Warnings: hook up (but it’s like barely at the start and like cut off mostly), forbidden relationships, heart ache, angst/kinda comfort not rly, yearning
Summary: The troops are celebrating a victory outside, yet their captain is tense as ever after realising the casual hook ups with you had turned into something more.
AN// First time writing for Varka, hope this comes out okay. I was also experimenting w my writing because I’ve had such a dry patch with writing recently but honestly idk if I like this either AHH well anyway :”D I also wrote the middle of this first, then edited the beginning and then months later finished the ending so…hopefully it still makes sense
“One Last Night.”
A heavy pleased breath escaped Varka as his arms loosened up around the form over his lap, feeling their weight collapse on the spot beside him on the cot. A moment of breathy silence followed there after, both living through the afterglow without words.
The troops led by Varka had gained a victory on the shores of Nod Krai, afterwards joining together in celebration at the camp as the evening had turned to night. It was Varka’s turn to take a step back and watch over for the night, yet now he found himself tangled with another warm body beside him in his tent. Somewhere between sitting with you, sneaking a couple drinks and chatting you’d ended up here, again.
And he knew he’d ended up here one too many times too. He made it clear to his bedmates that he couldn’t possibly enter closer relationships, knowing his sense of duty and the kind of work he did. He knew he wouldn’t be able to bear the feeling of worry and yearning of knowing someone he cared for couldn’t see him on the daily, nor could he choose when to spend time with that person. And he couldn’t forget the amount of soldiers that relied on his knowledge and leadership on the field, he couldn’t afford to start letting his mind wander. And so, he allowed himself to explore, to lay with the allies he met on the way to get those otherwise abandoned needs met.
It was all in good fun, until he’d realised what he had with you wasn’t just that anymore. It’d gone from physical pleasure to something worth looking forward to, something that closely resembled a deeper connection; and that scared him. It surprised him even more how hard it’d been to make a choice on the matter, how much more difficult it’d felt even if it had been for the better.
His hand caressed your thigh in the warmth of the tent, silently allowing both of you to come down from your respective highs; tracing nonsensical patterns on the skin that’d slowly become a little too familiar. “I’ve tasked you away for a mission in another location,” he spoke softly with the same caring tone as always even if breaking the news in this manner hurt. “I don’t think this will end well for either of us otherwise.” The sheets shuffled as he turned to look at you, an ache going through him at the familiar sight he knew to be the last he’d get of you like this. And you didn’t even look angry, almost like you’d expected him to act on what’d been brewing between the two of you sooner or later. “Where am I going then?” You dared to ask even if the topic now felt heavier on your lips. Yet you understood exactly what he meant, knew why this had been the choice he’d made. Whatever boundaries you may have set in the beginning for a mutual exchange had been crossed at some point. At the point when he’d started finding you attractive on a deeper level, when he’d started to think you understood him in a way he couldn’t really explain. Or maybe it was the moment when he was alone in his cot and thought what a shame it was that he could never have you in the way he wanted, not in this lifetime. “Higher up north to the new station being set up,” Varka spoke while pressing his forehead to your shoulder, the words gliding off your skin.
It was a shame, truly. Because whatever had blossomed from mutual pleasure was a known yet unspoken fact between the both of you. It was almost comforting in a way to be known and read through so thoroughly that no confessions were needed, if only the situation was wanted. You knew it had to be broken off soon, yet a part of you yearned to stay even as another question left your lips. “When?”
Neither of you were tense even if the topic should have likely made your heart race and ache. Maybe it was the moment causing it, the way he still held you beside him, caressed your skin while speaking of separating you from his troops down here. “Three days, you’ll have time to pack up with the others leaving along with you.” His breath was warm with every word, each letter spoken like it hurt to admit. His head rose, strands of his hair askew, some of it sticking to the back of his neck; an oddly familiar sight. “Unless you want me to reconsider?” There was a tinge of hope in his words even if he knew the answer. The afterglow was somewhat dampened by the topic yet the understanding between the two made it feel easier. “No, I- I understand why you’re doing this,” as hard as it was to admit. “I could never hold you back like that, not with a clean conscience.” The small sigh that escaped him was tinged with relief, his hand reaming the motion over your hip. “I know you wouldn’t,” but hearing you agree with him made making the final decision a little easier.
The warm air around you was heavy with unsaid confessions and a million other things you wanted to say. You both knew this would have been the very last time like this but neither of you could fold enough to admit that, to get up and return to the others. Instead, he pulled you closer as a desperate last measure to make an imprint of you in his mind. “I’ll miss you,” the admission left his lips soon after. Varka might have been a humorous man but he was no fool when it came to reading the room. He was well aware that this very moment was the last for anything he’d wanted to confess to; it felt almost sacred.
The musk of his body was familiar by then, something hard to forget. His words had made a somewhat sad yet fond smile to form on your lips. It was the closest thing to a forbidden confession one could gain from the relationship you had. “I’ll miss you, even if this is for the best,” you spoke while allowing your lips to grace against his collar in a soft kiss. You could feel his breath shudder under the action, see how he concealed it with a light chuckle. “Tell me to stop the mission and I will,” his tone was still so kind and it carried over each word. His hand reached for your cheek, holding it while tilting your face to meet his eyes. “I can’t do that,” it was hard to say yet you wouldn't allow him to try and joke now. “Our nation needs you more than I do.” And that was the painful truth. You had no right to keep him and shackle him down when so many others relied on him.
He smiled at your conviction as his hand moved to mess with your hair. He was well aware that duty and desire did not walk hand in hand on his path even if his heart tried to fight against the truths. “Besides, you can’t start worrying over one soldier,” you tried to lighten the mood, knowing even after your departure Varka would not be alone. Varka’s eyes avoided yours for a moment, fighting back the urge to argue that you weren’t just one among many to him, none of his troops were. But there was no space for that now.
Gaining no response you drew in a breath, “We should get cleaned up.” You had no desire to leave his side now, knowing there would be no return to that place, worrying slightly over your own conviction faltering by the time you’d depart. But much to your dismay he was still on duty to watch over the celebrations and soon enough his disappearance would be noticed by someone.
“Yes, we should.” His voice was heavier, tinged with reluctance to untangle himself from the embrace. But that by itself was almost a sign enough for him to commit to the decision made. He rolled off the cot with a groan and began picking up the discarded clothes beside it to dress up. There was no hurry of course, by the sound of it the celebrations seemed to be going smoothly outside. So, he allowed himself a moment to glimpse at your resting form, a fond look flashing over his face for a mere moment.
“Here,” he handed over a towel beside you before returning to buckling his trousers on; making sure you had it in you to begin wiping yourself down before averting his gaze for privacy and gathering your clothes beside the bed as per usual. You found yourself fond of the way he was tentative to his bedmates, checking in on them without really needing to say anything. It was comfortable, until it’d become something it wasn’t intended to be.
You got dressed alongside him, tidying yourself up to make yourself a little more presentable. “You should really get on duty.” You hummed beside him, eyeing the flap of the tent that led outside. “Long night ahead. You go enjoy the wine, it’s a fresh patch from home.” His eyes grazed over you for a moment before he turned to leave, grazing his hand over your shoulder on his way.
Varka had separated himself from the rest of the celebrations, now settled by the sidelines with a pint of something a little less strong than what the rest of the soldiers were having. His mind was still riddled with doubts of if he’d made the right choice about you and how the future would look after. It’d cause a sour look on his face, covered by the shade of the night. And the earlier of course hadn’t stopped you from seeking him out through the crowd after a few drinks, chest full of not so sober affections to give and with little to none reason left in you.
So you’d made it your mission to deliver those affections to the man they belonged to, much to his dismay. Though, he didn’t seem to turn down the kisses peppered to his collar; you could have sworn he’d even tilted his head a little for better access. Yet he didn’t seem to let you get too close, keeping up his knightly duty of watching over the celebrations while avoiding the ache building up in his chest. “You’re not going to remember any of this tomorrow,” his familiar voice spoke with a low yet gentle tone as he moved to sit up straighter. The hard stone stairs and cold grass weren’t going to be the best place to nod off at. “What? No way…” You shook your head with conviction, be it a little lacking of what it’d been before. But with a bite of your cheek the topic changed again. “Does that mean I won’t get lucky anymore tonight?” A rather sad plea for any last bits of hope that still lingered, but even those were turned down by the hearty laugh that escaped Varka in order to conceal any previous ache at the thought. “No, no you won’t.” He kept propping up your swaying form, ultimately giving up to the fate of you leaning your full weight on him. “You’re completely sloshed, you’ll topple over as soon as we’re back at the tents,” he added with remnants of the earlier laugh in his tone, hoping that his words were true and that he wouldn’t have to fight with himself further. It was sweet of him to try and still be kind; he knew you’d done your best to stay professional previously and whatever you’d been holding back seemed to be bubbling up by now.
“What! Lies, I’m as awake as a vigilant knight should.” You declared, raising the pint you’d carried along in the air. This cheer was cut short with Varka’s fond laughter as he pulled the pint down. “You’re clinging to me more like a…damselette than a knight.” And he wasn’t wrong, you were holding on to him each time the world got a little fuzzy, and maybe a few times more intentionally. But the knight in your heart would not admit defeat so easily, “I meant I would…but you wouldn’t let me prove it to you.” He hadn’t, Varka had confiscated your sword as soon as you’d brought it out to show off some skills, so only the knightly honour remained.
Varka kept the humorous aura around him even when he was carefully watching over you, a somewhat saddened look in his eyes that was conveniently covered by the darkening night. He knew you well enough to know how much you could take, and this might have been a little too much. So as soon as he’d seen you nodding off ever so slightly, he’d made the call to get you back to sober up. “Alright then, your drunk arse is going back to camp-” Varka was swiftly cut off before he was able to stand up. “More lies! A knight walks on his own two feet...Observe.” You shook off his hand that’d reached out to pull you up and instead got up against a barrel. It took only a few wobbly steps and a slight topple for him to step in again, ignoring your pleas for a retry. “Woah there knight, your path is currently pointed straight to the dirt.” He still carried the same fond attitude whilst hoisting you up by the arms. “Oi! Unruly to block the path of a soldier…But since it’s you…” The same affectuous grin had made its way back to your face and it hadn’t gone unnoticed by Varka either. With self restraint as his shield, he’d avoided playing into your schemes again and hoisted you up properly; seeing it best to carry you over to the tents. “Soldier or not, you’re going to rest up.”
As Varka marched towards the tent you’d shared with him earlier, it caught the attention of the rest of the knights who’d stayed out to celebrate. And to no one's surprise, among the laughter echoed a few wolf calls at the sight before Varka had been able to disappear into the tent. Your mock protests had gone to deaf ears as a bed was slowly prepared from the mess of sheets. “Careful, I’ll drop ya.” Varka spoke the tease mindlessly before settling you on the cot.
He’d arranged the tent with a pair of cots and attached them together to form a full bed for the both of you earlier. A sweet action of him even with how busy he was usually kept. Only now, you began to wonder if you should have declined him when he’d first offered to share the night again, maybe things would have turned out differently.
Watching him settle out the bed for you caused an odd tightening at your chest. The knowledge that you were both at an understanding of what had to be done, but the selfish part in you wanted to not understand; all of that amplified by the drinks you’d downed earlier. If it hadn’t been for the silent question from him, you weren’t so sure if you’d been able to keep it together for longer. “Can you undress by yourself?” Just a careful question, but by now a little too casual between two people who by no means wanted anything to bloom between them. You felt the familiar tug of wanting to play around the question, see how far he would go. But after what’d happened earlier you waved him off and began to undo the top layer of your clothes. His gaze stayed on your for a moment longer before he turned to other matters, giving you privacy; only now it felt more like a cold shoulder. You knew he wasn’t doing any of it on purpose, he wasn’t the kind of man to treat someone badly to get rid of his feelings. But making yourself believe he was doing it on purpose was easier by the minute.
You undressed enough to sleep and found yourself a spot to lay down in. It was hard to focus on all the thoughts roaming through your mind with the sounds of the celebrations still going on outside the tent. It was almost a little sad, knowing you wouldn’t usually be spending your celebratory night like this, drunken in someone else's tent, you must have made a fool of yourself.
Your mind wandered back to you as Varka hovered over your form, wrapping some of the tangled covers around you slightly more snuggly before returning to blow out the candles. That seemed to work as a sign for some of the other knights, as when they saw Varka’s tent go dark you could hear a few drunken soldiers tap out and start moving back to their tents for the night. With them disappeared the distracting noises too, leaving you alone with the reality of what was waiting in the morning. Having to face the sobered up reality of your situation with the Grand Master and trying your best to keep that reality in mind when facing him again.
An awkward silence passed in the tent that now felt oddly cold. You could hear him change into something more comfortable to sleep in, and in any other situation you might have turned to watch him, maybe even say an off hand comment to gain a reaction. But that now felt forbidden, even if it hadn’t been said out loud; you knew he was thinking the same.
You wanted to disappear into the silence, out of the moment like a fussy child. But just like many nights before, Varka returned beside you on the cots. He didn’t gather you in his arms or come close like he may have done in the past, but he laid down and stayed there.
It was like a tense cord had been set between the two of you somewhere between the time you’d come back to the tent and now, and it was tightening by the minute the longer you spent with your back facing him.
He didn’t feel like he had the right to come to you now, to ask any questions; and what would have those mattered if the answers were drunken rambles. These had been the exact reasons why he’d forbidden himself from forming deeper bonds with the people he spent his nights with, nothing simple ever came of it.
So maybe it was better if you didn’t talk about it like adults this time. If instead, you talked like before for one last night.
You turned to face him, found the man staring at the top of the tent right before his gaze moved to you. He managed to take a breath, prepared to speak but you didn’t want to hear what he had to say. “You smell really good,” and off hand comment but it could have been tossed as nonsensical rambling for now. He smelled like the smoke from the bonfire and cold night air, nothing necessarily attractive. But the words seemed to have made him realise what you’d looked for with them and he was eager to play along one last time. “And you smell like a distillery…How much did you have?” He asked, his voice not as commanding as it should have been when facing one of his knights in the condition you were in. And you weren’t so sure if you were ready for that treatment in the morning when his tone would change. “One…or two-” You were quickly interrupted by a fake laugh. “Bullshit, can you tell his many fingers I’m holding up?” His hand rose in the dark of the tent, but that was as much as you could see. “It’s dark, I can’t even see you-” The banter was cut short much to your dismay as he tugged the covers higher. “You’re wasted enough, go sober up.” The words had a little more demand in them now, like he’d found a way to deal with you faster than you’d managed to understand that you had to let go. But he was right, this was the last night you’d spend like this with him and the man you’d meet tomorrow would be the Grand Master to you as well, nothing else.
He received only a silent hum as a response before the concoction of drinks weighed heavily enough to bring you to sleep with the familiar sound of his breathing beside you.
Warnings: Some 6.6 spoilers but not straight from the AQ, most from the medical records, Established relationship (marriage), some surgery description and scars from it, slight angst / maybe comfort idk anymore, Pantalone doesn’t like taking care of himself, smoker of 145 years or something, Pantalone really wants a cigarette.
Summary: You go visit Pantalone after his lung transplant, both you and Dottore hoping that the banker would have been a little more willing to change his ways after the operation. But you know him better than that.
AN// I was so excited to see Pantalone in the AQ and I somehow managed to play the whole quest and write this thing in the same day. I don’t know what happened but this scenario engraved itself into my head the second I saw the medical reports for him so enjoy <3 I'll add him to the characters I write for as well, my requests are open :)
“So, did you bring any?”
For a man fearful of death, Pantalone certainly did not watch over his health very well. He skipped sleep and meals, kept a strict control of his work so it somehow stayed as stressful as possible, got himself beat up in various different ways for his work and lastly, he smoked. Every free moment you saw him he had one on hand, taking long drags as if it could have removed the stress riddling his frail form.
The banker had contracted pneumonia somewhere along the way and it’d somehow slipped past you, all the way up until you’d received a message from one of Dottore's segments that your husband had ended up in his care once more. This was by no means the first and likely not the last time he would end up there, but you were rarely called to come and see him after. Pantalone might have presented himself as a more of a frail bodied man with no keen interest in exerting himself in fights, but he still somehow managed to crawl back on his feet injury after another. And for that reason, you couldn’t find it in you to worry; not even when you didn’t know the full details of the operation that'd taken place. As eerie as having anything to do with Dottore was, he was skilled at what he did and he could be ethical if he so wished.
