the ultimate father experience

RamZ/He/Him/Transmasc/Exhausted

[rarebritney]

at the grocery store i bought 2 limes and a lemon and the checker said to me "two limes and a lemon... Anything could happen"

[pointnclick]

I just ate basically uncooked oatmeal and it was pretty good

[pointnclick]

Just leave me alone

[memewhore]

[huffylemon]

I love it when semi trucks come to a stop and let that little fart out

[dct239394cvvd098dffgggp]

real and true

[sandmandaddy69]

[theanti90smovement]

Fluoride in the Water.

Government forcing you to have teeth.

[followthebluebell]

i think furniture legs should be carved into little animal feet again.  i think that would solve a lot of problems. 

[bunbijou-archive-blog]

[conarcoin]

neopets forum posts i reference all the time but nobody gets

[communistbakery-deactivated2017]

honestly i peaked as a zygote like.. i was completely androgynous.. unproblematic.. no acne… truly my golden years

[briangaviddilbert]

[sagihairius]

my hot topic cashier had big buttons that said “ask me about my fursona” and “submissive” on his lanyard but no name tag because thats just too personal i guess

[jyslacefront]

#the wisest man at the nude beach hides his face not his genitals

[beatboxbully]

do you know how many bones the human body has? its 206. we start with 369 when we’re babies but they fuse. wouldn’t you want to go back? have as many bones as a baby? what if i could help you

[boymilk-moved-deactivated201903]

hi yeah what the actual, literal, GENUINE fuck does this mean

[moringottos-deactivated20210117]

when I was 14 I worked in a grocery store and one day I got to bag Stephen King’s groceries and of course, being the little horror fiction nerd I am I was completely starstruck

I think he thought I was gonna ask for an autograph because I was not even lowkey staring I was full on moon-faced and bouncing and he kept looking over at me hesitantly like aw jeez kid fuck off

anyways I finally managed to squeak out that I was a huge fan and asked for advice on writing, “how do I write as well as you do?” in my horrible thick German accent and broken ass English and he gave me the best writing advice I have ever received

“shit kid, stop worrying about how other people do it and just write your story”

14 years later my wife and I nearly hit him with our car because he was jaywalking

[lokispriestess-deactivated20181]

However you think this story will end is wrong

[hyrude]

ive eaten shrimp exactly 5 times in my life, always with gusto and an utter lack of self-restaint, and each time has ingrained itself in my memory as distinctly nightmarish when they ended with me ralphing it all back up within the hour. i thought this was reflective of my hubris and insufficient fear of god, but it is only as i write this post now, crumpled to my knees on the floor of this eresto’s bathroom after eating half a baja taco and recalling that my dad is allergic to shellfish, i realize perhaps the issue is not with a higher power, but with a deeper one. biology.

[memescomedy]