My Chinese Mother is a Crackhead

A collection of Chinese Mother LOL moments. All posts are anonymously contributed without our Mothers knowing. Don't even think about dobbing us in. To contribute, email: [email protected] #mcmiach

[mcmiach]

Download

Mother: Download what? I can't see anything?

Me: Mum, you have to wait its at 8%.

Mother: Aw. Why do I have to wait?

Me: *Sigh*

[mcmiach]

She's gone traveling again. This time to Congo!

Father telling his friends about my trip to Laos

[mcmiach]

When I was pregnant with you I had a lot of pain. I had a migraine every day. Now, you still give me migraines.

Mother

[mcmiach]

How come not everything in Funny Cats is funny?

Mother on her introduction to Funny Cats on YouTube

[mcmiach]

Love Advice for a Grown Woman

Mother: Do you have a boyfriend?

25 year-old me: Er, no...

Mother: What's wrong?? Do you like girls?

Me: No!

Mother: Maybe you too picky. You need to have lower standards.

[mcmiach]

Love Advice for a Teenage Girl

Mother: Do you have a boyfriend?

12 year-old me: Er, no...

Mother: Good. I would rather you like girls than boys! Disgusting, those teenage boys.

[mcmiach]

I watch TV on my new iPad every day now. I found this really good TV channel. It’s called YEWCHUBE.

[mcmiach]

Shouldn't small cars give way to the bigger cars on the road?

Mother

[mcmiach]

Salary

Mother: Why aren't you earning 5 figures yet? All my friends' kids are earning over $100k.

Me: Why aren't YOU earning over $100k?!

[mcmiach]

Pimp

Mother: My friend has a son... you know, you've met him. He does medicine at Sydney Uni. You should go out with him."

Me: MUM...I have a boyfriend of 2 years now!

[mcmiach]

You're a bit of a failure aren't you... can't find a boyfriend.

Mother

[mcmiach]

Drugs

Mother: How come your friend doesn't work very much but is always traveling?

Me: She freelances.

Mother: She's a drug dealer isn't she?

[mcmiach]

Mum was in Bondi junction... looking everyone up & down. God knows what she thinks of hipsters. Anyway, she saw this display in the food court and said:

"Ey-ya...if a fight broke out here in the food court, they would knock all those jars down!" 

[mcmiach]

Souvenir

Mother: I need to talk to you.

Me: Yes...?

Mother: It's about the souvenir you brought back from Japan.

Me: What about it?

Mother: It's really stupid. What is it? A mirror? Why did you buy me something like that? It's so small I can't see my whole face. The painting on the back looks childish. It's a childish gift. What was going through your head when you bought it? Have you ever seen me with a mirror? It's just inappropriate...

Me: So... would you prefer an LV bag next time?

Mother: Yeah, not too bad.

[mcmiach]

Sunglasses

Mother: Why you wear sunglasses? It's raining.

Me: My eyes are sensitive to UV. I've told this u many times. Even when it's cloudy I need to protect them.

Mother: Ok... Don't go to the snowy mountains!

[mcmiach]

Hey! You have "guns"!... But you also have a double chin, you need to lose more weight there.

Mother