”Good morning, sweetheart.” It was Mommy’s voice. Vivian opened his eyes. One of Mommy’s hands was under his pajama pants, squeezing the front of his diaper.
Mommy gently pulled the blankets back and took his hand, helping him to his feet. She guided him out of the bedroom and into the living room, where she sat him on the floor with his back against the couch.
“You wait right here while I get breakfast together, okay?” she said softly. “Then we can change your diaper and get ready for the day.”
Vivian didn’t answer. That warm, fuzzy, very little feeling from last night hadn’t dissipated yet. His middle and ring finger were in his mouth. Mommy just smiled at him and ran her hand through his hair. She turned on the TV on her way out of the room.
Vivian listened to the sound of dishes being set on the counter from the kitchen. How long was she going to take? It sounded like she was just making cereal. He was feeling a little bit of pressure in his lower belly and shifted from side to side.
It would be really embarrassing to go potty at the kitchen table. And it wouldn’t be nice to Mommy to go after she had showered and changed him. And he really wasn’t feeling like it was a toilet day. He was probably going to pee in his pull-up as much as he could get away with it.
Vivian crawled behind the couch, face burning even though he was alone. He had just started pushing when he heard Mommy’s voice again.
“Where’s Vivian?”
And then footsteps across the floor.
“Is he behind the couch?”
The cushions made a shuffling sound and Vivian looked up.
“What are you doing back here, silly?”
“Nothing…”
“Uh-huh?”
Vivian was watching dust motes swirling in the sunlight that streamed in through the crack in the curtains, trying not to look at Mommy. He wasn’t sure if he wanted her to find out that his diaper was a little messy yet.
“Okay, well, I made you a bowl of cereal. Do you want to come out and eat it?”
Vivian nodded and slowly crawled back out from behind the couch. He still really needed to finish going. Mommy had set his cereal on the coffee table. He picked it up and took it to the middle of the floor, where he knelt facing the TV.
“Do you not want to sit at the table with me?” asked Mommy.
Vivian shook his head.
“Okay, you can watch TV instead. But that means no TV after dinner tonight, okay?”
Vivian nodded, even though he really did want to watch TV later when he wasn’t distracted. He stirred his cereal, watching Mommy leave for the kitchen.
As soon as she was out of sight he sat up on his heels and started to push again. Mommy reappeared in the doorway and he quickly sat back down, feeling his diaper squish against his bottom.
“I’m going to eat out here, too, I think,” she said.
“Okay,” said Vivian quietly. Now he’d need to be really sneaky. Mommy was sitting right behind him on the couch, but she was eating and watching TV. He slowly raised his bottom off his feet and adjusted so that there was some room under him. It wasn’t as comfortable as squatting or going on all fours but he could make it work.
He focused hard on being really still and quiet and pushed one time, and then another. More mess was easing out of him. He glanced over his shoulder at Mommy and she seemed invested in the TV show.
He pushed a little bit more, feeling his eyebrows scrunch together. Slow, slow, almost done…he relaxed again, trying not to breathe too hard.
After the episode was over, Mommy crossed the room to pick up his cereal. “Are you all finished?” she asked, rubbing his back.
“Um, I think so. I’m sorry I didn’t eat it all.” He offered her his bowl.
Mommy laughed. “Noo, buddy, that’s not what I meant. Can you sit up for me?”
Vivian raised his bottom off his heels and felt Mommy’s hand on the back of his diaper. He could feel himself blushing again, not just in his face, but on his neck and ears, too.
“Can you tell Mommy if you’re finished going potty?”
Vivian nodded, thumb tracing his lips. “I’m all done.”
“Okay, good. Can you help me take your bowl into the kitchen? Then we’ll get you in the shower. I’m so glad you went while you still had your diaper on.”
Vivian covered his face with his free hand as he followed her to the kitchen. She hadn’t only been completely aware of what he was doing in the living room; she also clearly knew that he had no intentions of using the bathroom today.
Fantasy that popped into my head in the wee hours of the morning…
You and your CG are on vacation. You have been 24/7 for weeks, with a strict no-potty rule: you go as soon as you have to go. Now you’re at the hotel and getting ready to head down to the beach. You pull your swimsuit out with a little bit of relief: at least you get a short reprieve from diapers and having to go the second you get the feeling.
As you are pulling your suit up your CG walks in with a small pull-up you have never seen before, pulled straight out of their swim bag.
“Sweetheart, you can’t just wear a swimsuit silly! What happens when you go?”
“But… I can’t wear a… diaper… in the water!”
