Should You Fight Ash Ketchum?
And no. I’m not talking about a Pokémon battle. I’m talking about a no holds barred beatdown against this kid.
[Ash Ketchum about to punch a god.]
Now, for obvious reasons, we’ll assume he doesn’t have access to any Pokémon. Otherwise, what’s even the point of a fistfight?
This is a guy can singlehandedly carry and throw a log bigger than he is.
Can leap at least 20 feet in the air with no assistance.
And can be trampled, frozen, and constantly electrocuted without any serious damage. Not to mention his ability to straight up Kamehameha your sorry butt!
You’re screwed in most of these scenarios, but your best opening is to attack when he is vulnerable. Not an easy feat, considering he tends to keep a minimum of two bodyguards around him at any given time, but we can exploit that.
OS Ash- No. Brock is already a beast to deal with. He’s taller than everyone else, has infinite stamina from raising 9 kids, and might be immune to serious physical injury and poison, but the bottom line is that he’s hard to avoid. There is no freaking reason to add Misty into the mix! Misty is a whirlwind rage and pain just waiting to happen. She’s singlehandedly kicked Brock and Ash’s butts on a regular basis, materializes weapons out of thin air, and has the incredibly OP feat of breaking the laws of physics by effectively recognizing Team Rocket. Ash and Brock already require some special kung-fu crap. Don’t screw with Misty!
OS Ash [Orange Islands]- Probably not. You lose the Brock factor for this wimp, who probably doesn’t even lift, but you still have to go through Misty to get to Ash, and you’re probably on an island. As previously discussed, she’s already a bigger threat than Brock. Now you’re on her turf. She might drown you or something. The Brock power-down probably helps matters, even with the Misty power-up, but it’s still not worth it.
AG Ash- Maybe. The key point is in the first part of that word. May. Brock is back again, but May is a significant power-down from your first option. Max is a punk kid that you can deal with as long as he doesn’t get anywhere near your ears. Also, he wears glasses, making for an obvious weak point. May is the real threat. Fortunately, unless you make the mind bogglingly dumb decision to show up for the fight covered in ramen, her power output is nowhere near Brock or Misty. The problem is that she’s freaking adorable and you might not be able to hurt her without hating yourself for life. Unless you’re a stone-cold killer or a PokéShipper, you run the risk of being too depressed to fight Ash afterwards. Also, she can neck snap.
DP Ash- Maybe. This one is hard to gauge. On one hand, everything is more violent in this series, and people attacking Ash have a habit of dying in underwater explosions or being crushed by collapsing universes (holy crap!), but Paul also may or may not be willing to help you fight Ash, making this the only version of the fight that might allow a ninja assist. The new female bodyguard is Dawn, who acts as a kind of balance between Misty and May. Her rage is not as common or powerful as Misty’s, but it is terrifying enough for you to fight her without feeling the same guilt you would beating down a crying May. All in all, I’d say to go for it if Paul’s help was a sure thing, but it’s not.
BW Ash- Probably. The powerhouse of Brock is gone, and he’s been replaced by a character you probably want to punch in the face anyway. Ain’t no way Cilan can take you in a fight. He’s more likely to run away to protect that pretty boy suit of his. Your only real problem is Iris because she has energy to go for days, reflexes that make cats jealous, and has been fighting Pokémon with her bare hands since she was at least seven. Holy crap! The catch is that she’s afraid of ice cream and you can probably convince her Ash needs to fight his own battles. Dispatching these two should not be incredibly hard.
XY Ash- As long as you do it quickly. This team probably has the fewest heavy hitters on it. Serena is an easy win who creates outfits that are impractical for combat and walking, while Clemont is a nerd who can’t run up a hill without passing out. Also, there’s the glasses weak point again. Bonnie is your biggest threat in that she’s a 50 lbs of pure energy and sadism, but she’s also seven, effectively nullifying her danger-levels. Aside from Ash, the only real problem you can expect is that Clemont either has created something that can kill you or can before you leave. This nerd has the intelligence of every other character combined, and even if his invention is only designed to restrain you, there is a 99% chance it blows up and kills you anyway. You can take them, but do it before something explodes!
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