You're driving me crazy when you are coming home, part 2
Pairing : Damon Albarn x Reader 90s!
Words : 6k
TW: toxic relationship, cheating, swear words, drugs, mention of sex
Note: Finally, I managed to finish 2 parts.While writing, I decided that I would also write part 3, so this is not the end of the story yet : ) As always, thank you for your interest in my story, sorry for grammatical / stylistic mistakes. I also wish you a happy and successful New Year!
! The story presents a stereotypical toxic relationship. I do not glorify it and do not support it. If any of you are in such a relationship, please get help, because your worth and your life depend on you and nothing should make you feel inferior.
click to read part 1
septemper 1995
As he said, he did so. He called every day. The sound of the phone made me feel anxious. On the one hand, I wanted to answer and talk to him, but on the other, I knew that it would close the door to a peaceful life once again. I ignored it at first, but after two weeks I decided to pick it up.
„Y/N?” I heard my name after a while. There was surprise in his voice. Maybe he didn't expect me to pick up the call anytime. Or maybe it was the last chance, because tomorrow he wouldn’t try again. „Finally”
„Uhm… what do you want?” I didn't want my words to be so cold. I wasn't annoyed that he was calling, but rather deeply glad in heart that he was still trying so hard. Although this time I made up my mind not to give him hope.
"Nothing. I'm calling to see how you are doing." He hesitated and added "And apologize for being such an asshole lately. At the party, I know... I was a bit overwhelmed, i guess. But I didn't expect you to be there and it all seemed unfair and painful to me."
"Your reaction scared me a little." I sat down on the carpet right next to the table on which the phone was standing, brought my knees to my chest and embrace them with my free hand.
"It's the alcohol's fault and also it's really hard when you're not around. When you seem so far away." I listened to his deep voice slowly pronouncing each word. Why was I doing this to myself? Putting salt in every wound in my heart again. Maybe he was right. It was kind of an obsession. I felt pathetic, but still wanted to hear all those stupid words from his lips.
"I don't want to convince you this time that I will change. I really want to do this."
"How?"
"I do not know yet. But I certainly won't know if you don't let me get close. Please don't push me away. Don't you remember how good we were together? We were connected by something more from the very beginning"
"Damon..."
"No. Please tell me that I can see you again. I won't let it all end like this." His voice was putting some kind of pressure on me. I was starting to feel like I was doing something wrong.As if it was my fault that everything got complicated. "Love.Please say yes. "
"You mess with my head and heart." And I hung up. Hot tears rose under my closed lids and it slowly ran down my cheeks. It was the first time that I felt such a great regret. I had the impression that this one decision would determine my entire future. I had the feeling that this one decision would define my entire future. Will I be happy or will I stay at this pathetic point.
I got up and my eyes stared at the ashtray that stood on the windowsill. Still in it was the cigarette Damon put out over a year ago.If I was going to put my life in order, I should have started by cleaning it up first.
late november 1995
It was one of those evenings where only someone crazy would leave the house. It was gray and gloomy all day, and the rain refused to say goodbye to the city. I had nowhere to go, so when I returned from work in the afternoon, I changed into comfortable clothes and was going to spend time with tea and a good book.
The tea, however, turned into wine. As I slowly felt its influence, I decided to get some air out. I put on my coat and grabbed a pack of cigarettes. The city looked sad. Only tiny points of light scattered the darkness. I listened to the rain hitting hollowly against the street.
Out of the corner of my eye I saw someone running down the sidewalk. I thought that tomorrow this person will most likely regret their choice. This type of rain permeates you to your panties, so a cold was guaranteed. Without an umbrella, only with the hood up, this figure was heading towards my street. The cigarette slowly died out in my hand, but the point I was staring at completely absorbed my attention.
When this person started to approach specifically my apartment, I thought it was one of the neighbors. Unfortunately, I didn't know very well the people who lived in the building.
I felt an unpleasant shiver. As I was about to go inside and close the balcony door, I heard a muffled scream. It was my name. My hand stopped on the doorknob. At first, I thought I had misheard. But when I heard the same thing the second time, I knew I was right.
"Y/N I can see you!" It was Damon. Of course, who else would come near to my house at this time and in such weather.
"Do not shout. It's late. I don't live alone in this neighborhood."
"I know. Excuse me. But you haven't been taking calls from me again. I didn't know what to do." I could sense some disappointment and desperation in his voice. "Wants to see you."
