so is this what yearning is like or ? 😵💫 how can one be so close with someone yet still feel like they're one million worlds apart

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@melonsodaze
so is this what yearning is like or ? 😵💫 how can one be so close with someone yet still feel like they're one million worlds apart
problem is way too complicated I genuinely have no one to talk to about this because they either know the situation but not who it's about or they know the person but don't and will not know what the situation is
♱ ─── ❝CRUSHCRUSHCRUSH❞
𓏲ּ𝄢… ALT 2000s BF MARTIN EDWARDS 𝔁 “BASIC” 2000s GF READER # ─── headcanons
♱ alt 2000s bf martin who was obsessed with you from the moment he saw you with your low rise jeans, uggs and hollister henley putting away your books in your locker laughing with your friend.
♱ alt 2000s bf martin who even thought about changing his style to a more preppy vibe for you until juhoon luckily stopped him and told him to just go for it.
♱ alt 2000s bf martin who finally went for it after catching you alone with a book in your hands at one of the lunch tables after weeks of plotting on you.
─── martin dropped onto the bench beside you, immediately regretting it. he scratched the back of his neck, heart pounding, while you didn’t so much as glance his way, just thumbed your ipod and pressed skip, eyes still glued to your book.
behind him, keonho caught his eye and flashed an enthusiastic thumbs up. martin inhaled, then exhaled. now or never.
he cleared his throat.
you finally noticed. one earbud slipped out as you looked up from the page. “huh?”
“hey,” he said, then stalled, every thought tangling together. “uh… you’re in my math class, right?”
you studied his face for a second, then nodded. “I think so. you’re martin, right?”
the fact that you knew his name nearly short circuited his brain. “yeah,” he said quickly, trying not to smile like an idiot. “so, um… what’re you reading?”
you slid a bookmark between the pages, closed the book, and tilted the cover toward him. “twilight. I’m trying to finish it before the movie comes out in a few days. I wanna watch it knowing what actually happens. have you heard about it?”
of course he had. sparkly vampires, dramatic romance, the kind of thing he usually pretended not to care about. but you were holding the book like it mattered, like it was something exciting.
“yeah,” he nodded. “cool. cool, cool.”
you gave a small smile, then looked back down, already opening the book again. conversation over. at least, that’s what you seemed to think.
“hey, wait,” he blurted, glancing down at his scuffed converse. “uh… do you have anyone to take you to see it?”
you paused, then sighed softly. “not really. a friend was supposed to go with me, but she’ll be out of town. I’ll probably just go alone or ask my dad to drop me off.”
his chest tightened. this was it.
“I mean,” martin said, voice quieter now, “I could take you… if you want.”
he didn’t look up, already bracing himself, but hopeful anyway.
♱ alt 2000s bf martin who couldn’t believe his ears when you said yes almost jumping up right in front of you but kept his cool.
♱ alt 2000s bf martin who sat beside you in the cinema with a large popcorn (that he paid for after you reluctantly agreed to let him) between the both of you, your hands touching each other every now and then.
♱ alt 2000s bf martin who listened to you ramble about all the good scenes that the left out from the book in the movie after you just said how much you loved the movie.
♱ alt 2000s bf martin who had replied with “the baseball scene was pretty cool.”
♱ alt 2000s bf martin who almost fell over on your front porch after you pressed a kiss against his cheek.
─── martin froze when you rose onto your tiptoes and pressed a soft kiss to his cheek. it lingered just long enough to leave warmth behind, and when you settled back on your heels, you gave him a smile so sweet it made his head spin.
“thanks for tonight,” you said gently. “you mentioned you work at the record store… maybe I should stop by on your next shift?”
still dazed, martin nodded a little too fast. “yeah, yeah. that’d be cool. so cool.”
you laughed quietly, the sound light and easy, and reached out to pat his shoulder. “good night, mars. drive safe. call me when you get home. I might still be awake.”
“uh huh,” he managed.
and he stayed there for a second longer than necessary, cheek still warm, heart still racing, already replaying the moment like it was his favorite song on repeat.
♱ alt 2000s bf martin who after he officially became your boyfriend picks you up in the mornings, waiting in his car for you, sometimes coming instead and having nice morning conversations with your mom.
♱ alt 2000s bf martin who loves “studying” with you at your house. (more him distracting you than studying).
♱ alt 2000s bf martin who brings you cds of your favourite artists from the record store that he works at.
♱ alt 2000s bf martin who brings you to his practices with his band.
♱ alt 2000s bf martin who follows you into your favourite stores (hollister, abercrombie and aeropostale) at the mall, helping you pick out pieces.
♱ alt 2000s bf martin who loves taking naps in your room, he’s gotten used to waking up to smell of your cinnamon candle and the sound of your britney spears cd that he got you in the background.
♱ alt 2000s bf martin who always has his arms wrapped around you, even in lines (yes he’s THAT bf)
♱ alt 2000s bf martin who makes you help him dye his hair in his washroom.
♱ alt 2000s bf martin who showers your face with kisses while apologizing for getting bleach on your shirt.
♱ alt 2000s bf martin who takes you to hot topic, finding it so cute how much you stick out like a sore thumb.
♱ alt 2000s bf martin who tears up a little when you gift him a blue ipod that matches your pink one.
♱ alt 2000s bf martin who’s still entranced by you, just like the day he laid his eyes on you at your locker.
𓏲ּ𝄢… first post…
life will always be worth living no matter what
once I crawl out of this stupid hole i’ll be unstoppable, you’ll see
nvm so I was just seeing things and making it all up in my head afterall
rediscovered this song and it's on repeat again
ASDFGHJKLJSJQJDJWJSJWJQ ??????????? am I seeing things or nah .
observing got me to overthink everything icl and it's genuinely giving me so much confusing feelings LOL
People ask me how things are going lately n I don’t even know what to tell them. I’m just here
you know you haven't been scrolling on tumblr in a long time when you can't remember which fics you've read and which fics you've not read .. 😭
things will work out + it’s still early + not everything is lost + trees
i need to stop learning other languages and instead expand my english vocabulary coz omg it's embarrassing
I’m so hungry I could eat the gap between what I said and what I meant
a pretty good weekend of reflection
You literally have to take this one wild and precious life and wrangle it into something that’s worth waking up every day for