belated intro post bc one of my sketches blew up a little, heyo
most of the info you need to know ab me is in my bio, here's some other stuff:
no reposts, but okay to use as pfps & whatever else [ask first, include credit, im bad at watermarking sketches]
im really finnicky about organizing, i rb everything on my main and nothing on here, sorry, if u want my main [literally 99% reblogs] to be mutuals uh lmk
Everything is tagged accordingly to the best of my abilitys
Ask box is open, i like drawing stuff for people, drop a request if you'd like [no promises]
oc navigation guide: #os: [story name] and #oc: [name]
and so fun fact if you ask me about my thoughts on paralogism, venti, durin, venti & durin, and everything in between, you Will get an unskippable cutscene you will Not escape it we are mind melding right now, are you witnessing my visions
I have a deadline and I'm being real funny by not working on it
Also drawing children is beyond me like ik its just person but tiny but i can't wrap my head around it
Very excited for this hit tweet [4 notes]
I wanna take a nap cuz i am so sleeping but i wanna just toss this out so i can work later [procrastination maxxing]
uhhh i should be microwaved Âż
Alexius was woken up by the feeling of tiny hands attempting to tip him over out of the seat he had folded himself into. The most surprising thing to him was that he had managed to doze off in the hustle and bustle of the airport terminal. Any sense of being awake had seemingly worn off following the headache of check-in and security.
Tiny hands pushed again.
"The people are lining up," spoke the little girl behind the hands, now moved from shoving at his arm to pulling on the back of the lounge seats.
He turned his head to catch the next announced boarding group, looking down to his ticket to confirm it would take some time before he needed to get up.
"Jamie," he began, looking back at the girl, "do you still have your ticket?"
Jamie stopped her climb over the seats to scramble to where she left her backpack. She dug through the many pockets before triumphantly presenting her crumpled ticket forward.
"Can you keep it in your front pocket while we wait?" Alexius asked as he tapped at his shirt in the same place where a pocket was situated on Jamie's overalls. She complied, folding the paper into unever halves before putting it away.
"Is grandpa picking us up from the airport?"
"No, we'll be driving to their house when we land. We can pass by somewhere for breakfast before we meet them."
"Okay," Jamie said, now preoccupied with the velcro straps on her shoes.
Alexius leaned back in his seat, vaguely keeping track of the people slowly boarding. He mentally sighed as he considered Jamie's question again. His parents seemed determined to make the trip as inconvenient as possible despite their initial, pestering, invitation.
They would likely return to forgetting he existed save for the rare two dollar birthday card from the pharmacy down the street.
"Boarding group 9."
°°°
The most miserable part of being back "home" was always the sense of dread that settled in him as Alexius did the final turn onto his old street. He distracted himself from it by canceling the navigation on his phone and slowing the car down. He parked the car on the street, neglecting the empty space on the driveway.
Sighing, he shut off the car and sat in silence for a beat. The house that looked charming to anyone else loomed over him from just fifty feet away. It would be easy to turn the car back on and drive to their hotel room, make up some lie to Jamie about how her grandparents weren't available, appease her with whatever fun activity they could find in the city. Pretend they weren't within distance of running into each other anyway.
He unbuckled his seatbelt and opened the door.
Âż snail paced writers club called, they wanna give me an award
[Religiously] i think the 6 ft tall grandmaster should be brought to his knees by his 5.5ft tall archon, i think ur doing it wrong if you think otherwise, im correct all the time btw
meow meow meow [translation: we've been attempting to reach you about your cars extended warranty]
finally named the other characters in aneta's story [see previous post], i have no direction for today as most days also i accidentally spilled ice tea under my shirt somehow which was unpleasant anyways do you ever feel like ur forgetting something [a bell tolls]
already talked lots about aneta mostly about stuff id place pre current time in the story if i make sense cuz i did create this story/universe to just kinda Exist for good vibes and fun times with less purposeful plot focus vs the other stories i have running around [we'll get to them eventually, planning to potentially organize my stuff real nice somewhere if im ever not busy, maybe]
aneta was thought up first, saoirse [seer-sha] and jae-in were meant to work in nice contrast with her but also meaningful compliment
Or something or other, tbh i rarely have characters exist solo without relationships or connections, i find it can say a lot of a character in the same way that you draw an egg's shadow and not the egg
Whatever anyways i already explained anetas whole deal already mostly just as her herself and how she's gone from point A to point right now basically, if i had to make a plot id say rn she's in the deadlock bloodbath of promotion at her job i am actually, too tired to do extra research at the moment, so pretend i know what I'm talking about, anetas been wanting to get promoted to sous chef but the people in charge of deciding all that don't agree w that decision bc while she Has been making effort to function better in the kitchen and take up leadership roles theyd rather pretend they enjoy the process of putting in someone else and having the kitchen feel like the order is being held together by craft tape and school glue
Girl who doesn't even know if 35 is too young compared to the average age of high ranked chef positions bc im not googling rn hello
Anyways there's not much more to elaborate ok moving on why am i writing this at like 1am whatever xd or something
Saoirse moved to the states as a teenager with her mom and new stepdad, while she did want to stay with her dad in ireland she also knew that due to her dads work she'd probably be home alone more often than not, but as an adult with an income shes now able to see her dad more often and visit him when she gets enough time off
Truth, she doesnt have an insane life changing reason for wanting to become a doctor, it just seemed interesting and it paid really well if you survived school and the debt, so she just up and decided she'd graduate high school and become a doctor
