maybe a war is what i need.
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@maulciber
maybe a war is what i need.
16) things you said with no space between us or 17) things you said that I wish you hadnโt (or both LMAO, mary @ mulciber!)
HATRED. ย a poison. drinking it and waiting for the other person to die โฆ he doesnโt hate her. let that be clear. he doesnโt. he doesnโt hate her. he doesnโt hate what she is. he hates what he is , and he hates what he must become in her presence. he hates the idea that he doesnโt hate her , and he hates the idea of her hating him regardless.ย
why ? ? ?ย
a question posed.ย
he resigns to answering it with his hand around her throat. and her hands against his chest. and this disgust in her eyes. THIS DISGUST. he needs this disgust , FEEDS OFF OF IT , siphons it with every breath. and yet , it does not diminish.ย
why ? ? ?ย
a question posed.ย
SHE FOUGHT BACK. that is the antithesis of him. no one fights back , not anymore , and many moons have passed since he watched her walk to the edge of that astronomy tower , fear on her face โhe needed that fear and so he called it forthโ but nothing more in her eyes. certainly not this disgust.ย
and then evan was there. and then avery. and everyone was looking at him as though the jokes were no longer funny and the pranks were no longer harmless. because they werenโt. they werenโt , and she was the line he had to cross.ย
poor mary macdonald. you know what he almost did to her ? ? ?crazy little mulciber. you know what the shiteโs the matter with him ? ? ?ย
he bares his teeth in a cheshire grin , the blood still dripping from his lips , cheek still stinging from the whip of her hand. the sound of it , that sound , has his heat pooling like molten gold. FINALLY ! FINALLY YOU FEEL SOMETHING ! ! !
โ we arenโt all that different , little bird. both covered in our anger. we just wear it differently , donโt we ?and thatโs what you wanted , why youโre always so thrilled to see me. โ
she pushes at his chest , and he shudders , ignited by the effort , INSPIRED. he steps ever closer , a breath between their bodies , her back flush against the stone wall of the alley heโd led her into , like a sheep to the slaughter.ย
but she hadnโt been easy , and he hadnโt been willing , and he doesnโt know who has the BIGGER PROBLEM at the moment.ย
and he leans in , and he leans down , and his eyes are level with hers. this grip on her neck loosens , but the weight on his chest tightens , and he knows these words are just as dangerous to him as they are to her. because if they are the same , if they have EVER ONCE been the same , then he has no excuse.ย
if they are the same , then the game is over.ย
โ because you want to make sure we donโt start wearing it the same. you want to make sure you donโt start looking like me. โ
his eyes glow with a confidence that BETRAYS the racing pace of his heart. he and his demons , cloaked in his darkness , obscured from what light is left in her eyes , stand above the scene to survey. it is him and it isnโt. he is safe and he isnโt. evanโs words echo in his ears so loud that he wants to scream. do you know why gods die ? ? ?ย mary macdonald โฆ mary fucking macdonald. cassius mulciber has many secrets , many that hurt and many that hurt others , many that ache and many that ail , but there is only one that concerns mary macdonald.ย
and it is that she had just as much an impact on him as he had on her.ย
he leans forth further before that truth flickers in his eyes and gives him away , allows his mouth to hover beside her ear , the backs of her hands now pressed to her chest , the only barrier left between them.ย
โ because youโre afraidย you might like it. โ
and if she no longer hates him , what is left of her ?ย
no.
if she no longer hates him , what is left of HIM ?ย
ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ๐ธ๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ฏ ๐ต๐ข๐ฌ๐ช๐ฏ๐จ ๐ด๐ฐ๐ฎ๐ฆ๐ต๐ฉ๐ช๐ฏ๐จ ๐ง๐ฆ๐ณ๐ข๐ญ & ๐จ๐ช๐ท๐ช๐ฏ๐จ ๐ช๐ต ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ฎ๐ข๐ด๐ฌ ๐ฐ๐ง ๐ข ๐ฎ๐ข๐ฏ ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ๐ฒ๐จ๐ฎ ๐ฆ๐ฎ๐ฌ๐ญ ๐ง๐๐ฏ๐๐ซ ๐๐จ๐ซ๐ ๐๐ญ ๐ฐ๐ก๐๐ญ ๐ฒ๐จ๐ฎ ๐ฌ๐ญ๐๐ซ๐ญ๐๐ ๐ฐ๐ข๐ญ๐ก
ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย sideblog to muyymalo
Jon Bernthal as Braxton in โThe Accountantโ (2016)
When your girl is still mad at you but, you catch her masturbating to the thought of you in the shower.
24) things you said with clenched fists - cassius
things you said with clenched fistsย โ @ourpyrrhicvictory
โI hate you.โ
It comes easily, instinctively. She doesnโt even have to think about it, she just says it, and the truth of it echoes through the room. She hates him and she will always hate him. Hates him with a ferocity that leaves her breathless, hates him so much that it hurts to even look at him right now.
Her nails dig into her palms, hard enough and sharp enough to draw blood.