Being notified by one of the many segments was one thing but going down into the doctor’s lab was another story. The place looked like an insane asylum in your eyes compared to the lavish places Pantalone kept you in; he would have put you in the Northland Bank itself if he could have, for safekeeping. He wasn't very keen on having you witness the darker side of his businesses, knowing very well what the true currency of the bank was. You were better kept on the outside to present a clean upfront.
But the lab, so gloomy and devoid of any surface light. It smelled like parchment, ink and disinfectant from the sterile operating rooms. Machines whirring and distant speech always coming from one place or another, a few segments making their way past you without much attention as you descended further down.
You hadn’t been given many details, only a brief description of his pneumonia and the surgery that’d been performed thereafter. The thought of the operations done down here caused chills to run down your body, not wishing to imagine it any further. Your husband could have chosen any capable doctor in any nation he pleased, and this had been his choice. You would have scolded him for this if you hadn’t seen how well Pantalone had recovered and risen back to the living each time. Dottore may have felt like a snake in a labcoat but he seemed to know what he was doing and that was all you needed to know, finding no interest in whatever else was being performed down here.
You made your way to the lowest floor, somewhat familiar with the layout even without having been down in the lab too many times. Being able to forget a place like this would have needed a surgery of its own, and you had rather not inquired about that any further. Making sure you didn’t touch anything unnecessary, you made your way to the familiar door that Pantalone laid behind. Your hand paused on the handle for a moment before making quick work of disappearing inside the room to avoid thinking of what was going on behind your back even in that very moment.
The room was gloomy, not lavish by any means. There was a fan whirring in the ceiling, no windows and sharp medical lights keeping the room lit, it all felt very cold and uninviting; quite clear that Dottore didn’t have quests over very often. Pantalone laid on a bed situated by a small steel table. On the other side of the bed resided an IV bag and another silently beeping machine. There was a closet on the other side of the room, presumably holding his clothing as you noticed Feofan wasn’t wearing his own, instead something more like a hospital gown. He didn’t appear to be awake but the rise and fall of his chest was an indicator enough that the man was alive.
You stationed yourself beside the bed on the most uncomfortable chair imaginable; how kind of Dottore. You didn’t have the heart to jostle him awake, so instead you turned to empty your bag of the items you’d brought in for him. A brief amount of food and a drink, something you didn’t have high hopes of him consuming without being forced to. You placed them on the table but as you reached back your fingers brushed against a container, an almost guilty reminder of the cigarettes you knew he’d ask for as soon as those eyes opened again. You felt almost like an accomplice in all this, providing them to him before he even managed to ask.
Dottore likely had his reasons for keeping your husband alive like this, going through so much trouble even if he appeared so busy all the time. You recalled him asking if you could try and sway Pantalone’s mind from smoking so much on the daily, but you weren’t so sure if he would have even asked you to come now had he known you snuck the cigarettes in for the man. Maybe you weren’t such a good influence on him as one would imagine.
You left the cigarettes in your bag in the false hope that Pantalone wouldn’t ask for them, even if that hope was futile. You knew him better than to truly believe that.
He appeared peaceful for now, medicated enough to rest. Which funnily enough looked like the most restful sleep he’d gotten in a while; maybe being beat truly was the only way to slow him down for a moment. You watched him with fondness that was hard to hide even in a place like this. He was a strong man by mind, you couldn’t deny that; but you would have preferred to not see him in such condition as many times as you had. And he knew that, of course he did. But even he wasn’t foolish enough to ever promise you a better future where cases like this would never have to repeat themselves.
Some of his dark hair was sticking to his forehead which you leaned in to fix; keeping your hand near his cheek with the ring he'd bought for you against his skin. From so close it was hard not to notice the fresh scars across his chest, neatly put back together and cleaned up. You placed your palm over the junction of still smooth skin near his collar, feeling the even breaths he was taking. For one reason or another, even as the reality of the operation had started to sink in, you didn’t feel fear or shock anymore. You were almost more interested in why he felt the need to tamper with his body in such a way. You’d seen the operation scars and little fix ups here and there across his body, and the way he dressed from head to toe for more important meetings to hide most of them under fancy fabrics. You weren’t sure if he ever felt guilt for running himself to ruin like that or if it worked as fuel for the man to keep going; he never told you of such things even if he felt regret for any of it.
A couple pieces of paper were stacked on top of each other on the bedside table. You gave them a quick look with interest and crossed your legs before picking them up, skimming through the medical wording to better understand what’d happened. It didn’t take long to see that it hadn’t just been the pneumonia, but a necrosis in his lungs. You gazed at him over the papers again, a sharp look of pity with a hint of hope. Maybe he’d wake up with a revelation on why he should quit smoking and take care of himself.
Your attention returned to the papers, eyeing over the notes left by the segment that had performed the procedure. ‘Upon briefly gaining consciousness, the patient requested smokes. The request was denied,’ was written as the last report on the case along with a recommendation of cessation for smoking and a recommendation of calling for you to persuade him further. You gave the latter an amused hum, knowing how futile of an attempt it was. It was like asking him to start clocking out on time, it was never going to happen and you knew better than to keep asking him.
When you lowered the papers again, a pair of deep violet eyes were on you this time, worn as ever but somehow still expectant of what was to come. “You gave me a fright, you know?” You started while folding the papers away back onto the table. “Yet you found amusement from the operation files?” He shot back, seemingly having kept his wits about him, though you could tell his voice was worn and that he couldn’t hide from you. You were going to explain to him what you’d discovered from the files but he beat you to it. “Did you bring any cigarettes?” He asked while carefully shuffling on the bed to sit up, ultimately looking to you for assistance after the stitches across his chest protested against moving. You wanted to roll your eyes at him but before you could, you found yourself helping him settle against the back of the bed and the wall behind it. “I told you this would happen if you didn’t stop,” your words were firm but laced with the worry that hadn’t quite surfaced before when he was still peacefully asleep. He gave you a slight wave of his hand to abandon the topic while you tugged the covers of the bed on him a little better. “There is no certain proof of cause. I’m sure Dottore told you about the pneumonia?” His half-lidded eyes followed you as you walked across the room to the closet. “Oh he did. I also read about the extensive necrosis in the same organs.” Your words held a subtle scowl that didn’t go unnoticed by him, causing Pantalone to fall silent for your sake; you weren’t worth angering over this. “Haha, they are now good as new, you needn’t worry.” But his words were only a subtle comfort in the grand scheme of his slow self destruction. He was a man who could spin many situations back in his favour, and those same tricks might have worked on you in the past but not so much anymore. “Do I not? As far as I recall, you requested those very cigarettes the moment you woke up.”
You made your way back beside him, offering his glasses to him so he didn’t need to squint while looking at you. He accepted the offer but not without purposely brushing his hand against yours to lower it enough for a chaste kiss over yours in silent apology. “So, did you bring any?” He was insufferable, truly running you lost with any morales you might have thought you had left. A sigh managed to escape as you untangled your hand and reached for the pack, picking one stick out and placing it on the table beside the bed along with a lighter, accompanied by a thud as a warning. “You’ll get the rest when you manage to stand up.” You could see his lips part in protest but the man in him that didn’t crave conflict with you didn’t allow him to continue any further. He watched silently as you walked back to the closet and placed the pack into the inner pocket of his coat.
“No matter how long you live, you cannot treat yourself so badly while also taking the blows from work, even if you trust that Dottore will stitch you back together.” You spoke with a little more agitation while closing up the closet. “Do you think it’s enjoyable to watch you turn into something that resembles more of a ragdoll than a human?” His lips formed a thin line before replacing it with the more familiar calm smile, understanding of his small ground for arguments. “Oh please, dear. You don’t really believe that, do you?” His hand reached out for you, which you took a hold of but not without giving a sharp look his way. “You know exactly what I mean.” But any commanding tone from your voice had been sedated, replaced by what you could only recognize as subtle despair. And that hadn’t gone unnoticed either even if Pantalone mentioned nothing of it.
You knew better than to let a moment like this go to waste though. You wouldn’t otherwise use the affections of your husband against him, but now it was only fair. “I brought you food, you should eat before I leave you to rest.” You opened the items for him mindlessly, not hearing any protests from him, either out of defeat or respect. Either way, as insufferable as he was, you still found yourself helping him eat in the silence of the room while the fan in the ceiling kept whirring and the steady beep recording his vitals played in the background. He was a sad sight to look at now, and you knew he didn’t necessarily want you to be here now either; and for that he would pay you back as soon as he was back on his feet.
(I legit can't find a credited fanart on pinterest so we ball w this image)
Harvey x FTM! Reader
Words: 3100
Google Docs Pages: 5
Warnings: +18 content, trans man reader, established relationship, cozy, praise, fingering, oral, coming untouched, talking you through it, fluff, after care.
Summary: It’s been a long autumn and after working so hard, Harvey wants to take care of his farmer ;;
AN// I don’t usually write smut and if I do I don’t post it, but I thought this might be worth sharing. It’s also my birthday, yayy so I thought I’d make something different to my usual shi :) Also first time writing for Harvey, hopefully it went well!!
“My Handsome.”
Your back was laid against Harvey in comfortable silence. Harvey had the day’s newspaper in his hands and the gentle smell of the fresh ink had made home of the air around you. He flipped through the pages slowly with your form snuggly leaned against his chest, making sure he was still embracing you even while reading.
The autumn had felt never ending even with all the work keeping you busy. So now seeing the snow slowly race down across the farm felt like a treat, it was finally time to rest for a while. You’d missed mornings like this with him for a while now. No distractions, no work and nowhere to be. Just the two of you and what felt like endless time together. In fact, neither you or Harvey had bothered to even dress up. The house was still warm from the night before, so there was no need. It was comfortable like this, in boxers and t-shirts, sharing warmth and small affections.
Harvey lowered his chin atop your head, a subtle hum escaping him before any words came out. “No work today?” He asked, voice still a little sleep riddled but so distinctly him. “None, thank Yoba,” you responded with humour in your tone. Of course there were still things to do, but the thought of today being a little easier on you was tempting. “Good, you need rest,” Harvey replied matter of factly before pressing a kiss in the mess that was your hair. You could tell he felt a little more at ease too now that you were here, in his embrace; as you usually resisted in the name of duty. “For once I feel like I agree,” you replied in sigh while leaning your head back against his shoulder, attempting to get a glimpse of him.
Harvey smiled down at you. It didn’t take long for him to abandon the newspaper at the foot of the bed and focus his affections on you. His arms moved to hold your middle, not roaming but loosely hanging around you. “You know, I’ve been planning something.” He said which caught your interest, affection still present in your eyes when he leaned a little closer. A curious ‘hm?’ escaped your lips. You felt his thumb caress your waist through the fabric of your shirt before he even answered. A small nervous action that you never mentioned to him, yet found it endearing. “I was thinking, if you’re here all day…I could open the clinic a little later…” He started and you listened, of course. Though you couldn’t hold back the smirk from your lips. “An hour…or two. Just to take care of you for today,” Harvey raised his eyebrows a little to enhance the offer, topping it off with a subtle kiss to your temple.
You chuckled, swatting his arm on your waist playfully. “Very improper of you, Dr. Harvey,” you scolded him while beaming with an affectionate smile. “But husband Harvey…Now, he might be allowed to…” You added soon after, Harvey grinned in response to you playing along. He nuzzled his head closer, pressing a few more kisses around your temple. “I’d say he’s more than allowed to by now…” He murmured as he went on. You felt his hand slip under the hem of your shirt, not wandering far but enough for you to notice. His touch was always so gentle and considerate, it was hard to back down from. “I suppose he’s earned his fun…” You gave in with a light laugh as he took the opportunity to press a kiss against your neck; every action laced with affection. “You worked so hard the whole autumn, let me take care of you in turn…No paybacks.” He murmured between the kisses, sliding his hand a little higher. You flashed him a tender smile before leaning in to peck at his jaw, coaxing him closer to you for a kiss. “Would you be so kind?” You asked as if this was foreign, it was almost insulting! Only if it wasn’t for the fact that Harvey felt the need to do this for you often, this wouldn’t have been the first or even the second time.
Harvey didn’t even bother to respond to the playful comment. He retracted his hand from under your shirt to place it against your cheek. His eyes scanned over yours for a brief moment, nothing but sleep riddled affection behind the lenses of his glasses. He leaned in for a kiss before you were able to say anything. You responded, but not without placing your hand over his. Tugging at it lightly to intertwine your fingers in a warm hold. At no point did the kiss become messy, it stayed as sweet as it started. Not even when you smiled into it, slowly guiding his hand along with yours to the waistband of your boxers. Not saying anything but giving him a subtle hint for him to follow, otherwise focused on the sweet kiss.
Harvey followed along. His finger hooked on the waistband but paused there, savouring the moment for a little longer. You felt him adjust his position while peppering kisses along your jaw before sliding his hand under the waistband. Your hand wasn’t holding his wrist anymore, only lightly tracing the skin on his arm to nudge him forward. His breath hitched slightly, feeling it against your back while laying against him.
He was slow, but he knew exactly what to do. His fingers formed slow circles against you before dipping lower, pressing down just a little harder when he heard your breath shudder. And it was hard to control yourself because of how skilled he was, in a way that only years of marriage would bring. He was taking full advantage of it, and it wasn’t just that. It was the devotion he had for your body that made each stroke deliberate and practised.
You didn’t notice, but his eyes were focused on you. Taking in every reaction and admiring each one. Harvey leaned closer, his eyes closing before showering your neck with kisses, allowing your head to fall against his shoulder. “Look at you…,” he murmured along with sweet nothings as his finger sank just a little deeper, curling in a way that made you shudder. He soon added another, sliding them in and out in a slow rhythm. “This okay?” He breathed out the question. The answer was obvious and you felt like he knew that, yet you answered with a nod, otherwise at a loss for words.
Your eyes focused on the action. Watching the bulge of his hand under the fabric of your boxers move ever so slightly. The subtle sound his fingers made as they moved, mixing with your wetness, it was erotic. It was hard to ignore, hard to not imagine how his fingers must have been covered in your slick. Harvey’s focus stayed on you. He was careful, adding a third finger with a slow slide. Stretching a little but he knew exactly how long to adjust for before curling his fingers to make you groan against him. He’d noticed your lack of words but that didn’t stop him from talking you through the process. “Come like this…No touching yourself, just me…hm?” He murmured against your neck while methodically changing the rhythm, just to get a little more noise out of you. He pulled out just enough to swipe up some of the slick that had ran down, pressing it back in before continuing his ministrations. “Think you can do that for me, dear?” Harvey added before pressing a kiss to your temple.
You’d been so focused on the obscene wet sounds of his fingers it was hard to respond. Each pump of his hand digging so deep, almost caressing something sweet. You uttered his name with a breathy ‘yeah’ escaping your lips.
Harvey kept his free hand around you, holding you just close enough to make his own arousal known. But he didn’t act on it, his focus solely on you. He curled his fingers, searching for the spot that he knew would bring you over the edge, feeling how you kept squeezing him. “You’re close?...” He murmured, not really needing an answer but he heard another breathy ‘yeah’ coming from you before leaning in for a messy kiss. “So handsome for me…” Harvey spoke between the kisses, allowing you to inhale the praise.
Harvey sped up just the way he knew would do it for you. Listening to the sweet sounds you were making made him sure of that. “That feel good? Gonna come like this for me?” He spoke with a soft tone while mindlessly showering your neck with kisses, all the way up to your ear. It was hard to hold back, to even try when he was like this. Talking to you with such confidence that only came out in moments like this. “You’re so handsome…” He kept talking until he felt you squeeze down against him. The tingle in your gut spread further fast. You shuddered as his fingers caressed a sweet spot inside, coming undone in his arms with a deep red hue across your cheeks. “I love you…” You breathed out mindlessly while Harvey helped you ride out the orgasm. Feeling a sticky mess form around his fingers soon after.
Harvey reached out to brush a strand of hair out of your face before slowly pulling his fingers out. “That’s it…You were so good…” He leaned back to the nightstand for paper to wipe his hand before turning back to tend to you. “You alright, sweetheart?” He asked, watching as you were rendered down to a panting mess for a moment. It caused a flush to rise to his face as well, proud of himself for being the one to have caused that. “All okay,” you breathed out after a moment, leaning up to give him a kiss to which he responded to earnestly.