“Not a big diaper, of course, but we also can’t have you unprotected!” Your CG unfolds a thin, papery pull-up.
“But… it’s going to swell up under my swimsuit and drip everywhere as soon as I get in the water!”
“These are swim diapers, silly! They only hold just enough pee to make sure you can get from the room to the beach without leaving a trail. Everything else goes right through them!”
“Then… what is it for? If I’m just supposed to hold it while we are there, why do I need a swim diaper?”
“Oh, you’re not going to hold it, little thing! That time of your life is over for good. When you wet, it’s just going to stream down your legs, just like the water from the ocean does.”
“Well… then… is it for….”
“Yep! When you poop, it’s going to stay right where it should. And when I notice I’ll get you changed!”
“You mean… if I have to… go… I still have to go in my swimsuit?”
“Of course you do! This is how things are now; you go as soon as you have to… no matter what or when. And, I happen to know you haven’t gone today, so what kind of caregiver would I be to just put you in a swimsuit?”
“…”
———
45 minutes later, your CG spots you in the sand. You are digging a hole to nowhere, and you stand and face them, looking kind of surprised and unsure. Your CG gives you a warm, accepting smile. Without flinching they watch as you slightly hunch and bend your knees, holding your shovel to your chest. Pee streams through your diaper and swimsuit and down your legs. They keep watching with curiosity as you don’t stand up as the pee stops but squat a little further. They watch you with your eyes closed, as they know you are filling the back of your swim diaper.
You finish pushing and stand up, touching the back of your swimsuit and looking at them longingly. They put down their book and come over to you to see the back of your suit.
“Looks like maybe it’s time to head inside for a couple of minutes, huh?”
“…”
“That’s OK, if you want to come back and keep digging, we can just change you in the bathroom and you can come straight back. I have plenty of swim diapers left for the week.”
The living room glowed with soft morning sunlight filtering through the curtains.
She sat cross-legged on the fluffy rug right in front of the television, wearing her favorite Sesame Street pajamas. The long-sleeve shirt had a big smiling Elmo on the front, and the cozy bottoms were covered in the colourful characters.
The soft fabric was comfy and babyish, and the pj bottoms did nothing to hide the obvious padded bulk of her diaper underneath.
Her eyes were wide and sparkling as she watched Sesame Street. Big Bird was teaching Elmo and Abby Cadabby how to share toys in the most cheerful way possible. The bright colors and happy music filled the room.
She suckled steadily on her warm morning baba, the sweet milk tasting so comforting as she rocked gently side to side. The bottle was almost empty.
Every now and then she let out a tiny, contented hum around the nipple, completely lost in the bright puppets and silly songs.
Elmo’s so silly today, and Big Bird’s feathers look extra fluffy. Everything feels so nice and warm and safe… she thought dreamily.
In the background, Daddy hummed while washing dishes after breakfast. The clink of plates and running water mixed softly with the cartoon music.
She barely noticed. She was too busy finishing her baba, too happy sitting right here in her favourite little spot with her blankie draped over her lap.
With one last big suckle, the bottle emptied. She set it down carefully beside her and popped her paci into her mouth instead, clutching her blankie tighter against her chest. The soft fabric brushed her cheek as she bounced lightly to the next song, eyes never leaving the screen.
A funny, warm pressure started growing in her tummy.
She shifted a little, but her eyes never left the screen.
Elmo was laughing now, and Abby was flying around with sparkles. It made her giggle behind her paci.
But that familiar pressure only stayed there in her tummy, threatening to interrupt her Sunday morning cartoons.
Nooo… not now, she thought, cheeks already tingling with a faint blush. I don’t wanna stop watching…I can just stay right here.
She ignored it, bouncing gently on her knees as Elmo and Abby sang. The pressure grew stronger, but she was too deep in her floaty headspace to care.
A tiny toot slipped out. Then another. She barely noticed, content in her carefree bubble.
Daddy walked in from the kitchen, drying his hands on a dish towel. He slipped on his glasses, sat down on the couch with his tablet, and smiled softly when he saw his baby girl.
Just the sight of her paci bobbing steadily, blankie clutched tight, and being completely mesmerised by the bright noisy characters made his heart melt.
“Is your tummy all full now from breakfast and your baba, princess?” he asked warmly, his voice full of gentle affection.
“Uh huh, Dada…” she mumbled around her paci, eyes still glued to the screen, not even turning her head.
Daddy opened his tablet and started reading the morning news, but he kept glancing over at her with that knowing little smile.
He already knew exactly what was coming. His baby always made her morning stinkies after breakfast.
