Meekout (Cody)

I'm 32 This is my personal blog I play a lot of League of Legends

[stream]

Superbad (2007)

[macabremusings]

The further we are from the time of Myspace the funnier this gets.

[spaceimpress]

Btw, MySpace was cringe at the time because Facebook had just come out.

[goth-queen]

[missfiney]

watching your titties get sucked on is therapeutic

[thatonebl0nde-deactivated202006]

Doing the titty sucking is therapeutic

[moodymoody]

couples therapy

[meekout]

[meekout]

If I were to be honest, even though I was totally & completely in love then, that fleeting moment of realizing the impermanence of a love eventually lost was enough for me to deal with her confronting me about cheating. It wasn’t that I saw it coming or anything, but I had already crossed those roads in my head from years of self-doubt. I swear she only got angrier the longer I remained calm & the more obvious it became that I had made the naive mistake of believing in love again. How daft I was... and I’d say I’m smarter now, that I’m above such a fool’s errand, but my heart longs again.  It had stayed quiet for much longer than expected; even while many attractive people passed through my life & some even gave me attention. It always happens randomly; you never expect your heart to yearn quite so badly after building walls up around it, but somehow it never matters. Love always wins...or at least until death or we part I suppose. 

[rooster-illusion]

when the front bottoms said “it probably won’t get easier, just easier to hide prepare for an aching the rest of your life”

[meekout]

Florida is something else entirely

[meekout]

I am a mattress abandoned in the green mountain national forest

[meekout]

I’ve got paper skin & I should know ‘cause I’ve been tearing it up at night & anytime my hands get idle I’ve got a hollow heart & you should know ‘cause you’ve been stealing pieces anytime you think of me & feel the need to call but I’ve never picked up the phone so what makes you think that I’ll start now

[meekout]

Missing Vermont...but not the way it made me feel.

[meekout]

sometimes I feel

just as vulnerable

as when I spilled my guts on my first crush

as if i just overshared my most valuable asset

The stress bundled in my shoulders feels like I’m still tryna sleep with a broken collarbone in a tent with a sleeping bag and im dreading telling the teacher i didn’t do my homework so i try to do it on the bus but we always get there before its done

[meekout]

In the rough draft I loved you, but I edited that shit away

Its probably for the best, I’m not sure if you would’ve stayed

[nondelphic]

i love when people say "i’d read your book!" like girl me too unfortunately i haven’t written it yet because i am trapped in a cycle of procrastination and the feeling of impending doom

[flowerais-deactivated20211031]

soft reminder: good nothingness should be felt more. listening to music on a long car ride. noticing flowers blooming. listening to the rain. daydreaming about impossible things. seeing beauty everywhere and feeling love in your chest. life can be overwhelming sometimes. let yourself simply be alive.

[meekout]

Been putting off working on my memoir..here's a piece of chpt 1.

And the void - that vast, indifferent, brutally honest darkness that Nietzsche warned us about - if you stare into it long enough, something extraordinary happens. It doesn't consume you. It doesn't confirm your worst fears about yourself. It doesn't just look back.

It sees you.

Not the you that failed the test. Not the you that didn't fit the mold. Not the you that the institution stamped and filed and quietly gave up on.

The actual you.

Ernest Becker wrote that everything human beings build - every religion, every empire, every ideology, every system of measurement - is at its root a defense against the one fact we cannot face directly for too long without unraveling. That we die. That we know we die. And that we are the only creatures both cursed and gifted enough to carry that knowledge consciously. He argues that everything we do is in defiance of it and an attempt at a solution to it.

Every ruler I was ever measured by was also, in its way, an immortality project. A system that promised transcendence to those who fit within it. And for those of us who didn't fit - who were quietly shown the door of belonging before we even understood what belonging meant - we were left to find our own answer to the death problem.

Without the map. Without the ruler. Without the institution to plug ourselves into.

Just the light. And the leaves. And the long, difficult, beautiful work of figuring out what actually matters when everything that doesn't has been stripped away.

This is not a book about autism. Not really.

It's a book about the wrong ruler. And what happens when you finally, unapologetically, put it down.

[meekout]

How can I be so full of love

And yet

Also so full of grief

Some say that they are the same

But I am always conflicted nonetheless

[takemetoyourdealerz]