5/12/2026
I haven’t written to you (here) in a long time. I’ve still talked to you every year. I feel like people think that’s dumb, it’s been 18 years.
And I do remember the good moments and I am forever grateful, but grief is a bitch and it hurts so much that you were taken from me. I still needed you.
I hope you don’t think I failed you. I loved you so much. I would have given anything, anything, to have taken your place.
I remember going out on our little boat with you and you’d jump out and start swimming and I’d get so nervous something would happen to you. It never did. You just loved to swim.
I remember, even when you were getting older, you wanted to play so much. You couldn’t keep up with the younger pups anymore but you tried. It healed my heart and broke it at the same time.
I remember feeling safe and I don’t know that I’ve ever felt that safe since. I have held on to this grief for 18 years now- and I will hold it 18 more if it means I have any connection left with you. Maybe I’m talking to the void but it brings me just the tiniest piece of hope that you hear me and you know I haven’t forgotten. I have never forgotten you. I love you so much and there is so much I wish you could have seen and be here for.
Maybe you have been with me the whole time. I hope you have.
I love you. I’ll never forget you. I’ll see you again one day and I can’t wait.
