i dont know how to say this, but i’m overwhelmed with the amount of traction ive gotten from making my smau.
sure, i’ve had my work get a lot of likes before, but for this? It just feels different. I feel a weight on my shoulders— like i have to make a chapter everyday
i love doing this, but honestly, I’m drained. i’m tired. if i’m really going to get into this with you guys, then i need you guys to understand why i feel this way.
tw mentions of sa, sh & suicide below the cut
i feel lonely. almost everyday i’ve been isolating myself, limiting myself to barely 1-3 hours of communication. i thought it would be a good way to cope with the constant thoughts ive had about killing myself or cutting myself.
today was my breaking point. I couldn’t stop thinking about ending my life, especially after i’d had a nightmare about someone who sexually assaulted me.
at some point today, i just decided i should do it. i burned myself with fire, attempted to cut myself with a razor blade and even attempted to suffocate myself.
so, i wouldn’t say I’m currently in the best mental state.
i want to write for you all, and i want to put in the effort, but its so hard for me when i always push myself to my limits to please you guys.
i grew up in an environment where ive always felt so much pressure on myself— so the traction ive gotten recently has felt even worse.
it was even worse for me when i knew there was nobody who even thought to ask if i was okay. i’ve recently felt as if you guys only like me because of the content i put out.
that might not be true, but i just cant help the way i feel.
so, from now on, i’ll be going on hiatus. it’s indefinite. i dont know how long i’ll be gone, but i’m sure it’ll be a while. i may release a few works from time to time during the hiatus, but please don’t think that it means i’m back. i am going to be on hiatus until i say otherwise.
if you’d like to talk to me (as it would help), my discord is honeyhannies. i’ll probably be online when you text me.
thats all, thank you. i love you all very much. until next time. ♡
i’ll do it when i want to. I dont wanna be rushed on this. i’ve also been having a shit day , i cant be expected to work on my smau every single day. you learned patience in kindergarten, it cant be that hard to use it.
୨୧ ‣ › notes💬 this made me giggle , i love making the kats girls being really toxic and literally ruining readers life but fuck it guys they’re all down bad .
MEGAN SKIENDIEL. the flirt of the trio. a famous twitter pornstar. often known for her beauty, megan can easily be swooned over. shes also crazy rich. she’s practically the sugar mommy of the friend group. on the outside, megan may seem stern and exclusively flirty, but on the inside, she’s a sweetheart.
YOON KEEHO. the brat of the trio. keeho is often known for his sass, and for his ability to grab the attention of both women and men. being the ‘hottest’ of the trio has cons. lately, keeho has been sick of being asked for dick pics. alongside being a total womanizer, keeho also works in modeling and fashion designing.
LARA RAJAGOPALAN. the clumsiest of the trio. being a producer and musical artist, lara has had her songs leaked more times than she can count. fans claim it’s from her “google drive”, but lara states she doesn’t even have a google drive. she remains clueless as to how fans keep finding all her unreleased music.
Y/N L/N. the chaotic friend of the trio. often known for her “puppy personality” and her love for hachiware, y/n is quite popular among her friends. despite being chronically online, she sucks at catching references. she has an intense love for cookies!
SOPHIA LAFORTEZA. the “responsible mother” of the trio. often known for being ‘motherly’, she often ridicules or criticizes her best friends for being total idiots (she still loves them, though). she loves giving gifts to friends! (shes totally rich.)
DANIELA AVANZINI. the crybaby of the trio. often whining about her overly pushy and stupid boyfriend, daniela is quite the nuisance. despite all of her friends telling her that she should just break up with her boyfriend, its like she’s stuck to him.
summary. megan skiendiel, a famous pornstar, suddenly follows you. only your friends seem to recognize her, but you don’t. you’re baffled when you find out that shes a pornstar— but you can’t help but feel attracted to her. you follow her back. then— a personal dm from her. she flirts with you. what will you do? take the chance, or leave the beauty hanging?
notes. hello! new smau! i just want to note that orlando and jonah are briefly mentioned, but they will not actually be part of the smau. jonah is mostly used as a way to get daniela and sophia closer together, and orlando is used as a way to help lara discover herself. in no way will i ever write about jonah or orlando in a way that caters to them.
dont follow me if you say anything racist about any of the members. to say shit about sophia coming from “the slums of the Philippines” is disgusting to me.
i dont know anyone exactly who has said any of this, but if you’ve laughed at any of it? unfollow me. immediately. i find it disgusting that any of you could say shit like that while following someone whos literally filo
and the same goes for calling lara disgusting names that i’m not even going to say. if you have ANYTHING negative to say about race in this argument, block me. i’m so fucking serious. its weird.
i will forever hate the xo kitty producers for what they did to my babies.
you give these two characters tension— starting from the FIRST season, you make them kiss, and then you slightly break them up with tension STILL lingering, and then, seeing all the love for these two characters, you make them SIBLINGS ?? (In laws, whatever but STILL)
and then, when you’re only left with ONE more lesbian couple, you break them up too? then, you center the story around 3 straight couples and a gay love triangle???? what a way to take the focus off women.
I’m beyond disgusted with this blatant homophobia, honestly. seeing a fanon lesbian ship get popular and deciding to make them in laws for no reason, when they could’ve just been best friends, just to shut down any chance of the ship is BEYOND disgraceful, disgusting and utterly homophobic.
i have sent out asks telling everyone i could think of to take care of themselves! i will continue to do this tomorrow, and probably for the rest of the week! many times!!!!! please remember to spread love !
its not too hard to check in on the people you love every once in a while— or even the people you dont know! i believe everyone is worthy of love in many ways, so please, if you are concerned by someones behavior or recent posts, check on them!
you arent obligated, of course, but it would be really nice!
also, please show some support to katseyeluv!!! I encourage it deeply. nothing is better than showering someone with love, especially when they deserve it sooo much!!