Mauve.

It's a color.

[melreviewsthings]

Hello gore.

I wish I didn’t have this urge. I wish Tumblr didn’t haunt my thoughts, my dreams, my conscious, my subconscious. I wish I could be free from this leash. Each day that I stray from this site, the ivy tightens around my neck, and softly whispers an enchantment in my ear calling me to this life of ass-thick and artsiness. They remind me of my roots, my history, my dedication to this domain when I was just a scared little girl looking for comfort in my solidarity. How was I to know? The terms and conditions didn’t warn me of the commitments. Unaware of the ghost I tugged along on an imaginary string like a sad little balloon. The guilty I unknowingly carried led me to this moment of not only return, but also of shame. So here I am...waving the white flag, flogged by the Tumblr gods for my absence, wishing it didn’t have to be this way. What more do I need to do to be free from this sin? Tell me. I’m back. Maybe I’ll stay. It all lies in the no man’s land of the great perhaps. 

[melreviewsthings]

Coming Back from the DEAD

Hi avid readers of Mel reviews things. I hope you missed me, or else I will be extremely sad.

[melreviewsthings]

Hey guys! It’s been a while! I’ve decided to change this account into an inclusive rating account. I felt limited with my old persona, I mean there’s only so much seltzer to rate, and it can get boring am I right?! So I’ve decided to rate an abundance of things, hence the new username.

WARNING: a lot of illiteration.

Getting right into it this is my new hand sanitizer. It’s a spray on lavender scented hand sanitizer. I picked it up at Trader Joe’s last weekend and believe it or not I’ve been searching for a lavender spray hand sanitizer for YEARS (this is not a joke it’s been like 3 years). Now you may be wondering “Mel why were you so eager to get a lavender spray hand sanitizer? That’s such a peculiar item!” I know! I know! But the answer to your supposed question is because in Taylor Swift’s vogue 73 questions interview she mentioned her very own lavender spray on hand sanitizer and I had to have one. But enough about the back story let’s get to the review. This hand sanitizer transports you to a magical, whimsical, fairy wood with every sprits. I swear when I close my eyes I can see the flower filled forest and the tiny homes of the kind fairies. The lavender is THERE! The refreshment is THERE! The germ killing is THERE! The fairies are THERE (in spirit of course)! The lovely lavender label claims it is 99.9% effective against germs. The company is also very environmentally friendly. Post-purchase I decided to research the Dr. Bronner’s brand. Upon my lackadaisical investigation, I learned that they make environmentally and socially responsible products. Their website was impressive, informative, and inviting. Not only did I find a great product, but I found a great brand! If I remember this family owned business and if I’m willing to drop a few bucks on another product, I’m sure I will not be disappointed. I do recommend this product, and it was extremely satisfying to finally find the product I’ve been anxiously searching for for years. This product is awesome and useful during the pandemic! Rating: 9.7/10

[melreviewsthings]

I am going to start this review off with a disclaimer. I am no ambassador of hate, no troubadour of enmity. As a Harry Styles fan, I wear “treat people with kindness” as a badge of honor, but as a seltzer reviewer, I refuse to lie for the benefit of a company. Now, do not get me wrong, I enjoy a punch of flavor from the liquid joy that I call seltzer, but this grapefruit spindrift rubbish lacked the pizazz I expect from every respectable seltzer. This sorry excuse for “sparkling water” represents everything wrong in the seltzer community. First off I’d just like to acknowledge the fact that this can of disappointment has CALORIES! The definition for seltzer/carbonated water is is water containing dissolved carbon dioxide gas, either artificially injected under pressure or occurring due to natural geological processes. Carbonation causes small bubbles to form, giving the water an effervescent quality. Nowhere in this definition does it mention any other ingredients, therefore the presence of calories is unnecessary and sinks this ship even further down. This concoction is in fact NOT considered a club soda in this experts book. It is essentially a watered down, expired, clearance section, uninspired, San Pellegrino soda. Do NOT be fooled by this “aesthetic artwork” they have displayed. It is a lure into the infernal experience that will follow. With all of that being said, on a hot summer’s day with no other beverage to quench my thirst, this “bev” pulled through. I was immediately relieved by the refreshing and prominent bitter taste of grapefruit. Although I somewhat enjoyed this drink, I reject the idea that this is “sparkling water.” It was the bitter flavor was watered down, making it less enjoyable, yet still refreshing on a blazing hot day. 

Overall rating: 3.5-4/10