A friend of mine was recently sexually assalted by her husband. She didn’t even realize what had happened until we were talking about it. Which isn’t an uncommon thing, at all. It’s more common than you’d imagine.
She, like many others, thought that because he didn’t listen to her no made it just some aggressive sex. NOPE. That’s rape.
Girls, guys, whatever you identify as you’re allowed to change your mind. Relationship. Casual hook up. No is always valid. Whether he or she is balls deep or barely testing the water. I don’t care what you think. YOU CAN CHANGE YOUR MIND.
Here’s a little personal example of changing your mind after the fact.
I was at the beach for my graduation party and I had a few friends and my family and my brothers best friend. Someone I could trust.
My brothers friend and I had been joking and flirting all day. Neither one of us were sober. It was just some light harmless flirting. We end up having this dance party and a song came on and we started dancing, at this point it was just my friends and I losing our minds, my brothers friend walks over and starts staring and I give him THE eye. Everyone has the eye. It’s the one that lets them know what you’re thinking about. We keep drinking and flirting and having fun. I started feeling bad so I went and laid down while my friends went drunk beach walking. I’m upstairs for maybe five minutes and he makes his way up. He crawls under the covers with me and starts trying to kiss on me and put his hands down my pants and tries to go down on me. I am more than against this. I say no and try to fight my way off the bed. At the time I was maybe 130 on a good day and I’m relatively short. I was a tiny girl. He is 6’ 4 and probably around 200 some odd pounds. Obviously I wasn’t winning. He got his hands down my pants and for distracted and I managed to finesse my way off the bed and down stairs. My brother, brother in law and my cousin were down there. I looked spooked enough that they were worried to the point of thinking I was gonna pass out and they even asked where the friend was at the time. I lied. I didn’t want any drama. I knew it wasn’t my fault but it wasn’t worth it. On the way back home I rode with my brother. I told him what happened and he was pissed until he talked to my aunt about it. They both talked to me. She told me I was flirting with him and that i needed to be more careful with how I portray myself and not to try to come between my brother and his friend and my brother wasn’t so mad anymore. My aunts statement made sense to him. To him it was logical. To me it was heartbreakingly bitter. Some how my no wasn’t a no because i was flirting. My assault was MY FAULT because I flirted.
That moment fucked me up for a while. I was assaulted 2 more times after that. One by my boyfriend at the time and once by a group of guys who found an easy target. It was my fault that it had happened. Remember my aunt said I FLIRTED. I did something to make it okay to make it normal.
I tried to kill my self 3 times. I wasn’t important. I was used up and not enough for anyone.
I couldn’t be loved enough to be told my rapes were not my fault and that it isn’t okay. That I can say no. Relationship or not.
I had a talk with my brothers friend and asked him why he thought I didn’t mean no, his response didn’t do much. It wasn’t anything grand but it knocked something in me that made me see no matter what I would’ve done he was going to do it anyways.
My brother and my aunt we aren’t as close as we once were. That trust will never be brought back.
I just learned that my no is a no. I will have your dick so far in me that I can feel it coming up my throat but I can also say no. I have the right to change my mind and just because you don’t agree doesn’t give you the right to disregard that.
Practice safety. Emotional safety. Sexual safety. Health safety.
I know this was jumbled and all over the place but I still haven’t figured out how to cohesively explain the fucked up situations that paint my life story.
I love you all and I am here for you all. No matter what. I see the messages. I see the asks. I am here.
jbbartram-illu
kianamaiart
izzy806
snowghoul
origamiaround
annaxmalina
turnnoffyourmind