She wants to set this room on fire.
The urge is so intense that it threatens to swallow her whole, to chew her up and spit her out, to burn her down and turn her into dust. Because she doesnโt have any goodness left inside her. Because the war has eaten everything good in her life. It ate, and ate, and ate; and now, thereโs nothing left. Nothing except her.
And him.
โI hate you.โ
She hates how weak she sounds, how her voice trembles, caught between grief and rage. Itโs unfair. Itโs unfair that Lily and James are dead, and sheโs still here. Itโs unfair that Sirius is going to Azkaban, and heโs still here. Itโs unfair that Dumbledore asked so much of them, too much, and he canโt do anything to fix this.ย
They fought for him. They died for him. They won the damn war for him and what do they have to show for it?
He owes them this, at the very least. He owes her this.
She stares at him, at his figure lingering in the doorway. This is his house, not hers. She shouldnโt even be here. She shouldโve never been here in the first place. She shouldโve never agreed to his deal in the alleyway, never shouldโve fucked him the first time or the numerous times after that. Heโs here and the people she loves - loved - arenโt.
โI hate you.โ
Itโs all she has left.
scavengememesโ:
BASTILLEโSย โ WILD WORLD โ ย SENTENCE STARTERS
GOOD GRIEF
โit goes in one ear, out the other.โ
โwhatโs gonna be left of the world if youโre not in it?โ
โnow stop worrying and get dressed.โ
โevery minute and every hour, i miss you.โ
THE CURRENTS
โi canโt quite believe my ears.โ
โyouโre making me feel nervous.โ
โdo you even know what year it is?โ
โwonโt you stop firing up the crazies?โ
AN ACT OF KINDNESS
โkindness is what you showed to me.โ
โyou left me wanting more.โ
โyou want nothing in return - i feel guilty.โ
โmy backโs up against the wall.โ
WARMTH
โnever good, just the bad and the ugly.โ
โi canโt stop thinking about it.โ
โtell me, did you see the news tonight?โ
โnow draw me close.โ
GLORY
โthereโs no looking up for heaven.โ
โwe made the best of what we had, you know?โ
โand was it feeling real?โ
โiโll take my chances on the curb here with you.โ
POWER
โdid you really think iโd fall to my knees?โ
โi will never understand the power you were holding over me.โ
โhurt the ones you love the most easily.โ
โif youโre gonna hit me, hit me harder, โcause you better knock me out the first time.โ
TWO EVILS
โwhoโs this man, whoโs this act i hide behind?โ
โthis is a game, no wrongs, no right.โ
โit pays to be the nice guy sometimes.โ
โweโre not that different, you and i.โ
SEND THEM OFF!
โset me free from my jealousy.โ
โwatch over as i sleep, through my darkest of dreams.โ
โhold me closer than anyone before.โ
โi should be thinking about nothing else when iโm with you.โ
LETHARGY
โrun away as fast as you can go.โ
โyou told me not to be like anybody else.โ
โyou checked out years ago.โ
โwhat iโd do not to worry like you.โ
FOUR WALLS (THE BALLAD OF PERRY SMITH)
โi donโt know, oh, i donโt know.โ
โwhat you have done is terrible, and now you carry it with you.โ
โnow weโre faced with two wrongs.โ
โthereโs no view from here.โ
BLAME
โthereโs no room for you here.โ
โsend my regards to hell.โ
โi can feel your pulse from here.โ
โdonโt pin it all on me!โ
FAKE IT
โi wanna waste all of my time with you.โ
โmy love, we can never go back.โ
โletโs destroy each mistake that we made.โ
โhelp me turn a blind eye.โ
SNAKES
โshow me distraction even for just one night.โ
โitโs easier to bury my head in the sand sometimes.โ
โi pray for the ground to swallow me whole.โ
โoh, iโm not ready.โ
WINTER OF OUR YOUTH
โiโve got nostalgia running through me, and i donโt like it.โ
โiโm pedaling backwards.โ
โwhen we pick over the past, we glorify it.โ
โiโve drunk too much to give you what you want.โ
WAY BEYOND
โdo you wanna be free of this?โ
โiโm gonna dust you off my shoulders.โ
โreal lifeโs more fucked up than fiction.โ
โi just wanna feel something, like before.โ
OIL ON WATER
โthey lie together, oil on water.โ
โher mind, it was reaching out.โ
โitโs a catalogue of modern mistakes.โ
โwarm affection runs through every word.โ
CAMPUS
โsomeone elseโs words in your mouth.โ
โoh, never leave me out.โ
โit must be so lonely, knowing what you know.โ
โheaven, help me.โ
SHAME
โi can see a change in you.โ
โi donโt like who iโm seeing lately.โ
โmaybe iโm living in the past.โ
โwho am i to judge? iโm the worst of all!โ
THE ANCHOR
โyou cut through all the noise.โ
โi think of you all the time.โ
โbring me some hope.โ
โyouโre the anchor that i tied to my brain.โ
FINAL HOUR
โhow many more times will we all bear witness?โ
โhow many more ways are there to say this?โ
โitโs always you that is leading us astray.โ
โcanโt you feel the temperature rising?โ
@aefintyrโ | things you said with clenched fists
โI hate you.โ
It comes easily, instinctively. She doesnโt even have to think about it, she just says it, and the truth of it echoes through the room. She hates him and she will always hate him. Hates him with a ferocity that leaves her breathless, hates him so much that it hurts to even look at him right now.