Harvey adored this part, being able to see you so lax in his arms after he’d rendered you down to this. He showered your cheeks and forehead with a couple more kisses before allowing you to rest back against him. You enjoyed the attention and the tentative nature Harvey had each time. “You felt good..” The words left your lips without much thought. It was hard to word your thoughts anymore. This wasn’t the first, second or even third time you’d both been here, and there weren’t a lot of things that hadn’t been said already.
Harvey laughed in a soft tone, keeping his arms snuggly around your form. “Of course I did, it comes with the years of practice.” He hummed with a hint of pride in his words. His thumb brushed over your hip, a beat of silence between the two of you. “You really okay though?” He asked again just to be sure, while his thumb kept caressing your side. His touch was gentle but clearly searching for something.
The intention didn’t go unnoticed, and by then it wasn’t hard to guess whether it was the doctor or your husband asking the question. “What do you have in mind?” You asked, accompanied by an amused chuckle. Seeing you take the bait formed a smirk on his lips before his hand began to trace your waist. “Can’t I be concerned without an agenda?” He asked with false innocence gleaming in his eyes. Harvey knew you’d caught on but that didn’t mean he’d pass by the chance to tease you, while also giving you time to recover. “You can…I just don’t think that’s the case…” You hummed, leaning back against him to press a few kisses to his collar. Harvey was always weak to affections from you after, and it didn’t take long for him to fold for you this time either. “Would you go another round?” He requested with a more silent tone, the earlier confidence wavering. He wasn’t shy around you like this, but he didn’t want to seem greedy even when all he wanted was you. “I could…” You responded softly, still feeling his arousal against you.
Harvey gave you a chaste kiss before leaning you against the headboard and moving between your legs. He didn’t waste more time, hooking his finger to the waistband of the soiled boxers. The action itself was still more of a request than a command as he waited for you to lift your hips. He slid them off in one swift motion, losing them in the mess of sheets on the bed as his palms came to quickly caress your thighs.
You felt your heartbeat grow faster when he placed tender kisses along your skin, having to bite your lip before opening your legs a little more. Harvey was always respectful and understanding of you, but that didn’t change the fact that you felt almost embarrassed of how wet you’d gotten for him. And that didn’t seem to go unnoticed by Harvey either, he said nothing of it but the red hue on his cheeks was an indicator enough. “Tell me if it’s too much…” He spoke with a tender tone before lowering his head, his eyes closing as his tongue dipped in.
Your hand let go of the sheets and found its way to Harvey’s hair. Not tugging but simply holding on to him to ground yourself while gasping as the last bits of any self control began to disappear. Harvey pressed his hips against the mattress, groaning at the lack of friction as he kept lapping you up. He reached for the hand you’d tangled in his hair, intertwining his fingers with yours to hold on to instead, feeling you squeeze his hand almost immediately.
You closed your thighs around his head. The sounds he was making were filthy yet so attractive, rendering it impossible to hold back any noises. “Close…” You were able to hiss out, eyes locked on the obscene sight of him working you so diligently. It was useless to try and hold back, Harvey knew exactly how to treat his husband and he was feeling ruthless this time.
You bucked your hips against him, coming undone for the second time in desperate cries before easing up against the bed. Clear slick coating his tongue as he helped you ride out the high again, only rising his head when he felt you buck against him. In the midst of your pleasure you felt Harvey shudder and groan against your skin silently. You paid no mind to it at the time, but a deep red hue had taken root on Harvey’s face soon after. He smiled fondly while looking at the way you were turned into a panting mess yet again, allowing himself to admire you for a moment before leaning in to embrace you and letting you enjoy the aftershocks.
Harvey laid there with you for a moment before leaning in to steal a quick kiss, earning a chuckle from you when you noticed how foggy his glasses were. He smiled awkwardly before removing them and clearing his throat to change the subject. “I’ll get you cleaned up, hold on…” He sat up on the edge of the bed. Harvey seemed a little out of sorts, hurried more than usual, yet he still turned back before leaving. “You feel alright?” He asked, his tone still kind as ever. “All good,” you reported back to him while eyeing him suspiciously. Harvey wasn’t exactly good at hiding things from you and here it was clear as ever. You pursed your lips before a realisation dawned on you, “did you even have a chance to-” Your gaze travelled down to his boxers, eyes widening for a moment in silent ‘oh’ before neutralizing your expression. You didn’t wish to embarrass him any further, but there wasn’t much fixing your own wording by then.
Harvey looked away, embarrassed as he covered himself up a little. There was a subtle darkened spot on his boxers after coming untouched.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to-” You started before he put his hands up and shook his head. “No, no it’s my fault…” Harvey spoke silently while fidgeting with his hands. He had a deep red blush across his cheeks, the inside of his glasses still a little fogged up from earlier. He was embarrassed for not being able to hold on like he’d thought, not to mention having you notice it too. A sorry state to see him in, feeling the need to try and to undo the unnecessary tension. “It happens,” you spoke with a calm tone while opening your arms up for him in silent invitation. To which he took to quickly, crawling back over you to hide his face, an embarrassed growl escaping his lips. “Ugh, that’s still embarrassing,” his voice rumbled against your neck while you played with his hair gently to soothe him. As amused as you were by then, you didn’t wish to embarrass him further by laughing.
“I’ll have to go change…” Harvey stated after a while, accompanied by a sigh as some of the tension left him. Having accepted defeat. “Yeah? Come lay back down after,” you flashed him a smile, pressing a kiss to the top of his head before he was able to leave.
Harvey seemed keen on the idea, especially after what’d happened. And that little motivation got him out of the bed and to go clean up quickly.
You noticed how his eyes softened the second he came back, seeing you spread out on their shared bed, still waiting for him. He was carrying a damp towel, presenting it to you as he sat on the edge of the bed. “I thought you’d be more comfortable like this too,” Harvey spoke with a little more confidence again before leaning in to wipe down the mess between your legs.
You noticed how the towel was warm, knowing he’d purposefully made sure to make it as comfortable as possible. You didn’t dare to say anything while watching him tend to you, he seemed so focused.
When Harvey was done, he wasted no time crawling back next to you; abandoning the towel on a nightstand without much care after making sure you were all clean. “C’mere,” he invited you back against him like you’d done earlier. And who were you to refuse?
You found your spot right where you’d been before. Only this time, Harvey seemed to have a tighter hold of you. You didn’t exchange any more words, settling into a comfortable silence to spend the rest of the morning together before having to separate for the day.
Summary: Dainsleif is contemplating if he should join the fight or not. You go and help him think it out.
AN// I’ve never written for him before but we’ll see how this turned out xD I’ve been meaning to write for him for so long aghh
“Revenge, responsibility, necessity.”
Dainsleif stood upon a cliff, eyes gazing at the far horizon. Far away from any crowds in order to sink deeper into his thoughts, as bad of a habit as that had become. The loss of memories didn’t prevent him from coming across situations that surfaced something he thought to have been long gone from his mind. Hearing of Rerir’s return had stirred these memories, of the uncertainty of what had gotten over him that night.
He was grateful, of course, for the help Nefer had provided him with. He’d known the risks and possible outcomes long before even daring to request such things. And maybe if Rerir wasn’t such an acute problem he would have been able to have peace of mind after. But with the current information and situation at hand, he couldn’t help but keep finding himself deep in thought. Regrets clouding his judgement.
That night, if he’d decided not to ask Rerir to join him and the others, what would have that changed? If he had asked anyone else, Rerir wouldn’t have been there to be swayed by the abyss. Dainsleif couldn’t help but feel a tinge of regret when imagining the differently played scenario. Rerir would have been elsewhere if only he had chosen otherwise.
Dainsleif had found himself thinking this over multiple times in the past, wondering why the man he’d trusted so much back then had betrayed him so suddenly. He wasn’t stupid and knew that he could have sensed the betrayal coming if there had been signs, but there had been none. But it all made just a little more sense now. For better or worse, he blamed himself.
This moment of thoughts clashing was interrupted by the sound of a pair of boots coming closer. Dainsleif’s attention was on the intruder instantly, at the ready to find the most convenient excuse to get back to what he’d been doing before. But before he was able to open his mouth he was interrupted again. “Word has it you’ve been sulking.” Your familiar voice filled the silent space he’d found for himself. You somehow managed to make the situation sound pitiable, more than he had imagined it to be. “I’d prefer ‘deep contemplation’” He answered after a soft ‘ehh..’ had left his lips. An attempt to make the situation sound better. “What exactly are you doing here?” Dainsleif moved on, hoping you would as well.
He watched you settle on the same cliff’s edge, the cool wind blowing against the helm of your clothing. It wasn’t that your presence was unwelcome, he knew these people weren’t hostile. But he had a habit of being suspicious, only a natural reaction of the mind after having lived beyond his years. “Everyone busied themselves with other matters, so I slipped out here.” Your answer didn’t seem to satisfy him, gaining only a subtle raise of a brow for an answer. Waiting for you to continue with a more pleasing one. “Oh, I knew you’d be here.” This only made him more curious, so much so that he found himself thinking a little more clearly. He’d tried his best to hide his tracks, but maybe he’d gotten his guard a little too low while staying here. “And what gave away my location? The inability to keep my ‘sulking’ to myself?” He answered, leaning himself against the side of the cliff. Position a little defensive, but he wasn’t seemingly pushing you away either. The question though, it seemed to shy you away a little. The next answer not coming out with as much confidence. “I…asked around…”
Dainsleif huffed, a sigh mixed with a subtle chuckle. The realisation of someone seeing him made him take note of taking better care of his tracks… “Dangerous habit…” He mumbled, mostly to himself. Leaving it unclear if he’d been talking to you or himself. He drew in a breath, wiping away the confusion he’d caused. “Though I suppose the one to find me would be the one always listening.” His gaze finally turned fully on you, arms crossed over his chest. He was so difficult to read like this, leaving you uncertain if coming here had been a mistake. “I meant no offence, I swear…”
Dainsleif’s expression softened, if only slightly. His head turning back towards the cold horizon. “None taken,” he replied with a subtle shake of his head, dismissing the topic.
“But if you came to stay, I hope you brought better conversation than my brooding.” It took a moment for you to form an answer. Precisely because of the topic you’d joined him in for. “You see, I didn’t come for idle chatter.” You grimaced a little, tiptoeing over the topic. But in the end, you knew he was aware of what you wanted to talk about, there was no use in hiding it. “...You know they’re all wondering if you’ll come or not..” Dainsleif chewed his lip for a moment, eyes unmoving. “And they sent you to convince me?” He asked, but there was no true question in his words. Like he was convinced that was the truth all along. “I came of my own volition.” You answered soon after with a firm tone, so quickly you almost wished you hadn’t. Hoping the swift answer wouldn’t make him doubt your sincerity.
Dainsleif wanted to believe you were honest, but something in him wouldn’t allow him that comfort. In truth, he didn’t know these people and they couldn’t possibly hope to understand him and therefore care what he was up to. But something in the way you had said that caught him off guard, making him turn back to you. “Then why take the effort and come when I’m preoccupied?” He tried one last time to shoo you away without actually asking and begging you to, that low he refused to sink. Though what he got in return was a smirk and a subtle laugh, “with what, sulking?”
Dainsleif arched an eyebrow before going to rub hub his face. “Contemplating.” He said again through his hands, trying to make himself sound a little less pathetic. His guard was truly low, a little too low for his comfort.
“So, are you joining?” You pressed the matter again, refusing to give up. This was a matter on everyone’s minds, not just his. Dainsleif was silent. He had his reasons for hesitation on joining the attack, and it weighed heavily on his mind. Enough so that he didn’t see a reason to not share his thoughts. “Truthfully, I’m not sure. It’s conflicting.” He finally answered, hands lowered back over his chest along with a deep breath.
Dainsleif waited for you to answer, to say anything so he wouldn’t have to. 500 years of travel, loss and solitude meant he wasn’t quite tuned to sharing his thoughts in the open like this. But when there was no answer, he began talking. “It’s not only about fighting Re- The Rächer of Solnari. But facing the failures of my past.” He spoke the private thoughts out loud, confliction clear in each word. “And yet if I don’t act now, what kind of legacy does that leave for us today? For Khaenri’ah…”
The image of Rerir being allured by the Abyss before him was still clear in his mind. Even as the happiest memories he held for his home slowly faded and corroded away with the curse, he could never forget that. How confused he had been for why Rerir of everyone would have betrayed him like that. How silly he now felt when looking back. How he had missed any signs of Rerir being unwell, how he clearly was a person who could have been swayed-. But now that the truth was finally revealed, a part of him felt responsible enough to be a part of putting an end to what had transpired that night.
A groan escaped Dainsleif’s lips, accompanied by a pained sigh. “I should have seen it coming, known he was unwell.” In his mind, there was no redemption for those mistakes. No excuse that could fix what he had ignored. “It went overlooked because I trusted him…” Dainsleif’s voice had grown heavier. It was as if he was solely blaming himself for not being able to save his home, like the thoughts still haunted him. Even more now, that the truth of that night had become clearer.
You could see the suffering worth multiple lifetimes cross the man’s face, but you couldn’t help but to think ahead. There was no use in going over the mistakes of the past when there was still something he could do right in the present. “There’s still people out there who you can save, you know. Not just the people of the past.” You reminded him, a hopeful change of course. But it seemed like he wasn’t so easily swayed. “This is not sorted so easily,” he replied coldly. Not out of malice but in order to protect himself. Of course the lesser evil would have been to come along, but did he have the right to banish the person he had failed by his own actions?
You stared at him for a good moment. It didn’t take friendship worth hundreds of years to see that Dainslaif wouldn’t change his mind with sheer comfort. He was a man of action, had been and you had hopes that maybe he still was. He had led the immediate attack when his brother had been attacked, so perhaps the urgency now would awaken the same kind of heroism in him. “The schedule is set. If we fail now, the consequences will be dire.” There was no other advice you could give him. This was not only about revenge and grudges, but necessity. Even if it was all three for him.
The sky had covered itself with thick clouds, intricate snowflakes falling down upon the land slowly. You took a seat by the edge of the cliff before it would get covered in snow, eyes glued to the far horizon. “You don’t have to choose now, I just thought I’d help.” No threat in your words, just slight urgency.
You could feel his eyes on you, but by that point you had realised that he wasn’t going to shoo you away. There seemed to be some kind of unspoken understanding of this. Your suspicion was only enhanced when you heard the heels of his shoes and soon watched him take a seat near you. The choice would come in due time.
Warnings: Spoilers for the 6.0 AQ, G/N reader, Immortal reader, Something akin to a relationship, Angst/No Comfort, Yearning, Loss, Melancholy, yk the usual ;
Summary: He appeared back to you after his supposed death, disappearance. Now there’s finally time to come to terms with what he’s become, where his goals lie. And if those goals even include you anymore.
AN// I haven’t written in a little while but this man was so tragic it dragged my angst ass out of the grave to write this out :”D Hope yall like ! This was also written before 6.1, so anything that reveals most likely won’t be here xd
“A purpose in nihilism.”
The shore was foggy and silent, almost like all life had disappeared from existence the second the purple fog had started to gather. It was so thick that finding a way back to the road would have been a struggle, but you weren’t here to back down so it mattered not.
According to what you’d predicted based on previous encounters, this would have been the next spot for an unusual Wild Hunt appearance. And if everything went accordingly, he’d be here. And you’d be able to prove your hypothesis, be it mostly to yourself though.
Walking further into the fog with determined steps and there, surrounded by the fog, stood the man you’d been searching for. Trying to prove his existence. People had told you of his disappearance, but what they lacked was the knowledge you happened to be well versed in. Not even the moon’s reflection could dissipate something cursed to dwell this earth eternally, you knew as much from personal experience.
You both hailed from Khaenri’ah, having known him back then as well. Even if you hadn’t been quite as highly ranked as he, Rerir had seemed to tolerate you amidst his keen fixation on the moons.
When Khaenri’ah fell you had both been cursed with immortality, absolute life. Left to dwell the world endlessly without a home to return to. The concept of time had become blurred as years passed, but the news of Rerir’s disappearance had reached your ears eventually as well. Though the story you’d been told never sat right with you. Fallen into the moon’s reflection and disappeared, which would have been the end to anyone else but you knew better than to think that. Immortality had ravaged your rotten form for long enough to make you sure of the fact that Rerir wasn’t gone. Thus, you had begun to track him down to this very moment.
His form looked rugged, almost like only the silhouette of the man you’d known. You weren’t sure if you could have even recognized him if it hadn’t been for the years you’d spent along him and his research. A part of you felt like he’d deserved this fate, he was a sinner after all. And by that logic you would have been a victim of their greed. Yet you couldn’t find it in you to hate him, instead using the immortality he’d been a part of causing to find him again. No matter how long it had taken, how many times you’d almost given up.