Ok now about the ominous note about her broken engagement i mentally debated how out of pocket itd be to make some decisions for What would lead to that cuz like fumbling a 5'10 Irish doctor is like oh my god embarrassing would not want to be that guy
Anyways she dated someone during her residency [dude I'm not researching doctor stuff either godbless] and they really hit it off like enough that they actually got engaged like 3 years into their relationship and like they were gonna start wedding planning but then by like complete awful chance saoirse got diagnosed with cancer [do you see the dilemmas i put myself in on purpose oh my god] so they had to put the planning on pause while she started treatment
[Giving characters real life struggles is a good thing just mind the part where you feel like a freak and a weirdo] the worst part for her was how while her fiance/e [i don't know which spelling is which] was supportive she felt like they were losing each other because sure they were a very supportive partner it was kinda very eye opening to see the progressively growing separation from the person she was going to spend the rest of her life with before everything
She decided to break off her engagement and temporarily move in with her parents near the tail end of her treatment, kinda crazy how you can feel yourself living several lifetimes when ur only in ur 20s
Pretend there's a good segue here
She met aneta when she was talking with some er nurses before she was about to clock out for the day, aneta had tagged along when one of her coworkers had an accident in the kitchen and needed emergency treatment, they ended up chatting for some time while aneta's coworker got treated and cleared to leave and they hit it off pretty well but cut it short when aneta was called away to catch a ride back to work
And then by complete chance they met again when saoirse joined her mom and stepdad to celebrate her mom's birthday with a dinner at the restaurant aneta worked at
The rom com aspect wasn't intentional actually im inventing everything as it comes to me in a sleep deprived vision
I dunno how their second meeting goes tbh idk go wild and invent smth i dont know how adults make friends i haven't talked to a real person in months just between us xd god i need to eat grass
Anyways they met a few times when their schedules lines up and became friends, whatever happened in the liminal moments in between escape me
Also if its not clear, saoirse has a port wine stain birthmark
Cool so who wants to extend this essay even more lemme talk about jae-in
South korean, unsure if I've decided if he's american born or not, was born with CVS which was the reason behind his right leg not developing properly leading to him choosing to wear a prosthetic, pretty average life for the most part
He kinda hated school growing up, it was manageable but he hit his limit with schooling during his 2nd year of college and decided to drop out much to the horror of his parents, they eventually came around to accepting that he didn't have any interest in trying to go back to finish his degree but it was rough trying to adjust to his, quarter life crisis? Maybe it's more accurate to say 1/5th but that assumes average person actually lives to be around 100 years old
He managed to get a job at the museum he used to volunteer at during high school, since he only had his high school degree he could only start out with being a part time ticket vendor at the front while working on getting more experience to eventually apply to what, little employment options were available to him
Actually this story is horror bc i can't imagine something scarier than the american job market
A receptionist job opened up and he was able to land it due to recommendation from his fellow workers and the extra work that he put in outside of his actual job, not the flashiest job but it pays the bills and his parents celebrated it all the same
He met aneta when she went on a mild nightmare date with someone she met on an app, like it was average if you exclude the part where the guy was with full confidence giving her a tour with the most incorrect information ever, he didn't pay them any mind when they first entered but they caught his attention when he was on his break and saw aneta look at her date with absolute confusion as they gave the most out of pocket presentation on an exhibit attempting to impress her
Jae-in caught her when she excused herself to the water fountain and offered to give her a better tour if her date didn't completely turn her off from ever visiting the museum again and she said she'd consider it if she ever found herself there again, which she did when her friend invited her to go see a temporary exhibit that had rotated in
I don't know what a receptionist does actually, i think the only real job is beach
Also jae-in wears glasses in the old person almost about to slide off ur nose way bc that's one of and like the only way i know how to draw glasses on someone's face plus i just think it's novel
When i have more time I'll probably draw them again with more thoughts from my head, i am so tired sleepy right now ok bye girl bye
my brand is mexican guys just having the time of their lives [experiences may vary]
putting this before i actually write anything but like, potential mention of mental health crises and other fun things like the american prison system and everything that might come bundled with it
today's thought of the day, what if i just make a guy who is not a very good person
Ive been mostly endeared by the idea of creating a character who has less wiggle room for explaining away the bad parts, like i Do have characters who aren't great people all times but you would probably be able to argue we're more in the good of the morally grey spectrum
Truth: i don't wanna make him like the worst person ever but i wanna juggle the concept of character who did stuff that pretty much No One would accept an apology and grant forgiveness for
Taking baby steps tho bc storys set in the current non fantasy era so like not magical aesthetic war crime just, tangible human crime
Im not making sense probably
Anyways this is rivera [said in the voice of a teacher presenting a new student to an elementary school class]
He was arrested and ultimately convicted for voluntary manslaughter when he was 21, spent 6 years in prison for it and was released at 27, presently 29
Hands this post to you, im not telling you who was killed, you will context clue it bc i like being mysterious and unknown
