two years ago, in the middle of the night, i woke up to my mom crying downstairs. she was on the phone with her cousin, who was telling her about the attacks in israel.
she told me she didn’t know everything yet, told me not to worry, and told me to go to bed. i woke up and saw that there was an attack at a music festival in israel. i thought that this would be resolved in a couple of days.
i don’t mean to take away from the trauma israelis faced on 10/7, but i think there’s a different kind of grief as a diaspora jew knowing that you’re safe in bed across the ocean while your family in israel was hiding or killed. you were safe because you weren’t in israel but people your own age who were murdered in cold blood weren’t as lucky. it’s not survivor’s guilt, exactly, but it feels similar.
jews are small group. every israeli i know either knew someone who was murdered on 10/7 or knows someone who knew someone.
when one of us is murdered, we all collectively grieve. we’ve been grieving for two years and i’m tries.
i’m sad, today. i’m sad and i’m mad and i’m hurt and i’m angry. i’m sad that the hostages have spent two years, not knowing when they can come home. i’m hurt that the world is either turning a blind eye or cheering. i’m mad at everything hamas has done for the last several decades.
i watched the videos for the first time and i’m sad and hurt all over again. hamas is evil. there is no humanity in them. gallant was right: they’re animals. same goes for every single “civilian” that participated in the 10/7 attacks. same goes for the “civilians” that turned over hostages who tried to escape back to hamas.
i don’t know what i’m trying to say. maybe im just screaming into the void, who knows.