“You fool, following me here...” His voice called out, strained from what you remembered him sounding like. Whatever was left of his form turned to face you. A phantom of what was once full human, spirit and all.
Body wrapped in cloth, a missing arm and one eye keenly staring at you. The wind was blowing at the helm of his coat but there seemed to be not one shiver going through the man. He looked like he’d seen hell, and you looked like you’d just laid your eyes on something that shouldn’t be. His form made a shiver run down your spine as you watched him stand there, unmoving. There was no telling what he was thinking, if he could even tell who you were anymore. If this even was the same person you’d known. “Rerir?” The words left you silently, ignoring his former remark. Whatever had happened to him horrified your hardened core, but the yearning you’d felt to have him back was fueling you to keep pursuing him.
Rerir didn’t speak immediately, eyeing you down with a gleam in his eye. He walked towards you, a few steps at max. His body swayed a little against the wind, a ghostly sight, but seemingly the sheer will of the body’s owner kept it standing. You couldn’t sense him as a threat, the atmosphere felt calm enough to keep pursuing him. “What happened to you?” came out another hissed whisper, like the man standing before you wasn’t him but something entirely different.
He gazed into your eyes, expression forming under the bandaging. He was cold as ice, but there was something almost mocking in the way he was eyeing you down. But when he spoke it sounded like it was all directed at himself. “A husk. A fragile, useless husk of what I once was. Shredded into an incomplete version of the power that was mine.” Each word sounded like it hurt him to speak.
You had so much to ask him but none of it seemed to be on the top of your mind now. Listening in slight awe as he spoke. “I’ve barely managed to find scraps of what used to be mine.” Rerir hissed out the last part, like the topic itself was angering him. You watched as he flexed his hand with a scowl on his face. A rattling sound came from the action but the man didn’t seem to bat an eye as he turned his gaze back to you. “Why did you seek out the ‘dead’?” He spat out the question, slight doubt still in his voice.
There was no simple way of explaining why you had kept tracking him, trying to prove to yourself that you’d been correct and that he wasn’t gone. “You’re not dead, are you?” And you had been, the immortality you held within you burned through him as well. Even if that meant he had had to rebuild himself just to exist.
A nasty ‘hah!’ left Rerir as he got closer, the tone of his voice changing to something more threatening, maddened. “Do I look like I’m alive? Do you know how long it took me to put together this mere mangled corpse?! This husk is merely held together by willpower alone.” He spoke, his shoulder moving to wave at himself by instinct only to realise he had no arm there anymore. Emitting an angry growl from him.
There was not much you could say to him. He was right to be mad, to be frustrated. No words could have fixed the phantom of a human standing before you. “...How much are you missing then?” You asked, hoping the topic would calm him down but it seemed to do the opposite. “Everything. Everything I achieved, everything I was, what I built- My strength, body, just gone- Agh…” His presence seemed to slip for a moment. You watched him grab himself in anger. “Ugh, this futile body…” He hissed with hatred, collecting himself to where he was able to gaze upon you again. “Why do you care anyway?” Rerir’s strained voice asked. There was no simple answer again, there never seemed to be. “I know you, let me help you collect those fragments.” This seemed to make Rerir raise a brow, it appeared like he was almost amused by what you’d said. “Why? Sentimental for someone you knew?” He spat out the words in a cold tone, like the idea was but a mere joke to him. What good had anyone walking beside him ever done to him. But it did make you go silent for a moment, staring back at his hunched form. Sentimental? Sure he’d changed, but maybe he’d hit the nail on the head. You were. “Exactly.” A moment passed when he seemingly tried to find any sign of deception from you, not finding any. “You’re as foolish as ever, the time has ruined your head too.” Rerir mustered as he finally turned back around, his form no longer looming over you like a scarecrow. Yet you found yourself following him. “I’ve dwelled here long enough without a purpose.” You stated with a firm voice while watching him pause at the waters edge.
Rerir was silent for a moment but the way he kept talking made you believe he’d accepted the offer. “No purpose? How the mighty have fallen.” He said accompanied by a scoff, like he was mocking himself with the same sentence. Not that he was necessarily wrong either. “Fallen, rotten, however you want to word it.” You spoke up, standing near him while watching the water lick the man’s boots. Rerir’s body may have been shattered into fragments across the nation, but you’d had your time to rot in peace as well. No creature should be forced to live beyond their years, no matter what they've done.
The aura around Rerir seemed calmer now, more stable. His tone was a little more fond, unless you’d started imagining things. Hope was such a cruel feeling. “You look pale, rotten.” The man before you stated like it was a fact of life, not something to be worried about. Then again, he was correct. “You don’t seem better yourself.” Which earned a scoff from him, seemingly accepting the fact even if it made the anger within him to simmer again. There was more you wanted to talk about but before you could he glanced at you again. As if calculating something for a moment before turning away. He stepped forward and disappeared along with the fog, revealing the lonely ocean once more. He had nothing more to say.
You’d have to find him again, find some purpose from him like you’d promised.
Rerir had lost the moon marrow, having gotten it stolen right before his eyes. His heart, destroyed before he could even get his hands back on it. His condition had gotten so unstable that you had tried to calm him down a few times, but it never truly seemed to be of any use. The longer this version of him was introduced to you, the more you started to think if this was even truly the same man. Yet you had kept following him, like there was no other option.
The smaller fragments he had kept collecting seemed to mean nothing to him anymore. He’d yell, growl in anger whenever he got some of himself back when the memory of what he’d lost before came back to him like a vivid vision. The obsession for himself, his body seemed now greater than how he felt towards the moons in the past. He never spoke of himself and he didn't have to. The benefit of an eternal life was learned understanding. You could see the pain that had turned into pure hatred within the man.
Even now you observed him, eyes following his pace back and forth. His strained voice rambling of his form, like always. It was clear that his current form wasn’t stable enough for an obsession like this. But there never seemed to be anything to interest him enough that would work as a distraction.
The dust had settled a little after the loss of his heart but it felt like even the smallest of winds could stir it up again. It felt like there was no room to breathe, no room for error when speaking to him. Rerir might have been unstable, but that went both ways. He wasn’t safe for himself nor was he safe to be around…most of the time.
You watched the wind blow against his back and the way his clothes moved along with gush. It felt like a sign to say something before he would blow up again. As much of a fragmented version of him this was, like a walking memory of him, you couldn’t help but feel a little remorse for him. His reaction was reasonable, the man had lost everything and then himself, over and over again. It had never mattered what heights of power or achievements he’d reached for, all stripped away in the end. All there was anymore were the fragments and you, even if he never spoke of that.
“This is ridiculous…” A hiss came from Rerir as his heels dug into the rain soaked ground. “Barely functioning…if only that futile lightkeeper hadn’t had help I would have-” His speech, the one he’d been repeating for a while now, interrupted by you standing up and making your way beside him. The bold moves seemed to surprise him enough to give you room to fit a few words in. “I understand-” Which was more than usual…
“You do not. To be reduced to…this! A mere shadow of what I was!” He huffed out in annoyance, his words spoken as if you hadn’t known him in his prime. Like he was talking alone. “You still have the cannon.” You offered, exhausted from trying to calm him down.
The short reminder made him pause for a moment before his complexion darkened. “Yes…the cannon…yes..” He muttered to himself for a moment before exclaiming again. “But it’s not enough!” The wrath simmered in his words and it did not require any skill to hear, it was clear.
As exhausted as you’d found yourself, there was one thing that hadn’t changed. A part of you still desperately tried to keep up with Rerir. Even when he’d started to grow distant, when the only thing keeping him going was the obsession to have himself back. He didn’t care, not of you or your help. It meant nothing to him.
But you had always been foolish to follow him, even now. “I’d give you mine if I could.” The thought slipped past your lips and formed into words without being commanded to. But you didn’t bother to take it back, for it was not a lie. There had come a point when throwing yourself into whatever reflection he’d fallen into had started to seem like a pleasant idea. There was not much you could lose anymore. A heart shared or kept to yourself meant nothing.
As you stared ahead, Rerir’s eyes studied you for a moment. “Oh how noble of you…how touching.” He spat out the words while his form towered over yours, his mocking gaze piercing through you. “But it’s not your heart I need. I need something better to restore myself!” He growled out beneath the bandaging, the same anger from before simmering in his chest. Barely contained within him.
You listened to him start murmuring again, pacing around the area with ire in his steps. ‘Something better’ he’d said to you offering him a heart, that was how much he cared. How much his shattered mind was capable of feeling anything over the obsessive need to be himself, where his properties were laid. He may have not taken the offer seriously, even if it had come straight from the heart.
Rerir had been hit with the kuuvahki cannon like he had planned, the trick successfully restoring ten percent of himself but that disappointment had led him over the edge. All the work he had done leading up to that moment and all he'd been able to get back was a measly ten percent. Rerir had cursed the world, this planet and everything dwelling on it. It was all meaningless to him, had been for a while. It had taken everything from him, making every effort he ever made in vain.
Your mind truly only came back to you after the events. You’d watched him transform from afar. Seen how his body had remolded himself into what you could have only considered to blasphemy to death itself. Listened to him curse the world he now stood on once again, how little it meant to him as a whole. All of it blurring into a nonsensical mix of words and actions by some point. None of it made sense, and yet at the same time none of it mattered.
Rerir truly, as fragmented as he was, did not care. It didn't seem like even an ounce of him cared for anyone or anything, including you. His obsessive nature was not of any news to you, but now that it hadn’t been the moons, but his body, his true intentions and goals had dawned on you.
What was there for you to follow anymore when he had not one care in the world for what happened to you or anyone else. He’d gotten some of his form back and now his goals were elsewhere.
The haze in your mind truly dispersed for a moment after the fight on the beach. Even standing by Rerir it was as if you could feel the avoidant and cold aura around him, shutting you out of it. He was furious but this time it seemed to be better contained.
A part of you was horrified when you laid your eyes on him, more so than before. A man once shredded to pieces, built together from said pieces now standing before you. Watching whatever body he’d reforged made you almost forget yourself, your own immortality. Somewhere within the haze a flicker of sympathy wanted to protest that he deserved this. That his uncaring nature for the world was justified for how it had treated him.
Rerir’s eyes stared into the horizon for a mere moment, something within him boiling even if it seemed contained for now. That same piercing gaze turned to you, peering into you like some vacuous shell of your past self. It seemed like he’d forgotten you, there was no past between the two of you. He was merely allowing you to stick by.
“Why are you still following me? Don’t you have somewhere to be, lost pup?” He spat out the last words like an insult. Your mind floated back up to the present moment through the haze, eyes focusing on him. How he subtly moved his limbs, as if getting used to the body. In truth, there was no answer to his question either. You were sure that if throughout this process you’d so much as tripped on a rock, he wouldn’t have looked back on you. “I have nowhere else to be.” This only earned a scoff from the man, “you really are a fool” was all he said.
If you’d still had some punch in you the reply could have been an argument, but at the end of the day Rerir was correct. You were a fool, had been from the very start. To think Rerir would truly care about you, especially now. This wasn't even him anymore. Nowhere was the man from 500 years ago, no matter how many fragments he would collect. “I am.” The words left your lips in a sigh. He had never talked about his past to you, not a whisper. But you hoped that there’d be something there to justify his actions. And that thought alone made you a fool.
“You’re wasting my time as well as yours.” Rerir said before turning on his heels, choosing a direction like he had somewhere to be urgently. You found yourself automatically following before your heels dug into the ground, pausing. You could have left at any point but something within you hadn’t allowed that. Rerir may have hated himself, you, this world and everything on it. But you couldn’t bear to feel that way about him, not even now as you watched him keep walking away. You would have given him your heart, if he so much as asked. But in the end, that would have been meaningless as well.
I was reawakened by Rerir and suddenly have the urge to write angst for him UGHHH
There's so much potential in years of searching for a way to rebuild himself only for it to fail over and over again AHH Idk if anyone would be interested but I may have to do this for myself...
Warnings: G/N reader, ruined plans, emotional hurt/comfort, established relationship.
Summary: You made dinner plans but the day got busier than planned. Thankfully Ifa is not one to give up so easily.
AN// Hi guys! Another day, another fanfic. My hands have been feeling pretty uncomfortable again, enough to slow down my writing a little but we never back down in this house. I’ll add him to the characters I’m willing to write for again in the future, see if I’ll come up w something else too. I love this man :”D
“Piecing a plan back together.”
The two of you had initially made plans for dinner and you had even helped Ifa out at the clinic that day to ease the workload, just in case he’d otherwise be running late. Ifa had been busy for quite some time now after the war, which you’d told him was understandable. Not once had you complained, yet you could still see that he felt bad for the way your usual time for being together had been cut short.
He’d sometimes come home very late at night or get in bed hellishly early in case someone came in at night or stole him away the minute the first rays of the sun peeked out. Which honestly wasn’t a problem, he always came back. But this didn’t seem to sit right with him, and so he had requested to take you out for dinner.
But by around halfway through the day, you’d began to wonder if the dinner was even going to happen. And you had been correct, because later those plans had started to seem more like supper was the next best choice. Yet, even that had started to slowly seem like a stretch, when you looked outside and saw how the sun was slowly setting.
By the time the last client had left and Ifa had been able to clean out the front desk area for tomorrow, it was already too late to get a table anywhere. It was getting dark outside and the hopes for even supper were getting slim.
You watched him turn to you while dusting off his hands and saw how his gaze fixated on the window behind your seat. A slight grimace appeared onto his face when the time of day dawned on him, understanding the somewhat saddened look on your face now better.
“Babe, I’m sorry.” There was a moment of silence from him after, eyes squinting a little as he thought of what to do, starting to feel a little guilty. “We could…potentially make it if we left now?” He asked a little sheepishly, knowing that he’d been the one to promise this to you in the first place and it’d been his work that had gotten in the way again. But truthfully speaking, he wasn’t even sure if he himself had any hope in his words.
You pursed your lips, brows furrowing in a slightly apologetic way. Finding it somewhat charming how he was trying to fix the situation. “I’m not sure if…even if we ran I doubt-..” You muttered the last parts, not really wanting to admit out loud that the timeframe for any kind of outing was closed by now.
A sigh passed through Ifa’s lips as he walked over to your seat with slow yet steady steps, kneeling down to take your hands in his. Running his thumbs over the backs of your hands while seemingly thinking of what to say. “Yeah, you’re probably right…” He mumbled while chewing his lower lip, eyes looking aside. You knew he felt bad for making you both look forward to this and having it end up like this. But it’s not like you were mad at him, it wasn’t really his fault. “I’ll make this up to you…it’s just uh..” He added when you didn’t say anything, seeming a little on edge. He wanted to try his best and think of something else you could do with the remaining time, which in all honesty was sweet of him. That by itself was able to pull a slight smile on your face.
You shook your head gently, a quiet chuckle escaping along with it to try and ease the mood. “We can just go to bed, you know. Try some other day.” You said after, watching as his gaze bounced back to you in an instant. “What? No, no we can’t do that.” He replied, voice even a little worried you dared to even suggest that, amusing you further. “Besides, I’ve got an idea. Up you go dude.” He added with a more airy and confident tone as he stood back up. A promising start…
You followed along, eyes keenly on him as you rose from the chair. “And the new grand plan is?” You asked, slight hesitation slipping into the curious tone you’d tried to go for. A small spark of that former upset still taking root somewhere at your core for the change of plans, which didn’t seem to go unnoticed. “You’ll see, c’mon.” A quick reply from Ifa as he stopped by you, peppering a few chaste kisses to your neck, cheek and temple. A silent apology along with a desperate attempt to offer you some hope again. Which undoubtedly worked, causing a faint smile to form on your face as he took a hold of your hand in one swift motion. Pulling you towards the living quarters.
He turned a corner, opening a cabinet before speaking again. “I have a few drinks here…maybe some leftovers.” He spoke while placing said items to the counter, near the both of you. “We could have a..picnic outside and if we’re lucky..stargaze?” Ifa added before turning back to face you, a humble yet hopeful look on his face. Quite clear that he was putting on the front for your sake, which in and of itself was sweet to watch.