"Take a taxi and go home. You are definitely cold. You are going to be sick!" Even though I shouldn't care anymore, it worried me. I didn't want him to get pneumonia or something else because of me. "Today is not the time to talk."
"Have mercy on me! Nothing scares me when I want to see you. I will come every day and wait outside your window." Then there was a loud sneeze.
"You're fucking crazy Damon!" I said too loud. I was embarrassed that the neighbors might see this scene and talk about me behind my back later. "Come in, but only for a moment. I'll get you a taxi."
I quickly entered the apartment and ran to the intercom. A short sound and after a while I heard his heavy footsteps in the stairwell.
Indeed, he looked like one great misfortune. Raindrops ran down from his hair over his face. The clothes looked like a rag soaked in water.
"There's no time. Get undressed. Go to the bathroom, take a warm shower. I'll make you something warm to drink. Then I'll call a cab." I took his soaked hoodie.
"Okay boss!" A goofy smirk crossed his face. "Towel where always?"
"Yup. I will also bring you some clothes for change. Some of your stuffs are still in the wordrobe."
Damon disappeared into the bathroom. I hung his wet clothes on the dryer and went to look for some others. Why was I still keeping his stuff in the closet? I could return them to him by post a long time ago. I pulled out clean jeans and a t-shirt that had been left untouched in over a year. But there was still his scent on them. I smelt them and thought I must be crazy. Again, I was in a situation that I didn't want to be in and had been avoiding for a long time.
However, I would be lying to myself if I didn't admit that my heart was beating faster when I realized it was him. It was a romantic novel situation.However, I was still afraid that it might quickly turn into something completely different.
Damon was still taking a shower. Meanwhile, I put the water on for tea and prepared mugs. In this situation, the conversation was probably inevitable.I thought for a moment, staring at the mugs
In my memories I returned somewhere to our mornings together. When I would often wake up in his arms, from which I sneaked out to prepare tea and something to eat. His sleepy face, tired after a concert or tour. And only the two of us. No other people. At the time, I didn't think it could be one of the same scenarios for him. After all, he also was waking up in the company of other girls.
"You're so good to me." I didn't even notice when Damon stood behind me and his hands wrapped around my waist. He put his chin on my shoulder. "I feel like I'm going back to the past."
"Enjoy the moment because this may be your last chance." I poured boiling water over the tea bags.
"Let go of me Damon, it's hard for me to move."
"You didn't complain about it then. You also didn't complain when my hands slowly wandered to other places." I felt his hands rise up towards my breasts.
"Oh come on!" I brushed his hands off me. "Do not cross the border. I only let you be here because the weather is not the best.Don't expect my mind to change."
"I am not doing anything. It's just a friendly hug. We didn't say hello properly." I felt his lips against my neck. I tilted my head to the side to stop him.
"Stop it. Why didn't you put on the shirt I left for you." His body was still very close to mine. I felt him press me closer to the table top.I felt hot with stress and some kind of excitement. I was just glad he couldn't see my face.
"I don't like this one. I'd rather be without" his hands rested on my hips. I knew I had to be even cooler not to let him take control of the situation. And control over me too.
"Bullshit. You used to wear it a lot. I gave you shirt on purpose so that you don't freeze any more. Do not behave like a child."
"Oh so your cold little heart is still worried about me." He whispered in my ear. His hot breath made me shiver. "I'm glad."
"It's just common sense. Pneumonia would not be useful on tour. Just because I don't want to be with you doesn't mean that I want something bad to happen to you." I shrugged my shoulders and reached for the teaspoon to get the teabags out of the mugs.
"I've always liked that about you. You could just leave me there in the rain. And yet you did not hesitate. Here I am again. Just thinking about all those evenings and mornings that w-"
"You can be happy, you used this situation well. Always target my weaknesses best. Will you mark it somewhere on your "private success" list?" I turned to look him straight in the face. At first he frowned, then smiled broadly.
"You look funny when you get angry." He placed his hands on the counter behind me. I had the impression that he was trapping me in some cage. "Why are you trying to see only the negative sides. Relax. Love, I won't bite you ... maybe."
"I'm just tired. You're not making it all easy for me. I told you that we'd better not see each other." Our eyes met for a moment, but I quickly broke this contact and placed my gaze on his shirtless chest.
He was thinner than the last time. I knew that everything related to his work give him a lot of anxiety and stress. He wanted to be the best. In each field. Still the media kept him down to earth all the time and did not let him enjoy his success.
