, the close knit group somehow managed to all fall apart at some point of the night, probably after the 17 shots they’d all singlehandedly downed one after the other before even grabbing a real beer. full of vodka, tequila, and brightly coloured sour shots, logan makes his way towards the music and begins slipping in a couple of heavy metal songs he knows at least he and alex will enjoy. when he feels a tap on his shoulder, the carpenter turns rather slowly and gives the person a crooked, tipsy grin. “’ello?”

[masochisticpan]

@perseides​

jealous? logan? no. they were fighting, he wasn’t jealous. he was. if it wasn’t him who had found auggie and alex, he probably would never have known about their little moment. it would have been better that way, kept him in the dark, but it seemed fate wanted to hand him other cards tonight. he has no claim on auggie, there’s nothing tying the two of them together, they weren’t monogamous, but that didn’t mean it didn’t fucking sting when his best friend was caught having a stupid playful kiss with his ex. he knows it’s nothing, it’s literally just a fucking kiss, logan kisses his friends all the time, so maybe it’s the alcohol fuelling him now, or just the fact that he thought alex would have known better than to do him like that. he almost hit him, honestly, he’s still thinking about it now but it’s the kids birthday, and maybe this anger will pass come tomorrow. he’s supposed to be his best mate, logan’s never been angry at alex before. but auggie? lets just say this wouldn’t be the first fight they’ve ever had. 

he can see him now, flirting with some nobody in the corner of the room, obnoxiously batting those stupidly big cartoonish eyes at some bleach blonde twig of a boy who logan’s pretty sure wasn’t even auggie’s typical type. he’s doing it to piss him off, as if logan couldn’t get any more vexed this evening. why did he insist on getting under his fucking skin? was this all some kind of game? because he knew how to play games. taking on the challenge, logan spins round to lock eyes with the first attractive person he spies and lifts one of the extra shots he has next to him. “you up for it?”