bansh

I exist because I am surrounded by existence

[meandthegarden]

law school has changed me a lot. i hope its for the better

[meandthegarden]

i love u so much but its so hard to think of you needing me at all

[meandthegarden]

my parents never wanted an ambitious daughter. they didn't raise me to be one. and yet, they do their best to support me. when I wanted to go to the highschool in the city, my mother did all she could to stop me because she wasn't sure if we could afford 4 years of it (ended up being 6). for college, she wanted my first choice to be a state university. when I told her about san carlos she wasn't sure about it too. and yet, she allowed me. throughout it all, my mom never cared about academic achievements. if I got a high grade then ok. but a bad grade is ok too. as long as I didn't fail. that was never the case for me. I'm not sure why. maybe it's my mom's nonchalance that created a monster within me who constantly craved for her validation. like a thirst I could never quench. a goal I could never reach. maybe because I have nothing else to offer to my mom. because there's nothing appealing about me if not for my grades. even that is starting to fail me

[meandthegarden]

I finally got the realization that im so miserable bcs i keep waiting for things to be better for me. it never will. this is just my life now it'll be a constant battle of disappointment and failures and regrets and i have no choice. i cant let every mistake knock me out the world wont stop just bcs im sad and suffering. i need to accept it and focus on how to live with it instead of waiting for it to end

[meandthegarden]

anyone else simply enamored with this panel. makes me stop everytime

[meandthegarden]

somaday I hope I can be happy enough to tell someone im sad

[meandthegarden]

need something good and worthwhile and life changing to happen to matoba ASAP

[meandthegarden]

saw someone say that never compare yourself to those with support systems and that rly sticks with me

[meandthegarden]

things are finally starting to make sense. it always used to be so strange to me. finally starting to realize that life will literally not care about what you cry every night about. people will hate you. you will be lonely. and thats just it

[meandthegarden]

say what u will about matoba seiji but he is 22 (!!) years old and carrying not just all the affairs of his clan but also the past and future of everyone who clings to him and his family. the baggage that he has is ridiculous he quite literally should be at the club

[meandthegarden]

i miss u seiji they can never make me hate u

[meandthegarden]

and what the fuck do u want them to say. really. get ur head out of ur ass and be a normal person

[meandthegarden]

hiiragi is no doubt in a pursuit to do everything to make natori happy and that includes making sure that natsume is aware how much he means to him but i dont like how some of u imply that she doesnt like natsume!! hiiragi would protect that child in a heartbeat

[meandthegarden]

been thinking a lot lately about what comes next. this question has always been at the back of my head, pulsing, wary of when to shake my veins a little harder.

am I an ambitious person? I dont know. all I know is there's a life i want to give to myself, and i dont know what I'll do if I fail. I've failed so many time before, but i seems i just can never get used to the feeling of failing. i hate it. i hate knowing that im not capable, and i hate seeing the look at people's face when they realize it even more.

lately, it's been hard to work. im burdened by the fact that i carry so much. it gets hard to move around everytime i remember just how much is at stake. im at a very crucial stage of my life. im not sure why. maybe that's just something i decided. but there's so much to do; so much to achieve.

im scared of the possibility that i might not be able to achieve anything at all.

[meandthegarden]

i like to think that the reason why conversations between natsume and his friends always tend to be emotional and more sincere than what youd expect from highschool boys is because natsume talks that way and they try their best to reciprocate it. natsume will not hesitate to say that you are his precious friend so be careful when you step on that rock. he never had friends to teach him about conventional understanding so hes like that and his friends are just. okay you are my precious friend too actually u be careful too

[meandthegarden]

saw something about always carrying an invisible suitcase. always ready to leave. i think im like that. but my hands are tired from all the carrying. i dont want to hold the suitcase anymore. i want to put it down and unpack it and tell someone about how tired i am from carrying it all the time. maybe someone will ask to help me unpack. maybe someone will look at my hands and caress it and will get mad because i didnt ask for help with the carrying

[meandthegarden]

feels like all corners of my room are weighing down on me. everything feels so heavy and lonely