I stabbed him gently in the stomach with my finger and tried to push him away, but he grabbed my hand. He lifted our hands and with the free one he pulled me closer. Enough to feel his warmth and heartbeat.
"What are you doing?" I mumbled, pressing my forehead against his shoulder.
"I dance with you."
"You don't have the right outfit for slow dancing."
"You also" He kissed my head. "But you always look beautiful to me".
We swayed to the music that didn't exist. I was completely dominated in his arms. What I secretly wanted was with me, and everything seemed normal. As if all the problems are gone. All it took was a few words and touches to make me feel powerless again.
I wanted to feel loved and protected. To make my brain erase the thoughts that I am not the only one. And I will never be.
"Damon. Still nothing has changed. You make me feel so miserable. Miserable in love" I bit my lower lip until it hurt. I wanted to distract myself from the other pain that was bursting through my chest. " I do not know what to do. I am like in a dream, but around the corner there is the biggest nightmare waiting for its turn. It will be beautiful again for a while and then ... and then I will regret it again."
"I promise you that nothing like this will happen. I'm crazy about you. I'll do some more stupid things if I have to, as long as it allows me to get close to you." He took my face in his hands and kissed me softly.
"I don't know."
"You know it. This is why I am here." He looked deep into my eyes. "We collapsed in love. No matter how long you'd deny it, you won't fool yourself."
"I can't think straight when you say all this"
"So don't think. You're too afraid of something that won't happen." I felt as if his words were telling me some truth. At this point, I was indifferent to what would happen to me. " We're meant for each other and I think we can make it this time, my love."
He was right. I was in love with him endlessly. A whole year without him was one big mistake. Even when I persuaded myself that it would be better this way, I was wondering subconsciously what I could do to keep him for myself. It wasn't only a fun on my part, it was a real desire to have his love. That's why under the pressure of his beautiful, empty words, I broke like a match.
And again he kissed every inch of my body. All the warmth of our bodies was extinguished by the cold floor in my kitchen.
....
We sat close to each other leaning against the kitchen cabinets. The cold touch of the floor on my thighs causes goosebumps on my body. I nestled even tighter against Damon's shoulder. He was quietly smoking and sometimes lazily turning around to kiss my head. There was the same ashtray in front of us, which I couldn't clean for so long.
"This is a really nice surprise." I watched him slowly release the smoke from his mouth.
"Hm?" I didn't quite know what he meant.
"As I walked over here, I thought you wouldn't even let me in. That I'll be standing like an idiot by your window and the neighbors will have a nice show. And also this fucking rain wasn't planned either."
"You should be grateful. If it wasn't for this rain, I wouldn't let you in." I chuckled softly. His hand was lying on my thigs and gently caressed it.
"I just can't go on pretending, that it came to a natural end." Damon muttered. "I never meant to break your heart."
"Let's not talk about this now. You don't want to shower ... again? You're sweating all over." I chuckled as I pushed the sticky hair away from his forehead.
"And we can shower together and continue our ..."
"Forget Alban. It is impossible to shower normally with you. Go first." I got up and held my hand out in his direction.
Damon stubbed out his cigarette and stood up, supporting himself with my hand. His hands went to my bare hips, barely covered with a shirt. His kiss tasted like cigarette but at taht moment it was the sweetest flavor I could ever taste.
"But then I won't leave you alone." I looked at his bare back as he walked towards the bathroom.
I knew I was wrong. Damon's words were breaking my heart, but his kisses brought the pieces back together. And still there was damage than he couldn't undo. And as my fingers dug into his bare back and our heavy breaths mingled, I felt bitterness.
I stared at the void for a moment longer. The sound of the phone snapped me out of my reverie.
"Hallo?" I suspected who it was from the very beginning.
"Is Damon with you? I couldn't get in touch with him and finally figured that idiot must bothering you again"
"Yup, he's there. But we're good... I guess..."
"Good? " Graham sounded surprised.
"I don't know ... I guess so ... It's complicated ..." I tried to find the proper words, but something was blocking me "This is probably not a story to tell via phone."
"I'll visit you tomorrow."
"Ok. I finish work at 8 pm."
"I can come to the restaurant, we will come back together and ... "
And I didn't hear the rest. The telephone receiver was ripped from my hand.
"Bye Graham." Damon growled and threw the receiver against the table.
My heart skipped a beat from fear. I heard thick raindrops hitting the windows with force. The weather perfectly reflects the state of our souls. Enormous strength of character and love that cannot break through the barrier of misunderstanding.