You stared at him for a moment, a mere tease which seemingly worked since he appeared somewhat distressed due to the lack of response. It was only the subtle laughter you let out that seemed to ease his mind and boost his confidence back up. Of course he had come up with something to save the night. “Hey, don’t laugh! I think I also have some snacks left. Come help me carry these…” He said, taking your ‘response’ as acceptance to the new setting. Merely the sight of his confident nature coming back from your joy was enough to ease any upset that might have lingered. You wanted to see where this would go. Picking up a few of the items he'd left behind before following him. “I didn’t laugh at you!” You giggle at him again while on your way to the terrace.
You watched as Ifa spread a felt across the terrace before placing down the food he had with him, encouraging you to join him by patting the spot beside him. You placed the jerky and a few fruits between the two of you and settled down.
The sun had almost fully set by that point, washing the sky with warm colours before it would all be overtaken by colder shades of the night. But for now it was peaceful and still warm. Even a little oddly silent, now that you thought about it. Which was quickly fixed by Ifa chiming in. “You alright bro?” He asked while unwrapping one of the snacks for you. You knew he was trying to keep his tone calm and collected but there was a hint of guilt still somewhere in there. And to be fair, you’d be lying if you said the change of plans hadn’t been upsetting. But it wasn’t like this was the worst possible outcome. You gave him a nod as an answer before accepting the jerky he was handing you, nibbling away at it. Though this didn’t seem to fully convince him, yet it didn’t provoke him to bother you with asking again. “Y’know, this kinda beats any fancy dinner plans anyway.” He kept talking, which funny enough was keeping up the mood.
Your eyes followed the direction he was looking. Finding a few stars already visible in the sky, a sweet sight. You gave him a chuckle, finding it sweet how hard he was trying. Not only with you, but with everything he ever put his mind to. “Suppose you’re right.” You hummed out along with a breath, finding the setting relaxing after the busy day.
Ifa leaned back to peel a fruit for the both of you, but you stopped him by placing a hand over his for a moment. “I’m grateful you chose to still spend time with me. Even if the plans got a little ruined.” You told him, holding his gaze with a slight smile on your face to enhance the words. You found him staring back at you for a while, as if the world had stopped for a moment. It almost made you laugh. He came back to it, pulling you a little closer to him.
“C’mon, you say that like there was a chance I wouldn’t.” He laughs, back to his usual demeanour. “Well, yeah. But you could have just gone to bed in case someone came in at night.” You protested, as if you hadn’t just tried to be sweet earlier and this was now a topic you had to defend. But in a way you were being honest. Especially after the war, there’d been many cases when he’d barely been able to sleep a full night. He was so willing to put his clients first, that he’d rise from bed at any hour if needed, just to treat saurians and by some point, even the people. “Pfft, I wouldn’t bail on you like that dude. C’mon, give me more credit than that.” He laughed, hiding the affection swirling in his chest rather well. If only you hadn’t known him as well as you did. You hummed, giving him a subtle eyeroll. “I didn’t mean it like that anyway, just accept the compliment.” Which in turn earned a laugh from him as you leaned your head against his shoulder.
“Hah, I know. I’m just messing with ya.” He hummed, taking a moment before you felt his hat get pressed onto your head. Hearing from his voice he was proud of himself for saving the night.
AN// I’m not even kidding yall, ruined plans w people who are generally happy hurt me more than any other form of angst like XD Unironically writing this was very painful, lolll
Summary: An argument in the morning rubs you the wrong way. But had it all been a misunderstanding or did he mean what he said…
AN// Guys gays sorry for my absence I’m slowly trying to come back. I graduated so I’ll have some time to write a few works for yall. So while I try to get back, have this short domestic Ratio fic c: I’ve never written for him and prob won’t again, I just felt like rambling this out while building him xd
“Inadequate.”
An argument here and there wasn’t unusual to you while living with Veritas. He seemed to use them as a way to tease you, even when he didn’t strive to prove a point or attempt to win the argument. You’d started to suspect that he might have even somewhat enjoyed it when you could prove yourself to be correct. Which either way, was fine with you. He had his own ways of showing adoration towards you, even if a little odd.
But this morning felt different. The argument had been a lot more meaningless than usual. Not that any of the bickering in your usual mornings was somehow meaningful, but this one had left a bad taste in your mouth. In the end, you weren’t even quite sure if he’d been serious or not with the things he’d said. You had almost put it off for being some kind of morning crankiness, but then again he’d never been that way before. It must have been something else.
There wasn’t much time in the morning to ponder over thoughts like these, and that was probably the worst part of it all. You along with him had a job to do and maybe that would get your mind off of this. You could have just overthought the whole thing and it was just better to forget about it. Hopeful thinking.
“I’ll be hedging out. I’ll see you late for supper,” you’d called out while collecting anything necessary for the day. A rather mindless and automatic comment, to which you never really expected a reply to. You’d get a text from him by the time he’d left your shared space anyway, usually a request for said supper plans.
But this time he answered, “try to be on time” came from around the corner. You couldn’t see the man himself but the answer didn’t sit right with you. It was enough to make you muster up a “what?” as your expression contorted into a mixture of confusion and slight hurt. “When have I ever been late?” You asked almost straight after, speaking a little louder this time. You didn't have the habit of coming in late if you’d planned something with him. Not only because you knew he’d enjoy the scolding he’d get out of it, but also because you respected him and wanted to honor plans made with him. This also didn’t help your confusion of whether or not he was being serious. Was he actually irritated with you?
“You’re usually rather punctual, yes. Even if you may lack in other areas.” His voice replied, while what sounded like him collecting whatever he needed for the day. You weren’t sure if his words were meant to be chewed quite as much as you did. Perhaps it truly was your mind running on some kind of overdrive, and he truthfully wasn’t irritated. In that case, getting offended by whatever he said would likely upset him as well. But even if you said nothing in response to him, that didn’t stop you from wondering if you’d actually done something wrong. Maybe you’d performed a task differently recently and somehow lacked in the process, that’d be on you. It could even be that this whole thing had started because of that, which was upsetting to think about. Not to mention the time, which was already running out.
You grimaced at the thought of having to leave the conversation there. The want to get to the bottom of this was clawing at you, but so was the need to start moving. So your mind filled in the gaps for you, deciding on the possible reasoning. You’d somehow irritated him the day before and missed the chance to talk it out.
Taking a hold of the door handle, you paused for a moment. It was better to play it safe and at least apologise if this had been on you, that’d make you feel better. “I apologise if I was inadequate. I’ll see you later.” You called out before leaving, closing the door a little more hesitantly than intended. Wondering if you should have stayed to talk for longer but ultimately choosing to be on time instead.
As much as you’d hoped that would have solved the issues, something didn’t sit quite right. As the day passed the same thought kept spiraling at the back of your mind. Had you actually messed something up? It didn’t make sense for him to not just correct you on the spot, but what else could he have meant?
There had been nothing you could have done from work. Shooting out a text felt wrong in a way. That wasn’t how you wanted to settle this. After all, this had become an issue you felt like needed to be fixed properly. Yet as you stood by a familiar door there was hesitancy holding your hand back from opening the door and going to share supper with him. As usual of an activity as that had become for the both of you.
You weren’t quite sure if it’d been you who’d brought in the tense and oddly uncomfortable atmosphere or if it’d been there the whole time. But it lingered in the air while hanging your clothing, putting your things away and unloading the supper from the bags.
As much as a part of you had hoped that whatever had transpired earlier had blown over by then, that just wasn’t true. Not when you heard a subtle, “you’re late” from the living room. Freezing up for a moment before looking up from the food your eyes recognized Ratio as he came by the table. His eyes avoiding yours, inspecting the food you’d brought with you. Your brows furrowed before checking the time, there was no way you’d actually been horribly late. Sure, there’d been some extra work to get done but you had never stood him up. “No I’m not.” A simple reply after noticing that you’d been correct. Unless a minute or two over meant you’d been catastrophically late in his eyes. Which you would have teased him about if it hadn’t been for the tense atmosphere. But either way, there was no comment to your response, nor any smart comeback. Seemingly his interest in the topic had disintegrated, merely watching as you unloaded the supper onto the kitchen table. A somewhat calmer silence filling the air once more.
“Don’t act like everything is alright.” The oddly irritated, on edge voice of Ratio caused your eyes to move back over to him. Seeing the crease between his brows, frustration clear in the way he presented himself. Yet, as much as you wanted to lay down how you were feeling, the need to further that rare sight of pure frustration won over. “Elaborate?” You asked, voice held at a surprisingly calm tone. It took more than trained self control not to smirk at the scowl that’d formed onto his face. “Oh don’t play coy, the apology. Are you trying to taunt me instead of admitting you were out of arguments?” He replied, hands leaned firmly against the table. Clear that this had bothered him for a while now. This.
You paused, brows furrowing as your thoughts became jumbled. This had been the reason? The whole time you’d worried about him being upset with you, this had been it? “What?” The words left your lips with a faint tone, almost a whisper. You turned back to him, head lowered in confusion. A hint of annoyance for your own earlier assumptions seeping in. “I didn’t apologise because of that. I assumed I must have lacked in something I’d done and apologised in case you were serious.” And with that the tense atmosphere changed rapidly, a silence filling the air.
Ratio stared at you. Whatever words he may have held back for you, were now held back for good. The earlier irritation slowly melted away as the silence grew heavier, his posture easing out along with it. “You fool.” He leaned back, rubbing the bridge of his nose. A sharp sigh escaped him before he was able to formulate any other words. “You think I’d ever find you inadequate?” Ratio spoke from behind his hand, keeping his eyes closed as his mind processed the situation.
You blanked out for a moment after, a subtle frown making a home of your face as you realised the misunderstanding. Feeling worse about the fact that it’d seemingly bothered him too. Head lowered, you fidgeted with your hands to ease the upset. “I didn’t think you would until you mentioned it…” Which now that you were looking at it from a different angle made a whole lot more sense. Why would he ever say that to you…
By the time you looked back at Ratio, there was a hint of guilt on his face as well. Which in turn did not show in the way he replied. “I didn’t…I wasn’t referring to anything specific. Obviously I didn’t mean to offend you.” He huffed, as if having to force the last bits out of his mouth. “Right…I should have realised.” You replied. Not even aware how sorry you looked from his perspective. A major reason for why it was hard for him to even pretend he was still irritated for the waste of time this misunderstanding had been.
The now awkward silence was eating away at the both of you and it was apparent. You didn’t know how else to fix this and the food was getting cold. “Do you..still want to have supper?” You then asked, just to break the barrier that’d appeared between the two of you. A deep breath left him. He shook his head before sitting down, accepting the offer. You flashed him a subtle smile before plating the food, hoping this was a way to fix how the both of you were feeling.
The subtle sound of eating and cutlery hitting the plates filled the air. It felt a little more familiar than whatever had transpired earlier. But that peace didn’t last long. “Have you eaten today?” Came from Ratio. His voice didn’t hold the earlier irritation within it, but his tone sounded more forced than anything. “A little, it was a busy day.” You replied, not paying enough mind to his question to even look up at him, continuing to eat. Though that was just the reason you told yourself. To Ratio, the fatigue in your movements was clear, there was no doubt about it. Which in turn made him feel a little more guilty for the misunderstanding. Knowing it likely had strained you even more than him, even when working. And this concern did not go unnoticed by you. Only the lack of response was enough of a warning sign for an incoming order for rest. “But I’m fine, let’s just eat. Your food will get cold.” You chimed in before he could. It was clear to you he felt bad but typically for him, he was holding back after coming to the conclusion that it’d just been a mishap.
You stood up after eating, moving over to the sink to wash up the plates in silence. But to your surprise before you were even able to begin, Ratio stuck himself between you and the sink, effectively taking up the task. “Let me, you've done enough for today.” He said, back facing you as a blank wall. No arguments would move him from the task, already running the tap and washing the plates.
You were left with the words stolen from the tip of your tongue, nothing to be said anymore. You wanted to protest about this as some form of revenge, but the sight of him clearly trying to make up for what’d happened by helping you was sweet enough to make you give in.
There was slight hesitation in your movements before Ratio was able to feel your forehead pressing against his back, arms loosely draped around his waist. His movements froze for a fraction of time before he was able to resume washing the dishes.
There were no words, none were needed. Just the sound of the tap running into the sink, a somewhat rare domestic moment shared as he worked on the plates. In that moment it was almost funny to think of the whole misunderstanding, how troublesome something so small could truly get. And it was almost as if he’d read your thoughts when a calm comment came from him, feeling the rumble of the words against his back. “Feeling foolish yet, then?” He asked. You could almost hear the smirk forming on his face, even if it wasn’t visible to you. A soft huff escaped you, deciding to lean slightly away from him to try and argue back. “This was entirely your fault.” Ratio placed the last plate away at that, turning to face you at last.
He took a moment to assess your features before deciding on what to say. “I think you’re ridiculous for even assuming I’d think of you that way.” His tone was firm, almost scolding. And you were almost buying it, if it hadn’t been for his body which betrayed the poor man. His hands making their way to your lower back. “Do you know how long I had to think to find something I could have messed up?” You asked with furrowed brows, feigned irritation mixed somewhere in there. An attempt to hold your post. His brows rose as if the answer was too obvious for him to even voice. “You should have considered the obvious answer first.” He said, clearly having the upper hand in this argument. Though, it didn’t take him long to realise this was not the time to scold you for your way of thinking. After a moment of silence he spoke up again. “And..maybe I could have worded myself better.” He said, looking aside while giving you a slight head tilt, admitting defeat in that regard. And that might as well have been the best apology you were going to receive, which you accepted accompanied by a somewhat mocking chuckle.
Straightening your back, you reached to fix the pin in his hair. Noticing how it’d slipped down, looking a little out of place for his usually sharp exterior. Poor mad had been bothered by this just as much as you. “Yeah, maybe you should’ve.” You hummed, brushing his hair back in place. He didn’t react, but it was clear there was no more irritation left in his body. He appeared almost vulnerable as he leaned his head in slightly to help you. He’d never think that way of you, obviously.
Guys sorry for not posting. I got sick, then my nan died and I almost got kicked out of school and then my joints started acting up again. I'll come back soon, trust 🙂↕️
Warnings: Lantern Rite 2025 spoilers, established relationship, injury recovery, comfort, idk nothing too emotional.
Opening: Hu Tao drags you back to Bubu in poor shape after saving her, but your partner isn’t quite as happy about this sacrifice. Too bad he’d sacrifice himself for you as well, so you’re in good hands.
AN// G/N Reader. I have a request to write but because my main finally was let out the basement and got content AND he was voiced…I felt like this came first. But also because I wanted this part to be included in the Lantern Rite cut scene but it wasn’t so…Haha, I didn’t make this too long or detailed, since I have other stuff to work on. Hope it’s still okay :”D
“Limits.”
The amount of fetor your body had been exposed to far exceeded the amount you’d expected to face. But none of the efforts had been in vain. Since whatever had happened after, you’d made sure Hu Tao was alive and well before ultimately collapsing in exhaustion.
And she was well. Enough so, to having taken the task of getting you back for treatment on herself. You had no memory of this, barely bits and pieces of the journey. Flashes of small bits of road, faint sounds of Hu Tao cheering herself on under her breath and a faint memory of stairs. A feeling you'd had each time, of wanting to ease her burden of dragging you back by getting back on your feet. But the overwhelming exhaustion prevented you from moving, there was no arguing against it.
It was already dark by the time Hu Tao had made it back to Bubu pharmacy. Allowing herself a moment of rest when Baizhu helped her by taking on some of the weight of your collapsed form, brows furrowed in worry. His hand brushed back some of the lost strands of hair from your face while diligently checking your vitals. Most of the actions done so automatically on the spot he hadn’t even noticed doing them.
He felt displeased, most of that stemming from worry. A part of him not fully comprehending the fact that you’d willingly gone and done something so dangerous. But then again, you had saved the life of the funeral parlor’s director successfully. That fact confused his thought process, not really knowing who to be displeased with. Ultimately deciding that maybe it was better if those feelings weren’t directed at anyone. There were more pressing matters at hand.
That didn’t stop him from mumbling a few rather opinionated comments under his breath while helping Hu Tao escort you to the back room for a more thorough exam. Laying your form neatly on to the bed before going over to the shelves. Mind ticking to find anything to ease the exhaustion that he’d concluded as the cause for the collapse. You needed rest, that much was clear. But he couldn’t have you sleeping without consuming anything for an extended amount of time. That would far increase the risk of more harm than good.
In his hurry to find the best possible medicine, he’d forgotten to thank Hu Tao. Furthermore, he’d forgotten that the girl needed a check up as well. She’d been in the very same place as you, and therefore having had the fetor run through her as well.