It was her body’s sweet, predictable routine, and he loved every part of taking care of it.
She kept bouncing happily on her knees as the characters sang even louder and more joyfully. The pressure in her tummy grew stronger and more urgent, but it still felt distant and unimportant, like background noise in her perfect little headspace.
Another toot escaped and this one was louder but surprisingly she didn’t even register it.
Then, without any conscious thought, her body took over completely.
She subconsciously shifted forward onto her knees in that classic toddler pose, bottom slightly raised, back arched just a little, legs spread for balance.
She didn’t even realise she was doing it.
Her eyes stayed locked on the bright, colourful screen as Elmo and his friends started a lively new dance song about friendship.
She suckled harder on her paci, clutched her blankie a little tighter against her chest, and pushed ever so slightly.
A warm, mushy fullness slowly began to fill the back of her diaper. The soft, heavy load came out with almost no effort at all, it was warm and thick and smooth, spreading gently and steadily against her skin in that unmistakable squishy way.
It kept coming, filling the seat of her diaper more and more until the padding felt noticeably heavier and warmer, the mess pressing softly in all the squishiest, most intimate places.
Her tummy finally felt so much lighter and better, but her diaper felt so much fuller now, the warm mush cradling her in a way that was both embarrassing and strangely comforting.
Still facing the TV and deep in her happy little world, she relaxed completely and sat back down cross-legged without thinking. The mess squished noticeably underneath her, warm and mushy, spreading even more as she settled into her soaked nightime diaper.
She let out a tiny, contented sigh around her paci and kept watching, completely unbothered, her eyes sparkling with delight as Elmo and friends danced across the screen.
Feels better now, she thought feeling relieved and still in a daze.
Daddy watched the whole thing unfold from the couch. He saw the bouncing, heard the little toots, and noticed the exact moment she filled her diaper. He cringed slightly at the thought of the cleanup, but his smile stayed soft and loving. His baby looked so peaceful sitting there in her messy diaper, completely lost in her cartoons, paci bobbing happily.
He set his tablet down and approached quietly, crouching down behind her.
“Hey baby girl,” he said casually. “Do you smell something funny?”
She didn’t answer, still staring at the screen.
He tried again, gently tugging the back of her Sesame Street pj bottoms. “Princess, I asked if you can smell anything funny… because I certainly can.”
She finally turned around, paci still in her mouth, and gave him a sweet, innocent smile. “I can smell something funny, Dada. Did you toot?”
Daddy’s eyebrows rose in amusement as he let out a low chuckle and shook his head in disbelief. “No little one, that wasn’t me”.
Deciding not to humour her today and risk his princess getting a diaper rash, he wasted no time revealing exactly where the funny smell was coming from.
He gently lifted her to her feet and spun her around, pulling back the waistband of her pj bottoms and diaper to check the mess.
“Oh honey,” he said, voice warm with loving tease. “That’s one very messy didi. You sure did make a big stinky for Daddy, didn’t you? Look at all that mushy surprise you left for me in your cute little Sesame Street pants.”
She froze. The realisation hit her like a tidal wave. The warm mush, the heavy weight, the fact that she had just happily sat in it while watching cartoons.
Her cheeks burned bright red. She covered her face with both hands, mortified, squirming in place as the mess shifted again.
Daddy gently pulled her hands away and looked her right in the eyes, determined to make her cheeks turn that pretty shade of pink.
“Baby girl, when Daddy asks you a question, I expect an answer. Now… are you Dada’s little stinker? Hmm?”
She squirmed harder, too embarrassed to meet his gaze. Her voice came out tiny and shy.
“Y-yes…”
Daddy chuckled softly and tilted her chin up.
“Yes what, princess?”
She pouted, cheeks flaming hotter than ever.
“Yes… I’m Dada’s little stinker.”
“That’s right,” he praised warmly, pulling her into a big hug and rocking her gently. “You’re Dada’s sweet little stinker who made a big messy stinky in her diaper. I’m so proud of you for telling me like a good girl.”
She hid her burning face in his chest, but a tiny, shy smile appeared anyway. Daddy’s praise always made the embarrassment feel a little warmer, even as the heavy, squishy mess reminded her exactly what she’d done.
He scooped her up effortlessly into his arms, cooing softly as he carried her upstairs. “Now that you’ve told Daddy about your dirty diaper like a good girl, how about we go get that messy butt all clean and into a fresh diapie, princess?”
She wrapped her arms around his neck and nodded, still blushing furiously as he carried her, fussing over her with gentle kisses and whispers the whole way.