"Funny how it has to be him every time. You're so fucking annoing Y/N."
"And so? What's wrong with talking to a friend....our mutual friend?"
"Friends do not call their friends' girlfriends at this hour."
"You're ridiculous Damon."
"You are always like that, you want to have everything for yourself. One is never enough for you"
"How dare you say that. It's you who keep coming back to prove to yourself that you still have some control over me." What the last hour had created was crumbling again. "You and your ego don't want me, you're only here to show everyone your "big dick energy".
"Stop with this bulshit Y/N. You can't change the narrative and blame me again. So hard for you to admit you're really a bitch?"
"I'm fucking done with you. Get out my house." Damon frowned. His face showed superiority but also sadness. He was well aware that certain words leave irreversible changes.
"Fine. I don't need you and I don't want to try anymore." Damon stepped past me and headed for the door. He casually put on his boots and jacket over his torso without a shirt.
"What are you doing?"
"Going home."
"Like this? It's raining."
"It's not your problem."
"Wait. You can't go like this and leave this shitshow behind you."
"I can and what's more I'm doing it now!" Damon looked my way. "Eventually you'll have the life you want so badly."
"Damon! You know very well that's not what I mean." I felt like I was drowning. So I was giving myself some hope all the time. And now, as we parted again in even greater insecurity and anger, desperation filled my heart. I was pathetic, but I didn't want it to end like this. "Pleas wait a minute! Let's talk like adults!"
"No." And he left. I watched Damon disappear into the downpour.
"You are the worst, jealous asshole Albarn!" The darkness of the night consumed my words. I stood in the doorway of my apartment and bitter tears ran down my cheeks.
january 1996
It was hard for me to believe that I was putting myself in an uncomfortable situation again. However, after talking to Graham, I knew I couldn't remain indifferent. I knew Damon was acting like a prick and our break up would only make things worse. The weirdest thing about it was Graham saying he didn't feel any tension between them. There was only a curse upon me. As if all the fault was on my side. No wonder he was the main topic of our conversation The more Damon tried to pretend everything was okay, the more aggressive, hyperactive and unpredictable he became. His overly close friendship with drugs turns him even more into someone who was on the way to self- destruction.
And I couldn't stand by and let it happen.
I was leaning against the back wall of the club where Blur was going to play tonight. There were still about half of hour to start, but the room was already full of drunk and noisy teenagers. I look at the faces of all those people who seemed completely carefree. The nostalgia of youth was in the air with a thick vapor of alcohol, smoke and sweat. However, I felt completely alienated. As if I had stepped out of my body and watched the whole show somewhere to the side.
I gripped tighter in my hand the beer bottle that Graham brought to me a few minutes earlier.
„You look stressed out like you're about to give a gig.”
„Funny.” I made a dissatisfied scowl at him. „I don't want to be here. Haven't seen him for months. I have the impression that I will see a complete stranger and it scares me.”
„You know… It won't be that bad. It's the same Damon all the time. It's only been a bit harder to get along with him lately. I'm glad you come, he really needs a kick in his ass. And only you can do something.” We stood there for a while longer, but the safer option was for Damon not to see us together. Graham, awkwardly but with some kind of affection, patted my shoulder and disappeared into the crowd.
The gig has started. Three of them were already onstage. But Damon was still absent. The flower of youth, however, did not bother, because of these enthusiastic screams and whistles it was impossible to hear one's own thoughts. My heart was racing when Damon finally came onstage. Or rather, he rolled out. He was completely drunk. Not very pleased, he walked over to the microphone.
It wasn’t bad. However, the gig lacked healthy, positive energy. In the air you could feel something was wrong. It was definitely not as good as before. Before all this emotional mess. I had the feeling that Damon noticed me and that his eyes were staring right at me. It gave me shivers. I wanted it to be true. He looked weary and miserable. His deep voice bore the mark of an emotion that kept his heart from resting peacefully. The audience probably didn't notice it. This secret was kept by me, boys and Damon. Only the five of us felt how pathetic it all was.
When it was over, I waited a short while until it got less crowded. I straightened my dress, took the jacket, and headed for the backstage. I walked slowly, convincing myself that this was no longer the moment to run away. I wanted to help him because this love still was raw, painfull and deep. And there is nothing worse than watching a loved one waste its life through stupid choices.
