heavy negativity in this chili's tonight

what the hell do i do now

[mawkabre]

me: *overthinks, tortures myself with responsibility, etc*

them: *makes a decision every day about interacting w/ me*

me: ... but it's my fault right

[mawkabre]

am i being unfair? and to whom? bc i could also argue that not doing something is unfair to myself. or that my standards are too high? that i'm demanding? idk i have to look out for me i guess. it's really the only option? i cant be objective about myself and yeah i still feel immense love BUT i think i have. done enough. and dont have to feel guilty about it.

[mawkabre]

i don't think i should go back. it won't be different this time

[mawkabre]

idk how to get closure for this one specific part

[mawkabre]

well that's probably depression

[mawkabre]

"just talk to your friends about it"

[mawkabre]

gotta deep cry at some point but no time is opportune…

[mawkabre]

okay now i guess!

[mawkabre]

gotta deep cry at some point but no time is opportune...

[mawkabre]

...

[mawkabre]

no response is a response

[mawkabre]

yeah i’m hella bitter about it

[mawkabre]

it’s really awkward i guess but honestly i need to do this anyway. move on. accept it.

[mawkabre]

ah..... goodbye then

[mawkabre]

maybe it is time to cut my losses and move on

[mawkabre]

i will never learn i think until i can finally internalize that i don't matter enough can't rely on things i thought i could

[mawkabre]

maybe it is time to cut my losses and move on

[mawkabre]

i feel pathetic

[mawkabre]

of course i’m reaching out again bc i never learn that people just don’t care and ! better yet! aren’t interested in caring