It was definitely a terrible trip to conviction as both the court and the news made a spectacle of it with airing out his family drama and trying to get him down with a more serious conviction as defense was trying to keep it to manslaughter charges and avoiding 25 to life in prison if he got hit w first degree
Like truth be told he probably couldve shouldve mightve gotten charged w first degree murder but he was able to get away w 6yrs for voluntary manslaughter despite how much he spent trial looking and acting like he didn't want to be in court at all and failing to build any sympathy from the jury
Like in the probably still having a horrible time processing everything and still grappling w his own actions and mental justification vs self crucifixion way, not the bored and would do it again way, yk
His parents were like at the forefront of pushing for the more severe conviction, they were the first to find him and ended up actually calling the police [rivera had contacted 911 but he wasn't in the right state to talk with the operator to ask for help or anything] and refused to let him stay at home at all when the trial was waiting to start
Womens prisons suck im surprised they're allowed to casually violate human rights lowkey, actually prisons in the US in general are Crazy, society would be beautiful if the idea of real reform was encouraged instead of profit maxxing off people suffering and getting worse
Terrible and awful innit
Avoided extending his sentence but managed +10 on mental illness, shoutout to his last year being grand and terrible since he both had to be insanely careful in making sure he could complete his sentence and be released w no issue and also coming to terms w being trans
Literally had one person who visited semi consistently during his sentence [his parents visited once to pretty much finalize cutting him off], which was his friend from high school, they ended up being tolerably friendly post arrest, the deal was that if his friend was still living in the same place after rivera was released, he'd be allowed to stay w them while he tried to get on his feet, which was fine as he didn't think he'd get any support after finishing his sentence and had expected to pretty much be living on the street in the Best case scenario
Even w his record he was able to find minimum wage work and eventually enroll in trade school part time to get certified and move out, eventually ended up getting a job as an electrician, some of the guys at the company he works at are all in their early 20s and he currently sorta lives at a place w a few of them splitting rent, he's not the biggest fan of it since he isn't really great w being around people yet and some of them kinda stay back since they learned about him being an ex felon and what he did that got him sent to prison, but he tolerates it so he can have a bed to sleep on
Definitely not having a good time ever tbh, struggled w his mental health for like a solid 5 years or so right before kinda sorta getting wrangled w manslaughter, yay [not yay], not great w knowing when it's appropriate to apologize for his actions, quick w immediately jumping to anger when overwhelmed, tendency to assume he's correct more often than not, lot of unpleasant stuff that was somewhat manageable but very much spelled disaster waiting to happen
Also has kinda bad insomnia it's in a weird state of he's not in a state to be driving but still functional enough to not be inviting death when doing electrical work, he can only do 2 man jobs if it's a job that doesn't have easy access with the bus
That's most of what i can think of now, probably gonna put him in a situation eventually so i can talk more
minor [2 post] dump, i have one probably queued after this for a different ramble, inventing guys in ur head is crazy has anyone else thought of it before
my limited range of hobbies includes driving like a mild road hazard bc my brain is half turned off with the other half bouncing around ideas
Yea so this is Aneta, i was watching lots of cooking reality tv and thought ok what if there was someone who was So bad at emotions they cry at every remark but still was the best one at their job out of everyone
Probably the top ranked chef at the restaurant she works at but her tendency to look like she's having the worst time ever at all times kinda makes you think if that's even right, im not googling kitchen positions rn bc i will leave and not come back while i figure out what a sous chef is instead of actually typing, just trust me
She's polish i haven't decided if she was born in the states or in poland i just wanted her to be polish tbh, either ways she's really good at being a chef but shes not like a child prodigy or smth of the sort bc the high stress environment of the kitchen w no accommodations was like a nightmare concept so she avoided any chance of being stuck in it
She originally went to college for smth generic like business, but she ended up dropping like halfway thru and enrolling in culinary school w her friends encouragement, she lowkey was breezing thru her major so easy that she spent a lot of time cooking in her tiny college apartment and kinda keeping her college friends fed and and they sorta ended up encouraging her to pursue being a chef instead since it seemed to mean so much more than being in the business field
Graduated culinary school sorta lost in the crowd since [we're pretending ik anything about culinary school] she did have excellent mastery w stuff like the basics and actual cooking she did lose some cred due to her general mannerisms w instructors being at a loss w how she only half functioned in the kitchen
She ended up in the place she is rn bc she Was able to manage some networking in school and found low ranked work at a restaurant run by this like nice older couple, like not a widely acclaimed premier place to want to work at by like everyone under the sun but still a respectable place, she spent some time during school doing part time work and eventually landed a job actually in the kitchen cooking
She wears a mask in the kitchen bc tbh even tho she's in her early 30s shes still majorly fumbling with keeping stable, it's meant to help w her kinda crying her eyes out in the middle of working without potentially getting someone sick, she's technically fine and doing her job at max efficiency she just looks like a sad chihuahua at the same time
That's mostly it for now, theres two other characters that are important but i haven't named them and i prefer talking about a characters story after i finish a 30 minute research session figuring out a name i like, stay tuned for whenever that happens