Her nails dig into her palms, hard enough and sharp enough to draw blood.
She wants to set this room on fire.
The urge is so intense that it threatens to swallow her whole, to chew her up and spit her out, to burn her down and turn her into dust. Because she doesnโt have any goodness left inside her. Because the war has eaten everything good in her life. It ate, and ate, and ate; and now, thereโs nothing left. Nothing except her.
And him.
โI hate you.โ
She hates how weak she sounds, how her voice trembles, caught between grief and rage. Itโs unfair. Itโs unfair that Lily and James are dead, and sheโs still here. Itโs unfair that Sirius is going to Azkaban, and heโs still here. Itโs unfair that Dumbledore asked so much of them, too much, and he canโt do anything to fix this.
They fought for him. They died for him. They won the damn war for him and what do they have to show for it?
He owes them this, at the very least. He owes her this.
She stares at him, at his figure lingering in the doorway. This is his house, not hers. She shouldnโt even be here. She shouldโve never been here in the first place. She shouldโve never agreed to his deal in the alleyway, never shouldโve fucked him the first time or the numerous times after that. Heโs here and the people she loves - loved - arenโt.
โI hate you.โ
Itโs all she has left.
AT LEAST HE HAS THE SENSE TO LOOK ASHAMED. it might be the first time in his life heโs chosen to remain silent in the face of admonishment. not so much because mary had rendered him speechless , but more so because he understood that to say anything was to crush what semblance of peace remained. her voice , callous as it is , has not risen above a reasonable volume. part of him wished it would. it would be easier to sit here having her yell and scream and curse him , literally , than it is to sit here like a dog whoโs pissed in the house. and hasnโt he ? he had soiled what little hope he had for redemption in her eyes , if there had ever been at all. because fucking him is different from loving him. living with him was different than accepting him.
letting him lay his head upon her pillow is different from forgiving him.ย
he canโt take it back. even if he had no direct involvement with the attack , he had always known it would cost her more than he would ever be able to pay back . . . he just never expected this. every time he had ever been able to make out lily in the field โheโd learned , early on in the agreement , how to pick her outโ he had avoided her , left her to her own devices but never cut her down by his own hand. and . . . he may have stepped between her and dolohov or barty every now and again. the point is that heโd tried.ย
but mary wonโt care. her best friend is gone , and his efforts were in vain.
what he does know right now is that she means it. she means every syllable , and each one of them cuts through him like the sharpest blade , ice cold and yet white hot. he wonโt admit it , wonโt let it show on his features. heโs SEETHING , though not at her. none of them had known. none of them , save perhaps the lestranges who always knew everything all the time. but the rest of them , they thought they were keeping watch on the longbottom house based on some information from within the ministry. they thought they were doing the most important work to date. and they were wrong.ย
and had he known , had he applied himself to reach that inner circle of hell , he could have warned her , mary. he could have helped. for once in his godforsaken life , he could have been better than what he was.ย
but that moment has passed , and all thatโs left is the monster. thatโs all that can be left. because if he becomes something else now , it wonโt mean anything. itโs too late. sheโd been right in the beginning. there is no saving him.
โ then leave. โย
he stands with a heavy sigh , but he doesnโt look at her , half because he fears retaliation. and half because he fears having to watch her leave.ย
but itโs over now , isnโt it ? they have nothing left. the deal is dead in the water , and she has no use for him anymore. in fact , there is only one reason she would stay at all , and on impulse , he throws it at her like an ax.ย
โ either leave or remember we were just at war. because no matter who hates who , iโm all you got left. โ
ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ๐ธ๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ฏ ๐ต๐ข๐ฌ๐ช๐ฏ๐จ ๐ด๐ฐ๐ฎ๐ฆ๐ต๐ฉ๐ช๐ฏ๐จ ๐ง๐ฆ๐ณ๐ข๐ญ & ๐จ๐ช๐ท๐ช๐ฏ๐จ ๐ช๐ต ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ฎ๐ข๐ด๐ฌ ๐ฐ๐ง ๐ข ๐ฎ๐ข๐ฏย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ๐ฒ๐จ๐ฎ ๐ฆ๐ฎ๐ฌ๐ญ ๐ง๐๐ฏ๐๐ซ ๐๐จ๐ซ๐ ๐๐ญ ๐ฐ๐ก๐๐ญ ๐ฒ๐จ๐ฎ ๐ฌ๐ญ๐๐ซ๐ญ๐๐ ๐ฐ๐ข๐ญ๐ก
ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย sideblog to muyymalo