She scrutinized his expression, letting her gaze roam his face in attempt to figure out what he was thinking. It was obvious that she was hurting him, and of course she was, she thought, because it had to hurt for him to know that the woman he loved felt she could not share every piece of herself with him and not knowing why had to hurt more. It would hurt anyone to know that and she more than hated herself for hurting him because she seemed to be doing that a lot lately and he was the last person she wanted to hurt. Regardless of everything that she had done that may have proven otherwise, all she had ever wanted– all she would ever want– was for him to be happy. Part of why she had not contacted him when she had left was because she had felt he would be better off if she didn’t get in touch. Yes, the main reason was because she had known that one word from him would have made her come back, but she had also known that getting into contact with him would have made him miss her more. Leaving the way she had was like ripping off a band-aid. Maybe he would have missed her, but he would have stopped eventually. Now knowing everything that she did about how he felt, however, she knew how absurd that thought process had been, but the point was that his happiness was the most important thing to her. Even if she had a selfish way of showing it. “I’m offended that you would even think of that as a possibility, because obviously, sparkling vampires are not a thing and if I were one in a past life, I probably stood in the sun and let myself burn. Hey, you better be nice because if I am a vampire, I will bite you once the fangs come in,” she threatened playfully with a hiss, trying and failing to bite back a laugh. “I thought you might. Though, if I’m being honest, I’m entirely too used to dealing with those types of guys. They’ve followed me around like puppies most of my life and I am more than capable of holding my own against them. Hell, anyone with half a brain knows not to mess with me. Well, you are an idiot, but…” She let her sentence trail off, unable to hold back a smile in response to his laughter. “But I don’t want you to suffocate, because I quite like having you around so you’re sweet, but please don’t hold your breath for me.” She grinned, standing on the tips of her toes to kiss him quickly while the moment lasted. “That would be a dick move and Oli is far from a dick, so I think you’re golden,” she replied after she had pulled away. “Pfft, you haven’t even seen violent. Don’t be such a drama queen,” she stuck her tongue out playfully, merely smirking when he said that she had gotten her way once again.
Vik knew that no matter how many times she told him he wasn’t at fault, he would not believe her. She could speak the words until she went blue in the face, but it would never be enough to force him to quit blaming himself. It was another thing she was angry at herself for, making him think that he was to blame for the decisions that she had made when in reality, it was her own insecurities that held her back from him. It was the voices in her head whispering– screaming– that she didn’t deserve him that prevented her from letting him all the way in, but there was more to it than that. There was a crippling fear holding her back and she hoped that one day she could get to the root of it and crush it before she truly did lose him forever. “True, but you wouldn’t have been confused if I hadn’t left. You couldn’t have possibly have separated your feelings for without me being in some sort of contact with you. I’m responsible for your confusion because I cut off all contact between us. You tried to reach out and I ignored you, so once again, that is on me and not on you.” What she failed to add was that even in the event that she had not left and their feelings had come out sooner, there was still no guarantee that she would have told him immediately about her father having come into contact with her. They would have been as happy as they were on some days and she wouldn’t have wanted to ruin that with whatever she felt over her dad suddenly forcing his way back into her life through her half-sister, or rather, for her half-sister and not so much because he actually regretted ever having dropped out of her life. All she could do was shake her head in reply to him saying that she had never been the problem, because she felt that it wasn’t the truth. Every argument they’d had, every uncomfortable silence, all the bad– it all came back to something she didn’t do or did that she shouldn’t have. As he rocked her, she leaned into him even more, inhaling his scent and trying to find comfort in being in his arms. Despite not one hundred percent buying into his words, she nodded, wiping furiously at the tears that continued to leave her and sucking in a deep breath, trying to calm the quickening pace of her heart. “Okay,” she breathed out, lacking the energy to argue any farther because she didn’t have any fight left in her. Not right now. “I’ll be fine. We’ll be fine,” she repeated his words, hoping that the more times she repeated the words in her head, they would begin to feel more true, and letting him hold her because it was the only thing making her feel a little close to okay.
