Pursuit of Anything But This @melaninema - Tumblr Blog

Distraught

Did I miss the memo on how to socialize? did i miss the memo on how to fit in, i know i know, we’re always provided with this idea that you don’t always have to fit in with everyone and just be your own person. but at some point you find the people that you can really fit well with, i scroll through instagram and twitter and see posts of people i grew up with just having a blast with their diverse friend group just doing typical teenager things that i will probably wont get to do. it sounds absurd i know but it sucks. it really fucking sucks having such terrible anxiety talking to people connecting or even just having a basic conversation. i used to think that it was everyone else’s fault, judging me and thinking i wasnt good friend material but now that ive come to think of it i have absolutely nothing to offer in a friendship, I’m not relatable, i’m not funny, I don’t know how to keep a conversation and I’m so cripplingly awkward that i bring a really negative energy i find. i want to change. i dont know how but i will try

talesfromthecrypts

Legion- Chapter 6

Such a sweet little baby, and me, your very own walking, talking fungus.

Next update

although this my be view as very weak mentality will be putting off the fast until July 14th 2018, I don’t want to make an excuse for not starting it now but yes I happen to be weak and disappoint a lot of people LMAO July fourteenth I will wake up at 6 am and start my journey, I will also take this time to prepare my stomach for lack of activity that will be happening.

elliehawking

6/22/18 6:30 am “Islands”

I can’t seem to connect with anyone, or anything, the other day I sat on a graveyard bench surrounded by the non living and was so disappointed to realize that it wasn’t any different than what I felt around the living.

Alone, an unbearable agony of loneliness. and let me tell you it completely devours you.

The weird thing is I think I’ve developed social Anhedonia, and as offshore as self-diagnosing may go the symptoms have not subsided. Although I long for social interaction and painfully yearn to feel apart of something, anything...when I’m in a situation where I’m given the opportunity to socialize I’m suddenly uncomfortable, I want to be as far away and isolated as a remote island.

But humans are not islands, we are fragile social creatures. and I don’t know how tf im gonna manage my shit.