forgive the quality,,, and the watermark,,, did my bestests,,, im late on trends idrc, the song is porque te vas by jeannette, btw
trying to remember what lore I've shared and what lore is exclusive to my art fight page lol ->
I don't know whattt to add since I've been busy Not thinking about lore, except on church on sundays actually Iol [<not catholic], busy this month on art fight like u wouldn't believe ittt, very hard being unemployed chat, side note I'll post my new character sheets later
Torn bc i got some short writing but im like now or on a more relevant post later,,, gonna post now bc i can just invent smth new later
Got[!] one piece i invented in my brain did not really mentally plan out i just decided huh yea thatd be cool
This is gonna be a long post aaa
Im watching TV as i write idk what my train is thoughting, uh lemme talk first about the video up top and like lyrics and stuff
Todas las promesas de mi amor se irán contigo
Me olvidarás
Me olvidarás
<- first up is mateo and marcelo, waow
Side note almost choked on my tea, anyways, all lore comes with a disclaimer that it is subject to change later, anyways
I see the idea of promises of love in regards to mateo is the idea of like, congregation kinship something or other and being a component of the safe space that someone vulnerable would rely on, i mean a previous post heavy imply that marcelo is a consistent churchgoer [actually most mexicans are, don't call me stereotypical i have first hand experience heyo] and that apart from general practice of faith with attending weekly sunday service, it's also bc of the temporary solace that comes with it, so there's that, hopefully the "you'll forget me" part of the last part is obvious considering what, happened
I see both lines together, so for those not aware joey did stay in thailand for some time for recovery after her accident but due to the less severe extent of her injuries she was still largely encouraged to still go to the states to push her potential athletics career, i have some of a vision of joeys future largely hinging on her gaining success early and riding off it as long as it took it [btw i don't know how any sports work at All], also trying my best to be mindful writing a disabled character as i consider run and her character in it all, i feel like while she did very much hate her plans being cut short by the accident she's still grateful that she only lost as much as she did, as the accident left her paralyzed in her legs at beginning due to how she was pushed and fell which is like less bad than it, could've, been
Uh back to the actual ties to the lyrics, joey leaving even w her encouragement was definitely the worst thing yet for her to experience, joey had less to fall back on and the opportunity was too much to lose, but spending the more painful parts of recovery without her best friend was like, worst thing ever 100%, they did spend as much time as possible in the best way they could, video calls text mail etc, but definitely sense of grieving more than what the accident had explicitly taken from her
Porque te vas
Porque te vas
<- addie and evan waow
unrelated i am very sleepy eepy, anyways,
Straightforward lyrics for my codependency duo [party steamers shoot off], quite literally speaking evan did very much leave for his work post college graduation, i think the tail end of college for them both was trying to navigate the throes of adulthood without reliance on their dependency on each other, while evan did work on a degree he had some interest in, corresponding with his post college job being office clerk, addie was mostly the do whatever is easy and off campus at home as much as possible degree, like there wasn't a full intent to diverge but still the stumbling process of the What Now part of adulthood trying to figure out what To be doing in a way you understand, something or other [explosion sound], theres a mutual sense of the other being the one who left in a way that only makes sense to them
[Does a weird little jig] anyways now that that's done who wants to party and by that i mean read some stuff from my brain that may or may not make sense and may or may not be any good
Ok on the block, joey & run and i am preemptively sorry, xo
《 RUN walks some steps in front of you as you both make it down the familiar streets on the way home. today is like any other day. 》
《 your gaze flicks back to RUN at every chance you get. there's something on your mind, but you aren't sure how to say it. 》
-> say something <<<
-> say nothing
《you cannot perform this action》
-> say something <<<
-> say nothing
《you cannot perform this action》
《 RUN turns her head slightly to throw a question in your direction. 》
RUN: Okay I know you think it's the worst thing ever but you have to come with me to watch reruns at the cinema this weekend. Are you free? My mom says she can drop us off in the morning if we take the bus later.
RUN: There's a few normal movies in the lineup this time at least, I made sure to check.
-> agree <<<
-> decline
JOEY: It's not the worst, you just seem to pick the movies that have you calling me at 3 in the morning.
JOEY: I'll go, but my mom told me to tell you to stop running my phone bill.
《 you sigh, pushing back other thoughts in your mind. 》
JOEY: I can have my dad pick us up if we stay too late. Just remind me to ask him by Friday.
《 RUN seems satisfied, moving the conversation along. she brings up other topics, but you don't respond with your usual level of enthusiasm. 》
-> say something <<<
-> say nothing
《you cannot perform this action》
-> grab RUN's sleeve <<<
《 RUN stops in place before she can finish crossing the street. she turns to look at you, mild confusion written across her face. 》
《 you look down to where your hand holds her wrist. 》
-> say something <<<
-> say nothing
《you cannot perform this action》
RUN: Uh, hey if you don't want to go with me, it's okay, we can do something else.
《 you frown, unsure of what to say.》
-> "it's not that."
-> "it's not that." <<<
JOEY: It's not that. I'm- it's not that, Run.
JOEY: We can go to the movies. I-
《 you let go of her arm and look up to meet her gaze. 》
JOEY: It's nothing, sorry.
《 RUN smiles and turns to keep walking, her hand moving to readjust her bag's shoulder strap. 》
《 you're unsure of when your next opportunity will be. RUN pauses to look back again. 》
RUN: Oh, my mom said she needs something from the store for dinner, I just remembered. It's not that much of a detour, I think.