I was standing in front of a door with a note stuck to it awkwardly with his name written on it. I let the air out of my lungs loudly and pressed the doorknob. The light was dim. I quickly glanced around the room. Damon was with someone. They sat leaning towards each other on a small couch. It did not make any impression on me, it was not an unpleasant surprise. I knew how most of his gigs ended. Hoping he didn't have time to hear me come in, I tried to back out.
„Who’s this?” I heard a soft female voice.
My heart was beating like crazy. Because of my nervousness, I did not know if I was really moving or if my movements were only happening in my head. Before I could close the door, my hands was pulled by someone.
There was surprise on Damon's face. His lips parted slightly, as if he wanted to say something, but he tightened it instantly.
„I was just leaving. Sorry.” I didn't know what I was saying at all. In my mind, I heard the only word "exit" repeated over and over.
„Y/N…” He looked as if in a split second he suddenly sobered up completely. My name was like a keyword during a magician's performance. When it finally came out of his mouth, the whole situation became real. The surprise did not last long, and this stupid grimace I hated appeared on his face.
But for the first time in his gaze I saw his disdain for me. „Well well, the queen herself decided to go down to the people.” I frowned. I didn't know completely what he meant. However, the hostility of his words prevented me from uttering a single word. „Please come in and stay with us. Maybe these are not the atmosphere for a person like you, but I promise you will be great fun.”He pulled me in and closed the door with a loud bang.
My eyes fell on the young blonde sitting on the couch. She was certainly younger than us. Another silly girl fell for a few nice words. But I had no right to judge her. She smiled gently at me, slightly confused. „Forget it. I'm leaving.” I turned quickly, this time without thinking to get as far away from here as possible.
„I didn't let you leave.” Damon grabbed my wrist aggressively and pulled me over to the couch. Without any delicacy, he placed me next to the girl. „Maybe you want some tea or a beer !? Maybe I can find some cookies too!?”
„Stop making a jester of yourself.” His behavior disturbed me. I was afraid of talking to the "Stranger Damon", but it was completely over my expectations. „Jester? Since when being nice equals being a jester. You terribly underestimate me.”
„Oh stop it. If you don't speak normally, I'll leave.”
"Maybe I should go..." the girl was clearly embarrassed.
„Sit.” The atmosphere was tense. I've never seen him so aggressive. He had his moods, it was often difficult to get along with him, but he never acted in such a mean way.
„"Yes. You should go now. Apparently we have a lot to say to each other." Saying this, I did not take my eyes off Damon for a second as the blonde meekly grabbed her jacket and purse.
„How dare you decide if my guest is to leave or not."
„What guest? Bullshit. Are you not ashamed that you involve some young girls in your games?”
„Fuck off. You always have to show up and destroy all the fun. Is that the only thing you are good at? I was hurted by tah remark, I knew it was related to our relationship. ”A dog in the manger". I heard the door close quietly. She didn't even have to be persuaded to leave and probably didn't expect that the night, she would later tell her friend as the best in her life, would end with such a scene.
"I'm worried." Since he couldn't be nice, I decided to be the calm one. "I don't want you to screw up your life." My eyes stared at the table in front of me, where some drugs I didn't know were lying next to the beer bottles.
"Why do you care? You were going to cut me off. Forget." As he stood over me like the accuser, my throat felt dry.
"So let me do this Damon. Don't do stupid shit so I don't have to worry about you all the time."
"Ah yeah, so is pity preventing you from leaving the "poor" me alone? Thank you for your kindness!" The aggression in his voice made me uncomfortable. Damon took my every word as a direct attack. I didn't understand why it was so hard for him to believe that I was really worried about him.My feelings didn't go away in a matter of months. For a moment I even thought that he was doing it on purpose. He provokes me to make me realize again and again how obsessively I need his closeness.
I looked at him. His slim body was leaning against the wall. In his hand he held an open bottle of beer, which he had not yet drank from. Which bottle was it that evening? From his lazy movements and wandering eyes, I could see that he was still very drunk.
His verbal scuffles were tiring me. I got up and slowly walked over to him.
„It's not the pity” Our eyes met again.This time his seemed less hostile. „Like you said the last night we saw each other. I'm obsessively in love with you. I don't like not knowing what you are doing or where you are. And most of all, I hate it when you are angry with me."
I knew that normal, quiet conversation would do nothing. Damon was set to reflect every "attack", and as he was, every word I made sounded like a grudge to him. The only option was to play to admit he was right, his big ego loved to be right, so I had to take a completely different strategy. Even if I had to say words I didn't want to. Even if it had to scratch all my wounds.