Although he was pretending to act as if nothing was wrong happening between them, he couldn’t help but take notice at the way she gazed at him. Her chocolate brown eyes were focused intensely on him, like she was trying to read his mind. She probably realized that he was pretending, just like she was and for that he didn’t bother to hide his thoughts from her. He was always like an open book to her, never once bothering to try and hide himself from her and even if he wanted to, it never lasts because he couldn’t find it within himself to hide for long. Vik may find it hard to reveal all that she is to him, to completely let him in, but Max never had an issue with that. She knew everything about him– all his good, all his bad, his fears, his dreams, everything that makes Max, well Max. What use would he have if he were to pretend? To act like he was fine when deep down he wasn’t? Yes, he may have been pretending now, acting and sounding like everything was actually perfectly fine between them when both knew that wasn’t the case. But the reason why he was pretending was because she was. It wouldn’t do either one of them good if he decided to forcefully open her up when clearly, she still wasn’t ready. “Not my fault that sparkling vampires suddenly became popular throughout these last ten years. How tween girls even found that idea appealing, I’ll never understand especially since my own little sis found herself obsessing over them too. Thankfully, she doesn’t anymore and I am even happier that you agree with me as well. Oh? Is that a promise, Dragov?” With a smirk replacing his grin, he cheekily winked at her rather than going through with his usual, being afraid of her threats nitch. “Those kind of guys most likely think that you are easy, that’s all. But they really should learn that just because you’re beautiful doesn’t mean that you want to spend your time dealing with guys like them. And they should also realize that just because I’m usually a nice guy and I may look and act like a nerd, doesn’t mean that I will be afraid to get my hands dirty if one of them dares to try and touch you inappropriately. I’m a big idiot, Vik, it’s okay I’m aware.” He playfully shrugged. “No promises, babe, no promises.” He allowed his fingers to briefly tangle themselves within her hair the moment her lips pressed against his, sighing contently after she pulled away. “I suppose I will have to try with all my might not to see your violent side, if you constantly hitting me isn’t you being violent.” he laughed.
Max was going to continue to keep blaming himself until Vik realizes that not everything was her fault. Maybe it he was too blinded by his deep affections for her to even think about considering how everything was her fault or maybe he truly was an idiot for thinking that she wasn't at fault. After all, Vik herself would constantly say that everything that happens between them was because of her and while that may be true, he wasn’t ever going to see it that way. It was like the phrase, ’it takes two to tango,’ none of this was completely her fault like how none of this was completely his. A big part of the reason why all of this keeps happening always goes back to her father, to how he messed her up the moment he decided to leave her and her mother. If Vik’s father didn’t leave when she was younger and never kept in contact until now, than she wouldn’t have that fear of being left alone or not wanting to let Max in. If she hadn’t been so affected by what he did, than there wouldn’t have been a reason for Vik to believe that everything would be better if she just left unexpectedly, that she would realize how she does deserve to have him in her life and even if she still thought that she didn’t, he’ll prove to her otherwise. “I would’ve still missed you even if we did keep in contact after you left. Then by missing you, I would have realized how much of my life you actually filled and how hallow it would have been without seeing you everyday and by realizing that, I still would have realized how I felt. My feelings for you were always there, so I would have needed to sorted out my feelings one way or another. Maybe ignoring me helped speed the process, but once again– this is not completely on you.” He just knew that they would keep going back and forth with this, they always did this. But he didn’t care if he had to repeat himself five times or ten or even a hundred times, he didn’t blame her for this and this wasn’t all her fault. Continuing to rock her in his arms, he knew deep down that even while she gave in to his words, she still didn’t believe him. This was something he knew that he needed to show her rather than just say it. Once she sees that she was starting to get better, Max was sure that she’ll believe him then. But as for now, he was going to continue to keep holding her protectively in his arms as he thought of how he was going to deal with this. How they were going to deal with this.