“Ah, indeed. Thank you, Director Hu. Once their condition is stable, I suggest you come in for a check up as well.” He spoke swiftly, an attempt to hide the worry in his tone from the other and himself. He wouldn’t have been of much help to anyone if any of those selfish feelings were to come through now.
He couldn’t see the reaction of the Director, merely hearing an agreeing ‘okay’ before she saw it best to leave the doctor to perform his duty in peace. The silence so dreadful when he finally seated himself beside the bed.
He did what he could. Applying all the medicine he could think of that had a chance of easing your condition, taking note of any changes with your vitals. By now having realised that this case with the fetor could have been of use in further research. Then again, that could have been a desperate attempt to distract himself from the identity of the patient he was caring for. It was an odd feeling, seeing something he held close to his heart be injured and unresponsive.
But he knew better than to rue over something that couldn’t be changed anymore. He’d done what he could, knowing that since the fetor didn’t exactly cause an illness, it meant there was nothing he could heal. Merely ease the effects of it now and hope that your recovery would perhaps be sped up by the medicine.
Time passed faster than he expected. The situation had taken such a strain on his condition, he’d barely noticed when he had started nodding off. Changsheng sensed the stress of the situation, not daring to start waking Baizhu up again once he’d fallen asleep by the bed. Thinking it best to allow him rest now, rather than waking him up and having the man fuss over you again for the rest of the night. His body could hardly take the strain, no matter if he always argued otherwise.
Thankfully his dignity was saved, since you hadn’t shown any signs of waking up the next morning either. Only, he’d received a few displeased looks and comments from Changsheng over him straining himself like he’d done. After another overly thorough examination, he’d been able to only conclude that you appeared fine on the outside. Deciding it best to start off his day to get his mind off of the situation. Knowing all he could do was to wait for your body to naturally wake up again.
The day kept him busy with all the check ups he had to do with the patients affected with fetor previously, allowing him to take his mind off of your condition. It was only after Zhongli had come in to visit you that he’d received the news of your conscious state. The other man having seen it best to start leaving so Baizhu had space to make sure nothing fatal had happened due to the extreme exposure to fetor.
He hurried to the back room, relieved to find you sitting on the bed with a hand on your forehead. Seemingly having just woken up. “Well, good morning,” his usual voice greeted you and immediately gained the attention he’d missed. “You know, you’re lucky your constitution is as strong as it is. You dealt a serious blow back there.” He continued, a hint of stress apparent in his voice. But maybe that was only to your more trained ear. You were aware of how skilled he was with holding himself back for the sake of others, and that included you.
But he was right, of course. But even if you’d survived, the feeling after wasn’t pleasant. Your head still felt heavy with exhaustion, not to mention the overpowering feeling of wanting to lay back down and sleep. It took every ounce of willpower you had left to muster up a few words. “Could I have a drink?” Like an automatic request. You hadn’t even noticed how thirsty you were, so far having no idea how long you’d been out for.
Baizhu had been already on it, handing you the cool cup right after hearing the request. “You’ve been asleep for quite some time…” He spoke up again, keeping up conversation in order to keep you awake. It wasn’t hard to tell you kept nodding off every once in a while. So he proceeded to raise his voice a little then, give you a gentle push while checking your vitals again.
Gentle with his process, he made one final check up and agreed to let his mind rest after. It truly seemed to only be exhaustion from taking the blow of the ritual. You’d be fine with proper rest, as much as he’d feared otherwise.
The cooling drink ran out faster than you would have hoped, placing the empty cup beside the bed. “You know, I can tell you’re worrying,” voice a little more clearer this time. “But I feel fine, the drowsiness aside…” You tried to chuckle a little to lighten up the mood. “He stayed up almost all night watching over you.” Changsheng spoke up before the man himself was able to, exposing his little endeavors the previous night. “Baizhu-..” You were able to begin the all too practised lecture, only to be interrupted by him. “I’m keenly aware of my limits, unlike some,” he allowed a sight to escape. Letting out some of the built up stress from the ordeal. “That was a trick I do not wish for you to perform again..” He sat down beside you on the bed, brushing some of your hair back with a gentle motion. In the end, pulling you in for a light embrace which was gladly returned soon after. “I think the Funeral Parlor will be in check for some time after this…No need for another rescue, don’t worry.” You hummed, feeling your eyes start to close once again.
Baizhu pulled back, feeling your weight start to shift on to him a little more. “They may be fine, but you..” He laid you down gently, standing back up. “Are not. Which is exactly why you’re going to rest so that no lasting damage will raise its head.” Baizhu explained with the usual firm tone behind his words, knowing fully well that he wasn't going to let you walk this off. But wanting to believe that your negotiable nature wasn’t due to exhaustion, but instead out of wanting to ease the mind of the other. “Alright…”
You could see the warm smile on his face before your eyes forced themselves shut. Only feeling the light peck he pressed against your forehead before outstretching his hand to allow Changsheng to climb back up to his shoulders. “Rest well, dear.” He said silently, before exiting the room. Now with a little more peace of mind.
Warnings: 5.3 spoilers, mentions of death and passing, mourning, angst/no comfort but also kind of at the end? But the comfort is also kinda sad, we all crying at the clurb, platonic I think, a small tma reference
Opening: Standing upon his resting place, you allow some thoughts to pass your mind. Why did things turn out this way? What is your purpose now?
AN// G/N Reader. Haha, It’s my 20th birthday so I get to write Capitano angst for yall before getting back to working on everything else :D I love this man so much yall don’t understand, I tweak out at the sight of one edit of him xd
“Stood upon your grave…”
Feet planted firmly against the rough stones, unable to move further in that moment. The steps ahead appearing as an obstacle far too tiring to attempt defeating. The frost on the old steps appeared like fresh snow, reminding you of home. Some of the ice had chipped off of the icey pillars and snowed down peacefully. Even the wind felt colder, sending a shiver down your spine. It felt almost eerie, like it didn’t belong here. The air surrounding the throne and the steps leading to it felt colder the further up the stairs you slowly walked.
The icey walls protecting the now sacred spot kept everything within its cold hold, never allowing a moment of warmth to pass. Even through the warm clothing, the cool touch of the air somehow reached you, as if welcoming in the new visitor. Staying by your side even when the steps at the very top started feeling heavier. When the image of what was awaiting at the very top started coming into view better. It being exactly what you’d expected, what you knew was waiting. Yet the same old sting followed even without the help of the cold bites of the cool air.
Not even having noticed your breath turning into soft white puffs as it came out, your eyes stayed glued on the figure sitting still on the throne. Right in front of you, the chest of this now empty shell, still continuing its age old movement. As if still breathing in the fresh cool air, taking a moment of rest. An aching sight, yet it made no change to the stoic expression you had carried all the way up here.
You wanted to pretend you’d come to terms with the events that had transpired in this very place. Yet each time this place had laid its gaze upon you, you’d arrived with new thoughts to share. That being the exact same reason for your arrival this time as well. It didn’t feel right to visit if you had nothing to say, like you were wasting someone’s time. A part of you humoring the thought of someone, perhaps him, listening to your rambles. At least it felt like someone did when the very person you were talking to had to appear so life-like. And if you’d been anyone else, maybe you’d found solace in that thought. But to you, the sight only brought a deep feeling of bitterness. It raised questions which had no one to answer them, likely no one to listen to them either. It was a pain to know someone fated as he had been, so well.
And here again, stood upon your grave, “I think I finally understand why you brought them peace.” You began explaining a recent revelation, folding your hands neatly before you. Guard lowered, no weapon in sight on your form. Just the captain and someone who’d once considered themselves as a follower. Willing to give their life for this person in battle, if it meant serving what he’d believed in.
But that aside, you wanted to believe you’d truly come to a conclusion this time. Not because you wanted to stop visiting, but because it felt like it’d been ages since his departure. And the never ending thoughts running through your head like a cat chasing a mouse were beginning to boil over.
Yes, he’d needed to finish the mission he’d given himself. A man of his word, a fitting description in your mind. He’d promised those poor souls peace, a place to call home once it was time to finally rest. He’d served without complaining for the whole time you’d known the man, not a word spoken of what he had put himself through in order to gain pity.
500 long years of absolute life, having carried the souls of his men, died beside him, the whole way. Not a single night of rest nor a singular complaint. He’d made a promise, dedicated his time for the cause. Carrying those weeping souls within him while travelling the nations. Heart as pure as the first snowflakes of the winter, hosting a temporary home for the otherwise lost. For the men he had felt like he’d let down. Having watched their homeland become nothing but a story for others to tell. He’d watched his very own troops fall under the immense power of the enemy, leaving him to soothe their souls when they yelled out in terror within him. His people.
Having lost himself in the process, what he’d considered himself before then. Watched his body rot as time went on but never really caught up with him. Not like it seemed to do to the people around him. Of which, none did he ever leave behind. Those brave souls deserved to be remembered, they deserved a place to rest. An end he grew ever so slightly envious of as time ticked by. What he wished he could one day gain when he’d finally rest his eyes after 500 years.
But stood upon your grave, “I just don’t understand why you left me behind.” The words left your lips, shattering the conclusion you’d built previously. Even if what you’d thought happened to be exactly how he’d felt, the question still stood at the back of your mind. Capitano had left with the souls on their last mission, together. With honor, no less. But he’d left you behind, without a purpose. Wasn’t this existence the very same as that of those poor souls?
You’d joined his ranks around the time he’d been appointed the title of The Captain. Following him ever since, without a doubt of his skills as a leader for his men. Having aligned your morals based on what he’d believed in. Not to mention the skills he’d taught the people he commanded. You’d even caught people outside his troops picking up movements you had noticed the captain using. His name was a heavy one to speak, he was respected well outside his troops. And it wasn’t out of fear, it was genuine acknowledgement for his skills and power.
You’d been by his side for long enough to have figured out what he’d been attempting, even if you hadn’t known the full truth by then. How he had travelled from nation to nation, examining the ley lines there. He’d been so insistent on finding a rest place for ‘something’ you hadn’t figured out back then, that it’d been the first time you had doubted following him. But out of respect and trust, you hadn’t turned away even then. And perhaps that’d been for the best. Hadn’t you done that, there would have likely never been a chance to understand even half of what had transpired after.
How could have you understood why he’d decided to give his life away like this, if you hadn’t seen the attempts before? This was no simple task, not for a mere human. Of which you had to remind yourself from time to time. He was but a human, even if he wasn’t allowed to live as one.
He’d dedicated so much time on research for the perfect nation, for the right resting place for his people. Had he not failed in the past, you wouldn’t have figured most of his plan out by yourself. Realising only the rest by the very end. A time far too late to tell him no, not when he’d revealed the rest to you so willingly. Like a sickening farewell.
Before being so aware, you’d watched him struggle with the curse, the rot. Still fully unaware of the extent of this and what it truly meant. What he’d been dealing with for the past 500 years, watched the man he’d once been get completely erased beyond recognition. How the lack of rest wore him down, but the rot corroded even that. His exterior having concealed the screams of the dead for so long. But he’d still somehow never given up on the mission he’d set for himself.
At times it felt like you’d seen too much, like you had understood something you weren’t meant to. Truthfully wishing what you’d found out had been a misunderstanding or a trick of the eye, each time. But you knew it was all unfolding before your eyes in full truth, and he was always so aware of this. To a point where you slowly realised he was allowing you to follow, to see what he was, who he was. And most of all, what he was planning on putting into action. Only filling in the rest at the very end of the line.
He knew you’d figure it out at some point in the far future. But he, if anyone understood the pain time was able to cause, there was no need to cause that for you. Not when he wasn’t ashamed of his goal. “But death is the end I’ve been trying to reach all along,” was what he’d said. An odd thing to hear from someone cursed with absolute life, you’d thought to yourself then. So you’d been right, in the right direction at the very least. But this revelation didn’t feel like something to celebrate over. The reality of hearing him say that, admit he’d yearned for his end for so long felt painful. Selfishly so, now that you knew the pain of his existence.
Was it selfish to stare at the aftermath of his long plan, and wish he hadn’t succeeded? Was it fair to even let that thought cross your mind when he’d so willingly gave up his life to save the nation you were now able to visit peacefully? To wish that he hadn’t found the solution now, maybe never? You almost wished to once more be unaware of the suffering he’d been through, just to let yourself soak in those selfish thoughts.
After all, this had ultimately been the end he’d wished for. No one had told him to sacrifice his life here, he’d wished for that to happen. To give his life, extended beyond belief, for something that mattered to him. Allowing the continuation of the life of someone who was now greatly needed in the nation. It almost made you laugh, how far he’d been willing to go just so that his very own end was so fitting to his character. Of the man that even the curse hadn’t been able to corrode.
It was selfish to wish he’d come back. But admitting that hurt when you knew how many of his close comrades he’d finally allowed peace, but left you behind. A soldier and a trusty guard, now something you couldn’t find a word for. Seen by no one, and at the same time having no one to follow. A person without a clear tomorrow, purely because the dedication in their life sat unmoving in front of them. Because you couldn’t have asked him to carry the burden of allowing you to join him in death. You couldn’t have asked him to carry your soul along those crying one’s who’d gotten their life cut short. Not by choice, by force. That felt disrespectful then, so it did now. Even while wallowing in grief.
But stood upon your grave, you couldn’t help but wonder why you couldn’t have joined them in the honor of leaving for a permanent home. Why he’d been so adamant about leaving you behind when he was no longer here. How unfair it felt to be stood here alone, with no way to change the past. Not knowing if you should have blamed the curse, perhaps the one to blame was Ronova herself? Or maybe you should have been blaming the five sinners of Khaenri'ah? Or could have you blamed yourself for not figuring his plan out earlier and maybe you could have aided him? No, any excuse was useless in the end. There was no one you could find in your hands to blame for this fate, seemingly set in stone so long ago.
He’d done his all for his troops, his comrades. For his homeland, long before its downfall. And even after, he’d dedicated his life to so many others without hesitation. He’d done it all for his own name and honor. This was a man worthy of unyielding respect.
So if there was no further use for your services, no purpose anymore that was verbally given, you had to find it yourself. And maybe that’d been exactly why he’d left you behind, why he’d allowed you to see and hear everything you now knew. Every detail he’d allowed you to learn of himself, to set your memory up as a library for his memory. Your dedication to him was far from its end, was what you’d decided then.
If you were no use to anything else, you’d serve the dead. His memory was deeply engraved into your memory. Every detail you had held on to during these years being by his side. You’d make sure the memory of him would last eternally, exactly as he’d told it himself. As the honorable man he’d been to the very end.
The very same cool wind blew against the hem of your coat, standing upon his grave. It was peaceful for him here, not many dared to take the trip to visit. It sounded like a crying shame to say out loud, but then again, maybe he needed the peace to rest. After all, this had been the first time in 500 years he’d been allowed to truly shut his eyes for a moment.
Your eyes travelled to gaze at the bundle of red in your hands. Clutched there tightly without even noticing the force behind it. A gift you’d brought for him here, that now felt like some new form of a goodbye that you didn’t want to admit.
The deep red petals of the beautiful spider lily swayed a little along with the wind. Somehow still just as sorrowful yet beautiful as when you had picked it up. You’d tied a few laurel leaves to the bottom of the flower, bending them a little so they looked like actual leaves of the flower.
You weren't sure if he was still around enough to be able to appreciate the thought behind it, yet you still placed the small bouquet of flowers on his lap. Tugging them safely in place, protected from the winds and cold. Backing up a little to look at the sight now. A small drop of blood red laying upon his lap, a chest aching sight.
You stayed for a moment longer. Staring at the man, at the red spider lily encased with laurel leaves sitting on his lap. Trying hard not to find peace within the sight, not willing to admit that this was the end he’d wanted. This was an end to his journey, something that’d been up for him to decide.
The cool wind swayed the hem of your coat along with it now that you stood further from the throne. But the dark icey pillars around the man kept him safe, kept the flower safe with him. Continuing his work even without realising it. Keeping the beings who trusted him with their life safe.
as a junho lover i am BEGGING you to please release the fic you had 😭😭😭😭
Hwang Jun-Ho x detective! Reader
Words: 3970
google docs pages: 6
Warnings: Platonic relationship mostly, but squint and it’s not. Squid Game season 1 spoilers, violence, guns, choking, character death but not major.
Opening: You and Jun-ho are colleagues and your shift tonight would only consist of being on patrol. This leads to a lot of talking as per usual, before you spot something suspicious.