-> say something <<<
-> say nothing
《you did not perform this action》
《 you don't remember the unimportant things. 》
-> the abhorrent sound
-> of rubber on road
-> rings in your head <<<
《 maybe it'd be less of your fault. 》
-> □□□ <<<
《you did not perform this action》
《you did not perform this action》
《you did not perform this action》
-> □□□
-> □□□
-> □□□ <<<
《 ? ? ? 》
《 ? ? ? 》
《you did not perform this action》
《 maybe if it were important, it would've been different. 》
《 maybe. 》
《 no use in thinking of it now. 》
-> help RUN <<<
《you can no longer perform this action》
《you can no longer perform this action》
《you can no longer perform this action》
[Does a second weirder little jig] styled like a visual novel bc parables is meant to be a [fake] video game, can't actually code for my life to cook that tho
Interactive flashback sequence with the illusion of free will is smth that is very cool to me, unpleasant reality of choices that you can no longer perform
There was gonna be a second separate writing piece here but i am Very eeping sleeping, maybe check back in later for a reblog w more
posting old art and by old i mean like a month or so, love venti/albedo but i don't draw them a lot bc i recently turned normal and oc pilled for july, what it do
you! me! dancing! and by dancing i mean ur gonna click read more and open an unskippable cutscene where i subject you to my favoritist character lore ive created in my brain, u will be practically tasting leftovers of 15 yr old teen cringe but what is the remnants of teenage years if not redressed catholic guilt
Or whatever idk do what u will, mentions of suicide/suicidal ideation, mental illness, religious extremism, probably->
do, you, remember, mentions of an incident, if not no big deal bc the whole point of this spiel is to talk about it
suppose just to start theres two angles to look at it which is 1, what mateo first reveals at a certain point in the story and 2, what actually happens, and i actually have two unfinished wips about them lol [ones a comic ones a sorta short animatic meant to look like a game playthru]
First, a slightly out of context mildly updated version of 1, in the context of fake game, a quest objective that the player is able to complete as evan after the main group clears a plot related boss enemy encounter [written a few months ago before i completely finalized mateo's backstory, I'm also not the strongest dialog writer lol] ->
《talk: mateo》<
Evan: are you busy right now? i need to talk to you.
Mateo: come back a different time. if you want to embark on this suicide mission piotr is intent on selling, i'd rather that it's after i can take proper inventory.
《leave》
《ask anyway》<
Evan: no, you can do that after we talk. suicide mission? that's rich considering you took a direct hit from that thing in the lot on purpose. i had figured a man of god would be more self respecting than trying to break an arm on purpose.
Mateo: i said, get out. nothing of my past is ever of your concern, i have my reasons for whatever i do.
Evan: no, joey pulled you back but you got in range to have it strike you anyways. you don't want to give me your reasons? fine, then just between us, pretend we're not going to face a repeat incident in the future.
Mateo: ...
《stay silent》<
《prod further》
<mateo appears to consider asking evan to leave, before giving a frustrated sigh and looking away.>
Mateo: in my congregation, i had a man who would attend service every sunday. he sat in the back, ran through the expected motions, and then would wait. when he had the chance, he would come up to me and ask: "father, will you do something for me?"
Mateo: "father, will you perform an exorcism on me?"
Mateo: every sunday he would ask, and every sunday i would deny his request. this went on for weeks, months. eventually there comes a day when he no longer attends.
《elaborate: the exorcism》<
《elaborate: the man》
Evan: why did you deny him his request? does your faith waver when it comes to exorcisms? or was there something else that scared you off?
Mateo: i was not one to betray my faith. his troubles were no place for me to tread, much less with the bible in hand and prayer on my tongue.
《elaborate: the man》<
Evan: what happened to him, then? i fail to see how it makes it your place to endanger joey for your own self fulfillment.
Mateo: he took matters into his own hands, in a way more severe than i could have imagined. i failed him, and my congregation, they-
Mateo: ...
Mateo: that thing in the lot, what did you see when you looked at it? a monster, a demon? for the first time since this began, all i saw was nothing but a pitiful creature crying for mercy.
Mateo: even after all these months, the feeling of guilt clawing at me has yet to be abandoned. i attempted my repentance. i failed, or i succeeded, it doesn't matter anymore.
Mateo: you want a reason? there it is.
《stay silent》
《say something: joey》<
《say something: leaving》
Evan: ...talk to joey before we leave. at the least, she deserves to hear that your injury wasn't her fault.
Mateo: ...
<mateo turns away from evan. he refuses to entertain the conversation further.>
《leave quietly》<
<- the info learned is meant to be vague, id place it to happen around a third of the way into the game's story line? To be at a point where it's enough to build a connection between everyone but still have it be reasonable enough to have mateo not be entirely open to sharing every detail or even being entirely truthful, he's not one to lie but not to say that he's Not open to refusing to talk about something purposefully kept hidden [what are you, a recovering catholic??]
Ok now that u have an idea of what u think is the major incident that led to mateo denouncing his priesthood and faith [is that how to describe it], mutually distancing himself from his family and community, and then actually distancing himself by moving to a whole different country, well ur only kinda correct
So now 2, what actually happened, was conceptualized from a combo of the art above and a comic that never escaped the thumbnail stage, the way you'd learn this info as it i would want it to be actually important to the plot [wait but don't assume i know what the plot is] would be honestly a cutscene if it were integrated into the game directly or a short comic separate if it made the flow of the story feel clunky but honestly did put a lot of thought into each backstory w the intent is making them relevant to the main themes or something
anyways this is me trying my bestest to explain what actually happened uhhh, i do go to church [complicated atheist] but prommy to not be mean if i have some info wrong lol, i elaborate missing info at the end ->
The church is quiet. The last service had finished, the candles gently burning away.
Mateo had already sent away the volunteers away for the night, despite their insistence to complete the menial closing duties for him. He did his best to reassure them, reminding them that this was a common occurance.
He stood in front of one of the paintings hung up on the walls, waiting. A gentle wind blew in, stirring the fan blades hanging from the ceilings. A single candle is blown out.
"Marcelo, how are you doing today?" Mateo turns his attention away from the paintings, back to the last row of pews. A man sits there, his eyes looking nowhere, his silence blending in.
"I'm not sure, Father." He shifts uncomfortably, shrinking in further on himself.
Mateo walks towards the last rows, taking a seat a short distance away from Marcelo. He doesn't look toward the other man, knowing he preferred to be hidden away.
