Whatâs it like mourning someone whoâs still alive?
I am not saying in the way of anticipatory grief or someone you know is actively dying.
Iâm talking about the people who just up and abandon you. The ones who say youâre âtoo muchâ or just have no reason at all.
How do you move on from that? They just are there and then one day gone, without notice, or sometimes with notice, but in the most unimaginable way.
So whatâs it like mourning someone whoâs still alive.
Itâs the sting of a hot knife in your back that had been there for awhile, but it just got deep enough to notice.
Itâs the feeling of having your hair pulled out strand by strand not realizing itâs leaving you bald and leaving you with nothing.
These people come into our lives for a reason I suppose, but the ending is often painful and without cause.
It shows their level of inability and not able to communicate. It shows their immaturity. It shows what itâs like to be a human whose foundation of caring for another is fundamentally broken.
It shows someone who is hurt. Someone who doesnât know how to healthily end a friendship.
I allow myself the space and time to mourn this person, someone who isnât dead, but has made themselves a ghost to me.
But I will not hold onto false hope.
I will not reach out in an attempt to mend.
These people made a choice.
I will mourn the length of time that feels lost, the good moments we had, the feelings of joy, sadness and learning, but I will not hold onto them.
A part of grief is being able to let go.
This is step one of me letting go.