AN// G/N reader. A lot of you wanted me to post this ancient piece of media back up, so your wish is my command. This was actually fun for me to read as well. This was last posted in 2021 and soon after deleted, no memory of why I did that :”D. But I hope yall will still enjoy this s1 inspired fic ! And before anyone asks, I won't write a pt 2 for this, since I don't remember where I was taking this story initially;(
“I know you miss him.”
You were walking behind Jun-ho towards his car. Tonight's shift would be just you and him on patrol. There was nothing surprising with that, since he was your partner and you had gotten to know him pretty well over the years. But the problem was that you hadn’t slept well last night, and you had forgotten to bring your lunch while in a hurry this morning. So this meant that you'd either have to be without food the whole night or beg for Jun-ho to stop for a moment before the stores closed.
You watched how Jun-ho unlocked the doors of the car. The front lights lit up for a second, Indicating the doors had opened. He stepped into the driver's seat and sat down. You soon followed and sat down on the seat next to him. Nothing out of the ordinary, another normal shift.
The car was almost fully white, with two stripes going on both of the sides. The smaller stripe was yellow and on top of that was a larger stripe in blue. Under the stripes was text that said ‘Police’. On the roof of the car, there were the usual police red and blue lights but also a bigger light for searching in the dark. The seats were fully black, like most of the car was on the inside.
Jun-ho started the car, and slowly drove away from the police office. The sun had gone down a little bit ago, and slowly but surely the street lights had turned on. It had rained earlier that day, so the streets were a little wet still. The car had no lights on inside, only the lights on the control board were illuminating a soft light against whatever it managed to touch. The street lamps passing by allowing some more light to come in every once in a while. This was exactly what you were used to, since the two of you had been on night patrol a lot recently.
You sat in silence as Jun-ho drove through the familiar streets. Watching the yellowish lights as they passed you, one by one. Your gaze wandered off to Jun-ho. You couldn’t tell how he was feeling, since he was only looking at the road with no defined expression on his face. He had told you on your last shift that he hadn’t seen his brother in a while, but you weren’t sure if he had been found already or not. Not sure if it was appropriate to ask about it again, seeing as it might have been a sensitive topic. But if Jun-ho was feeling out of it, you weren’t sure if he should be working a night shift.
“Hey, could we stop by a store? I forgot my ‘lunch’, and I don't want to pull an all-nighter without anything to eat.” You requested with a hint of embarrassment in your voice. But it was either this or having to suffer through the night with no food. Either way, this was maybe the best way to start a conversation, to see how your partner was doing. Jun-ho turned his gaze at you for a little bit before he replied. “Sure, just make it quick.” He said with a nod.
Soon the car pulled up near a store and you left to grab something to eat. Knowing that you didn't have a lot of time, you just took the nearest thing that happened to be some sort of a salad. You grabbed the nearest energy drink just to be sure the night would pass smoothly, and went to pay. As you were walking back to the car, you saw Jun-ho writing something on his phone. Not thinking much of it, and seating yourself back down next to him. “Sorry for this. I’ll try to wake up earlier next time.” You apologized, while placing the food on the back seat. “It’s okay. You didn’t waste much time.” He hummed as a reply, and started the car again. The small walkie talkie that he had connected to his belt was making noise. The other officers that were on the same shift seemed to be actively talking right now. This didn’t worry you yet, since they would have contacted you two if something was going on nearby.
After a while of going around the part of the town you were supposed to patro, you reached back to get the energy drink. Staying up late last night had started to turn against you, starting to feel awfully worn out by now. Your eyes were looking at the almost empty streets, as you lifted the can up to your lips.
Your gaze detected movement on the road, and soon seeing a dog crossing the street. Jun-ho didn’t seem to be bothered by it, continuing on. Panicking for a moment when the realisation hit you that he must have not seen the damn thing. You quickly put the can on the cup holder. “Stop, there’s a dog!” You exclaimed to Jun-ho. His eyes widened and he pressed down the brakes. The car stopped just in time, and the dog crossed the road quickly, with its tail in between its legs. Your body almost hit the dashboard, but thankfully your seat belt held you in place. You were both staring at the road with widened eyes. All you could hear was heavy breathing that was coming from the both of you.
You slowly leaned back and rested your body on the seat. “Pull the car on the side of the road.” You demanded quietly, voice firm. Jun-ho did as you requested, and parked the car on the side. “How did you not see the dog?” You asked in a much calmer voice, body seemingly still in some form of shock. You didn’t want to be mean to him, since it could have just been a mistake on his part. “I was in my thoughts. I’m sorry for putting you in danger.” Jun-ho sighed, with his gaze avoiding you. “Now, you look at me and tell me what is going on. You seem totally out of it?” You huffed and tilted your head in confusion. It took him a while, but he turned to look at you again. “And now the second part. Are you doing okay?” You asked the question in a different way so he couldn’t avoid the topic. “I’m doing just fine. I’m just a little tired, that’s all. I promise.” Jun-ho tried to convince you.
He turned away to start the car again, but you had other plans. “Have they found your brother yet?” You asked with a more monotone voice. Trying to dig a little deeper this time. Straight after saying this, Jun-ho stopped completely for a brief moment. “He’s…still missing.” The man admitted quietly while looking at the windshield. He leaned back on the seat like you had done and closed his eyes. You furrowed your brows in worry. Before you were able to reply, he continued. “I have reported him as missing already, but they can’t seem to find him. I have some evidence of..something but nothing that would actually help.” He pressed his palms against the steering wheel firmly, eyes opening again.
You looked at him with a freshly formed frown on your face. “What's the evidence you’ve found so far?” You asked, interested in the topic because you wanted to help him. “A card with a circle, triangle and a square on it. My brother had one in his room and I recently saw another man have a similar card. They’re related but I don’t know how.” Jun-ho replied, and turned his gaze back to you with sorrow behind his eyes. “Well, have you talked to the man yet? Maybe he knows what’s going on?” You tilted your head. “I tried to, but he didn’t seem like he wanted to tell me anything..” The man sighed again, but this time with more frustration. “I know you miss him, but you can’t give up. Did you see what was written on the card?” You patted his shoulder, an attempt to wipe the saddened look off of his face. “There was only a number on the back, nothing more.” He explained, not much to go off of. “We need a little more evidence to really start looking into this, but I can try to help you. I’m sure we can find him.” You tried to smile a little and offered a hug to him. Jun-ho looked at you for a moment and accepted the offer.
After you had pulled back from the hug, the walkie talkie started to make noise again. Jun-ho answered it quickly. The person talking to Jun-ho told him to switch cars to a civil one, because they had spotted something going on near you two. Jun-ho ended the call, and started the car again. “Seems like we’ve got a case on our hands.” He hummed, and pulled the car back on the road. Like nothing had happened.
At this hour it was fully dark. Only the street lights, signs and the lights from the car broke veil the darkness. There were only a few people walking on the streets, most likely coming from a bar.
Before you knew it, you had arrived all the way back to the police office. You could barely see the whole building in the dark, the city having not invested a whole lot on the building. Jun-ho took the keys from the car and stepped out. You took your items and followed him, hurrying to the side of the car he was standing by. He led you to a fully black car, around the corner from the office. “Let’s be quick.” He stated quietly and opened the door to the passenger seat. You smiled at him kindly, and stepped in. He soon sat down on the driver's side and pulled the car onto the road. “Where are we going?” You asked while putting on your seat belt. “Here.” Jun-ho said as he was typing the location on the navigator. You didn’t recognize the street’s name, but you decided to not ask where it was located. You’d see soon enough. “Did they tell you what was going on there?” You asked for more information, hoping that Jun-ho didn’t mind. “Someone who we have been looking for has been reported to be in that area. We were called to check if he’s still there.” Jun-ho quickly explained while driving faster. You two didn’t have time to lose, since the man could get away any moment.
The navigator kept giving directions, and Jun-ho was following them. You seemed to be getting closer by the second. But suddenly Jun-ho slowed down the whole car. “What are you doing?” You questioned your partner. But what you didn’t know was that he had seen something far more important to him than the person you two had been called to look for. “That’s him. That’s the man that had the same card as my brother.” Jun-ho said quietly before he started to back up the car. He backed in the shadows and turned off the lights from the car. “I might get fired for this, but I'll make sure that you’ll be fine.” The man murmured, as his eyes were following Gi-hun get picked up by a big van. “Wait- Are you trying to tell me that you’ll disobey the request to find the man the office has been looking for just to follow him? What if we end up in danger? There’s no backup.” Your heart beat got faster the more you thought about this. This didn’t seem like the worst case scenario was going to be fired, but something way worse. “This might be my only chance to get to know where my brother is. I’m not letting this go.” He replied with confidence in his voice.
As much as you appreciated and trusted this man, you weren’t sure if you should tell him no. And even if you did, would he even listen at this point. Before you had time to say anything against his plan, the van started to drive away. Jun-ho started to slowly shadow it. He had turned off all the lights from the car, and he wasn’t using the headlights either. You had never been in a situation like this, but there was no getting out of this now.
“Do you have a phone?” Jun-ho asked with a more serious tone. “Y-yes, why?” You asked but still showed him your phone. It was almost fully charged, only a few percents missing. “Good. Just in case we get separated.” He nodded and kept following the van. “So are you saying we might? We’re not getting out of this car are we?” You asked in a panicked voice. “You don’t have to. But I want to know what’s going on. They’re clearly going somewhere and my brother has to be somewhere with them.” Jun-ho spoke, attention clearly keen on the van.
Soon the van stopped. The navigator showed that you were close to a port. Suddenly you were able to see multiple of the same kind of van going the same way. They all turned and started to drive towards a cargo ship. There was a lot of space for all the vans and some people with red clothing showing where the vans should be parked. Seemingly a well orchestrated operation, whatever this was.
Jun-ho stopped the car and parked it so that it wouldn’t be too easy to see. “Now. You stay here, and I’ll call you in a little bit once I have found out what's going on here.” Jun-ho started to undo his seat belt and get out. “Wait- We don’t even know who these people are, and we don’t have any backup. What if they come and ask what I’m doing here?” You started to get restless. “Just..” Jun-ho had to think about this for a moment. “Tell them you’re waiting for your boyfriend.” He finally said and closed the door. Your eyes widened for a moment but before you could form any words, he was gone.
There were more lights near the port, so it was easy to see all the grey vans enter the ship. There were huge yellow towers built to hover on top of the bridge that led to the ship that had multiple bright lights showing the way to the drivers of the vans. There didn’t seem to be anyone else but more of the people with the red suits. The situation unfolding before your eyes, seemingly sketchier by the minute.
It was hard to see, but you could make out where Jun-ho was standing. He took out his phone and started to type something. You started to look even more worried. Now wasn’t the best time to start looking at your phone. The worry caused your hand to start wandering closer to the door handle. Your eyes were still focused on him, and you saw when he switched the phone to a gun. Only hoping it was loaded full, but it wasn’t safe anyway to go on a mission like this with only one gun anyway.
As your hand started to open the door, Jun-ho ran from the place he was hiding in. From what you could see he had hidden behind one of the vans. “Damn it..” You cussed under your breath and got out of the car. After making sure that there was no one around, you ran towards another van, and copied what he did. You got on your back and quickly got under the van. Quickly finding something to hold on to and lift your body up from the ground.
Soon after doing this the vans started to all move in the cargo ship. There was some talking you could hear, and after that the ship left the port. You had no idea where the two of you were going, but you had to follow your partner. You would never forgive yourself if he never came back from this mission that no one even had an idea you two were on. Knowing no one would believe you if you told them Jun-ho had disappeared just like his brother.
The vans you had gotten under were neatly parked next to each other, near the back of the ship. You saw him shift and then get up, still staying behind the van. You took a quiet deep breath and followed his lead. “Hey.” You whispered quietly, so that no one would hear you. With a quick movement he was pointing his gun at you, before he realised who it was. “What are you doing?! I told you to stay in the car?” He whispered back with tension in his voice. “And I’d go to the office alone, to explain to the boss where you had disappeared? As if they’d believe me.” You murmured back. He then quickly switched to your side. “Do you have your gun?” He whispered close to your ear. You shivered slightly at this, placing your hand over the firearm. “I do, it’s full,” you whispered back. He only nodded at you and went to peek over the edge of the van. While he was doing that someone started to talk through a microphone. “Check the players,” echoed through the ship. With this the side doors of the vans opened by themselves.
“Get in.” Jun-ho whispered quickly before he stepped in one of the vans. Without another thought you stepped in the van that Jun-ho had been under, ready to follow his lead. Knowing by now how sensitive this situation was. One wrong move, and you’d truly see what these men dressed in red were truly up to.
Your eyes scanned the people sitting in the van. You couldn’t see too well, no lights on in the vans. But no matter how well you looked, you couldn’t see anyone that even slightly looked like Jun-ho’s brother. Before you knew it, you heard the drivers of the cars step out. Your eyes widened. The only thing you could think of was to pretend to be one of the people in the van.
You sat down on one of the seats at the back, and pretended to sleep. You were able to open one of your eyes slightly, trying to stay up to date on what was happening. You saw a masked person with a full red suit and a black mask with a white circle on it. They were scanning the other people in the van by checking something from behind their ears. You had no idea what Jun-ho was going to do, but as the suited person started to come closer to you. Knowing you didn’t have whatever the others had gotten placed behind their ears, you prepared to attack the suited man.
They tested one of your ears and then turned your head to test your other ear. Not being able to find the chip they were looking for. You opened your eyes and quickly attacked them. You hit the mask so that the person fell backwards, buying yourself some time. While they were trying to get up, you moved behind them. The person tried to stab you with a black knife, but you dodged it. You took a hold of their wrist and repeatedly hit it against the seats of the van, until they let go of the knife. With that you hit their head with your knee and began to choke them. Trying to make as little noise as possible as to not alert any of their companions.
The van moved a little as the person struggled until they started to go limp. You let go of the pink suited person, and took a deep breath. Your heart beat was going crazy at this point, and your hands were shaking. Not once during your time as a detective had you had to fight like this for your life. The idea of you two being alone on this mission, and not even knowing if Jun-ho was alive scared you.
You knew that you didn’t have a lot of time, so you began to strip the pink suit off the person. It was better to hide in plain sight, especially if they were all dressed the same. You took off the mask as well and dressed up. You had no clue what the job of this person was, other than checking the players and driving the van, but maybe you’d be able to just follow the others. After getting the suit on, you took your tag that showed who you were off, and placed it in the pocket of the person that was now wearing your clothes.
After that you lifted up the body of the person, attempting to drag them outside the van. Not being used to doing something like this made it hard to lift up a whole body alone. While struggling you wobbled to the edge of the ship, and dropped the body in water. After this you turned around to see where you were supposed to go, you saw another pink suited person. They heard you and turned around. You froze up, not really having a plan to go off of. You felt a tap on your shoulder. “I saw what you did.” A man’s voice said. You could tell it was Jun-ho’s, since it was more muffled due to the mask. But you took the gamble. “You did the same,” You mumbled back. The other masked person made no move to harm you, confirming you’d been correct.
“Hey, you two!” You both turned to look at who was talking to you. There was a person in a pink suit, but this one had a triangle on the mask and a gun. Behind them there was another pink suited person. Only, they had a square on their mask and no gun in hand. You were too stressed out to say anything, and you assumed Jun-ho could sense this since he started to talk. “This is...They were feeling sea sick.” Jun-ho said to the triangle. They didn’t reply, but the square stepped forward, pointing their gun down.
Their behaviour made you wonder if the symbols on their masks had something to do with their ranking system. Attempting to figure it out while Jun-ho was conversing with them. Square, then triangle, and that left the circle. And if it was the last one it meant that it was the lowest position. “Did you forget the rules?” A man’s voice said from behind the square mask. “You do not speak without your supervisor’s approval.” They continued. You were trying to make your breathing as calm as possible, so that the square wouldn’t notice anything. “Go wait in the cabin,” the square ordered. He gave you and Jun-ho a stare before walking away, taking the triangle with him.
After they had left you put your hand on your chest to take a breather. You had no idea what you had gotten yourself into, and you couldn’t even blame Jun-ho. You had killed a random man a minute ago and after that you were pointed a gun at, and it was most likely only going to get worse from here.
“Are you doing alright?” Jun-ho’s voice asked, as he kneeled down a little, and pulled your upper body back up by your shoulder. “We have to get to these ‘cabins’, just follow me. Please?” Jun-ho kept talking to you. Giving you a moment to recollect yourself after the encounter. “I’ll recover, I just need to rest for a moment…” You exhaled while looking at your shaky hands. With that you nodded and Jun-ho started to walk up the stairs, where the other circles had gone as well.