"What did you think of today's sermon?" He throws out a simple, generic question, with the hope that Marcelo would be open to talking. Often, he'd spend the Sunday never speaking a word.
"It was okay." From the corner of his eye, Mateo sees him change between roughly wringing his hands together and pressing against his legs with his fists. An anxious tremor runs across his body as his fingers twitch and clench against his arms. "It was nice."
"That's good to hear," Mateo replies, tapping a nonsensical rhythm against the wood of the pew. He wasn't sure what else to add.
A silence settled over them, neither comfortable nor awkward. It was as it always was.
"I'm not doing well today, Father," Marcelo said after a while. His nervous energy had calmed, if only a bit. "I'm not doing well today."
"Would you mind telling me why?"
Marcelo rubbed his hands against his face. "I'm not doing well today," he repeated. "I'm feeling really bad. I was feeling bad last Sunday, so I went to confession on Wednesday."
"Did it help for a while?"
"No, no, it really hurt."
Mateo was used to the same back and forth every Sunday. For a moment, he'd think that Marcelo was making improvements, only to learn that it simply a "good day" for him in a sea of exhaustion and distress.
"Have you visited the doctor that I recommend?"
"I tried, Father, you know I have. It doesn't help." He bites at his already chewed fingernails, drops of blood staining his mouth. Mateo takes out a handkerchief and sets it within Marcelo's reach. "All their medicines make me sick, I can't afford to keep missing work."
"Is your family still refusing to reach out to you?" Mateo had tried to reach out to them himself, without Marcelo being aware of it. More than curse him out, they told him to cut his losses with Marcelo.
"What good will you even do for him? We already wasted so many years on him, his poor mother already suffered enough handling him."
Marcelo sighed heavily. "Ximena told me to never call her again the last time. She told me to not even think about visiting her, she doesn't want her son to ever see me."
A muffled gong rings out across the building, the church's clock reminding them of the passing of the hour. It had already been late, but Mateo paid no mind to it.
He just needed his focus to be on the man next to him.
"What can I do to help you tonight, Marcelo?" He asked every week like clockwork, and every week he would receive the same answer.
"Father, can you perform an exorcism on me?"
Every week he would wait to give the same response.
"I'm sorry, I can't."
Marcelo hunched his shoulders as he folded in on himself, his feet digging into the floor as if he were attempting to push himself away. A choked sob reached Mateo's ears.
"Father, I'm not sure anymore. The medications, the therapy, it's all so terrible, I gave up so long ago. My parents, they asked me why I even tried." He coughed, his words barely decipherable, the bloodied handkerchief now being desperately run across his face. "My prayers, I try to talk to Him, I ask Him why it hurts. I want to know why I have to be the one that's so ill. Prayers, confession, repentance, every week it's the same thing. He won't give me an answer, Father, why won't He give me an answer?"
Mateo can't give an answer either.
"I did everything wrong, I keep asking for His mercy. The medications all make me sick, everything hurts, I can't sleep, I can't work. I repent, I repent, nothing changes."
Mateo stayed quiet, unsure what to say.
"Father, can you do something for me?"
"What would you like me to do?"
"Can you send me off with a prayer for my last Sunday here?"
Mateo's breath caught in his throat, but he stopped before any shock could register on his face.
"What are you planning to do tonight, Marcelo?" he asked, the urge to panic threatening to bleed into his words.
"I can't do anything," Marcelo laughed, near manic. "I- I can't do anything. If God never answered before, He'd condemn me for even trying to make it stop."
Between them, all that hung in the air was the heavy sense of dread.
"I'm not doing well today, Father, I haven't been doing well." He pulled a bag up to his chest, Mateo unable to make out whatever it was he was pulling out.
He heard a metal clank hit the floor, followed by the feeling of something hitting his shoe. Looking down, he realized the foreign noise was the sound of a gun making its way to him. The silver of the metal seemed to slice at him despite the shadow of the pew hiding it from the lights.
"The prayer is enough, I can't ask for more."
Mateo always believed his faith would provide him answers when he needed them, but he knew there were no answers to be found tonight.
He picked the gun up, the safety still on.
"Marcelo, why did you attend tonight?"
The thoughts in his head screamed at him for whatever he was considering to do. His hands trembled as he adjusted his grip on the gun.
He hoped God would close His eyes for this.
Marcelo turned to look at him for the first time that night. His body was tensed up, save for the heaving of his shoulders as he worked to breathe.
"I don't know. I don't know."
Mateo wondered what was the greatest mercy he could grant as a mortal man. He couldn't play God, hardly. Many more cries of suffering would reach him, all desperate for peace he could not give. He was not above sin, much less free to carry the burden.
It was not him who could grant salvation.
"Marcelo, which verse would you like to hear tonight in farewell?"
In the following weeks, all that Mateo remembered was the shock that rang through his arms, the sharp smell of iron that ran down his throat, and the vision that blurred as he dialed on his phone.
He hoped that he was not the man God would grant His mercy to.