„I thought you were over that. This is just another silly relationship that you will forget. You are famous, you are handsome, you can have anything.” I was standing in front of him. Close enough to see his facial expressions even in dim light. I wanted him to look at me again, eyes full of love. However, it was becoming a distant dream. Damon didn't say anything. His eyes were fixed on the bottle. I reached out and touched his hand. Our fingers intertwined automatically.
„Stupid relationship?” His deep, low voice broke the silence. "The love of my life says she loves me, but our relationship is just some stupidity." I felt how he was squeezing my hand tighter and tighter.
„It's hurts.” I tried to free my hand from his grip, but he held it very tightly. I felt like a sinking ship for which every move only made things worse.
„Why don't you want me? " His tone of voice changed dramatically. He was full of reproach and a sadness. And that broke my heart.
„I do not understand what you mean. When we were… together… I never met with anyone else. It was you who insisted we had freedom. Only sex.”
"And that's why you slept with Graham?" I was dizzying mainly from emotions. When this question came out of his mouth, I didn't understand what he want to say.
„What?”
„You have been calling each other for a long time, you were always talking, you were meeting. When things got worse between us, you sleept with him”
„We are only friends! Nothing ever happened between us. If you had any more brain cells, you'd figure out that we mostly talk about you."
"How to cheat me"
"Why do you have so little faith in me? What have I done to you?" My voice was starting to break. "What do you expect from me? I am not your dog, I have a life besides you and your affairs. Why should I give up everything you don't like? This is not what a normal relationship looks like."
"I don't control you." Damon hissed through gritted teeth. I felt how tense he was. Perhaps this was the first time my words started to mean something. " You're just so complicated ... you never say what you want and then you have a pretensions."
"If you were really present in body and soul, whe we spent time together, you would understand me better."
"I was present."
"You don't believe your own words, Damon." I tried to touch his face, but he pushed my hand away and turned his face in the opposite direction.
"So now you know me better than I know myself?" Damon laughed nervously. "Bullshit."
"Don't be like that. I'm really here for you."
"I don't understand why everyone around me keeps telling me I have a problem. Start worrying about yourself or something."
"Because you've changed or... or all this time, i never really knew you"
Damon fixed his piercing gaze on my face. His rage was building up again, I just didn't know what was really upsetting him.
"I love you. Your body, your voice, your smile, everything. I feel the pain consuming me when I can't be close to you. But you keep pushing me away even if I'm sorry. I'm not a fucking stranger but I can see the fear in your eyes." Damon raised the hand in which he was holding the bottle, for a moment it looked like he was going to hit me. However, when I closed my eyes, I heard the sound of breaking glass on the wall behind. He grabbed my wrist and pushed me towards the walls so that we swapped positions. "Admit that what you are feeling is not fear but desire."
Damon pressed me against the wall with his body. His lips traveled over my neck and his hands rolled up my skirt. I squeezed my thighs tighter, a soft moan escaped from my throat. One of his hands was on the inside of my thigh.
"You come here couse you want me to shagg you. Say it."
He placed sloppy kiss at my lips. My hands tightened on his shirt. Our lips pressed together for a longer moment.
"Stop it, Damon." I broke the kiss. I looked at him but he kept his eyes closed. "This is not a good time, we will regret it."
I wanted to hug him but without words he slided down. Damon was kneeling in front of me, leaning his head against my thighs.
"It's so damn hard. I don't know what to do. Pressure, stress, our problems ... there is so much of it." His voice sounded even deeper and sadder than usual. Damon's hands wrapped around my legs. I was gently stroking his hair.
"I know, my love." I tried to choose the right words. It was all difficult for me, but I never took into account what he might feel and where some of his behavior came from. Nothing justified him, but no decisions are black and white. Everyone is complex, and so love is not simple. "If you let me, we can try to sort this out. But you gotta be clean and sober. I don't know where this will lead us or if "we" have a chance, but I really care about you."
"I'm so sorry Y/N for all this shit and for hurting you." And this time his words were sincere.
We sat in silence for a long moment. Neither new words nor those previously unspoken seemed appropriate in this situation.
I stayed with Damon until his manager came to pick him up. As a goodbye Damon kissed my forehead and sent me a grateful, little shy smille.
Only time could heal us and show us if we would succeed. But love and care, which, although hidden under a layer of mismatched words, tears and sorrow, must have become our salvation.
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