Do you guys want me to reupload a Jun Ho fanfic I made in 2021 but for some reason hid it shortly after :"D Still got it saved, no memory of what the plot was. 3700 words in it.
“Whatever soul I may have left, is for you to keep.”
Capitano x M! Reader
Words: 3770
Google Docs Pages: 6ish
Warnings: 5.1 spoilers…actually just in general Natlan archon quest spoilers, angst, yearning, romance but in the sense that we all know it’s never gonna happen but it’s a nice thought, Capitano with actual rot idk maybe some abyssal mixed in there, M Reader but I don’t use a lot of pronouns so can go as GN too.
Opening: 500 years ago had he last met someone like you, and that was the problem. He couldn’t tell you that, nor could he get closer if he was unable to see you as yourself and not a vision from the past.
AN// Thank you so much for requesting, happy to write for Capitano again AGH. I’m sorry if this feels like it drags on, I can’t help myself. No matter how simple notes I make, I end up yapping like crazy. Somebody sedate me pleaseeee
“Whatever soul I may have left, is for you to keep.”
You’d told him, of course you had. Told him that facing Mavuika likely wasn’t the way to get his hands on the gnosis any faster, but he’d insisted. Saying he had it all planned out, no matter what the outcome may have been. As if that had made you worry any less. He was a strong man, that you didn’t doubt for a second, but to say Mavuika was any less formidable would have been a lie. But as he had firmly stated, he was prepared for any outcome.
You weren’t aware anymore if the warmth coursing through your body was due to Natlan’s natural heat or simply the anticipation while waiting for his return. And which only increased after a grand explosion of light emerged from the stadium with a loud wave of noise. Leaving you wide eyed at the closest base with a few other guards.
The air felt still after the explosion disappeared, still as warm as ever. But that didn’t seem to bother you anymore, left stunned as you waited for any sign of life from the stadium. Any flicker of that familiar icey blue, yet it only seemed that a gloomy smoke kept rising from the middle. No other major movement.
Only the footsteps of another guard got your attention back to the present moment. The man firmly informing the rest that the Captain had been hit by one of Mavuika’s attacks and was being transported back to a base further back, to give the troops more time to assess the situation. That the new guy that’d been following Capitano around had seemingly saved him and the few other guards that’d come along.
You wanted to question him more, to ask if anyone had seen how severe the injuries were. If you’d have to prepare yourself to see the worst. Knowing it would be some form of a burn you’d be dealing with once meeting up with the rest of the group. But there was no time for that. The more this group was stalled, the longer the rest would have to wait for your assessment. There was no time to be selfish.
Hearing some of the guards start to usher you to hurry up, assisting you with picking up the equipment from that base. Doing their best to wait up, but ultimately having to hurry up and follow the command given. They had to move up to not be caught after such commotion.
You weren’t necessarily a trained medic nor any other form of a healer. The Fatui had their own section trained for such matters, but this group didn’t have one. Most of the men had the basic crumbs of medical training, if even that, under their belt. So by popular vote, they’d nominated you as their medic. Having the most experience with any sort of medical care. Likely now also expected to be the one able to check the wound inflicted and to be able to determine how the group would continue on from here.
Knowing that after attracting attention like that to the Fatui’s presence and Capitano himself showing up for a fight, it was only in due time someone would come looking for him and the rest of the platoon. There wasn’t too much time to waste, only hope that the wound wasn’t so serious it would require months to heal. And even then, that it’d be minor enough to not cause him harm while working.
You barely had the time to set the equipment up when the word of his arrival came to your ears as well. Turning to face him as the man himself along a couple of guards entered. None of the bases were truly anything spectacular. You didn’t have to be a medic to determine the lack of resources in a place like this. That being a worry each time someone got injured. This one consisting of a smaller cave under a cliff where if the group stayed near, it had a chance of being completely unseen. The cave itself providing you a cooling shade to work in, feeling rather bad for the rest of the troops who spent their time outside it. Underneath the scorching sun.
The area had no chairs to speak of, no proper tables. Crates being used as both, of which you pushed out one for Capitano to sit on. But being too quick to ask questions of his condition for him to be able to sit down before answering. “How do you feel? Is the burn area only on the chest?” Noticing this a little too late, cringing as the two guards still there had likely witnessed the urgency in your speech. Hoping they only took it as a hurry to check up on the Captain, knowing he was a high ranking fatuus. And if anything happened to him due to your tardiness, that fate would be for you to explain to the next higher up. Truthfully speaking, only hurrying like this due to your genuine care for him.
It wasn’t this mission alone you’d been within his chosen troops. And a part of you hoped, knew, that it wasn’t merely because of your medicinal capabilities. A decent fighter among many other, so that shouldn’t have mattered to him. Yet you’d noticed yourself delivering messages to him little by little more often, him requesting your presence in situations you thought not suited for someone like you. Perhaps for an assistant of sorts, but for a mere soldier by then, it was by no means a usual position to be in. To be seemingly favoured by such a high ranking member.
And when he’d asked you if you had any interest in becoming his aide, it hadn’t exactly come as a surprise. In his eyes, the things you’d already done for him counted as training. Which he wasn’t wrong about, he had practically trained you for the exact job even if he hadn’t meant it. So who were you to refuse? If he saw the potential in you, it must have been the right choice. Someone of his status likely knew better than you either way, able to spot specific talents amongst soldiers.
“Believe me, this will heal over time. My desire to protect this nation still stands. If anything, Mavuika’s show of strength was important for those to witness it, to uphold hope.” He insisted, swearing that Mavuika hadn’t been at her full capability. And knowing Capitano, he most certainly would have never taken advantage of a situation such like that. All he would do is use the information he’d gathered to push the mission onward. But never start playing unfair, that much was for certain. Yet you found yourself wondering if that would have made the fight even. Knowing the condition of the Captain.
You were all too aware of the curse and its effects, as much as he’d initially insisted on keeping it a secret. At first thinking it must have been a form of insecurity, but truthfully you weren’t so sure about that anymore. Knowing he’d opened up a lot more about it later on. So hearing Capitano declare his morals once more felt off this time. It almost worried you, if he’d only be willing to go all out if Mavuika was fully empowered. That would surely leave him as the weakened opponent. Having to shake that though away as soon as it appeared, not wanting to imagine such a fight. The outcome of the last one had been tragic enough, you thought.
Yet, as much as you wanted to believe the man was unfazed by what had happened. You couldn’t help but see those subtle flashes that resembled something akin to astonishment in his speech and movements. Each aspect something you had to diligently pick up on to notice, a habit mastered over time working alongside him.
You ignored his former response, seeing it as something not worth following up on. The burn area still had to be checked, if only for your sake. Capitano letting you rather willingly, aware of how much peace he’d have left if he were to refuse the check up now.
Before removing the outer pieces of clothing you ushered the two guards out of the cave, waving your hands at them in a quick motion a few times. To which they responded, signing out before making their way back under the sun. Eagerly waiting for the next move, leaving you to carefully start tending the burnt area. Eyes ignoring the corrupt, rotten areas with practised ease. Not an aspect you hadn’t seen before, a part of the man you’d become familiar with. It was him, it was something you knew him by. A part of him that’d always been there, ever since your paths had intertwined.
Capitano listened keenly at the command thrown at the two guards, hearing susurration of the gravel under their boots as they turned and walked out. A part of him amused by their behaviour, willingness to take the command and follow. Something that would have otherwise been frowned upon, an absurd action to take from someone not pulling the reins. And so would have he thought as well, if it hadn’t been him who’d allowed you that power over the guards.
The prerogative something not often seen from his aides, but something that now had an odd echo from the past each time he witnessed it. The tone of your voice, the formatting of the words and the action that happens almost immediately after. How a trained soldier listens, moves when commanded. There was something so familiar about it all, a familiarity dating back 500 years.
Capitano’s memory swirled, a feeling that nagged at him every now and then. An altercation with his own mind, as if none of the memories were fond enough to think of. They were, a lot of them were. But when it came to how it all ended, were the good memories worth nothing more but agony? Agony that he couldn’t avoid, there was no hiding from one’s own mind.
An image of a person long gone, never forgotten. Each detail still there as they’d been over 500 years ago on that day. Time that now felt so far away, remembering how much younger he’d been and how little he’d seen. How much he thought he’d experienced by then. And how little that version of him had truly seen. One person stuck by him through most of it. An aide assigned to him, someone he hadn’t meant to get close to. A person meant to ease his workload, but still someone he’d grown to care for. Grown fond of over the years, gaining high respect from the troops due to that as well. That very same aide having gotten the very same prerogatives as you had.
And there it was. This person, now nothing more but an image in his head, someone who’d been dear to him, now stood by him again. As if some sort of a reincarnation. Of course, he knew better than to believe that. There was no peace for a Khaenri'ahn, no such thing as reincarnation to get to live a full life once more. You were your own person.
But he couldn’t help himself. Not when you acted the same, had the same tone of voice…everything he could still remember. The memories he’d held on to, as if some sort of sick parting gift from his homeland. And how could he not hold on. For a very long time he’d believed this aide hadn’t been but merely a comrade in his eyes. But he was a high ranking commander of the forces, what face would he have left if he’d been to mingle with an aide? Thinking of the greater good of his homeland, he’d abandoned any hope of pursuing his thoughts further.
Had he known what was to come, he wasn’t so sure if he would have truly chosen those actions. The years he’d spent pondering over those peaceful years, the chances he’d had to try and pursue what he assumed to be a possible future. The regrets that he’d now accumulated over the years for the decision made all that time ago.
When Capitano had escaped with the remnants of his troops, this aide had held on. A trained aide, by no means a seasoned soldier, it felt a miracle to see them still standing by after the escape. A flicker of hope had ignited within him as they’d settled into Natlan. That perhaps this nation which he viewed similar to their home, would have been able to protect what he still held close to his heart, the very remnants of that. But the world wasn’t known for its kindness, or so he had decided then. In that moment when this aide had fallen, slain as one of the last of his men. Having fought side by side with him to the very end. The men he had failed to lead and command, something he’d been trained to specifically do.
As valiant as the death had been, the then soured commander had begun to blame himself. And how could he not? He was a commander without his troops, without anyone to command. He was a soldier without a home to return to. He had failed his homeland, his men and the very thing he’d hoped to keep fighting for if nothing else. But not even the years could truly erase those regrets that kept accumulating. The yearning to get another chance to protect what had been his, if only for his own dignity. All of the memories piling up with the what if’s as he watched his form rot. Diligently constructing a new him, holding on to his morales while being forced to dwell among the living. Cursed to having to watch anything close to dear for him rot away along with himself.
Then again, as much as he might have hoped the memories of the aide he had, had changed over time, they hadn’t. The way you spoke and behaved reminded him deeply of that person. All of those small details bringing him back to times he liked to think had been simpler, realistically the time likely having sullied the truth. Nostalgia had always been such a dreadful creature.
But pondering over those similarities would never help anyone, him the least. There would never come a time when he’d be able to tell you of these memories and thoughts. Especially not if he wished to keep any face as an authority figure, the last crumbs he had left of that in your eyes. Nevermind the companionship he’d grown fond of.
How could he possibly come to you solely for the reason that you reminded him of someone from the far past? Merely because you shared similarities with someone whom he’d highly respected. That would surely only lead to further complications, which he did not wish for. There was no room to be selfish.
Having to force his mind to pinpoint the differences, be it subtle or not. Truthfully, there would have been a difference in the way both of the aide’s viewed him, who they knew him as. How would have this first aide reacted to seeing his corroded form now? What this curse had done to his body, to the man he once had been known as? A part of him was glad the men he’d unknowingly led to their slow end hadn’t seen their commander in the state he was in. The men he’d failed to bring home. Having fallen by his side, in duty.
But you had. As much as he had insisted on keeping this certain problem to himself. Something he found hard to find shame in, yet not seeing it as an aspect to be shown around. If he was to ever regain those missing pieces of his former self, he didn’t wish to be pitied. But much to his dismay, he’d grown closer to you. Allowed himself to be perceived by your eyes, knowing there wasn’t much to lose. The look in your eyes then told him as much.
So at the end, you were different. Your own person, fully unaware of his past companions, just like it should have been left. You’d made your judgement on him long before, something this initial aide hadn’t had the chance to ever do. He would never know how the events back then could have turned out. But if this was the way the fate of this world had played out, who was he to resist now.
He hadn’t had the chance to even thought of such things back then. No time to simply even wonder how and what he could have said to that aide. So if he’d now been gifted the chance to try again, he was prepared to not redo the same mistakes. If anything, the events he’d endured had taught him how ephemeral something like this could be. As much had been clear to him for a long time, the past had to be left to rest in its rightful place. These thoughts having been one of many he’d go through and ultimately put to rest. It was easy to dwell in the past, but with the time he’d been forcibly given, he was going to spend fighting for what he hadn’t been able to in the past. Whatever soul he may have had left, was yours to keep.
You inspected the damage, using what little time there was to the best of your ability. For a man having taken such a serious blow, he was in rather good shape. Nevertheless, on a mission such as this, even small injuries had to be taken into consideration with the next step. Having patched the area up, hands working with practised ease by now. Gentle in their movements as the last bit of the gauze was tied down. There wasn’t time to start being fancy, not after such a huge event. The whole camp had to be moved to a safer location.
“I recall telling you that this would be a bad idea, and should have been kept as a backup plan, if anything,” the complaint slipping from you. No malice in the words, what truly mattered was that everyone was safe. Furthermore, having heard him preach of why he hadn’t felt the need to finish the battle. The upkeep of his morals never ceasing to amaze you. Which in all honestly puzzled you, knowing that the man himself was weakened as well.
But there was no use in going over small details, especially not now. Nor was there time to truly worry about him. You were aware of his ability to somewhat heal, so there was a possibility he could have treated this injury by himself. So seeing him sat in your care was a mind calming sight. He was going to be okay.
In truth, you knew multiple of these small details about him. Minor mannerisms he often performed, having noticed them by simply following him around. By that time having grown rather close to him, an obvious reason why his men earlier had listened to the command. Yet, as many details and personal information you’d accumulated over the years, it still felt as if he was somehow far away. Only allowing you closer, but keeping himself at bay. As if you were something to admire and respect, but as if some force was causing him to behave this way. The thought of time possibly fixing this keeping you from pondering about it further.
Surely for someone forced to live and dwell among the living for so long, forming any sort of close bonds was a thing to deeply consider before giving in. So allowing him to think on his own felt like the natural choice. Fully aware that he wasn’t keeping things from you out of malice or to break the bond you had with him, never. Knowing it probably wasn’t appropriate to ask him about this, as his aide, while fully aware that the man had a long past. Even if you weren’t fully in on with said past.
Capitano’s eyes followed your movements as you carefully buttoned his shirt back up to cover the scarring. Tugging the rest of his clothing back onto his weary shoulders, careful yet diligent in your movements. “You have my thanks. Keep proving yourself to be useful, as always,” his voice came through the mask, a compliment you’d grown used to. “Oh please, I’m not even a medic.” Was your response this time around as well. Yet a part of Capitano knew you would have requested a check up for him if he hadn’t come for one himself, that was merely how you’d always been. No matter for his own ability to heal himself.
And perhaps this was how it was meant to be. Everyone from the platoon on this mission working as they had always been, not a step out of the ordinary. That would keep his men safe. Wondering how ironic of a thought that was, considering the past he’d just been reminiscing. The future he held a flicker of hope for.
Capitano thought to himself before saying his goodbyes, aware of how little time there was to waste for mind games such as these.
Perhaps today nor tomorrow would come the day when he was able to return to these thoughts. When there was safety and time for him to tell you all this. He needed not the comfort from you for this, merely to have the knowledge and peace of mind of one day being able to come to you with these thoughts. He was fully aware of what he had to offer anymore, what was left of him. That he had come to terms with.
But somehow this world had blessed him with another chance. As if he hadn’t failed his men, failed to bring them home. That didn’t seem to shake Fate, a devious thing that concept was. His own regrets hadn’t held it back from allowing him this turmoil. A new chance without the worry of having to be on the run. He had nothing but time anymore, neverending time to pursue something taken from him then. No destiny should have been unchangeable, that he believed in. So if he was allowed to tie a loose end from 500 years ago, that would be enough for him.
There wasn’t a lot of him left, not much he was able to give. But that what he still had, he was willing to surrender to you.