<- wanted to write more but it felt cruel to elaborate more than i need to, like I hope that the vision u get is like worse [slash positive] to make it hurt more [heart emoji]
I haven't written in forever girl i hope its fine anyways [thumbs up emoji]
The idea i had for mateo was pretty much, to what extreme can desperation with ur faith push u to, like it's not the internal urge to want to play god, it's the need to help thru the lens of religious faith that teaches u that pretty much, u are suffering for a reason even if you don't know it, u are taught to ask for mercy and for forgiveness before u can even understand the reason why
Like is it right to take matters into ur own hands?? Lol no hardly, but considering i implied that this has been smth mateo has been witnessing for weeks or even years [as he's been head priest for 10 years by this moment] depending on when marcelo first joined, and marcelo himself had been suffering his whole life basically, like it's more of a moment of dumb blind faith that leads ur finger to the trigger bc hey, the greatest mercy he could do in that moment was to be the one holding the gun instead, being the one to break commandment 5 is the best justification that can be made, or well that's what religious devoution to ur congregation might lead u to
As some additional info bc i did not know how to slide it into the rest of it: he did not leave the church immediately after, he did attend the funeral and did continue to play priest but the several months spent doubting his actions spurred on by his faith combined w the general reaction by his congregation [publicly, it was cleared as a suicide] that shamed marcelo for committing suicide despite the commandments being in disagreement w the action, made him hit his breaking point
I don't wanna say catholicism should be the scapegoat, despite my general beef w the religion and the people who practice it in very not great ways that actually disrespect the teachings they're meant to follow, but i do see it as smth that Can manage to be horribly warping, to people who try to seek peace thru it and those raised to worship it, i do very much want catholic guilt And the complexities of religion And bad faith actions that can lead to abandoning religion to be smth i can explore
Not a good person but not the worst one ever, sometimes the illusion of no answer nor choice just spurs u to walk blind
Or whatever idk girl i just want catholic guilt and the tragic backstory, smth about somehow having religious ocd by osmosis [crying emoji]
think I've put more thought into everything that happens into everyones backstories than, what is the plot of the "game" lol i mean it's relevant but dawg i could not tell u what the main story beats are
Whoops ->
5 years back is joey back when she was about 17/18 in her last year of upper secondary before graduating, the friend mentioned from before is included here, was gonna post this w/o naming her before deciding wait no 100 million minutes of research and deciding to name her Run [following thai nickname conventions], joey's specialty is field and run's is track which is on purpose cuz i wanted to have them complement each other lol, they met in secondary and became friends cuz they both did really well in the sports and PE part of school, their plan was to graduate and pursue an athletics career, i have a comic depicting the accident which is kinda very messy looking lol might clean it up so i can talk more about the impact of that when it's more relevant
10 years back is mateo and his mother, meant to be like a photo commemorating after his first sermon, they kinda have a complicated relationship id say [not to be typically stereotypical lol], like idk i just envision a strained family relationship even before the whole, abandoning his faith on what looked like to be a whim ahah, it'll come to me in a vision soon trust trust alright, lowkey rn I'm feeling eldest daughter syndrome tbh [in the distance i hear my friend say "well of course you do"] dunno if i wanna shove in extra tragedy as the major incident tm is pretty important and i don't wanna overload his character backstory lol, being smug about knowing everything isn't enough bc i don't actually know everything but i still need to immediately beam my totally insane backstory
20 years back is when evan and addie were kids, they met when they were young cuz their families lived on the same floor, evan's mom would stay home and take care of both of them but cuz both sets of parents needed to work to make ends meet, addie and evan would be left alone when they were old enough and would spend after school at either apartment until their parents came home which was usually really late, that's kinda what kicked off the start of their dependency on each other as even w them attending school and socializing w other kids they still would spend a majority of each day w each other and their parents so they sorta never saw the need to make an effort to interact w people outside their very limited social circle, and then bc they spent so much time around each other they did sorta fill in for each other's short comings, yapper & listener but on a codependency extreme lol, like evan's tendencys to be overbearing w his concerns is cuz addie is sorta apathetic about doing anything and prefers to have evan deal w it instead, addie is very closed off w her emotions in general and tends to come off as uncaring unless it's evan, i really wanna get more into how their relationship is intertwined w the story like, first story concepts was just first draft refs of evan and addie lol
If i plan out all of the backstories i will totally finally figure out the main plot
these are my guys i invented them in my head bc my gacha game sucks so bad i didn't wanna play with their toys anymore
ive been wanting to yap about them for like forever i just haven't bothered, yippee ->
so this is my fake video game Parables, i dunno what it is about really, everything just went bad one day and biblical terrors started to overrun cities, i really like christian imagery [guy who isn't really religious just cursed by the illness]
i have these four plus a dog [i can't draw animals im so sorry] and another guy who's important but he's not here but I'll do smth w him eventually
joey's an athlete from thailand she moved to the states just some bit before the beginning of the story, she was in an accident when she was like 18? or so [as if I'm not the one who decided it] and it sent both her and her friend to the hospital [i haven't named the friend yet I'm so sorry x2], she left w her wrist and elbow injured and while it did heal she accidentally reinjures herself ergo the braces she's left wearing during the time frame of the game [kinda needed a purpose to not have her be a playable combatant], the move was mostly for the sake of her athletics career she'd rather be back home tbh but she puts all her focus on making sure her career isn't doomed to not waste the opportunity, she's kinda standoffish and while she recognizes the concern others have for her well being she still wants to be seen as competent, she likes addie as a sorta sister/mentor figure mostly bc shes like the only person who doesn't hover, evans fine but she prefers avoiding any talk about her future with him as she kinda is aware of how every egg is in the basket of her athletic career and doesnt like the idea of doubting her choices after spending closer to a decade on this, haven't put much thought into mateo & joey w their actual dynamic but i do kinda look at them thru their similarities as they've lost someone important to different degrees
addie's a self taught firearms expert who's lived in california her whole life and at the beginning of the game she's 5 months pregnant, her best friend is evan and they've known each other since they were kids as they lived in the same apartment building and were pretty much tied together for years until evan left after they finished college to take a job in another state, she went to the same college as evan but she didn't try to pursue any career after earning her degree and works from home doing menial work for remote jobs that pays the bills, as a sort of fun fact firearms are her special interest which is quite unconventional but it did kinda give her an upper hand when The Horrors hit, truthfully did not think much on why i wanted to have a main lead be a pregnant lady in an apocalyptic scenario or how it really happened [lack of better words] i was just like idk ive never seen it guess i can try, she's kinda perma exhausted just in general i just wanted her to have a sorta unique way of speaking so i wrote her dialogue to have her speak like she's always wanting to trail off in thought, evans her best friend and they've kinda spent years in a somewhat codependent relationship that was alleviated when evan left for his job but it kinda started back up again when she called him to update him on how she was doing and he insisted on moving back home, she lets joey hang around her but while joey doesn't realize it entirely she does treat her as a kid by not letting her use a gun pretending that she's waiting for approval from mateo, [I'm so guilty of not having much thought on all the interpersonal dynamics omg] surface level it's doctor and patient between her and mateo as his medical knowledge is enough to make sure she's hanging around the healthy level but apart from that she is somewhat indebted to him as he did risk his life to save her when her and evan were in a difficult situation against an enemy
evans the one I've actually thought the least about despite him being the second character created, he's an office worker or at the least he was one before he moved back home to california and the starting events of the game hit, addies his best friend and they've been taking care of each other for years and where one is having trouble the other one steps in, cuz addie spent a lot of their childhood being quiet and isolated when needing to interact w other people evan grew to verbalize a lot of his thoughts and feelings to make up for addie, he's also big on expressing his concerns directly due to how addie always left space for him to do so, see before ^ but addie is a very important person to him having been his best friend for years and spending most of their lives together, id argue [literally invented these guys] his most shallow relationship is with joey as he mostly sees her as having only been recently having to face the reality of the world as he himself has already been somewhat broken down by the reality of what corporate america wants out of newcomers into the job market and how he's worked the same office job since he finished college due to the expectations to always do what's next and so he mostly has his concerns about what joey expects of herself as athletics is a career w a time limit on it especially due to her injuries and it's mostly projection as he somewhat rightfully is concerned that if the world was fixed would she actually have any plans for herself [guy who hates corporate america and the idea of working hard hardly working and expectations to be self actualized the second ur independent: its me] so yea yk overflowing concerns, with mateo the idea i had for them two was i just wanted them to hate each other lol i did want to see conflicting ideals and personalitys between the two but i can't pin down yet why [death: me] but i did have this idea of well evans character is very much a product of growing up w someone who did indulge habits such as overbearing concern since addie never made effort to fill in for herself vs mateos character being well general repression due to his circumstances and complicated relationship with his past unknown actions that he spends most of the game refusing to acknowledge so yea
[do you guys have a favorite child] mateo's an ex catholic priest from mexico who left the church a bit before the beginning of the game for secret reasons [they exist i just wanna feel smug about not sharing yet] with a pretty messy relationship with his religion and he currently exists in a limbo with it, due to the pretty religious status quo in his home town he grew up a devout catholic and decided to become a priest w the encouragement of his family, and he actually did spend almost a decade as a priest before [image not found], his faith is something comforting to fall back but also truth be told enough to trigger religious ocd which he did witness in his church, despite what he preaches he very much is pretty unfriendly w a temper that's been exasperated by his fallout w his faith, fun fact in an early mental draft the reason mateo has medical skills was bc he was originally meant to be ex army but i kicked it cuz the time line i wanted didn't match up so his current iteration of skills is due to having been a caregiver in his family as due to his family's religious faith combined w the area he grew up in it was pretty difficult to justify visiting the doctor until it was pretty much enough to send someone to the grave so while he did participate in the typical at home remedies fueled by spiritual belief he did make effort to teach himself enough medical knowledge as a very hasty fall back, rn his dynamic w his family is not good as the combo of leaving the church and moving countries strained their relationship, theres like 10x more i can say w about him and his faith but it requires context for what happened right before the game started and we're not there [yet] so onto elsewhere, w joey it's like not sure what goes on as he does do the typical make sure her injuries are healing correctly but much like w the other two its like he doesnt try to have any active engagement on his end other than what's expected or when his hand gets forced i think most of what's interesting is what the player doesnt know about what makes them similar until a later part of the game, w addie it's a sorta unknown elephant in the room as he did help her out due to general be a good person but its sorta internal conflict on his end due to the concept of doing good for others, w evan it's like ^ i just did like the idea of them not liking each other at all until a certain backstory revelation later on that both explains nothing and everything and yea but like mateos very much not appreciative of evans tendencys to be outright w his concerns and involvement as it digs into him more than he likes w the of course nightmarish conflict of repressing everything he rather never bring to light + his natural tendency to just not try to be very likeable + catholic guilt and shame that makes it difficult to distinguish what he does for himself and what his faith forcefully claws out of him [and we haven't unpacked my favorite part yet]
Rough breakdown and explanation of the main characters in parables theres at least one more really important guy but i need to spin him in my head a bit longer, i technically have full refs but i don't like them anymore [mateo looks different and went by the english version of his name lol]
I have at least two more posts i wanna make but that's for a separate time it took me like over an hour to type all this oh my god godbless the yapper
